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No better time than 7:08 am on a Saturday at the peak of a virus to type my thoughts into the ether.

I came to look at my page here to find a Kathleen Hanna quote about doing things anyway even if it's the worst time. I thought of it because I wanted to create a new self portrait, because I have changed, because there is some relief in capturing myself wherever I'm at.

Of course right now is the worst time for a selfie. Sick and stuck in bed for two days with a heater and a humidifier flanking the bed in stereo. Being sick is a meditative time because everything else drops away, "... a sick person has only one wish."

I've been reading the Diaries of Anaïs Nin, a modern Māori cookbook, a self help book about being a more effective person that a former employer left copies of on everyone's desks once without saying why and it felt like a hilarious burn.

Life is calm amidst chaos. I am in love and it's a dream. My home has nurtured me even though I neglect it, putting off roof cleaning and wood sealing because nothing has collapsed yet. The self help book talks about maintaining both production and production capability and turns all of life's challenges into metaphors about golden eggs and the goose that lays them. I'm not sure if I am the goose, or my house is, but in desperation to find meaning I take it as a sign I need to throw money at someone to tell me everything's fine.

I enjoy my life, even when I'm sick I feel safe and nurtured. Isn't that incredible? How do I begin to give that peace to other people? I'm trying to work out how. Did you roll your eyes at that? I know all about good intentions without action.

Of course I lost my sense of taste before a weekend I'd planned to bake. Bagels and black and white cookies that may need to wait til I can tell if they were successful. My house nurtures my cooking with its spacious lightwood kitchen and a marble island as big as a bed that I still manage to cover, in a good way. The clutter of creation.

I wrote in here a couple of years ago in the midst of some great rejection and it's nice to reflect on how I don't feel it anymore. "Because that is what always happens," resonates as ever.

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Leonard Misonne “Les forces du bien , les forces du mal” 1925, tirage mediobrome

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In stitches, Jessica So Ren Tang

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I made a version of this a couple of years ago but thought at the time it was too tidy. This is a more realistic portrayal of how my desk usually looks.

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Head in ruins, Tania Font (because)

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𝕮𝖔𝖌𝖎𝖙𝖔 𝖊𝖗𝖌𝖔 𝖓𝖔𝖓 𝖘𝖚𝖒

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Kind of blue, Christopher Bucklow

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Objectification is inescapable, Jeanette Spicer (because)

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Maybe she turned them to stone so they would stay

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The Unseen, Saul Leiter

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requisite reminder that I’m alive, and happy. x

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Look through any window, Alexander Massouras

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Kind of blue, Musubu Hagi

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Jasmine Clarke - Palm Curtains, 2018