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It's Falin, having a good timeeee
Version with no watermark on patreon - and if you still subscribe today, you get the bonus folder with the high resolution file and layered psd of this - as well as two aditional Farcille pieces :)
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"We're gonna go over this again, APPARENTLY," the sergeant barked, "because some of you airheads slept through the last time, and now Anders is in Med with four fractured vertebrae, and FreeOps has a pilot with broken hands.
"Pilots, despite appearances, are not DOCILE. They're understimulated. They are hungry in a way you cannot comprehend, because none of you have been plugged into a ten-ton omnidirectional autonomous weapon, with Tac-level information beamed directly to your brain in real time. A pilot spends their entire time out-of-field tired and in pain and desperate for anything that comes close to the level of stimulation they get from being in a Mech Unit.
"So every few months one of you barely-ranked-the-LSAT morons thinks 'Ah, a pilot. They're so frail, and agreeable, surely they'll be an easy way to get off'. Then six hours later I get a call from a VERY tired surgeon telling me one of my soldiers nearly had his neck pulled apart like a rack of ribs.
"So for every punk dumbass among you who thinks this sounds like a fun little challenge: You will be trying to bed a Living War Machine. You will succeed. You will regret it. And you will be flipping a coin that the place I send you after you're discharged from the Med Bay is the same place I send your dog tags. Leave. The. Pilots. Alone."
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Sex is when you push your finger into someones open wound and they make a pathetic little moan in response
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Lmao using this account I haven’t even looked at in years to say that i love the blatant petplay stuff going around tumblr and I wish I could reblog any of it but I don’t want to be the dog, I want the unconditional love of a pet and I want to take care of others.
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Husband and Wife
This is from 2018, but I still like it and want it on this blog.
Fandom: Hunter X Hunter Pairing: Hisoillu Tags: Crossdressing kink, trans hisoka, anal, frottage, slight roleplay, finger sucking
Illumi tries on a gift, Hisoka discovers a kink. Miraculously nobody gets hurt.
read on ao3
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As was usual when Hisoka asked for anything, Illumi looked back at him in blank disbelief. He stayed silent for a moment, as if waiting for Hisoka to retract the absurd request, before giving his answer. “This kimono is worth a hundred thousand jenny. I’m not having sex in it.” As he spoke, his haughty, emotionless mask faded away into lightly grit teeth and a furrowed brow. He crossed his arms with little regard for how the trailing sleeves would bunch up and wrinkle. “And I definitely won’t risk getting blood on it.”
Unabashed, Hisoka continued his pitch. “Then maybe not that one...but a dress in general. Maybe some lingerie?” He put an arm around Illumi’s shoulders and pulled him into a delicate embrace as his other hand caressed his side. “I’ll let you do whatever you want with me. I might even call you mo—”
“I tolerate your strange fantasies because you enjoy them. It doesn’t do anything for me.” His voice was cold, but he allowed Hisoka to do as he pleased. A ghost of a smile even formed on his lips as he continued, “But I can think of a few things I’ll have you do instead.”
“And those are?”
“Shut up. Bow to me. Possibly ‘throw your disemboweled corpse at my feet’ like you said earlier.” he put up finger quotes for the last part, rolling his eyes as if it was even slightly out of character for his boyfriend at this point.
Hisoka took Illumi’s raised hand and put it to his lips, kissing the delicate, slender fingers. “I have a lot of emotions.”
Illumi pulled his hand away and sighed, “If you buy the outfit, I’ll consider crossdressing for you. Deal?”
“Deal.” He placed a kiss on Illumi’s exposed neck before letting him go. He left without another word, thankfully. Illumi could see the gears turning in his mind and almost wished he knew where this stupid fantasy was headed. As the door slammed shut, he decided it was probably best he didn’t. Things were more fun the less he understood Hisoka anyway.
Dark, glassy eyes scanned the array of outfits draped over the bed. Even at a single glance, he could tell they were expensive. Illumi almost laughed at the thought of how much money was set before him and how the Hunter Association was paying for Hisoka’s fetish. Hisoka himself stood back, a proud smile gracing his features as he watched Illumi pick up and examine some of the clothes.
The first outfit was by far the most direct: an entirely black set of lingerie, what little there was of it was made of silk and intricate lace. Though the bra seemed to be the smallest possible size, Illumi was sure he lacked the biological ability to wear it, to say nothing of the heart-shaped cutout in the back half of the matching underwear. He tossed it back onto the bed with a sharp glare. “That’s the most impractical thing I’ve ever seen.”
