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[dailyaspecpositive]

Hey y'all! I've just added a huge update to my shop! This includes earrings, necklaces, and keychains. I've been working on this release for over a month, and I'm super proud how everything turned out!

Check it all out on my Etsy

[dailyaspecpositive]

Okay, so I kind of just discovered that I’m autistic. I also identify as aroace. Can I still be aroace if my orientation comes from being neurodivergent? I hope that makes sense.

To be general and wishy-washy, no one has the authority to tell you how to identify. Agency and choice are key. You may not be able to choose your experiences or how you feel, but you are able to choose how (or if) you want to label them. The purpose of the label is to help you describe your experiences, if you find a label useful then you can use it. If you’re comfortable with a label, you can have it; if it makes you uncomfortable then you don’t have to identify with it. No one gets to police that.

To be more specific, as autistic people, we seem more likely to identify as aspec than allistics/neurotypicals. This could be due to sensory and social differences, but it doesn’t make our aspec identities any less valid those of our neurotypical peers. At the end of the day, the reason you experience a lack of romantic and sexual attraction doesn’t really matter because you still experience that lack of attraction. Though I don’t really like viewing identities like diagnoses with “criteria” to meet, the only “criteria” to being aroace is a lack of romantic and sexual attraction. If you have that lack of attraction you can identify as aroace. BUT, and this is important, don’t take my word for it. An identity or label isn’t a diagnosis, it’s something you discover and build for yourself. I, someone who has never had the pleasure of meeting you, cannot assign or diagnose you with being aroace or being “allowed” to be aroace, because it’s not my call to make, nor is it anyone else’s. Only you get to decide on this, and that’s important. You get the only say in who you are.

- Mod Kricketot

[dailyaspecpositive]

Is it bad that i headcanon my fav pixar character, merida from brave, as bi and aro?

Have less shame, my friend. - Mod Togetic

[dailyaspecpositive]

I recently came across one of your posts and you stated “many of the more unapologetically aspec terms like “zucchini” and “squish” have fallen out of use partially due to the targeted harassment of aspecs during the height of “ace discourse”.” Would calling your GPP your zucchini/squish be considered wrong? And are there any known alternatives? (I personally like to refer to mine as pumpkin cause it’s close enough but yeah...)

Hi, there's nothing wrong with the terms at all. People stopped using them because they're obvious and in 2015 if you were obviously aspec you'd get sent hate and harassment. I like them and hope people feel safe to start using them again. I don't know of any alternatives, but there's no reason you can't use any word you think fits! - Mod Kricketot

[dailyaspecpositive]

Hi, the person who sent you that comment doesn't even appear to be Jewish? I would just like to mention, but that Discourse has been started by Exclusionists intentionally attempting to divide the Ace community. Many Jewish bloggers, including the few Jewish Demisexual Lesbians that exist on here, have commented with support on the flags (fuckyeahasexual has some of these posts archived), but because Jewish Demis are overwhelmed, our voices get drowned out. Please don't give in to Discoursers.

No, they’re Romani. I don’t mean to be flippant about this, but here’s the Wikipedia description of the black triangle symbol:

“The black triangle was a badge used in Nazi concentration camps to mark prisoners regarded "anti-social" and "arbeitsscheu" (work-shy). Those considered anti-social included primarily the Romani but it was also used until 1942 to describe alcoholics, homeless, beggars, nomads, and prostitutes.”

This information can be found here: [X] and it’s source is listed as “Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum.” The black triangle was used primarily against Romani people. Despite this fact, I’ve also talked to Jewish people who are uncomfortable with it as well, in some cases because they were under the impression it was an antisemitic symbol rather than an anti-Romani one, in other cases because they’re just not comfortable with the recycling of any Holocaust symbolism.

I’m aware of the discussions about how criticisms are allegedly an exclusionist campaign to divide the aspec community, but if the flags are hurting Holocaust survivors and their families, then I’m going to stop using them. I don’t think it matters where it all began. I’m not willing to die on the hill of defending a set of flags I personally don’t even like design-wise just because some of the criticism might be coming from bad-faith actors. I fully acknowledge that some of the criticism comes from people bandwagoning and looking for the Next Big Excuse to harass aspecs, BUT I’m also aware that in this case the flag does actually cause discomfort to some people and because of that I’m cool with just using a different, more visually appealing one.

At the end of the day, my choice to use/advocate for an alternate flag is down to me. I’m not going to force anyone to give up their flag, I’m just putting it out there that we’re changing how we approach the demi flag on this blog because we want to do what we think is best. - Mod Kricketot

[dailyaspecpositive]

Looks like I was wrong about an old post on aplatonic. At the time of writing, I was seeing the term used to mean “an aro who doesn’t experience queerplatonic attraction”. There may have been other uses at the time I was unaware of, and I have recently got a few replies to the post saying aplatonic really means “not experiencing platonic attraction” and the term I was looking for was “aqueerplatonic”.

