cwmiso

[cwmiso]

Graduating college feels bittersweet. Bitter because I know I did not want to go to college, and have struggled with feeling across the 4 years I spent going. But sweet, because despite that, I did find some silver linings. I really did grow up quite a bit over the years, and I’m grateful for it most of the time. Each year posed a unique challenge. Freshman year, I came out to my family, moved to Vermont, switched from majoring in neuroscience to theater, had a serious mental breakdown, spent Christmas and New Years Eve in the mental hospital - which if it isn’t clear, is a horrible place to be, my god, only got out of there because I decided I was going to go on a bender and either die or figure out how to live, gave myself a lot of tattoos, moved back home, got pressured by my family to stop medical transition, transferred to community college, got more involved in ceramics, worked as an overnight janitor and went to class after my shift was over (another version of hell), ate a ton of cracker barrel biscuits out of the garbage and drank a lot more cheap booze than I care to admit, went to the rainbow gathering, got (more) addicted to drugs in Colorado, tried to walk on the beach from the boarder of washington to california, got about halfway and hurt my knee, fell in love with a communist in Oregon, started riding my bike religiously, tried to get sober, played guitar a lot, changed my major from theater to the individual concentration program, got to do a NOLS course for almost free with my americorp award, got top surgery, moved into an apartment with 4 (then 7) other people, took a 1 credit permaculture class and felt really good at school for the first time ever, tried to invest really hard in school by joining the Community Scholars Program (and left a year later), walked around at night a LOT, realized that my friends might actually be insane, started working at Prospect Meadows Farm, got back on hormones, worked the summer as a conservation crew leader and learned possibly too much about people/teenagers, got seriously sober, moved in with my partner after realizing i was definitely homeless, really enjoyed my “final semester”, declared a second major in sustainable food and farming which meant sticking around for the spring semester, got halfway through the semester before the pandemic exploded in the U.S., moved back home, started online classes, spent most of my time gardening and building stuff, and somehow ended up on track to graduate. I probably missed a lot of things, but this stuff stand out to me. so yeah, it was a lot.

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lets say, hypothetically, im a cat. a kitty cat. and for the sake of debate, lets say i dance dance dance.

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1/14/20

I might actually be okay. If not now then soon.

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this may be a hard pill to swallow for some people but like. 90% of the fires in australia wouldn’t be happening right now if people had just fucking listened to indigenous peoples

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Jean-Vincent Simonet (French, b. 1991, Lyon, France, based between Paris, France and Zürich, Switzerland) - With In Bloom series Jean-Vincent Simonet prints onto plastic paper then washes the photograph with chemicals, creating warped images that echo the near-psychedelic experience of Tokyo at night. 

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frog that supports you

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11/12/19. I'm 23. I got on T March 20th or so. that puts me at about 8 months on T and 1 year and 2.5 months post-op. I started at .2ml of T a week but shortly after switched to .3ml. I don't plant to increase yet but periodically consider it. Changes are slowly happening. My happy trail is getting thicker. My jawline is becoming more prominent. I have a few hairs growing on my jaw, on my neck, and on my chin. My scars are slowly fading, too. They are still very noticeable, though in certain lighting they blend into my skin. Sometimes I feel weird about my nipples. I occasionally toy with the idea of getting them removed (something I had considered pre-op was removing them if I didn't like the way they turned out). I like them in this photo though.

I don't feel dysphoric much anymore. It's not that I like my body more. My dislike is just a lot less prominent now that I know I'm doing something to alleviate it. Sometimes I catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and have some euphoria over the masculinizaiton of my body. I wonder if I should just up my dose to get there quicker. For whatever reason I love the idea of gradual change. To be able to notice every new thing that happens. to be able to appreciate the small steps. to notice how I feel along the way. to have time to process without feeling like the changes are passing me by.

I'm also less interested in gender. I am questioning my dense far less. I realized I wasn't really getting anywhere trying to find a label. I usually just refer to myself as trans if the situation arises where I need to commit to a word for my situation. i try to avoid calling myself anything at all. it felt good to give up on finding a label. I wish I had done that a lot sooner. I like to be human, and not much more.

[cwmiso]

no nerds

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Untitled By  Keith Haring

This mural was executed in 1987 in the cafeteria of the Museum of Contemporary Art in Antwerp Belgium and it still exists.

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Ikegami Yoriyuki

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Here’s the thing about shows like South Park and Family Guy that make their money off of being edgy and offensive. They fundamentally reduce their viewers’ capacity for empathy. If I found a joke funny, and you found it offensive, you’re just too sensitive. This is directly related to the ride of the alt right and the election of trump. In this essay I will

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[cwmiso]

If this resonates with you at all PLEASE, for your benefit, go read this tweet thread on “fawning”