cryinggmysoulout

[cryinggmysoulout]

Love

I looked down at the carpet. Then I looked back to you. A realization dawning on me as clear as the daylight. I held no true love for you, at least not anymore. Hatred and hurt coming to take its place.

You, The person I was supposed to love unconditionally— From the day I was born. Yet here you are, A stranger to me.

As that realization flooded me— I wanted nothing more to be in your arms, Have you tell me everything will be fine. I would make a deal with the devil just to feel— An ounce of that unconditional love a child has for it's mother. Again.

I would give everything to love you like I used to. I look away from you. Perhaps that's what love is.

-Nix

[cryinggmysoulout]

„The sadness inside of me makes me want to run away, to break out of everything, to escape, to find a place of peace.

But I cannot run from myself; or the sadness inside of me.“

-A.J.

[cryinggmysoulout]

Dear men:

Be the guy who is supportive this is just a test in your relationship trust and all dont worry too much love her the way she deserves it will all be worth it.

[cryinggmysoulout]

“We need to stop romanticising mental illness as a pathway to artistic greatness. Mental illness is not a romance—a ticket to genius—it is excruciatingly isolating. It is a ticket to fucking nowhere.”

— Hannah Gadsby, Ten Steps to Nanette. A Memoir Situation (Random House, March 29, 2022) 

[cryinggmysoulout]

„Life recently has been a fight, with many ups and even more downs.

Isn’t it crazy how time passes, but feelings stay? How days come and go, but the sadness stays?

My heart has been bleeding and I don’t see it ending.“

[cryinggmysoulout]

„It has been a while to listen to my mind, I guess it has been a while to actually be alive.“

[cryinggmysoulout]

And I have this and I’m so grateful.

i want a soft connection. i want to be asked how my day went and if i need anything. i want forehead kisses. i want the back of my hand kissed at red lights. i want to be asked how i’m mentally feeling. i want to hold hands everywhere we go.

[cryinggmysoulout]

“I never thought that I’d have this. You know, this kind of love that burns from the inside out. This missing you when you’re in front of me because I know you’re leaving soon love. This wearing your clothes when you aren’t around love. This security in knowing that we’ve chosen each other love. This bring you to your knees and make you scream out of frustration kind of love. This aching to be with you at all hours of the day kind of love. And now that I have it, I’m not entirely sure what the hell I’m supposed to do with it.”

— h.g // honeymoon phase #1

[cryinggmysoulout]

Susan Sontag

[cryinggmysoulout]

[cryinggmysoulout]

[cryinggmysoulout]

Something that people don't talk about enough is that when you're raised to be mature from a young age, your parents just become any other figure in your life and even if you have a seemingly peaceful relationship with them, there's absolutely no comfort you can find under their shade. You'll never get to be immature and childish and helpless with them because that dynamic was never set in the first place and all the validation you ever had from them was from parentification.

So even at your worst moments in life, you will be left alone with no place to seek refuge and you'll have to constantly find it in yourself to be strong enough to deal with everything alone.

[cryinggmysoulout]

I am at the point where i don't even know how i'm doing.

Who am i?

I'm a hole, i'm a void.

I don't know how to describe it.

I decided to give life another chance, after 18 years of pure suffering and pain. I don't want to give up, yet every part of me is crying, dieing, bleeding, yearning for someone who would just sit there, hold my hand, listen. I don't allow myself more suicide attempts. I wanna LIVE. And i know it's possible. But i feel like i won't make it. Everything hurts. Every part of me wants to give up, except me. I know i'm irrational. Why can't there be someone that understands. That understands the pain without being in it. That listens without trying to fix it. Please. I'm begging for help, screaming under water while everyone's breathing. Suffocating. I don't expect anyone to read this, this is just for me to vent. I hope none of you goes through the same life i went through every forsaken day of the past 2 decades. This is hell. This is something nobody deserves. Seek help as long as you can. Don't wait until it's too late, don't wait until you are at this point where happiness is a suspicious, unrealistic and unreal feeling, or whatever, i rlly can't describe it. Just get out of this as soon as possible. This is your sign. Please...

[cryinggmysoulout]

“I love unmade beds. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people’s eyes when they realize they’re in love. I love the way people look when they first wake up and they’ve forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close their eyes and drift to somewhere in the clouds. I fall in love with people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their breakdowns and their smeared makeup and their daydreams. Honesty is just too beautiful to ever put into words.”

— (via bl-ossomed)

[cryinggmysoulout]

It’s for my own good, you said. Feeling like I’m dying, for my own good. Not getting to relax or rest, not getting a calm piece of mind, not feeling safe, not ever getting what everyone else is getting. Feeling less, feeling like a monster, like a burden. Wondering why it’s just me. Learning to live with pain, learning to pretend I’m okay, learning to blame myself for it, for every moment my true feelings slip out, every flinch is ‘lack of self control’ to be ashamed of. Living in trauma, telling myself it’s not real, I made it up. Letting go of any happy future. Letting go of idea that I could be loved. For my own good, you said. I should be grateful for this. There is worse, you said. You would have led me to death teaching me to thank you for it. For your good. It was for your good. My good was taken away by you. And you expected me to be powerless to do anything about it until the day I die. You were wrong.

[cryinggmysoulout]

U know what there is a new thing that should become a trend or a challenge - why don't people first deal with their trauma and then become parents rather than enforcing them on ur own children later on.

[cryinggmysoulout]

I can't stand the people who say "I demand respect no matter what!" Or "you should respect your elders!" Or "respect your family!" Often times, those are the same people who disrespect you and everyone else. No, you do not deserve respect if you can't respect others. You don't automatically deserve respect even if you're an elder or family member. I don't care what anyone says. You have to give respect to earn it. If you disrespect me, you do not deserve respect from me. I don't care who you are. You earn the treatment I give you. If you treat me well, I will return that. If you treat me like shit, that's the shit you get back.