“I think it does its job pretty well.” Hisoka already had a hand pressed between his legs, rubbing himself over his clothes. “And it’s your color.”
Illumi passed over the maid uniform without comment, ditto for the schoolgirl one. There was another kimono, similar to the one he’d been wearing that afternoon, black again but with shorter sleeves and a shimmering golden diamond pattern crawling up the side. “That one’s for married women, of which I’m neither.” He ran his hand lightly over it to feel the material as he looked over the rest. A backless deep blue evening gown with a slit all the way up to the hip, a corseted dress with a skirt that would barely reach his knees, and a sheer, flowy robe with a fur trim, almost too tacky to consider.
He turned to Hisoka, who seemed to have grown bored in the scant few minutes it took for Illumi to come to a decision. “Alright. Get out.” he said, waving his hand dismissively towards the door.
Hisoka raised an eyebrow, “That bad, huh? I thought I knew your style.” he pouted, his whole lanky frame drooping forward in exaggerated hurt. Like a child. Illumi stared at him, blinking silently until one of them decided to budge.
...
Hisoka looked up, giving his best kicked-puppy expression “So are you going to throw them out or...?”
“I’m going to get changed. Wait outside until I say you can come back in.”
Immediately, he perked up, “Oh! Well aren’t you shy all of a sudden.”
“I’m not— “
“You do know I’ll just be taking it off of you anyway, right?” He finished with a wink and a flick of his tongue.
Illumi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried, tried , to remember why he dealt with this man. Assassins couldn’t love, but with how often he excused Hisoka’s behavior, he struggled to think of another reason.
Thankfully for him, emotions were fleeting, fickle as the magician who stood before him. “If you think you’ll have any control tonight, think again.” Illumi said, grabbing Hisoka by the shoulders and pushing him towards the door. “Wait outside until I say you can come in or suffer the consequences.”
Hisoka leaned back against him, though he allowed himself to be pushed. He put his head on Illumi’s shoulder and locked eyes with him, smiling and flushed. “Fuck, you can’t leave out the good part! Tell me what you’ll do, I’m already hard.”
Illumi smiled back, “I could kill you, but I might just have you deal with this—“ he pressed a hand into Hisoka’s crotch “— alone.” With that, he pushed him out the door. Hisoka made a show of stumbling, and might have said something else had Illumi not closed the door on him.
With that out of the way, he was free to make his choice unburdened by hopeful eyes.
When Hisoka was allowed back in, he was treated to a similar sight to the one that brought on this new fascination. Illumi sat in front of the mirror, swathed in the dark robe of his new kimono as he put the finishing touches on his makeup. Hisoka nearly purred as he walked over. “Gorgeous. Did dear Kikyo teach you to do your makeup?” His voice was lilting and playful, completely at odds with his predatory gaze.
Illumi scowled as he swept his hair out from his collar. “What did I say about those kinds of comments?”
“It was a perfectly innocent question.” Hisoka said, his grin making it more than clear that it wasn’t.
“Take off your clothes and get on the bed.” Illumi spun his chair so it was facing his impudent lover, his legs crossed primly at the knee.
As was everything else with Hisoka, stripping was a performance. He rolled his shirt up slowly, revealing inch by inch his chiseled physique. His hands rolled down his body before stopping at the waist of his pants, teasing Illumi by rubbing himself through them one last time before they too were peeled away.
Dark eyes drank in the sight of him like a man stranded in the desert. The rest of Illumi’s face remained still, with his makeup hiding the faint color that rose to his cheeks. Their relationship was built, it seemed, on Hisoka trying to get a reaction out of him. It wasn’t out of distaste that Illumi never provided one, simply habit. Noticing the intensity of his gaze, Hisoka took things a step further. With slender fingers he parted himself open, framing his cock perfectly between them. Illumi smiled. No teeth, just the barest quirk of his lips, but exactly what Hisoka wanted.
“I could watch you pleasure yourself all night, but I remember there being talk of fucking me in a dress?” Illumi said, leaning on the armrest.
Hisoka walked towards the bed, tsk-ing softly at him. “My Illumi, so demanding.” he said in a quiet sing-song.
