cupcakeatsea

[cupcakeatsea]

eddie tries to convince buck they should just share the bed and buck is like “no i’m fine on the couch actually i think the couch is More comfortable than the bed” and eddie says “that’s such a good point actually. let’s go mattress shopping together” and buck lies down on the floor and screams

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i think the buck studies are working

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Imagine if you will that getting tattoos becomes Buck's new coping mechanism.

Like, he needs an outlet for his pain and trauma, but he isn't going to go back to casual sex and baking isn't enough. Working out helps, but there's only so many weights he can lift and miles he can run before his body needs a break. Drinking to ease the pain feels absolutely wrong and Bobby would hate it if he lost himself like that.

He decides to get a memorial tattoo for Bobby and when the needle hits his skin the pain/pleasure of it is the first thing he's actually felt in a long time.

So, Buck books another appointment. And another one. And another one. He starts off small, in places he can keep them covered because they don't mean anything, he just wants to feel something besides gaping hole in his chest that still hurts every time he breathes. But it only takes three or four before he decides fuck it, and just starts getting them everywhere.

The team tries to talk to him about it because tattoos aren't cheap and Buck seems to have a piece of art every shift, but he blows them off. It's his money and his body and it's none of their business. They don't bring it up again, but everyone is keeping an eye on Buck because this is definitely a spiral, but there really isn't anything they can do about it.

One night, Buck is hanging out at Eddie's, and Christopher is studying his tattoos with a little too much interest for Eddie's liking, because there is no way he's allowing his son anywhere near a tattoo shop for another four years at least. Then he sees Christopher's face fall a little and watches as his son reaches out and touches Buck's arm.

"I'm sorry, Buck." Eddie can barely hear Christopher whisper the words, but Buck pulls him close and kisses his hair.

"I'm okay, kid, I promise."

After Buck heads home, Eddie is making sure Christopher is settled in bed and finally has to ask him.

"What were you and Buck talking about earlier?" Christopher looks sad again and looks away, picking at his blanket.

"He has a semicolon. It's really small, I almost didn't see it. Do you really think he's okay, Dad?"

Eddie hugs him and assures him that even though Buck has been having a really hard time, he's the strongest person they know and that he's sure Buck's fine. Christopher makes Eddie swear he'll take care of his Buck, and Eddie promises, "Always," before turning off the light and going to his own room.

He immediately looks up what a semicolon means because he isn't up to date on the trends and his heart breaks into a million pieces. He spends the rest of the night researching each and every one of Buck's tattoos for any hidden meanings.

The next morning, when Buck gets to the station, Eddie grabs his arms and searches until he finally finds the tiny symbol hidden under his watch band. He presses his fingers into it and Buck flinches a little because no one was supposed to know, especially not Eddie. Eddie looks up into his face and grips him tighter.

"I understand."

And Buck finally breaks down in the middle of the kitchen, sobbing so hard that he and Eddie end up in the floor. He tells Eddie that Bobby being gone is killing him, and he's been trying so hard to keep it together, but he doesn't know how much longer he can hold on. Eddie just holds him through it, one arm locked around his back and one hand tangled in his hair.

"I'll hold on to you," He promises, squeezing him tighter. "I'll keep you together"

[cupcakeatsea]

He's girl dad shaped

[cupcakeatsea]

i wanna do bad things (with you)

Author: @minalover Artist: @nelriott

Rating: E

"The 118, the home base for the Nash Crime Family, is an old, blown-out fire station, in a part of Los Angeles not often visited by more reputable types. The windows are boarded up and blacked out and the garage doors attached to the bay are firmly affixed by chains and padlocks to iron rings embedded into the cement floor.

They call it the 118 because that's the number on the outside of the building. Inside too, if you know where to look.

Sometimes, Buck thinks about the firefighters who used to work here. Maybe they were a family too."

Or: the 9-1-1 Mafia!AU

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more tank top eddie

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[cupcakeatsea]

stepping stone relationships, firsts and lasts, and the woobification of queer ships (buddie) and how they might be detrimental to the ship itself: a mini essay

—————

this is a very long post, so i’m putting it under the cut. i promise it’s not rant-y or vent-y, and i spent a lot of time carefully choosing my words and thoughts to best explain something that i have strong opinions on in the fandom lately, in a hope that people might better understand where i’m coming from rather than just posting a rant post like i normally do. so if you have a few minutes to read please do! even if you disagree with me after reading i still think it’s worth at least reading once! <3

there is this trend in media surrounding queer people that continues to be constantly relayed and spread around as a genuine issue, and it’s something that rubs me the wrong way for a few reasons and i want to talk about it from a non-reactionary standpoint like i normally do and to really take the time to sit and write out my thoughts calmy and not fly off the handle out of frustration and parasocial fatigue so if you’re interested in hearing me yap about modern day queer culture and my potentially controversial opinions on dating culture as a queer person, then stick around:

