dailymindreport

[dailymindreport]

Day 13

maybe daily was too much to set for myself?

i don't do much in life let alone in a day. it should be more of a "whenever i need mind report"

oh well

anyway it's finally time to job hunt tomorrow

yay.... -A.

[dailymindreport]

Day 12

Hi everyone

it's so mizuover

this all -A.

[dailymindreport]

Day 11

Hello everyone!!

I was indeed creative today, however in a way that would probably be taken down from tumblr and even if it wasn't I don't wanna show my practice drawing lmao

I practiced my anatomy drawing and some nsfw poses. I think it went pretty well, but I still need to train more to get a better hang of it.

Besides that I finally replied to people I was supposed to... But I still haven't found a job ughhh...

Although I guess I should take small victories where I can.

Anyway, that's all. I did have a really complicated but fun dream that I'd love to share but it's just too confusing to me to form into words :(

Bye bye !!! - A.

[dailymindreport]

Day 9 (late) + 10

Hi everyone,

who knew following the rules I made myself would be so hard.

Shortly, I'm exhausted and tired (mostly mentally) and have no strength to do shit lmao

^NOT very lmao moment but I am trying to cope

But I finally told my [NO ONE] that I dropped out of collage. They were so nice and understanding,,, I'm really glad they're in my life.

That's all for now, hopefully I can go back to creating shit tomorrow -A.

[dailymindreport]

Day 8

Hello everyone and sorry no art today

I'm too tired to create anything outside of my head. The whole day I was exhausted despite doing nothing .-.

So yeah, not much to report today -A.

[dailymindreport]

Day 7

Hello everyone!

I again couldn't do one solid sleep but compered to last times probably 4 awakenings in the night I only had one. I slept till 4 am and went back to sleep at 5. Honestly I prefer this to random waking ups in the night.

Might be side effects from new meds but meh, I don't care that much. I'll see if it will keep repeating.

I again don't have much to report besides failure. Didn't do anything productive just grinded on games and watched minecraft videos ._. Well I did finish making one of the 5 or 4 playlists I have left so I guess that could count?

Whatever, I'm still tired. I really think the only thing that would stop my constant exhaustion would be a coma. But it's not exactly an option... Unfortunately...

For the daily "keep creating" thing I made my friend MIku from songs (/ref) but each color is a different silly brush because why not. I like her, she's very silly with those soulless eyes lmao

But yep, that's all for today, maybe I'll be more productive tomorrow? Let's hope so.

Bye bye -A.

[dailymindreport]

Day 6

Hello everyone! I am still alive as you can see lol

I don't know why but I couldn't fall asleep yesterday. I kept waking up every few hours, having difficulty falling back asleep and my throat hurts when I breathe in too much. Well the throat isn't bothering me too much, my [NO ONE] was sick recently so I probably caught some illness from them. Mostly the sleeping pattern is concerning. Especially since I thought it was getting better and "more socially acceptable". But nope, here I am, still exhausted.

I didn't do anything what I should've. Still didn't reply to people and... Well... I still didn't find a job. Something I was supposed to do let me see- *checks the calendar* like a month ago? UGHHH-

It's not like I don't want it but just thinking about it makes my mind spiral the overthinking of the future rabbit hole. I'll look into the job tomorrow... Or on Wednesday or Thursday when I'll have to pick up some shit from a place.

I dunno what I'm doing... I feel like no matter what decision I make I am disappointing everyone.

God who knew Burgerpants Undertale would be so fucking relatable lmao <- I'm coping with humor if you couldn't tell.

I'm sad I think but whatever. Being sad and myself won't allow me to survive in this world. At least not now.

As for the art- I have no clue, I just liked moving around shit in Paint like when I was a kid. Maybe there's some meaning to it that I accidentally put there without realizing or maybe not.

I'm tired, I hope I'll sleep better tonight. I'll probably head to bed soon, maybe going to bed early will help? Meh who know.

Have a nice the rest of whatever time it is for you all - A.

[dailymindreport]

Day 5

Hello everyone I am back with actual day 5

It sure has been a day. It feels like I am constantly at the verge of crying from many different things. I've been reminded by my own overthinking that the time is never stopping and constantly closing in on me. People are expecting me to change the way I act as quickly as it is to flip a switch. But it's not so easy.

I am tired and I just want to sleep for the next gods know how many years.