“It’s rude to keep your wife waiting, you know.” He expected Hisoka to approve of his word choice. What he didn’t expect was for him to turn a color close to his hair and make an excited noise halfway between a squeal and a moan. A single puff of laughter escaped Illumi.
Eager to please his “wife”, Hisoka lounged back on their bed. “You’re right, darling. I’m yours to do with as you wish.”
Illumi rose to his feet, sweeping his eyes over every inch of pale skin on display. “As he wished” was a broad category. He’d be content with the soft cupid’s bow of those lips around his cock; Hisoka finally quieting down while he sucked him off. He could grab one of his needles and carve into the smooth skin of his chest, painting Hisoka with his own blood and ruining the dress. Illumi’s eyes caught on the junction between his thighs, already glistening with slick beneath his swelling cock. Hisoka would let Illumi fuck him in any hole, including one created with a knife. The idea alone made Illumi stiffen against his underwear, but it was replaced quickly by another that felt even more scandalous.
He climbed on top of the bed, planting his knees on either side of Hisoka’s hips. Their eyes met, Hisoka’s gaze fierce and dripping with lust, his pupils blown wide with it. Illumi’s was as cool as ever as he began gently rolling his hips.
Hisoka gasped, providing the perfect opening for Illumi to push two fingers into his mouth, preventing him from making any more noise. Though he tried, moaning and then awkwardly mumbling around the slender digits. Illumi shushed him, slowly dragging his other hand down the trail of red hair that lead to his sex. Hisoka purred, bucked his hips up against his lover to try and get some friction from the smooth silk of the robe.
“Suck.” Illumi commanded, “And do it well. This is all we’re using.”
He did as he was told, swirling his tongue around to ensure they were coated. With the ghost of a smile, Illumi started thrusting his fingers further into his mouth, perfectly timed with the gentle thrusts of his hips. Hisoka whined. Despite the obvious displeasure on his face, he kept sucking. Illumi’s smile only grew as he watched. If Hisoka was truly uncomfortable, he’d have put a stop to this all by now. This was only part of the show.
Illumi felt a slight tug at his side, but when he looked over it was already too late. Hisoka’s hand was back on the bed, clutching the torn remains of the cord that used to secure the obi.
“You just bought this,” Illumi chided, grinding harder as his robe began to fall open. “Wasn’t the whole point of this so you could fuck me in a dress?” He removed his fingers to allow Hisoka a response.
“I didn’t want to be the only one naked-- and you’re just teasing me now. The least you can do is give me something nice to look at...” he trailed off, twirling the cord between his fingers. He looked down at it conspicuously, as if inviting Illumi to strangle him with it. No, actually, that’s exactly what he wanted. Illumi’s pulse raced as he thought about it. Leaving bruises on Hisoka’s neck, hearing his choked moans, kissing his blue lips before finally lightening his hold.
It was tempting, but he’d already decided to be Hisoka’s loving wife for the night. Violence wasn’t what he was after. Instead, Illumi shoved his fingers back into Hisoka’s mouth. He shrugged the kimono down his shoulders, parting the middle of the robe enough to show off the lingerie he’d also put on. Hisoka gasped and illumi used that as an opportunity to bully a third finger in as well.
With his free hand he pulled the panties to the side, allowing his cock to spring free of its lace prison. Carefully maneuvering so his pace didn’t suffer, Illumi took Hisoka between two fingers and started stroking him. Hisoka’s hips bucked up violently as he moaned around Illumi’s hand.
Despite everything that was happening, Illumi’s voice was still perfectly even “You’re not doing anything, dear. Can you reach the drawer from there?” He spoke casually between heavy breaths, watching in delight as Hisoka blushed at the simple pet name. He could reach it perfectly fine, and needed no instructions on what to get or how to use it.
Hisoka fumbled around the nightstand drawer for a few seconds before pulling out a sizeable dildo in a garish red color. The color didn’t matter though, as in a matter of seconds it perfectly matched his skin tone. In a flash of pink, the toy slipped into place on his mons. Not the intended use of either of his abilities, but a frequent one nonetheless. He shot Illumi a confused look, sucking at his fingers in silent question.
Illumi pulled them out slowly, leaving a trail of drool on Hisoka’s lips. “I know, I got you all worked up for nothing. But since you have a wife for tonight I figured you’d want to fuck him properly.” He was grateful for the cutout on the back of his panties, there was nothing in the way as he pressed a single slick digit inside and began stretching himself out.
