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Exhausted - It’s Wednesday My Dudes

I have been having such a hard time lately falling asleep. I used to go to bed around 10pm and now I am not crawling into my bed until at least 12am. It’s draining me. I can feel my patience wear thin and my brain start to melt during the day. I fell asleep on the couch with my daughter yesterday in the matter of 2 mins. Of course I couldn’t stay asleep as she had just woke up and I can’t leave a toddler unattended. 

Not too mention that surpriseeee, I am broke again. I don’t get paid until February 5th and I have 975 dollars in my bank account being held for rent. Is it going to make me a very bad person if I start to sell feet pictures. Lmao. 

Sigh. Maybe I’ll get to sleep at a decent time tonight. 

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Mental Health

All to often mental health is pushed under the rug and forgotten about when it comes to health care. Yes, they offer you resources but can those resources help? Speaking from a personal experience of a relative who is currently suffering severe panic attacks, anxiety attacks, OCD, depression and bipolar disorder - the resources offered to him are NOT willing to help. They actually turned him away and said, “What you are dealing with is too much for our crisis unit, we cannot help you until you are stable.” Stable? Do you sincerely think someone who is seeking help from a mental health crisis unit is stable? In any regard? Whether it be severe or modest? Healthcare in Manitoba is free, but it comes at a cost... Poor service. Not only was this relative turned away from the crisis unit, he went to the hospital to receive care & when he was triaged and checked in for the night, the attending doctor said, “The crisis unit is all volunteer, you can leave whenever you want. Not too mention the psychologist only comes once a week and it’s not guaranteed they will even show up.” 

Our family doesn’t have many other options and our relative is suffering such violent panic attacks, he is vomiting. We are not equipped to deal with it anymore and we are trying to find him help. He has been suffering for 5-6 years with these conditions and it’s gotten to the point where he is contemplating harming himself. What other resources could we possibly have in Canada for mental health? Everyone boasts that it’s important and “we care”, but do they really? There is only 1 center (located in Toronto) who can treat the severe OCD that my relative has, in Canada. And even after contacting this hospital to ask for help, they called from a blocked phone number & said they’d provide contact info later. Well folks, its later. Still no contact info. Could you imagine if my relative lived alone? He could’ve killed himself already. 

Yes, Canada has free health care, but it’s almost not even fucking worth it. Our elected officials don’t give a flying shit about you & your families. They don’t care if you receive good service at your hospitals or clinics. They only want the cash that so fluently flows into their pockets, without a care in the world about the carnage they leave behind. And if my family doesn’t receive the help we need for my relative, he will be one of the bodies in the pile. 

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“When someone tells you, “I love you,” and then you feel, “Oh, I must be worthy after all,” that’s an illusion. That’s not true. Or someone says, “I hate you,” and you think, “Oh, God, I knew it; I’m not very worthy,” that’s not true either. Neither one of these thoughts hold any intrinsic reality. They are an overlay. When someone says, “I love you,” he is telling you about himself, not you. When someone says, “I hate you,” she is telling you about herself, not you. World views are self views—literally.”

— Adyashanti 

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Shaye Elliott (@theelliotthome)

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Ragusa, Sicily, Italy (by Domenico Laviano)

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Villa Caprarola, Caprarola, Province of Viterbo, Northern Lazio, Italy, 

This curved balustraded external double stairway called “La scala regia” (the king’s stairway) was designed by architect Giacomo Barozzi da Vignola at the end of16th century for cardinal Farnese.

Angelo Bonetta Photography

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(by matt.snell)

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North Shore haze

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I can feel the humidity on my face when I see this. I miss Oahu so much. 

Stairway to heaven..

Oahu, Hawaii 🌴

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Red sky at night. Sunset on the north shore of Oahu. | By - Kelly Headrick

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Private beaches are the vibe! | vincelimphoto

Location: Oahu, Hawaii

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Banff National Park • Canada