darkasnyx

[darkasnyx]

my god complex vs. my low self-esteem is such a funny battle

like some days I think I'm smart af and pretty and charming and then other days, I feel unlovable and like life is meaningless so why am I even here

lol

[darkasnyx]

my mother always said that they never hit me hard enough as a child. maybe if they had, I would be quieter, sweeter, more willing to bow my head.

but that's not true.

they did hit me hard enough. and it hurt. but because they did and I am still here, I know the truth.

whatever happens, I will survive. so, mother, I will look you in the face and dare you to hit me. my rage is greater than my fear. because whatever this is, it is temporary.

sometimes when you beat metal, it doesn't come out the way you expect.

[darkasnyx]

Here is the truth

I miss him

I miss him like an amputated arm. It was good once. But then it turned to rot and I had to cut it off. But sometimes, just sometimes, I still think it's there. I forget. It has been there for so long, I can barely imagine my life without it.

I miss him like something that used to be good.

Like I could turn around and still catch him in the corner of my eye.

The realisation is a cold shock, like rain in winter.

[darkasnyx]

"I want to go home," I say

And I am home. I'm home, I'm home, I'm home, but why does it feel different somehow?

[darkasnyx]

writer's problems

when you write a bunch of angst and then you finally hit the plot of your story and now you have to actually write instead of endless pages of your main character suffering: :(((((