(disclaimer: for sake of ease, i will be speaking from my own pov as a queer person who dates men or masculine presenting people. i will also be using terms like ‘guy’ and ‘boyfriend’ to refer to a partner for sake of ease to get my point across, but i hope my words will be clear enough for you to be able to adapt it to your own experiences while reading.)

something that i’ve seen constantly regurgitated in queer circles is this concept of firsts and lasts; your first time kissing a guy, your firsy date with a guy, your first time sleeping with a guy… there are all these ‘firsts’ that are highlighted as being super special and important in queer culture. and they are! i am certainly not disputing that. there is absolutely something so special and freeing about finally living in your own skin and embracing that side of you.

my issue is when people begin to talk about firsts vs lasts.

you see, there is this pervasive sense that your ‘first’ anything can’t possibly be your ‘last’ as well. even fir straight people, i constantly see highschool sweethearts or college couples who are each other’s first relationship getting married, and their comment sections on social media will be flooded with people saying a range of things like “you’re never going to last” or “you’re tying yourself down too soon” or “you’re shutting off potential to explore.”

in some cases, your first is not destined to be your last. things just don’t work out, you grow apart, you change with the time, and suddenly you realize it’s not what you want anymore so you walk away. that is a part of life.

however, it is not a blanket phenomenon. i know plenty of people who are each other’s ‘firsts’ and are still happily married decades on. my aunt and uncle have been married 28 years and have one of the healthiest marriages I’ve witnessed in my life- they met in college and neither of them had dated anyone before then.

my best friend’s sister met her husband when they were both 23. neither of them had had any kind if relationship with anyone before each other. they are still head over heels for each other 5 years on.

so it bothers me when we affix this notion to queer characters in media that you have to “explore” and sleep/date around and “have fun” before settling down; it negates the fact that you can explore and have fun with your partner- you don’t need to casually see a bunch of people before you’re suddenly “ready.” Some people, yes, but not everyone.

which is why it bothers me particularly in the case of eddie diaz- a character who has been in multiple relationships in his life, all of which included a sexual element that (so far canonically) has left him content and fulfilled with the exception of when he was abstaining due to discomfort over marisol’s nun training.

bc here’s the thing; most gay cis men can still get off and enjoy sex with women, because they are still being sexually stimulated, even if they aren’t all that romantically or physically attracted to them. its “just sex” but it’s still scratching that itch.

and just because he might be gay doesn’t mean that his relationships with women are suddenly invalid, or that he didn’t have some semblance (albeit misplaced) feelings for each of his partners.

so when i see this notion that “i want eddie to date/sleep around before he gets with buck si that he’s ready for a relationship” is so baffling to me; he’s been in relationships before, he knows how to be a partner- the issue is not that he’s bad at relationships, it’s that he’s never been fully in with these women bc despite whatever feelings he may feel (or think he feels due to repression) he’s not actually attracted to them fundamentally.

he’s not some blushing virgin who’s never experienced the sensation of being caught up in the romance of it all (again albeit misplaced). it’s the same issue a lot of people had with buck’s sexuality arc woobifying him and acting as if his relationship with a man is a total reset: it’s not a reset, just a step forward.

this notion that queer people need to “practice” or “learn” being gay before entering into a relationship is such an archaic concept to me that seeing queer people still pushing for it to be represented shocks me (although- i have my theories as to why this craze is prevalent, but people wouldn’t like what i have to say on it).

another argument is that “he never got to be free as a young person and deserves the chance to feel free” would he not feel that with buck? if being in a settled, long term, committed relationship with someone is the opposite of feeling/being “free” in your emotions, then there are other issues at play.

i’d argue that eddie’s canonical representation would actually find it more freeing to be with buck right off the bat rather than casual dating/sex; his characterization has felt to me more that of a demiromantic person rather than someone who desires to go on casual dates- specifically in s6 when he felt like he wanted to start dating again, he wanted to date with the intent to find a partner, nothing casual because that’s where he is in life; he’s a (~)34 year old man with a teenage son, he’s not a kid anymore and i think he’s comfortable with that.

sure, he could let loose and have some more freedom to spend time with his friends and hobbies, but it feels like a mischaracterization to say that “fun” for him would be dating/sleeping around

it’s also entirely normal for gay people (especially in their 30s) to not have the sex drive of someone in their early 20s, and i feel like even having sex with buck wouldn’t turn him into a horny 24/7 sex addict that fanfic always represents him as (bc again, fanfic also overheightens buck’s sex drive at this point in time as well if we’re being honest)

but i think the thing that really rubs me the wrong way about all of this is that people are never considering tim minear nor the writers when they say things like this. even if it wasn’t already long past overdue for buddie to get together, we’re on a rocky territory in terms of if the show is getting a s10 or not, and so far s9 doesn’t look too promising. people don’t realize that this show doesn’t do “casual” for any of the characters’ relationships. it’s either go hard and heavy, or nothing at all (bc look how quickly they injected temu into buck’s life when the start of their “relationship” was that of something casual yet by the end if ep 5- literally one ep of them being together- they were already all in).

