crippy-tangerine

[crippy-tangerine]

Having ASPD + interacting with people in person who have no idea that you have ASPD.... It just feels like a really drawn out game of "prosocial roleplaying". (Which we will probably lose at some point).

Just feels like we're playing an imposter-style game. And there's this inevitable ending coming soon where we fuck up our cute prosocial image and we get socially shunned.

Because like... Oh no. They think we are NICE. They think we're cool and stuff... Good grief. How long can we keep this up.

It's not like we WANT to mess it up!! But we are already struggling to keep our prosocial mask on. The constant editing of our gut reactions and thoughts into something more palatable...

We are tired.! But alas, we don't get to unmask our ASPD because it will harm us and everyone around us 👎. Gotta be on our best behaviour at all times and it makes us want to implode.

Can't even express internal reality and feelings because..... Yeah....

[crippy-tangerine]

Yeah we've ended up nonverbal again (was semi-speaking for portion of life, regressed back to nonverbal or whatever) and people do not take us seriously. Even though have not spoken single word in almost two years. Use AAC full time. Need support communicating in person a lot of the time.

Guess what. Still getting "situational mutism" put in records by random doctors. Doctors who have seen us twice and decided we are just playing pretend or whatever.

Our family thinks we are being ridiculous and choosing to be nonverbal. Because "voice box works so you're just being silly now".

And yet, we are still nonverbal and struggle to communicate 24/7 no matter how "silly" or "inconvenient" it is. Rely on carer to advocate for us a LOT.

Still disrespected, ignored, having struggles downplayed...

People don't take any of us seriously. Disabled people will be disrespected no matter what label you have or use.

Misusing terms (especially ones that have a medical meaning) confuses people, disrespects other Disabled people's experiences, muddies the general understanding of what the words mean, AND IT WON'T HELP YOU GET RESPECT.

Spoiler alert: labelling yourself as having higher support needs Disability will not protect you from ableism, it will just open you up to more ableism. Different ableism maybe, but still ableism.

Misusing language at the expense of other Disabled people is shitty, but it's also pointless for you!! Say you're semi-speaking or selectively mute or have unreliable speech of verbal shutdowns or whatever else. Just.... Leave "nonverbal" out of it, if you're not actually nonverbal.

You're not helping yourself, and you're actively harming nonverbal people who are probably already struggling to self-advocate.

(/not aimed at op!)

"but [speech loss/verbal shutdown/etc] doesn't sound as serious as 'going nonverbal/partially nonverbal/etc'-"

it doesn't, because it shouldn't.

"people aren't going to take me seriously if i use a community term like [speech loss/verbal shutdown/etc]"

they won't take you seriously if you never speak again either*

i dont know how to sugarcoat this but i do mean this as genuinely as possible and with good will and grace. i am not trying to be harsh or shame people. i know you are struggling.

but taking the nonverbal community's language to describe temporary experiences isolates an already vulnerable part of the autism community and makes it harder for us to talk about our experiences without being talked over.

* nor does having a more severe disability mean that you will automatically get the support that you need.

[crippy-tangerine]

ngl going online, especially on tumblr, is wildly inaccessible for huge swaths of people. i think a lot of people with high support needs would need a dedicated helper to facilitate going on social media. i'm not saying it's impossible that someone with HSN could go online but i don't think people realise how wildly inaccessible social media is. and the amount of distress it causes can drive people who make it away

[crippy-tangerine]

as a person who lost a loved one to addiction, i would rather have them be able to use safely in a sterile environment with safe equipment, where they can 100% know the drug is not laced with something deadly, and live- than them dying because they didn’t know what the drug contained, or because no one was there to make sure they weren’t ODing, or because they used dirty equipment in a dirty environment.

again more simply put, i would rather have my dead loved one continue using drugs in a safe manner and stay alive, than die the way they did because the stigma around substance use is not only dangerous, but lethal.

harm reduction saves lives.

[crippy-tangerine]

when you talk shit about drug addicts who aren’t “functioning members of society” you are talking shit about disabled people. this is not up for debate.

