cyclogenesis

[cyclogenesis]

give me a break!

[cyclogenesis]

men will literally buy a sailing team together instead of just getting legally married

[cyclogenesis]

in which ryan puts channing tatum in his “top 5 loves” and even this is too much competition for hugh who is certainly like, in the top 2

[cyclogenesis]

Hey guys I’m in Syros 😊

[cyclogenesis]

life update i'm leaving for france in approx eight hours but we still managed to fit in some fucking family drama nonsense last night and this morning like my life is RIDICULOUS

the thing is there's still so much stuff i didn't even talk about here during the Worst Four Months of My Life and that includes one insane thing which was both of my biological parents being in the same room with me for the first time in my entire life.

god, okay, let me summarize the lore. never knew my bio dad, mom didn't even know who he was bc she was 20 and fucking around (fine) and she didn't want to talk about it and got mad when i brought it up. i eventually decide to do an ancestry dna test at age 36 and with the help of my half-first cousin and a lot of googling i find him and reach out. it goes amazing. he's fantastic, he's thrilled to find out about me, we eventually meet in person and get along super well and it completely rules. i tell my mom and she's clearly resentful that i'm making her think about it but ultimately manages to peek over the precipice of her own selfishness and accept it.

so while i'm getting to know bio dad chris these are also covid times and my mom and stepdad are going insane bc they're entitled boomers who genuinely resent the idea that they might have to care about other people ever and they get facebooked into believing all sorts of dumb shit. i'm like, 'what??' and my stepdad yells at me and hangs up on me and my mom texts me and says 'don't respond to this message but you need to apologize to him' oh my god this is making me angry all over again. okay.

ultimately: i try to have a grown-up conversation with them in person thanksgiving 2021. stepdad yells at me, grabs my mom and they zoom away in his jeep. literally. grammy is pissed at me because i told my parents they hurt my feelings, which is so much worse than the fact that they hurt my feelings that our relationship is never the same. neither my mom nor my stepdad directly contact me again for TWO YEARS until my mom asks me to come for christmas and i tell her we need to have a serious talk first and then she ghosts me. for another year.

but then of course my stepdad who she chose over me divorces her, and i'm forced to interact with her again bc grammy's dying, and we never talk about it, and she never apologizes, bc she's an unbelievable fucking asshole. i have to shove all this down to my own detriment to help take care of grammy, who has also been an asshole to me, and i think we can all agree that not only am i a saint, but i should be crowned the next pope.

so while i'm in fresno, bio dad chris says he wants to come down and see grammy bc we'd all met up a few times and she really liked him (everyone does, he's great). i tell my mom, who has not seen him since they worked at sizzler together and fucked around one crazy autumn and conceived me, and she's like 'oh, great!' and i'm like good bc i wasn't asking.

so this is how, at age 41, i end up in the same room with both of my parents for the first time ever. chris and my mom hug and my mom starts crying, bc she did have fond memories of this guy she hadn't seen since she was 20 and everyone's emotions are running high. grammy's happy to see chris. we sit at grammy's dining room table and eat burger king and i'm like whooooa i'm having dinner with my parents for the first time ever. bro that is crazy. it was crazy!!!!

my mom pulls me aside and is like, wow, it's really great to see him, he's as nice as i remembered, and she's clearly beating around the bush so i'm like he's hot, right? and she's relieved like YES, he's hot, and i'm like lol. and then later she's like 'i think i kind of have a crush on him' and my life flashes before my eyes and i'm like haha but in my head i'm living the anti-parent trap. i would rather die than see my parents get (back) together. bitch leave him alone. i would not inflict my mother on him in a thousand years. he's great and she sucks. the best thing they ever did and will do is create me.

the next morning she gets a mildly upsetting text from my ex-stepdad and tags chris and is like 'can i talk to you for a second?' and from the other room i hear her say 'i know sara doesn't care about this' because she is a manipulative fucking asshole trying to get him on her side by making me look bad because there is something deeply and profoundly wrong with her and then she tells him she's upset bc ex-stepdad wants them to do their taxes separately and she thought they were going to do them together. wow.

i escape fresno. after a little more communication things trickle down into her barely contacting me bc, as we know, this was already a relationship she felt fine abandoning for three years, lmao. in a moment of weakness i text her about how i talked to amber benson and it was neat and she doesn't even text me back until the following morning. cool, fuck you too.

in april she asks me to come visit though! well, actually, she asks if i want to see if chris can come down too and we can all go together to see her high school best friend's cover band play at the table mountain casino. she suggests we look into getting a room at the hotel there and it's $289 a night to stay in a standard room at this casino in rural fresno county, which is more money than i spent for a ticket to fucking paris and also i don't want to go. i decline. from then on she doesn't text me and i have to text her in order to find out details about grammy's house selling, a thing she is present for and i am not. thanks.

