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crystalconfections · 6 days ago

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Pete Buttigieg is just a faggot.

It's very important to me that younger queers understand this: to the people who you're trying to be more respectable for when you say things like neopronouns set the trans movement back or you're why the cishets don't accept us or including [aces/bi people with the 'wrong kind' of partners/non-binary people/kinksters/non-passing trans ppl/furries/polyam people] just hurts us, can't you wait until we get all our rights before we talk about some of yours? -- to those people? Pete Buttigieg is just a fag.

On Sunday at Pride Northwest, some kids -- late teens, early 20s -- asked what our button I survived Reagan for this? meant. All of the queer adults at the tables making up our ad hoc counter looked at each other and sighed a little. Emet and another adult started to explain the way that the Reagan Administration handled -- or didn't handle -- the beginning of the AIDS crisis. How many people died. How much we were ignored. The Ashes Action. The Time Magazine article which explicitly blamed bisexual men for passing the pandemic to the cishet community, playing on all the worst stereotypical bullshit. The way that even when the CDC started paying attention, they were so focused on gay men that they ignored AIDS in the lesbian community, leading to the "women don't get AIDS, they just die from it" poster. And so on.

I finished counting out change and passed the last Bear Pride raised fist pin over to a bear a little older than me, then turned my head and interjected, "they didn't care until it started infecting more than just the fags." I turned my head back and handed him his change. He laughed bitterly and said, "remember when they called it 'gay cancer?'"

That what I need you to understand. The people for whom you are folding yourself into smaller and smaller boxes will never see you as anything but a freak. A queer. A dyke. A tranny. A fag.

Never.

These are people who will stand by and let you wither away and die alone, gasping for breath in a cinderblock room, and not even claim your ashes, and they will say you deserve it, because of your lifestyle. If they speak of you at all it will be by the wrong name, with the pictures you hate the most. They will curse at your lover, throw him out of the home you shared, and steal the gift you gave last Christmas to throw it in the trash just so he can't have it and they'll say Jesus loves you! while they do it. They'll feel good and righteous and blessed and holy and pure for doing it.

And for them, you spit in the eye of your sister. For them, you disavow your sibling. For their sake, you trim away bits of your heart and lace yourself up tight. Never too loud. Never too queer. Never inconvenient or embarrassing, never asking for too much.

Pete Buttigieg is what happens when your Boomer dad turns out gay. Middle America. Parents still married. Suburban-sprouted. Valedictorian. Harvard-educated. Rhodes Scholarship. Military service. More power to him: I hope he and Chasten are very happy together. Genuinely, I do.

You couldn't create a more respectable gay if you grew one in a lab run by concerned voter focus groups.

But Pete Buttigieg? Is just a fag.

That's the part you don't seem to get: when they abandoned us, they abandoned all of us. Rock Hudson was a beloved movie star and even personally friendly with that horrid pair of ambitious jackals. Nancy Reagan refused to help him get into the only place in the world that could treat him at the time, and he died.

It was 1985, 4 years after the CDC first released papers on what would eventually become known as HIV/AIDS and 7 years after the first known death from an infection from HIV-2. Reagan hadn't even said the word AIDS by the time Hudson died.

Pete Buttigieg is just a fag, and so am I. Unless I'm a dyke, which seems to depend on who's yelling what from which window and what day it is.

Yes, there will be people who genuinely love and accept you. Those people are worth all the frustration of the rest, thankfully, and they're the ones who love you in a pup mask or a leather harness and a neon jock like the ones sold by the men up the row from us last weekend. They're the ones who laugh out loud when you tell them you hid the word "dyke" in your company name, the ones who love you in all your messiness and uncertainty and the way you don't fit into neat boxes all scrubbed up and clean.

Most cishets, though... well, they don't actively mean you specifically any harm, at least not when they have to look at you. Not when you're right there in front of them. Maybe they'll be okay with you, personally, especially if you're the kind of gay who makes a good rhetorical device, and as long as you remain a good rhetorical device.

They need people to know that they don't have a problem with the gays, after all, and there you are, being all convenient. You make a nice token, and as long as you do, well. You're useful.

But they call you by your deadname when you're not around, and they put the wrong pronouns in your medical record even though they met you years after you came out, and they won't put themselves out to save you. Not one little bit.

I didn't want to be here again. The year I graduated from high school was the worst year of the AIDS crisis. The world into which I became an adult was a world in which an advisor and friend to Reagan, William F. Buckley, openly advocated for forcibly tattooing the HIV status of HIV+ gay men on their buttocks (and IV drug users on their forearms), and in which my father not only told me that when I was 14 or so, but when was told me that he'd advocated for that tattoo being "over their assholes."

(Buckley wrote that in '86, but he doubled down on it in 2005.

Fucker.)

