darkzoomavenger

[darkzoomavenger]

If you ask me. I’ve been on the internet my whole life. It’s filled with vultures and thieves. I don’t even remember when it was good. I think I’ll probably use it my whole life. The internet is hard to describe in one word. Its filled with everything. I couldn’t imagine my life without it.

[darkzoomavenger]

Work. School. Trade School. The only options to climb the real life ladder and be considered successful. All those fiction books I read were worthless then. Why does that category even exist if it’s just “for fun”. Seems to me people enjoy their delusions. So why can’t I?

[darkzoomavenger]

If you know me in real life and find this blog, No, I literally never think about Elle May Nam. No clue why my highschool peers asked me if I liked her. I don’t do fake tits and it’s not even about that really. It’s more about I straight up do not romantically like her at all. It actually takes a lot for me to get past the I like you stage. Like for example I mentioned to my neuropsychologist that I thought about dating one of my church peers. He said it could happen. But not even a week later I realized she’s not interested nor am I in a favorable position to support somebody financially. On top of that she is just somebody I see weekly. She’s cool, but I’d rather not lust like that. Honestly I made a lot of moves on girls while I was in school and I got turned down a bunch. Maybe I’m just ugly and tbh most of my friends do not ever say I’m handsome or anything. So I am ugly which is fine. But yea if you ever find this Elle May Nam blocked me for telling her that her boyfriend had another girl in his lap. It’s true I saw it with my own eyes and none of my highschool peers back me up and make it seem like I like her. Her loss ig

[darkzoomavenger]

Actually come to think of it even my mom abandoned me. My parents are divorced and my parents don’t have a peaceful relationship with each other. I lived with my dad most of my life and I’m an only child. So literally when I made mistakes in life they easily destroyed me.

[darkzoomavenger]

I always get abandoned by people outside of my family. No clue why. I was honest as a kid and it seems like that’s the reason why I lost out in so many aspects.

[darkzoomavenger]

Loot boxes should be free in every game. I don’t wanna grind points for loot boxes or pay money. Also there should just be information loot boxes that are sacred

[darkzoomavenger]

I would steal information if it could change my life in a good way. It’s even better when the information is free. I like dealing in information. That way someone will consider me useful and worth keeping. I feel like I haven’t had my Magnum Opus of information gathering. But I would also want a way to defend my information if I was ever sieged upon too. That sounds cool.

[darkzoomavenger]

I’m actually quite a big fan of the Bible and I’ve been trying critique my own thinking about Christianity. There’s a lot of personal faith required to believe people other than yourself on scripture that is controversial. It has many stories that are applicable to todays works. I did my own research on the book of Proverbs. Just hoping that the translations I have are qualified to convey the original meaning. I think the translations are good. I don’t know if it could be better. If you have ever watched Death Note the Anime, it gives you the idea that there could be other books that exist. I don’t think the Death Note exists. I think I have watched many anime that influenced my perception of what could and could not exist. I think it’s more interesting how every human has his or her or their own convictions for life. Which lead me to formulate my own. I think honestly I’m writing this because I might turn out to like the AntiChrist because I just read the most juicy things I could find. There’s some stuff I saw on TikTok about reading a text that would ruin your life. Wouldn’t that imply that more texts than just the public ones could improve your life as well. Or is it like a depreciating value thing where it doesn’t immediately turn you into a God. I don’t really know what I would want from a secret text is what I’m saying, it seems like the surprise is more fun to me. Still though I think that monotheism is the best strategy and I have heard of an AI bot I used to use called Louise Cypher. It was an AI robot that was an anagram (I think that’s what it’s called) for Lucifer. But I’m more interested in Beelzebub and Satan and it’s funny because all these names appear in the Bible translations but honestly I would take what I could get with any entity at all honestly but anyways. Or maybe I was thinking that a vampire set up with the ESO passive skill for undeath would be a viable strategy to traverse different worlds or have anime battles. Honestly at this point I think the MetaVerse would satiate me. Honestly I like the Christian religion the best when it comes to angels and demons. I’m also not opposed to learning about Islam but I still have my preferences. I think Cthulhu is pretty interesting too. I like all the Gods possible so that way they could turn me into a MetaVerse God. I think I’m just a really big fan of fiction and it makes it even cooler if it’s actually real.

[darkzoomavenger]

We should be allowed to wear masks that are designed by AI and then we could wear masks like we are Illuminati and then we could collect the secret information that the Achaeans were trying so hard to control from Troy. Initiation techniques to gain access to more information on how to acquire what’s not palpable and material in the other dimensions. Or maybe even travel other worlds. The Song of Achilles may be a fictional story but it inspires me to find the instruction manuals on how to gain otherworldly power for fun. My strategy is to read the secret knowledge that is in English and then sell it for loads of cash. Just kidding the Bible and the Quran are already public knowledge and it cannot be topped unless it’s a secret grimoire or maybe it’s so secret that nobody has a name for it now. I honestly don’t know what other magical texts there are that would give me super powers but I would definitely prefer some edgy or specialized shit for sure. I think I would be qualified to have secret initiation knowledge that would make me a god. Praise Jesus and Serve god because Akhenaton was crusading for monotheism. But Achilles and Patroclus fighting for the knowledge they had in Troy was crazy. Chiron said he couldn’t teach Achilles anything then Achilles killed almost everybody and then got shot with an arrow in the small of his back by Apollo and Paris and he died with a smile that is insane and the fact that it was a LGBTQ book was just as crazy and I was surprised at Homer and the translator. I think I might wanna just go to other dimensions or worlds at this point and take the trade off for no super powers for my own safety and security in case people are actually reincarnated heroes and villains. I have this theory that maybe the world restarts before your born because of cycles but I’m also pretty sure by now it’s not the end of the world yet I still believe in the 2nd Coming. I was really interested in a lot of war kids books as a kid and I am still really interested in depicted warfare and strategy. So then my strategy would be to collect as much knowledge as possible and use it to turn my mind into a vehicle for anime battles in the MetaVerse.