As if he’d been looking for an opening this whole time, Hisoka sat up and grabbed Illumi’s shoulders, pulling him into a kiss. “God, I have the best wife in the world.” he said once they broke apart, his words tumbling out fast and breathy.
“Well now you sound desper--ah!” he was cut off by Hisoka adding another finger inside him. He took Illumi’s hand away and replaced it with his own. Dextrous fingers curled and flexed against his rim, making Illumi shiver. He leaned closer into Hisoka to give him more room, sucking and nipping at his collarbones as he did. Pressed together like this, Illumi could feel Hisoka’s throat rumble as he moaned. As if to answer, he kissed him again.
Precum beaded up from Illumi’s cock, smearing against pale skin and the trail of hair that climbed Hisoka’s body. Gold eyes flashed mischievously as Hisoka spoke, “What if I just finished you like this and fucked you after when you’re all sensitive? Bet I can get you to scream my name.” He licked his lips, “I bet I could make you cry.”
Illumi’s cock throbbed. Hisoka smiled. Both of them could feel exactly how much he wanted him to try. Illumi kissed him again before answering, “You can’t. You wouldn’t anyway, we’re being romantic tonight. You’re in bed with an assassin and neither one of us is getting hurt— I think that’s kinky enough.”
Instead of arguing, Hisoka added another finger. He was up to three, as many as Illumi had shoved in his mouth earlier. Illumi tensed up, gasping at the sudden intrusion. It pushed against a spot that had Illumi seeing stars.
“I think you’re ready.” Hisoka said, stretching his fingers out to test him. He didn’t expect a response, but Illumi fought to give one anyway.
“I— ah— yes. Please.”
As soon as Hisoka removed his fingers, Illumi pushed himself up on his knees and guided the toy to his eager rim. He took it in easily, almost inches at a time, and let out a soft, content noise when he reached the base.
Hisoka could practically feel the tight warmth around him as he watched. His eyes drifted up and down Illumi’s body, drinking in the sight like he’d never see it again. The kimono hung open like a robe, framing Illumi’s pale frame in its elegant darkness. His eyes were half-closed, unfocused and brimming with need. His cock bounced when Hisoka bucked up into him. What he wouldn’t give for a view from the back, to see himself thrusting again and again into Illumi’s tight ass.
“Tell me...” Illumi murmured, hands on Hisoka’s chest to push him back down. When he was laying flat, he continued, his voice breathy and low “Is this what you were hoping for when you saw me in that dress?”
It felt like his whole body was aflame, the answer was obvious. “It’s better.” Hisoka said, voice hitching in pleasure on the end. “Fuck, this is so much better.” His hands found Illumi’s waist, thumbs tracing small circles in the hollows of his hipbones.
Illumi made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a moan, “Anything for my dear husband.” he said, reaching down to stroke Hisoka’s face. Those words alone made Hisoka realize how close he was to his climax. He pressed his thighs together, trying to stave it off, but it only took a few more moments for him to reach the edge. A warm, electric feeling took hold of him, making him shiver with it from head to toe.
Their eyes met and Illumi stopped moving entirely, stunned by the sudden intimacy of it all. A different warmth, separate from arousal bloomed in his chest. Hisoka smiled fondly up at him. Neither said anything. The moment lasted for just that, a moment, before Illumi started rutting against him again. Harder, faster, chasing his own bliss now that Hisoka had had his.
He came with a sigh. His cock throbbed as he hilted Hisoka one last time, spilling onto Hisoka’s stomach and the pooling fabric of his own dress.
Neither were sure how much longer they stayed like that, catching their breath, taking each other in as their thoughts reassembled themselves. Hisoka was the first to speak afterwards though, “If you stay like that any longer, my legs are gonna fall asleep.”
Illumi rolled his eyes, smiling, as he removed himself. He peeled the kimono off and tossed it in a pile on the floor. As he reached back to remove the bra, Hisoka hugged him from behind, pulling Illumi back onto the bed. “So... How did you like being my wife?” Illumi could hear the smirk he had on.
“The idea to stab you and continue on as normal came up a few times. But I won’t lie...it was alright.”
“You loved it.”
“Just because I got off doing it doesn’t mean I’m going to cross-dress for you all the time. This was a favor.”
But Hisoka couldn’t be convinced. He nestled into the back of Illumi’s neck, pulling aside his hair to leave kisses at the nape. “Whatever you say.”
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