curiousmind-curiousheart

[curiousmind-curiousheart]

I Cried Because...

Last night I cried, I cried for myself, for my future, for my inner child. Through salty water I wondered what I was doing for myself. If what I was doing was enough. Cried cause I couldn't remember the last time I laughed, or genually smiled. Cried cause I didn't feel desired or wanted. Cried cause I am unhappy where I am. Cried cause I know my situation could be worse. I am having difficulty seeing past the blurry uncerntainty. Am I on the right path that I started on. Will present events prevent me from reaching my goal. Cried cause I worry about the uncertainty of the future. Cried cause the progress of events does not give me hope. Cried cause I can not see myself happy. Cried cause the prospect of having a future is fading. I held myself because there is no one willing to comfort the part of me that was left abandoned and forgotten. Apart of myself that has never been given the time or oppurtunity to heal. Cried cause I have lost the ablity to trust and be vunerable with others. Cried cause I was broken down rather then built up. Cried cause I was never heard, taken seriously, basicly ignored. Cried cause forced to grow up faster than most. I know my reasons seem obitrary, there are those that have more to cry about. These matter to me, my feelings will not be silenced like in the past. They matter, they deserve to matter, if not by anyone than by me. My tears help no one, but they allow me to heal, to let go, to analyze and process, to be able to move forward. So let yourself cry.

[curiousmind-curiousheart]

Claws and Beans

Claws, so very sharp

Used for hunting and for playing

Reciding into cute little beans

[curiousmind-curiousheart]

Woman, Scared of the Night.

Didn't really plan out this post. Knew I wanted to take a street picture, and give that a shot. Guess if anything I can talk about how no matter how much I prepare, as a woman I will never feel safe walking alone at night. Nothing has ever happened to me, thank goodness, but the stories I hear make me uneasy. Guess I have always been afraid of walking around in the dark. Before my concern was mostly because of coytos and cougers. Now I have a new preditor to worry about. Its no wonder women are so anxious all the time. We don't know who to trust, prisoners in our own homes after certain hours, and feel like a constant tartget. While I feel anxious walking the streets at night, there are times I just can not avoid it. Also if I let these fears keep me from living my life, would I even be living a meaningful life?

[curiousmind-curiousheart]

I Am A Robot.

I am a robot, not allowed to show Emotion,

At Work I must smile, be pleasent and nothing else.

Yelling, profanitity, harassment, sexism I must endure it, with a smile.

I am a Robot, I have no say

The documents and law say otherwise

But that is far from true. To Keep the customer happy no matter

what I must endure the abuse.

I have voiced my complaints, and frustration

but management doesn’t care

I can’t be any or sad, depressed or mad

taking time off to recover or celebrate

not a chance, cause we are always short staffed

I need no break cause I am a Robot

Can’t have friends or family, forget having a life.

Have to work odd hours and holiday, yet still just scraping by.

The cycle goes on  day after day, year after year.

I am a robot, doing repetitive tasks

no emotion, no though, no needs

I will work, untill I can’t no more.