But yeah. I didn't want to be here again. I wanted my daughter to inherit a better world. I wanted Obergefell and Lawrence v. Texas and Hope & Change to really mean something. I work for it, today and all days. I haven't given up.

I need you to know that, too. This isn't a white flag. I'm not surrendering. This isn't over. To misquote Henry Rollins, this is what Marsha and Sylvia and Stormé and Leslie and Brenda and Auntie Sugar trained us for. This is punk rock time.

But I need you to understand that if Pete Buttigieg is just a fag, if that human embodiment of a Wonder Bread, mayo and Oscar Meyer bologna sandwich is not respectable enough for them -- and he's not -- then the rest of us have absolutely no hope of measuring up. Not even if we trim away every colorful, beautiful piece of our community, not even if the Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence vanish into the ether, not even if we sacrifice the five elements of vogue on the altar of white supremacist cishet middle-class conformity: we can't trim ourselves down to something they'll accept.

The only other option is radical acceptance of our queer selves. The only other option is solidarity. The only other option is for fats and femme queens and drags and kinksters and queers and zine writers and sex workers and furries and addicts and kids and the ones who can look us in the eye and see all of us to say we're here, we're queer, get used to it just the way we did 30 years ago. It's revolutionary, complete and total acceptance of our entire community, not just the ones the cishets can pretend to be comfortable with as long as we don't challenge them too much, or it's conceding the shoreline inch by inch to the rising waters of fascism until we've got nowhere left to stand and some of us start drowning.

That's it. Either it's all of us or it's none of us, because if we leave the answer up to the Reagans of the world and all the people who enabled him in the name of lower taxes and Democrats who wring their hands, weeping oh I don't agree with it but we'll lose the election if we fight it right now, the answer is none of us.

The brunch gays can come, too, I guess.

#politics #queer

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crystalconfections · 1 month ago

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WHAT YOUR LOVE&DEEPSPACE MAIN LI SAYS ABOUT YOU

or what i would assume about you based on your favored LI. this post is not meant to be taken super seriously and is not meant to offend anyone 🙂‍↔️

its for fun!!! whether or not it applies to you Varies but itd be nice to know how accurate it was to you!

some notes: i play this game in cn and my characterization is influenced mostly from this. also i view the relationship between calebmc not as childhood friends but adopted siblings. i respect your interpretation so pls respect mine but it doesnt come up much in the post itself.

RAFAYEL

For most Raf stans, your interest in sassy and melodramatic men tends to have some history behind it. Whether that be in real life or in your other fictional men, you find yourself drawn to a specific kind of character type over and over, easily swayed by eccentric charm and large displays of emotion and grandeur. Perhaps as a result of needing convincing of the depths of someones devotion, rather then being swayed easily with words.

You may be the type of person that struggles to be with people who they don't have much in common with. The safety net of common ground, of someone who feels like a flirtatious friend at times and not a domestic partner, and the playfulness of the ultimately serious connection gives you a sense of quiet assurance and lets you breathe. Intimate relationships both friendship and otherwise can feel overwhelming.

You are especially conscious of your autonomy in relationships and hold a fear of losing yourself in love. The way Rafayel is able to navigate and subtly assure his commitment to you while also not always forcing you confront it brings you a sense of comfort no other LI really can.

You could be fearful about the idea of losing yourself in the act of loving someone else before you ever realize you're doing it. You may have a tendency to emotional extremes, though outwardly you seem ambivalent to most things. Internally though, the depth of your obsession and internalized longing for your partner genuinely inhibit you in your life for a period, in a way you have trouble articulating verbally. Engaging in wholehearted, sappy romance is something you struggle with and perhaps something you even feel embarrassed by.

You're not particularly avoidant of commitment, but the daunting idea of spending your life with someone scares you, even though it's something you truly want. Whether that be in lifestyle, viewpoint, or life experiences - you find catharsis in the (maybe misguided) belief that you could always go back to being friends and find yourself feeling very convinced of it. Having something aside from love tethering you brings you assurance, because for better or for worse - you aren't sure if love will be enough. Being Miss Bodyguard to Rafayel is something you like - as it feels more tangible a role than lover. It might even become a sore point in your relationship depending on how you go about it.

For Rafayel stans, a level of relatability and Rafayel's clever way of engaging your emotions and being considerate towards your expression is important to you. You might have a strong sense or fear of grounded reality and feel a slight envy towards Rafayel's freedom of expression even at his most frivolous or when you know he's acting. There's a also strong chance you are queer and a switch.

XAVIER

For Xavier stans, I think the poll is split evenly down the middle who like characters like him historically and people who were completely blindsided by their feelings for him. You might have a tendency towards anxiety and/or overthinking.