[crippy-tangerine]

It's impossible to overlook how a lot of abled leftists think of "supporting disabled people" as an entirely theoretical act. They think that thinking and saying that disabled people deserve rights is enough to be an ally to the disabled community, despite never actually making room for disabled people in their activist spaces, never taking steps to include and accommodate us in practice, never actually listening to what we have to say about disability and ableism and never even questioning the status quo that keeps us out. At best we get to be distant theoreticals that people claim to be sympathetic towards, but we don't get to be real people IN their communities

[crippy-tangerine]

part of disability rights activism is standing up against fatphobia. fatphobia and ableism are intertwined. fighting against ableism must involve fighting against fatphobia or you will never solve the problem. trying to pluck out individual pieces of the problem will not disassemble the entire structure. we need to break down every last brick including the bricks connected to fatphobia.

if you aren't against fatphobia then you aren't against ableism. if you aren't willing to fight against fatphobia then you aren't a disability activist.

[crippy-tangerine]

there is also something kind of gross to me about the constant insinuations that the "questioning social norms" component of autism immediately turns every autistic person into a genderfuckery kinkster leftist who don't give a fuck. and I say this as someone who is a genderfuckery kinkster leftist. autism isn't a political alignment, it's a disability. sometimes the autism 'sense of justice' is wrong. sometimes an autistic person will find a home in conservative ideologies for many of the same reasons as other autistic people will find a home in communist ideologies. sometimes the autistic communist will come up with dogshit analysis even as they're guided by their sense of justice, because good political analysis isn't a feeling or a neurotype, it's a skill that you cultivate. I know it would be pleasant and emotionally soothing for you to be able to believe that autism turns someone into a superpowered leftist but it's a politically fraught and deeply questionable line of thought to be feeding into

[crippy-tangerine]

the fact that subtitles and audio description for Deaf and Blind people respectfully are not standard practice for most forms of audio visual media is honestly a disgrace. like wdym you have millions of money for your film and you don't just automatically make an accessible version?

[crippy-tangerine]

the "cycle"

[crippy-tangerine]

This!! We would like to add psychosis and catatonia to this list, too!

We've only recently got (mostly) back to where we were before we became catatonic. During the most severe months of catatonia, we could barely form our own thoughts inside our brain, let alone organise them, type them out, and then reword them to be gramatically perfect.

If people type differently to what you're used to, please leave them be!! If you can't understand what they're saying, either politely ask them to clarify what they mean, or just... Shush. And go look at a different post. You don't need to play speech police with every single person you come across.

(not aimed at op just to be clear 🫶 /genuine)

With an influx of asks and comments I have seen on multiple different blogs scolding people for talking in a simpler way (e.g. third person, less use of inbetween words, simpler words, etc), here is a non exhaustive list of why someone may speak like that:

- Intellectual disability

- Autism (All autistics. Not just level 3.)

- Dyspraxia

- Traumatic brain injuries

- Cognitive issues

- Processing issues

- Systems/plurals

- Not have the energy for "proper" wording

- AAC (It takes a while to type on AAC so it's often easier to use simpler wording)

- May just prefer it

I don't think I have ever seen someone who talks like this say that only people who always speak like that are allowed to speak like that. Unless the person is being mean with it (mocking) then they aren't doing anything wrong. Just let people speak comfortably and how they want to, please.

[crippy-tangerine]

happy disability pride to the autistic people whose first reaction to getting overwhelmed in any way is anger. angry at something for being new, angry at people for pushing you, angry in general for everything being too much, whatever. there's no right way to have emotional deregulation and you don't have to be sorry that your first response is to get angry.

[crippy-tangerine]

imagine the most meanspirited, unlikeable, rude, bitter, self centered, negative person you can think of. not a rapist, not a murderer, not an abuser. just a charmless, tactless, dyed in the wool asshole you wouldn't want to spend two seconds with. now assume they get sick, not with the flu, but with a long term, serious illness that limits their ability to provide for themself. a society in which that person is left to die alone because nobody likes them on a personal level is a failed society.