Oddly, interspersed throughout were replies from people who liked the post because they identified as aplatonic in the sense I had described: “an aro who doesn’t experience queerplatonic attraction”. 

My best guess at what happened here is that two communities of people use/used the term to mean different things and I accidentally reached both of them, causing confusion and annoyance. Sorry about that. 

Is aplatonic still used in the sense I described or has that community changed the terminology they use? - Mod Kricketot

[dailyaspecpositive]

What do queerplatonic and nonamorous mean?

I was going to link the aromantic wiki and be like “this is easily searchable” but their definition lowkey contributes to allo-aro erasure, so I guess I’m not doing that! Queerplatonic Relationship (QPR) - A committed intimate non-romantic relationship. Here’s a short video explaining some basics: [X] Note that some of the terminology is a little dated as it came out in 2015 and many of the more unapologetically aspec terms like “zucchini” and “squish” have fallen out of use partially due to the targeted harassment of aspecs during the height of “ace discourse”.

Sometimes a definition will state QPRs are strictly non-sexual, but this is untrue. QPRs are neutral on sex - it just isn’t a defining factor in whether a relationship is queerplatonic or not. A committed intimate non-romantic relationship where those involved have sex with each other is just as queerplatonic as one where they don’t engage in anything remotely sexual.

Nonamorous (aro) - Nonamory can describe a lifestyle where someone doesn’t want or need intimate long-term partnerships. A nonamorous aromantic is someone who identifies as aromantic or on the aro spectrum and doesn’t want to take part in committed intimate relationships. As usual, feel free to add on if I’ve missed something! - Mod Kricketot

[dailyaspecpositive]

Can you please explain how someone can be lesbian (or other) and aro? Because I've been debating this with myself for a while, and I think I might be lesbian aro, but I don't fully understand it.

The most straight-forward explanation is this:

You’re an aro lesbian if you’re a lesbian who doesn’t experience romantic attraction (or experiences rare/situational romantic attraction like with greyromantic or demiromantic). There are other types of attraction (i.e. sexual, alterous etc.) that you may experience towards women that you feel make your identity as a lesbian.

The more complicated stuff is here:

You can be an aroace lesbian, identities like this are sometimes referred to as angled and oriented aroace.

Not everyone wants to or can split their attraction into romantic/sexual/alterous etc. It’s up to you to decide if the split attraction model is for you.

Identity is your deal, not mine. You, and ONLY you can decide how you identify and what labels you want to use (if any). Example: someone may fit the description for bi but call hirself queer instead, and it doesn’t matter what other people’s opinions are on hir orientation because ze is queer, not bi. The final and only authority on people’s identity is themselves.

This isn’t an exhaustive explanation but I hope it helped. Feel free to add something if you catch something I missed. - Mod Kricketot

[dailyaspecpositive]

I’ve heard about the black triangle being a problem before but never been able to find any sources or explanations on it, do you happen to have an explanation/something I could read?

Hi! Wikipedia articles on the black triangle and Romani genocide are probably good places to start. If you’ve never heard the word Romani before or aren’t too sure of who it refers to, it might also be worth reading the article for Romani people so you know who the other articles are talking about.

Lots of schools completely ignore the Romani genocide, even in countries where learning about the Holocaust is part of the curriculum, so not knowing about any of this is actually really common. - Mod Kricketot

[dailyaspecpositive]

@thepigeondrivesthebus​ Thank you for bringing this up. From here on, we will be using redesigned demi flags that do not include black triangles. It has been recognised in the aspec community for a while that the flags are problematic and many people have come forward to say they are uncomfortable with them. We were previously a semi-inactive blog waiting on the wider community to come to a consensus about a replacement flag but you have shown us that wasn’t the right approach to take, and so all future demi-related posts on this blog will feature one of these two replacements: [X] [X]

I am sorry for any harm that has been caused by our use of these flags. It was never our intent to evoke nazi imagery in using these flags, but we are aware the impact of our actions is more important than the intent. Going forward, we will use and advocate for the use of the alternative flags in the hope that our reach on this blog may have enough impact to change flag preferences in the wider community. Note to followers: Read this link to learn the basics of the black triangle symbol’s origins: [X]. Though there has been talk in the aspec community of replacing these flags, I’ve seen a lot of misinformation about the black triangle given in explanations of why the change needs to be made. To clarify, for those who couldn’t read the link: the black triangle is a symbol from the Holocaust that was used to target Romani people primarily. School history classes often fail to mention that the Holocaust was a genocide of Romani people as well as Jewish people. Please read up on this if you were unaware: [X]

- Mod Kricketot

💚💜 Demi and grey aspecs can have complex orientations and explaining details is often exhausting and highly personal! 💜💚

[dailyaspecpositive]

We are aware of the issue and wouldn't produce posts using the same flag today. This post is about two years old and if I remember correctly, there wasn't widespread use of an alternative demi flag design at the time.