You are likely someone who tends to bottle up their emotions and resentment and may have a tendency to take things personally even if they are not directed at you specifically. It's likely you're capable and tenacious person in your career but struggle with recognizing your emotional needs.

The main driving point for you and Xavier is his loyalty. Above both devotion and obsession - you're drawn to the assured quality of his emotions that seems to reach past something tangible, but never fully undermines your capability. You may take preference to Xavier to Caleb explicitly for this reason.

It's likely you also enjoy the comfortable, natural element to Xaviers romance. A bluntness followed with irrefutable proof of affection is comforting - as it doesn't feel forced and does not need to be asked for. It may be that you're somewhat prone to feeling like partners should be able to read your mind, and find yourself harboring some resentment when they cannot. This may be especially true as you see yourself as being less of a 'needy' partner and find that blow especially tough.

You could have had the type of childhood that required a lot of sacrifice. Not necessarily a big, traumatic incident but a small series of sacrifices that accumulated over a lifetime that influence your way of thinking in relationships. You're somewhat adverse to the feeling of needing someone because of how you've developed your autonomy. Being the one to 'chase' might be something you avoid, or something you'd prefer to be relieved of after doing it most of your life in other areas. I think there's a strong overlap between Xavier fans and middle children / only children.

As a LI, Xavier will always have you and being with you, at the forefront of his priorities, almost to the point of absurdity but without feeling intentional. There's an ease and effortless that comforts you - as if love is the one thing you think it'd be nice not to work hard at. He's the love interest that most strongly expresses his monopoly over you regardless of consequence and morals.

You may be reluctant to admit that you like these things and may feel a sense of guilt over how much you indulge or enable his desire to monopolize you so completely. Even though you know logically it's not anything bad. You may also have a tendency to get easily attached to people who show you genuine kindness even when it's to your own detriment. It's surprisingly easy for small acts of kindness and relief tend to move you more deeply then anything.

For Xavier stans, the fact he prioritizes you without second guessing himself makes it difficult for you to second-guess him either. Struggling to reconcile your needs, you appreciate that Xavier meets them silently on his own and often subtlety that protects your pride. That and his ability to do it all without making it seem like a labor. Comforted by his certainty that does not require you to express your own vulnerability often.

ZAYNE

For Zayne stans - it's perhaps undeniable that one of the main draws of his character is the sort of perfection and stability he provides to your life. He upholds a gentle, considerate demeanor while being able to make choices and decisions without hesitating. It's likely that he is a character type that's shown up in your history at some other time, though in respect to what specific aspect might vary.

You are likely someone who struggles with a sense of loneliness, regardless of how many people you have in your immediate circle and in your life. It's not from a lacking gratitude, but rather - a tendency to never quite show your hand when it comes to intimate relationships. You might be someone who has had to learn to navigate social situations as a means of survival - choosing to front with many different masks to accommodate for each group. You often have a hyper-vigilance towards you and a sensitive intuition about people.

While there is the assumption (and some merit in that assumption) that most Zayne mains are attracted to his sense of responsibility - it's more likely what you're attracted to the feeling of acceptance Zayne offers. What that acceptance is of specifically may vary, whether it be an acceptance of your neediness or of your childishness or just your general authentic self. Beyond simple honesty, it's the understanding that your presence is wanted regardless of what it looks like.

You may have had a childhood that came with high expectations of you and a pressure to behave/perform that you found difficult to withstand. As an adult, you may carry these expectations still and critique yourself harshly when you are unable to meet them. It makes the blow feel especially harsh when you fail at something.

Additionally, it's possible you have a strained relationship with authority figures in your life. Whether it be parentification, general incompetence, or neglect - some circumstances have given you a certain pessimism and a sustained yet strong belief that relying on another person is not possible, though you long to do so.

It's likely that the trust and rapport Zayne provides innately is the biggest comfort you receive from his character. Not only is he trustworthy in the literal sense, but he's consistent in proving himself with actions and emotionally trustworthy without fail.

You may also see and recognize Zayne's struggles within yourself, and are attracted to the idea of partnership with him because the relationship would be on equal footing. You may have had past relationships where you accepted less then you deserved as a result of mentioned loneliness and need for companionship. You might find yourself attracting partners who need to be taken care over partners with their own autonomy as you find it hard to relinquish control despite your desire to do just that.

For Zayne stans, rather than the surface level need for stability - you are attracted to the feeling true partnership in his romance. A person that is both dependable, capable and understanding. Zayne speaks to the desire you have for a true companion - not necessarily out of monopoly, but a deep and answer to an almost cosmic loneliness from years of struggling all on your own.

SYLUS

For Sylus stans, it's likely true that you were at least somewhat attracted to Sylus' character on the surface - even before developing a more refined understanding of his character. You might have a preference of villains or other types of characters with an outcast quality to them or some kind of habitual vigilantism.