[crippy-tangerine]

We ran out of space, but these are some of the ones we see a fair bit and want to address... If you have other nonverbal myths you'd rather see addressed, please put them in the notes/comments!

Please see our last post for a bit more context- but we are hoping to reach people who aren't nonverbal. So we really want your input with this!!

[crippy-tangerine]

Fellow nonverbal folks! We need your input here!

We're going to be writing a little something to debunk myths around being nonverbal. It'll likely be seen mostly by the wider Disabled community- and some Disabled community allies. So it won't just be seen by other nonverbal people- and we're hoping to reach people who aren't already involved in nonverbal communities. So...

What myths do you want to debunk around being nonverbal- especially for people who don't know much about our community?

Please either put your responses in the comments or in reblog notes (either is fine, but we don't look at DMs so please don't respond through messaging!).

We want to represent the broader nonverbal community's feelings here, not just our personal ones! We've got a list of ideas already, but want to make sure they are actually aligned with what everyone else wants to address...

Thank you!! 🍀

[crippy-tangerine]

For disability pride month (and the rest of the year) here's a shout out to

- people who have to take "scary" meds like antipsychotics, tranquilizers, schizo meds, lithium, opioids, and steroids because they're the only things that work

-people taking medicinal drugs that may be illegal in some areas

-people who have to get dangerous procedures and treatments

-people who will literally die without their meds and can't stop taking them

-people who can't afford their meds or their meds are so expensive it puts them in poverty

- people whose meds cause undesirable side effects

-people whose meds cause them to be immunocompromised

-people whose meds damage their bodies, but improve general quality of life enough that it's worth it

-people who get told to get off their meds constantly by people other than their doctors (or their doctors didn't want to put them on the med bc they're "too young")

-people who can't take medicine other than ibuprofen or Tylenol due to allergies, interactions, etc.

-people who don't want to take any medicine due to medical trauma

-people who can't take medicine at all and have to cope in other ways

-people who are addicted to their medicine and don't want to stop taking it

-people who are addicted and want to stop taking their meds

-people still suffering from unforeseen side effects that still affect them even though they got off the meds

Our relationships with our medicines/treatments are complicated and no one body is ever exactly the same. Please be respectful of people's choices and feelings about their meds.

[crippy-tangerine]

i dont think non aac users will ever understand the helplessness that we feel in regards to communication.

your device pronounces a word wrong. laughter. its fine, just go with it. but thats not what you meant. the meaning is changed. you type it differently, hoping to trick the program into saying it right. it doesnt.

your device bugs. you have to use a voice that does not match how you feel inside. you feel dysphoric like you did before you went on t. laughter from others. its fine because it has to be.

someone makes a bigoted remark to another person. you are typing as fast as you can - "that's not okay, you need to apologize" - your hands are shaking with the effort to be fast. the conversation moves on before you can hit "play". harm has been done and you have no control over it.

you navigate through a few folders. you want the word "sun". you keep hitting the button next to it, cloud. you hit delete. try again. you hit cloud. delete. try again. you hit cloud. over and over again. your body seems to have a mind of its own. it is frustrating. it is so so easy for everyone else.

your tablet is in the other room and you are trying to fingerspell. you want to sign "d". you see the shape your hand needs to be in in your mind. you keep signing "f". your hand will not make the correct finger go up and the rest go down.

the other person is trying to be patient. but theyre not. theyre frustrated. theyre trying not to show it. theyre frustrated. theyre frustrated. it radiates out from their body and makes your blood run cold. you're nauseous. you are always waiting for someone to lose their patience. it has happened before. it will happen again.

"do you understand how hard it is for us to get used to this" they say. youre about to cry. and if you, the aac user, if you show frustration, anger, sadness, anxiety, about not being able to communicate - you are difficult. "if you tried harder to speak, we wouldn't have these problems" - it stays unspoken but you hear it echoing in their words, on their faces, on the exhale of breath as they put their hands in their lap and call you "sweetie."