dailypowerblog

[dailypowerblog]

When the pandemic hit, I wasn’t worried. I was so blissfully unaware of what was going on in the world, around me, to my family and friends, coworkers, neighbors, classmates, professors, that I just lived in my own little bubble, until August, 2020. I got COVID-19. And just like so many others in the world, I made it through. But a lot of people didn’t.

I wasn’t hospitalized, I wasn’t put on a ventilator, I wasn’t half as bad as many people out there, but I’ll be the first to tell you, it wasn’t a cake-walk by any means. But just because I got lucky enough to stay in the comfort of my own home, doesn’t mean it didn’t hit me hard. All of the classic symptoms, yes. But, the hardest part was, and still is, the after effects.

Hair loss, mood swings, irritability, and a double diagnosis of severe anxiety and depression. August may have been when the virus hit me, but November is when the real trouble started.

A lot of people talk about the pandemic like it hasn’t been going on that long, and like it’ll be over before we know it. I for one respectfully disagree. For me, it feels like this is how I’ve always been. I can’t remember life before my diagnoses. I thank the good lord every day that COVID-19 didn’t take anyone from my life, but it definitely changed it.

I pray for the days post-pandemic, where walking into a grocery store doesn’t have to induce an anxiety attack because there’s 10 people in the isle you need to go down. Or you’re no longer afraid to see your elderly loved ones. Or it’s safe to meet your new niece or nephew or grandchild for the first time. I pray for the days where I no longer feel helpless, exhausted, and I can feel like my normal self again. They say there’s no way to reverse the after effects of COVID-19, but I guess that’s just another thing to pray for.

Stay safe out there❤️

[dailypowerblog]

I just want to feel better. I have so many medical issues, that I constantly feel like I’m either falling apart, or being ripped apart. I just want one day where I feel normal. Just one day. Why is that so hard?

It’s like my body has given up on me…or maybe I’ve given up on my body? I’m not sure. Either way, I’m exhausted. I can’t seem to get any better. Ever. It’s so disheartening…discouraging. I see my friends and family out living their lives, trying new foods, going to new places, meeting new people, and I just sit in the background, miserable.

I just wish things would get better.

[dailypowerblog]

“Add something, if you’d like.” That’s what Tumblr prompts you with before making a post. But what if you don’t have anything to add? What if you feel so useless and pointless that you truly have nothing to add? What if you feel so irrelevant that you actually believe you have nothing to add to the world?

It’s unfortunate really. I want to feel like I matter. But I don’t. And maybe I never will.

[dailypowerblog]

I feel perpetually sad. Just, complete and utter sadness. It’s a funny feeling really. You know somethings bothering you, but you can never quite put your finger on it.

This time however, I know what’s bothering me. I feel betrayed. I feel disrespected. I feel unloved. I feel ignored. I feel passed over. I feel unimportant. No one should ever feel like that. Especially not from the people closest to you.

Always put yourself first. Don’t be a narcissist by any means, but don’t allow yourself to be treated like dirt. Always remind yourself of your self worth, and continuously work to improve your self confidence. No one else can tell you what you’re worth…that’s up to you.

[dailypowerblog]

Do you ever feel helpless? Hopeless? Useless? I understand. It’s a daily struggle for me to feel like I have value. On most days I don’t understand my place. I don’t understand why I am the way I am. I struggle with so many issues and insecurities, and I wish they would go away. Why am I the jealous type? Why do I have control and impulse issues? Why can’t I let go?

What do you struggle with?

[dailypowerblog]

I’ve come to the realization that I hate myself. And that’s not me trying to bring myself down, that’s just the truth. I don’t like anything that I’m doing with my life. I’m lazy, I’m unmotivated, and I don’t have any regard for my own life. That’s disheartening. I want to love life again, although I’m not sure I ever did. Sometimes you just wake up one day and realize how little you like yourself. For me? That’s every single day. I wish I could die and be reborn and start again. Maybe then I’d do things the right way.

What’s your biggest regret?

[dailypowerblog]

School is proving to be more and more challenging the further in I get. Luckily, I graduate in May, but it sure doesn’t feel like it. I just want to be done, because this is the most non-motivational school in the country. The professors genuinely do not care about their students. It’s frustrating and unnecessary. We go to college to be inspired. We go to college to find our passion(s) and strive to be a better person! Sure there’s some partying and such along the way, but the main goal of college is to find ourselves. I can safely say I have not found myself, and that’s disheartening.

What has your college experience been like?

[dailypowerblog]

So I went to church yesterday. The message rang true to my life. And funny enough, it rings true to an earlier blog post that I made. The big question: What do you wanna be when you grow up? I was shocked, because I’ve been asking myself this question since I was a child. And now a preacher is asking me the same question.

The message was about growth. “A blueprint without a building is pointless. A building without a blueprint is reckless.” If we don’t work to make a blueprint to lay out a plan for our lives, then how are we expected to build a fruitful one? And if we build a life without a viable blueprint then how are we expected to be successful?

Make a blueprint, build your life, build a new you.

[dailypowerblog]

How often do you hear someone say, “I just wanna be happy”? I hear it everyday. Sometimes from myself, friends, family, loved ones. There’s a happiness shortage plaguing this country, and for what? Serving your own self interests? Starting pointless arguments? Racism? Sexism? Who cares what color your skin is or what political party you support. We’re all people. Learn to love your neighbor.

[dailypowerblog]

So I’ve realized something very important today: I don’t have any hobbies. I have nothing that interests me. I don’t have a passion, something that drives my daily motivation. And I think a lot of people struggle with that. You can take all of the online quizzes to find out what your likes and dislikes are, what your hobbies should be, what you’re interested in, but they never last. I would know, I’ve done all of them.

So how do we figure out what we like? That seems so simple, doesn’t it? What do you like to do? What do you do in your free time? What are your hobbies? I don’t have an answer for any of those questions, because my life is so boring. That’s the truth. Nothing interests me, and I’m afraid that one day, the people around me are going to notice just how full I am.

How do we fix this? If you figure it out, let me know.

[dailypowerblog]

Do you know what your purpose is? What’s the spark within you that drives you? What are your passions? Who do you want to be? What do you want to contribute to the world?

These are the questions that I, like many others, have asked myself for as long as I can remember. Teachers ask us these questions. Our parents ask us these questions. Sometimes friends too. But the problem with these questions, is most of the time, they’re too difficult to answer. We just simply don’t know.

That’s what I want to find. THE ANSWER. I want to know what my purpose is. I don’t know what drives me. Maybe I never will. But the key to life, is never giving up. Against all odds, you keep going. That’s exactly what I intend to do.