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cyberchrist · 4 years ago

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Sometimes I feel like some big science experiment, but that would mean there are people who are interested in what happens to me, which I personally find hard to believe.

Overflowing with emptiness, I took the last drag of my unpopped Camel Crush and tossed the still-lit butt into a bush. Do I really have to go back inside? I don’t know why I try so hard to like these things, I never do. Thank god for cigarettes. Maybe I’ll die before I’m 50, but at least I have an excuse to be alone for ten minutes whenever I feel like it.

I was about to get myself together and head back in when she showed up. I heard the front door open and she walked out, sighing when she found me. There were a lot of things she didn’t understand about me, but my taste in women was not one of them. She wore her dark brown hair in a low messy bun to show off the upside-down cross earrings that were dangling above her shoulders. Her eye makeup was just intricate enough to show that she knew what she was doing, but not so much so that you would think she cared enough to try. It must have taken her forever, but she would never let me know that. I liked the blue and dark-green plaid flannel she wore over her black crop top, but I hated that she only wore it because of me. Her recently torn fishnets caught my eye and I sort of grunt-laughed. “Sorry. I didn’t think I ripped them that much.”

She ignored me. “Where have you been? You said you wouldn’t leave me alone, I'm the only junior here and I don't know anyone.”

“It is a graduation party. And if it makes you feel any better, neither do I. I doubt you want to anyway. They’re all Mihal’s soccer friends, not exactly our crowd.” She was pissed but I was too out of it to care.

“I don’t give a fuck! You dragged me here, you’re not just gonna sit outside smoking all night like a sad piece of shit. When are you gonna quit anyway? Are you trying to make me a widow?”

She got my attention. I grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her aside. “You’re being real fucking loud for someone who doesn’t want anyone to find out. Besides, we still have to wait a month. Can you stop talking to me like we’re already married?” I pulled out another cigarette and put it in my mouth, lighting it swiftly. “And I’m not quitting, don’t act like I didn’t tell you that from the start. At least I’m not drunk off my ass every night.”

"Hey! You know that I'm trying to-"

I suddenly realized what we were doing, and she must’ve too.

Her facial expression shifted from angry to exhausted as she went to rub her eyes. She grabbed the cigarette out of my hand, took a long, somber drag, and handed it back. “Meet me inside when you finish smoking.” She turned and started to walk towards the door.

“I’m done.” I dropped the near-whole cigarette to the ground and followed.

#short story #writing #bpd #story

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