having eddie date anyone will inevitably result in the show repeating the “stepping stone relationship” problem it had with buck and temu- being done to set up buddie but then backtracking in the 3rd act and getting stuck in a multi-season relationship that feels empty and boring until they inevitably break up- but if the show puts eddie in one of these relationships and then ends in s9 with no renewal, then we would be stuck with eddie (and potentially buck) in two endgame relationships with people they don’t have chemistry with, and we’re stuck with yet another queer tv ship being fumbled by a network because it tried to do too much too late in the game.

buddie has been burning for almost 7 years now- we’re past the point of “they need to start preparing themselves to get together,” we’re at the point where nothing else makes sense, and asking the show to stall by shoehorning other relationships in is only risking us never getting buddie canon. you could aslo argue that the reasons their past relationships have failed are because they are ready for each other, but keep entering into relationships with people who aren’t right for them, when most of their problems with romantic relationships would be fixed by getting together. asking for eddie to “explore” with someone else is just throwing a wrench in the gears, and wondering why the machine is jammed.

anyway, i hope that this more thoughtful and less antagonistic approach to my opinion on this makes sense to people. i know i can be very loud and reactive and that turns people off of listening to my point bc i also get turned off of listening to people when i can feel the rage through the screen sometimes; i just wanted to give my two cents on a topic that has been circulating for a long time in the fandom and why i think we’re beyond the point of that being a viable storyline. maybe a few seasons ago, but definitely not in this stage of the show when the future is so uncertain in the wake of rating drops and public scrutiny after bobby’s death/peter’s exit.

there’s always fanfiction to explore these ideas, but at this point asking for it in canon is just further delaying an already unsecure end point that we don’t even know is on the agenda yet.

[cupcakeatsea]

Husband and I watching the last episode of season 6:

“Is it just me, or has Buck got really… tits-y?”

Yes. Yes, he has, my beloved probably a Kinsey 1 husband.

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“how to recognize AI in fanfic” — hey so this is another not-gentle reminder that AI stole from us. it’s using OUR words and OUR sentences and OUR styles.

writing “long” paragraphs is not a sign of AI — it’s a common narrative choice many writers make both in fanfiction and in traditionally published novels, and AI stole it from us.

using an em dash is not a sign of AI. it’s a stylistic sentence choice that’s been an option in place of commas and semicolons for a very long time, and AI stole it from us.

long sentence structures are not a sign of AI, but are yet another stylistic choice writers often make to create a cadence and tone that mimics the flow of poetry, and AI stole it from us.

“YA narrative breaks”? i don’t even know what the fuck this means, but i can guarantee that AI stole it from us.

italics are once again a stylistic choice that many writers love to use to create emphasis, and it’s a more stylistically acceptable and traditional form of emphasis than bold or underline text. oh, and just to be extra clear: AI STOLE IT FROM US.

stop creating fandom witch hunts over AI when you know fuck all about what it means to sit and write a story, and to spend hours fiddling with sentence structure and dialogue to get the exact right tone. writers will stop writing out of fear that their work “sounds like AI” — IT DOESNT! AI STOLE FROM US! AI SOUNDS LIKE US! — and after a while, all that will be available on AO3 is shitty AI-generated fanfiction.

because yeah, people are going to continue to use AI to write fanfiction whether you “call them out” or not. but making a laughable thread on X that uses asinine criteria is not going to fix that problem. it will just push the real writers out because people will accuse them of using AI when they haven’t, and they will (rightfully) stop writing for spaces that attack them.

anyway. fuck ai.

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extremely specific buddie 1.0 take i have in my head where a paramedic eddie gets asked to try and chaperone bobby's new rookie but ends up taking abby's place in the narrative (the older person that has to start choosing things for themselves). don't let HR find out!

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Ryan yesterday on set.

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I want Chris and Buck to get stuck in another natural disaster (like an earthquake) and for Chris to be SO UNIMPRESSED the entire time. Like, he acts like a snarky teenager the whole time. But it's not against Buck in the way you think. Buck will be all, Your Dad is gonna kill me, and Chris is like, Wow, you think he could kill you when a firetruck, tsunami, lightening strike, and now an earthquake failed? Sure, if you think he's capable, he would totally kill you. For keeping his only son alive through not one but TWO natural disasters. Sure, Buck. It's a good thing people think you're pretty.

And Buck is just like, "These goddamn teenagers"

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I am sad that oliver is slimming down buck buckley, BUT it does mean that we could get shirtless buck this season…. buddie canon?

what is the point of shirtless men if there isn't some tummy spilling out 😔

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guess who he's looking at

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Absolutely go fuck yourselves - I’m not spending £60 (sale price) on any knitted item that’s made of synthetics.

I truly hate how wool and cotton have become luxury fabrics. The prices have become unaffordable for so many and it’s stupidly unfair. I just want to be warm in winter without sweating or stinking. And everyone else deserves the same too. AFFORDABLY

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HOWARD "CHIMNEY" HAN 9-1-1 2x18 "This Life We Choose"