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this fuckign bitch is starving me I wanna strangle her 🥰

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my birthday was two days ago.

today I went swimming. It was fun.

I learned that the Italian word for sea star is stellamarina. That’s how I knew I should stop hesitating and learn Italian. If Occitan was more popular I would learn it tbh. I think it’s the prettiest language in the world; but for now, French will have to do. Occitan is like a pretty lady who you love but will never love you back. dammit vro why does Occitan have to be so beautiful

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if you’re one of those parents who take away their kids’ access to social media because of their mental health,

fuck you

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spent like two hours figuring out whether I wanted monet or Van Gogh for my phone case

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Ma sœur has returned!!!! Words cannot describe how excited I am to spend the summer with Nettle chatting endlessly.

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chat is it just me or am I being gaslit? I KNOW IT HAPPENED BUT YOU SAY ITS NORMAL. ITS NOT FUCKING NORMAL.

like… smh TS PMO SM ICL

gtg atm gng cya tmmr

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today i have a therapy appointment and a dentist appointment. Nothing much going on but I’ve been struck by a bolt of inspiration. Oh Muse, sing to me. 😔

there is something so terrifying and poetic about being abused so much you begin to crave the sour taste of it. your own mind being mangled into something unrecognizable, trained to lick the hand that slaps you. The bizarre strangeness of watching your thoughts decay and rot while your heart still beats.

but im not a poet. my Words mean nothing.

Update: dentist appointment got canceled we’re going shopping!

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Today I went to church and to go get a haircut- this song was playing in my head the entire time. I feel refreshed and youthful (im not even that old lol) might as well world build a little since im an hour away from home.

I really don’t know what my purpose is if not a thing for people to yell at? I guess my new objective in life is to be the best little sister to nettle and raise prim to hate our parents. “ThIs iS dEhUmAnIzAtIoN tHis iS aBuSe!!!” I yell as they drag me back into inpatient therapy 😔

I think there must be something wrong with me how I seem to pick up other languages grammar faster than math.

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today I feel like detesting romance. I cannot think of any universe where I end up with someone right now.

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song I’m listening to right now:

hah. I can’t study for my math test (at least school is over now) but I want to learn German French how to write my feelings out how to take care of a child

I plan to world build at least a little today. And sing. My older sister- we’ll call her Nettle ‘cause that’s a character I modeled after her- had a Chromebook collecting day at her school. Can’t email her anymore. But she should be getting a computer soon, so there’s that.

Clementine was whining again yesterday and just being a b r a t in general. I started watching the Diplomat on Netflix because the Empress doesn’t have a third season yet.

Do hope the baby survives. It would be a shame if it didn’t.

Update: have the house to myself now. Clemmie’s gone off with her friends. Really miss nettle she’s like a mother to me. if her parents are hurting her I’ll kill them. dont tell me im fucking sick. You did this to me. I have never known anything else.

nettle ily sm even though you’re too young to be a “perfect” mother figure in my eyes. you’re now the one i turn to when i have something to say. you have all the advice and unconditional love.

might ask amber to deliver my message to nettle (they’re on the same swim team)

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Dear Diary

hello and welcome. this is my digital diary, because I have no other options.

here are some things I’m willing to share:

i have three sisters: one younger, one older, one who is quite literally unborn. let’s call them clementine, nettle, and prim

i wear glasses

i am still in school

i like to read and am tall

call me Celeste or Hattie.

i listen to lana del rey and melanie martinez

asks are open <3

i have an emo bestie (let’s call her amber)

a normal bestie (let’s call her skye)

a smart bestie (let’s call her scarlet)

a short bestie (let’s call her clover)

and a sporty bestie (let’s call her indigo)

warnings: abuse (all kinds) sh, depression, anxiety, ocd