Multiple replacement flags have now been proposed by the community, though a consensus hasn't been reached as to which one is now the new demi flag.

We stand staunchly against antisemitism and fascism and are apologetic for having posted harmful imagery.

💚💜 Demi and grey aspecs can have complex orientations and explaining details is often exhausting and highly personal! 💜💚

[dailyaspecpositive]

What do angled and oriented mean?

They’re types of aroace identities. Oriented aroace is easily searchable (page includes a super brief explanation of why angled aroace exists). Angled aroace is harder to find information about but it was created as an alternative to oriented aroace and includes people in any position on the aro/ace spectrums. They both essentially mean being aroace but still identifying with another orientation. In the case of oriented, this is due to non-sexual, non-romantic attraction. Also I think it’s the second birthday of the term oriented aroace today! - Mod Kricketot

[dailyaspecpositive]

Hello! Can aromantics fall in love? And can they have romantic relationships just like alloromantics? Thank you! :)

There are A LOT of potential ways I could interpret this ask! So I'm going to go over each interpretation and give a bunch of answers separately and hopefully one of them will line up with the intent behind your question.

1: Assuming "fall in love" is the same as "experience romantic attraction".

Aromanticism is a spectrum, and yes, some aromantics can and do fall in love. Some people (i.e. demiromantic, aroflux, greyromantic, and a range of other identities) identify on the aromantic spectrum but still have rare/faint/fluctuating experiences of romantic attraction, so it tracks that if you can experience romantic attraction you could fall in romantic love with someone (even if the odds may be against you!)

2: Assuming "fall in love" is broader than romantic attraction and includes any desire to enter into committed intimate relationships.

Some aromantics can and do experience types of attraction other than romantic (i.e. alterous, sexual, platonic etc.) not all aromantics describe their non-romantic attraction as "falling in love" but some do. Romantic relationships don't have a monopoly on love and aromantics can describe their experiences of non-romantic attraction as "falling in love". Some aromantics enter into queerplatonic relationships, platonic partnerships, and foveos. Equally, some aromantics don't enter any sort of partnerships/committed relationships and don't feel the word "love" relates to how they feel towards anyone at all.

3: Aromantics in romantic relationships (when they're romantically attracted to their partner(s)).

As established above, some aromantics can experience romantic attraction and so they may be able to enter into a romantic relationship that looks similar to one comprised only of alloromantics. There are differences, most notably that dating is often difficult to impossible for aromantics (even the ones who can experience romantic attraction). Though, in a pre-established relationship, you may not necessarily be able to tell if one or all members are on the aromantic spectrum.

4: Aromantics in romantic relationships (when they aren't romantically attracted to their partner(s)).

Aromantics who are not in any way romantically attracted to their partner(s) can and do enter into/maintain romantic relationships. I won't go into the whys and wherefores because that's besides the point, just know that it happens and the aromantic people involved are the best judges of what is right for them. In this case, the romantic relationship may still look like a "typical" romantic relationship.

5: Whether or not aromantics can have romantic relationships "just like alloromantics" depends on whether you're looking from the outside or the inside.

A romantic relationship that looks stereotypically alloromantic from the outside might not work the same way on the inside!

Different aromantic people have different attitudes to romantically-coded actions (i.e. kissing, public displays of affection, gift-giving etc.)

In all, there is no one size fits all answer to your questions. Some aromantics despise romance and having to deal with people's romantic advances makes them nauseous, while others think the idea of a romantic relationship is really cool even if they don't tend to feel attraction to people like that.

- Mod Kricketot

[dailyaspecpositive]

Question: is it possible to be demi-platonic? (In one post it was mentioned aplatonic exists on a spectrum)

This post: [X] is a demiplatonic flag someone made, so yes people identify as demiplatonic. Neither mod of this blog identifies this way (as far as I know) so I don't really know much, but @aromagni (creator of the flag I linked) might be able to tell you more as ze is demiplatonic.

[dailyaspecpositive]

[dailyaspecpositive]

How to support protestors in the Twin Cities!