so this morning i get this text:

oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. 'i don't want to put you on the spot' puts me on the spot. 'sad and lonely' damn that's crazy you're feeling alone bc the man you chose over me left you? what's it like to feel sad and lonely, tell me about it, you abandoned me for three fucking years so maybe i can relate. oh my god. i am just like i am fucking INCANDESCENT with rage. the audacity. the sheer fucking NERVE, can you imagine, as if i'm supposed to be sympathetic to HER, as if she has any right to ask me for a favor, after every fucking thing she's done, the abominable way that she has treated me, her only child, over the last several years, as if i would ever feed him into the gaping fucking narcissistic black hole of a maw that is her whiny, thoughtless, selfish, bitchy, NIGHTMARE OF A SELF...oh my god.

i left her ass on read. yeah i hope she feels stupid asking. i hope she feels sad and lonely and pathetic and not worth loving and so fucking easy to leave behind the way that she made me feel for three fucking years after she walked out on me. god i am so fucking ANGRY!!! every person i've told this whole story to has gotten the requisite joke about how i'm out here making the anti-parent trap happen bc lmao girl stay away from him but i still would not have imagined she would just straight up ask me to set her up with him. fuck off. FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

anyway this also follows last night when cousin leahmann the failure of an estate executor who nevertheless gets a third of everything called me and was like 'donnie doesn't have a headstone, it's $1600, i'll pay most of it but you can contribute' and then waited in silence for me to be like 'oh sure! i already shelled out $1481 for my share of the burial costs that she lied to me about pre-paying and insisted go toward her wishes of being put in a coffin and then into the ground with no funeral so there was no point and also she is dead so it doesn't matter what she wanted, to be honest, i think we should have just cremated her, and i'm never going to visit the gravesite, bc she's not in there, the thing that made her her is gone so i would not even be giving you money for an expensive rock for her, it would be for you, bc this is meaningful to you, not me, and it would feel to me like setting hundreds of dollars on fire in addition to the $1481 i already set on fire for you who insisted on getting the box and the hole in the ground,' but instead i was like well, let's see if the house sale goes through, bc that's presumably going to happen this week, i fucking hope.

and what's also insane is that he said to me repeatedly, after i gave up my only source of income and a month of my life to move in with grammy and take care of her at the end, that he would give me part of his share of the proceeds from the house for helping out so much, so why not just subtract whatever he wanted from me for the rock from however much he's going to give me as a thank you, right, like why are we even talking about this unless he's also a huge liar like grammy was and isn't going to follow through on his word, like my god, these FUCKING PEOPLE!!!!

so, neither he nor my mother know that i'm leaving the country tonight and will not be back for two and a half months lol. mom will find out from facebook when i post photos from paris the same way i used to find out things about her life from facebook bc she never told me shit either. here's hoping i just get to come back home to a check and then never have to deal with these people ever again!!!!!

[cyclogenesis]

Strangers, Ethel Cain

[cyclogenesis]

i love being a fan of media. ur favorite character shows up on screen or page and ur just like hiiii baby

[cyclogenesis]

this isn’t how it happens

[cyclogenesis]

Another Simple Favor spoilers~

noncon gay tripletcest fucking is crazy work, that movie RULED!!!!!

kinda want to write some fic but it'd just be missing scene porn. fucking on the plane, fucking in the pool, one last hurrah before they part, meeting up in rome for trysts later. insane how gay that movie was. felt like a love letter to horny queer weirdos. fabulous costuming, great scenery. blake lively could murder me and i'd thank her for it. clearly set up for a threequel and i am down to clown. actually would go for like a ten episode miniseries that's just a gay little romp with killing eve vibes.

god, LIKE. absolute cinema. to end with intercontinental co-parenting. get out of my house, that was brilliant. i love women

[cyclogenesis]

Thunderbolts* spoilers

SAMBUCKY FIGHTING CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED

[cyclogenesis]

aw 🥰🥰🥰

(From Blake’s Instagram stories)

[cyclogenesis]

have you seen the video at the globes where anthony gave seb a rose and seb called it a proposal?? he's been trying to lock this down for a while 😭 anthony also revealed seb sends his kids birthday gifts and that he facetimes with them

YES linking it HERE for those who haven't 😭 god i love sebastian also quietly on the stepdad track...they crush me man talking about "i want to remake every romantic comedy with you" YOU ARE BOTH IN ONE ALREADYYYY i'm literally begging them to figure it out!!!

[cyclogenesis]

✨ ryan reynolds getting a photo with billie joe armstrong's mom ollie jackson 5/1/25 ✨

[cyclogenesis]

Sebastian Stan talking about Anthony Mackie immediately trying to shack up with him after the Avengers: Doomsday cast announcement

[cyclogenesis]

A few recent favorites from my shop Sara Louise Vintage 😊 I offer sizes XXS-XXXL, just search the shop for your size and relevant items will come up! (Direct links for items pictured: 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8.) You can use code TUMBLR at checkout for 15% off any order, thank you for checking it out if you do 💘

[cyclogenesis]

⭐️ hugh jackman and ryan reynolds giggling at each other at kevin feige's hollywood walk of fame star ceremony, july 25, 2024 ⭐️

[cyclogenesis]

New York Times, The One Who Got Away