But I can't, I have to get up and try again. I will try again tomorrow even if I will cry doing so.

I promised [NO ONE] that I will play a game with them after all and I have to survive to the next week to meet up with [NO TWO] and [NO THREE].

I still haven't replied to people I need to. I hate ghosting them but I just don't have it in me, I don't know why.

I don't have much thoughts for today, I'm still feel like I am one word away from crying but the tears won't come out. Neither does the reason for them.

The art, as low quality as it is, is a reference to the minecraft end poem by Julian Gough. Sometimes I just like to reread the poem, even if I have never beaten the ender dragon myself lol

My hand hurts, dunno why.

I'll see you all tomorrow -A.

[dailymindreport]

Day 4 (late)

Hello everyone,

Wow... I really thought I would last at least 5 days before forgetting ._. oh well. The school doesn't end if you miss one day and neither does this blog.

Does Minecraft building count as creating? I say it does.

Here's the unfinished house I made yesterday when playing with my [NO ONE]. It's not my best build (especially since I don't have the screenshot of the finished version) but my resources were limited. SOMEONE ([NO ONE]) insisted on living in this biom so I didn't even have any accent wood.

Back to actual report, the day itself was a mix. I cried for no reason and was exhausted despite sleeping quite well. My dreams only reminded me of my problems rather than distract me from them but at least I got to play Minecraft with my [NO ONE] and later with my [NO TWO].

Dunno guys, exhaustion is still going despite me sleeping well and I also keep forgetting small things. Speaking of forgetting, I need to reply to my [NO THREE] and my [NO FOURS] ughhhh... I love them all but why is everything so exhausting???

Probably should start doing the replying instead of complaining here. Also (hopefully) two report going to be made today. This one and the actual day 5.

...If I don't forget again.

Anyway, keep living out there guys and I'll see you later -A.

[dailymindreport]

Day 3

Hello everyone, Gods are testing me yet again.

Not only is my [NO ONE] sick, it forced me to cancel my plans for tomorrow with my [NO TWO]. I've been overstimulated the whole day and when I did try to do something productive and helpful to my [NO THREE] I shattered a glass bowl and it cut my hand in the worst place possible.

Lovely... (<- sarcasm)

To get some sadness out of me I drew my creature sad in the rain. Very emo. But meh helped a bit I guess? Listening to "Good luck, babe!" by Chappell Roan helped too.

At least it doesn't hurt that badly anymore.

Anyway, I think that's all for today. My mood is ruined but at least I'm still living. -A

[dailymindreport]

Day 2

Hello again, it seems I survived another day!

Oh shit that rhymed nice lol

Today's been long and boring yet I felt strangely alright. Not good but not bad either just sort of empty? Dunno how it works, emotions are hard to understand. But I did felt good to spend some time with [NO ONE] and my [NO TWO] today.

But unlike yesterday, I don't have much to report on today. Just that it's fucking cold. Like "I'm sitting in my house with gloves on" cold, but I still prefer it to whatever the summer heat is.

Anyway, the drawing is the design of a silly alien I made some time ago. It's mostly made of transparent slime or jelly, except for it's organs from which only the brain is depicted as the rest are hidden under its astronaut outfit. It doesn't have any eyes but it enjoys finding gems or shiny rocks and putting them inside their body to mimic the eyes. Or something like that... I didn't written the lore down and my memory is poor lmao

Also pardon the flash and poor quality. I didn't have enough strength to turn the lights on and I cannot let my enemies (mosquitoes) find me.

With that I think it's all for today. - A.

[dailymindreport]

Day 1

Hello to everyone who decided to spend their time reading this.

I created this blog to keep myself from giving up on art (writing or drawing). Creating things is something I've always wanted to do but due to depression (or autistic depressive episode that last suspiciously long) it's hard to find motivation to do it. I'm hoping posting it somewhere might help me keep going.

Aside from that I want some play to write my thoughts, sure I could be doing so in a notebook or private documents but it doesn't feel the same I guess? I dunno

Most likely I'm creating this blog to give myself a distraction from the daily horrors and need to be living up to the society's standards. Who knows? World's going downwards and so is my will to live, but hey! I'm still kicking!

I will get any followers but whatever. We'll see how long I will last both of this Earth and the blog.

Oh yeah, and the little doodle is supposed to be me but we have 0 resemblance to each other lol

Anyway, I'll see you all tomorrow. - A.