(5/29/20) After receiving an incredible outpouring of donations, Minnesota Freedom Fund has announced that “there is an urgent need for supplies and support out in the field. Please connect to the groups doing the work - Black Visions Collective, Reclaim the Block, Twin Cities Coalition for Justice 4 Jamar, and others.“ So boost the following groups, get involved, and give if you can!

Twin Cities orgs needing support:

Black Visions Collective MN - BLVC is a Black-led, Queer & Trans centering organization whose mission is to organize powerful, connected Black communities & dismantle systems of violence. DONATE. Instagram, Twitter, FB. Text @blacklives to 23559 for alerts. Hold local electeds accountable by signing #DEFUNDMPD.

Reclaim The Block - Calling on Minneapolis to invest in violence prevention, housing, resources for youth, emergency mental health response teams, & solutions to the opioid crisis - not more police. DONATE. FB, resources/graphics.

North Star Health Collective - Health providers and street medics working in alliance with mainstream and anti-authoritarian organizations to create a safe and healthy events. DONATE, paypal at northstarhealth@gmail.com. Send supplies/checks to North Star Health at 3319 E 50th St, Minneapolis, Minnesota 55417. FB.

MIGIZI - Native youth organization whose offices just burnt down, despite protestors’ efforts to protect them. DONATE HERE. Twitter, FB.

Twin Cities Coalition for Justice 4 Jamar - TCCFJ fights against police terror with a multi-national working class approach. Organizing for an all-elected, all-civilian council with power over the Police Department to hire, fire, and prosecute cops. DONATE HERE. FB.

Communities United Against Police Brutality (CUAPB)- Legal services fighting police brutality. 24hr Hotline: 612 874 STOP / 612 874 7867. DONATE HERE. Twitter, FB

Twin Cities Mutual Aid Resources:

Minnesota Freedom Fund - Legal Rights Center: 612-337-0030, National Lawyers Guild: 612-444-2654. Request bail funds here. Read their COVID-19 statement & make some calls to #FreeThemAll.

Mutual Aid Mourning & Healing Support Signup (for death midwives/doulas, social workers, therapists, and healers)

SouthsideHarmReduction.org (text/call 612.615-9725 to get naloxone, clean syringes, works)

Unicorn Riot Article on Twin Cities Mutual Aid Supplies!

Other Resources & Orgs:

Florida Bail Fund

Existing Campaigns & Mutual Aid Groups in NA by Location

MutualAidHub.org

Where to Support Protestors in Different Cities

Mental health resources for QTPOC

How To Help The Cause When You Need Help Yourself

Also if you donate to ANY of the above groups, send me your receipts and I’ll draw you plant creatures like these!

The Louisville Community Bail Fund also needs help if you are able! To find groups like these in your own area, check out the National Community Bail Fund Network Directory or search around for your city/state + bail fund and get involved!

[dailyaspecpositive]

Hi there! This might be a stupid question but I'm trying to get my head around a few things. Does aesthetic attraction go hand-in-hand with romantic attraction and can aros experience aesthetic attraction? Thanks :)

This is a difficult question because there isn't just one answer!

Aesthetic, romantic, platonic, alterous etc. are categories made up to help make sense of attraction, which isn't always as organised as that.

Some people find breaking it down into these categories useful and they can define their orientation specifically based on what attraction they feel and who they feel it towards (i.e. someone might be able to recognise they feel alterous attraction regardless of gender but not sexual or romantic attraction, and so might identify as a pan oriented aroace.)

Equally, some people don't find categorising attraction useful. They might experience attraction that they can't split up into sub-categories, perhaps because it spans all categories they can think of or because they can't identify the difference between categories and don't want to define their attraction in terms that don't make sense to them. Alternatively, someone may just not like the idea of splitting up their attraction and prefer identifying with fewer terms or forgoing attraction-describing terminology completely!

So the point I'm getting to here is that types of attraction are words to describe a vast number of feelings and experiences - different people will relate to them differently and often give different definitions. For some alloromantic (non-aromantic) people, aesthetic and romantic attraction may line up, and some people won't distinguish between the two and will talk about them as if they're the same (to that person they might be!) This isn't the case for all alloromantic people though, as I have had alloromantic friends who have understood the idea of aesthetic attraction as a thing separate from romantic attraction. This is actually much the same for aromantics - some aros separate aesthetic and romantic attraction, while others don't.

So in short, there's no Grand Rule stopping aromantics from experiencing aesthetic attraction because categorising attraction like this is super subjective and based on personal experience. Distinct categories of attraction aren't some unchangeable law of nature, they're just a tool/model you can use to describe your experiences if you find they explain the way(s) you feel attraction!

As always, feel free to add on if you think I've left something out. - Mod Kricketot