You enjoy, generally, being the exception to the rule when it comes to characters you like. Rather then a character who tends to form relationships and connections easily - you prefer being the person 'chosen' in a matter of speaking. You may have a history with being socially outcast / abrasive and find yourself less drawn to characters who are too expressly friendly with everyone, though you yourself tend to be amiable.

You likely have a strong sense of identity perhaps at the price of your social life and capital, and a strong commitment to authenticity that comes at the cost of receiving ire from people you consider friends and foes alike. As a result, you also find yourself somewhat overly forgiving and take betrayal extremely personally as deep intimate relationships are difficult to form as few people also fit the criteria of your values. You might be prone to sensitivity and feelings of hurt, while being almost too lenient with those you love and care for as a result.

The initial enemies-to-lovers part of Sylus' romance may appeal to you, but more then that its the gradual deepening of the relationship that you find classically romantic. As opposed to being seen at your worst, its knowing that Sylus is capable of always seeing exactly who you are no matter how you may appear in front of him that calls to you most. Not only that but loving you for it.

You have a history of being misunderstood or having your intentions misconstrued as a result of how you choose to navigate the world while staying true to your values. Sylus demonstrating continuously that no matter the circumstances, he understands you with ease is a large part of his appeal. In addition - you may be someone who struggles to express their emotions verbally without feeling a sense of embarrassment.

You have a tendency to use actions or gifts or other more tangible means to show your love - but directness tends to weaken your resolve and feels especially charming when being pursued romantically. Sylus being able to communicate his emotions to you concisely and without irony - as well without needing your interpretation speaks to you. Rather then needing to read his intentions, you can trust in his honesty and in his commitment. Of course this is backed-up with actions, but more than anything - you need to be assured verbally and directly.

You might've struggled with having a guardian (perhaps specifically a mother figure) that was passive aggressive. You have a tendency towards anxiety and catastrophizing under duress - and as a result find Sylus' consistent calmness appealing even in moments it should bother you to see him act that way. His assuredness feels almost medicinal in that sense.

For Sylus stans, its not only his sense of devotion but the extent of it - the ways in which he commits to understanding you, honoring your choices, and making the effort to do it continually and without expectation. His romance provides a specific kind of clarity and has a more soothing quality, someone that assures you that you can make it out of anything unscathed - no matter how big or small.

CALEB

For Caleb stans, some of your preferences and your reasoning will depend on which view you choose to see the relationship that Caleb and MC shares. Regardless though, there's a strong likelihood that the type of character Caleb is, is one you have somewhere else in your history for one reason or another.

There is a distinct feeling of wish fulfillment when it comes to your view or interest in Caleb as a love interest - and there might even be a distinct degree of separation between your interest in him and how much you view MC to be yourself as a result of the nature of his romance.

It's possible you have a strong sense of detachment or compartmentalization when it comes to your own emotions. Or find them so intense at times it gets difficult to hold relationships comfortably. As well as a strong feeling of emotional invulnerability that can seem ironic when considering Caleb as a love interest. However, it's explicitly the exclusivity and the appeal that Caleb holds - the 'special' foundation of his relationship that draws you in

Regardless of which interpretation of the game you choose, there's no doubt that Caleb is a character that builds a lifetime of rapport in his romance that influences his level of fierce protectiveness. It's likely you had a difficult childhood and home life - one that forced you to grow up sooner and made your youth primarily focused on escaping. It's possible you felt both much older then your peers while also feeling emotionally stunted when it came to your romantic relationships as an adult.

It's likely you find navigating vulnerability challenging - either because you're concerned with being too much when expressing your emotions sincerely, or because the very thought of doing so is rather foreign in general. Regardless on which side of the coin you fall on, you take comfort in the act of being loved almost forcibly.

Difficult to anger, quick to forgive, and always overwhelmingly willing to coddle even your smallest incidents - Caleb's romance provides a love that demands nothing of you in any capacity and exists as a sounding board for your emotions. You may be the type of person who struggles deeply to care for themselves even at their most healed.

It's possible you prefer love to be treated as an avenue of destiny and inevitability, something infallible and absolute and unchanging. You might be a bit of a romantic or a person with a strong inclination towards daydreaming, but you find this part of yourself in earnest a bit difficult to face with honesty. There's perhaps nothing so difficult as the admittance you want to be loved so much, though it's a theme that appears repeatedly in your life.

For Caleb stans, the main draw is in a way the choicelessness of the affection he shows. There's an almost overbearing quality to his love that makes it inescapable - and this both serves you and reassures you that there is no right or wrong way to make him leave. Caleb might exist more than anything as an answer to abandonment wounds in your adolescence, a hero even at his worst.

#💗.lads #Called out so thoroughly I am genuinely impressed

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