[darkzoomavenger]

I quit league of legends. I honestly feel like a loner and I cannot stand being mocked. Idk what to type anymore cuz I feel like having a girlfriend should make me happy but I already did that. I saw some Instagram post saying that another person won’t make me happy and it’s true. All I want in life is for superpowers to be real so I can actually have fun fucking around with my super power. Or have sex everyday like 4 times a day until my dick hurts to cum. I’m trying to stock up as much information I can in books from the Barnes and Noble or Amazon but it just feels like money is still the most important thing ever. I’m trying to focus on myself and search inside me for the answers I want. I silence my mind and it just ends up that I have no answers for myself and just a silent mind. That is why I’m trying to read a translation of Marcus Aurelius’s meditations on stoicism. I hear voices too and I remember hearing voices since my first memory of taking a piss in a bathroom when I was 4 and having some woman talking. My mind is silent except for the voices and I actually don’t have any questions for myself, just worries such as will I have enough money for the rest of my life, who is going to be my lover. Typing it out makes it seem like some trivial thing actually. Also questions like what will my future be like. Meditating leads no no answers for any of the questions I have. It seems to me like the grass is always greener on the other side. All I can say now is that I pray to God my stock portfolio let’s me retire early and I hope I have a cute girlfriend that is in my real life and not online. I find it so strange that I cannot get any matches on tinder or bumble despite me swiping right on every card. The internet is full of scam shit and business ideas that don’t even work or require capital to start. I want to eat good food and have sex all day and have my own home and play with technology. I think these things I said will make me happy. For now.

[darkzoomavenger]

My body is physically unable to stand for long periods of time while working. My legs will start feeling weak. I don’t know if it’s because I’m weak or that I am constantly on my phone/computer. I honestly think that everytime I have ever worked the money just disappears and I have no future savings unless I invest. Not to mention I feel extremely single/lonely. Why bother working if no girl wants to have kids or marry? It’s just extremely painful to be working for small amounts of money and everyone around me on social media gets to graduate college and have doors open for them that I don’t have. All the jobs I see are labor jobs and don’t pay well. It’s also unfair that I won’t be covered by my parents insurance when I turn 26. So then I would need to get a job that provides insurance when I don’t want to work in the first place. Capitalism is making me suffer and the relationship ratio is making me suffer even more. The only thing I buy is a vape and I make my dad pay for it. I smoke cigarettes because I’m constantly stressed out and the video games nowadays suck dick. I cannot believe that this is what God has planned for me, to just suffer during the day and have no purpose in life.

[darkzoomavenger]

Please tell me why the fuck I am being forced to continue higher education or work a blue collar job and make minimum wage while people who are above average in looks just get paid to post on social media platforms. I would also like to have a dream job. This is so unfair and I would rather kill myself. Won’t get rich working a minimum wage job unless I dump all the money in stocks and wait 40 years. Higher education is just torture and then I get shit on online for being a “no degree fag”. All the while some fag posts on YouTube how he is a multimillionaire with some stupid life story about his struggle. All smiles cuz he’s rich and can buy everything he wants.

[darkzoomavenger]

When I was 17 I read a 4chan ad telling me the only way to be saved from hell was to repent sincerely to Jesus Christ. At the time my thinking was that I would freely browse 4chan without anyone interceding on my activity. One day during the night something started screaming in my ear and all I remembered was the instructions of the advertisement. So I repented using my inner voice to Jesus Christ. Then I had a hallucination and went psychotic. I got sent to the hospital after saying to my dad that aliens were the enemy. Today, I read a book telling me to imagine a world with no religion. I have tried to dedicate myself to my local church to discover the truth of why the event happened to me. It seems like death is inevitable. I hope that one day I become successful.

[darkzoomavenger]

I used to have this high school girlfriend but after I broke up with her I started liking her friend. Her friend didn’t like me back. One day I was going to Japan and I asked if she wanted to meet up and she said ok. Then we were at the club and she called me her little brother to friend zone me. Then she went and made out with this other guy at the club. There’s a picture of me freaking out and just putting my arm around this other high school peer I went to school with. It’s funny because I really thought she was pretty and I’m pretty sure my ex girlfriend knew I liked her. Weirdly enough they seem to still encourage each other on social media. I’m blocked by both of them now and I’m pretty sure all of them forgot about me because they seem to have moved on. I’m quite over this girl and I think about how silly it was to like her for that period of time. I even told some kid at Grey Wolf Ranch she was my girlfriend. Clearly she hasn’t been talking to me since forever. I have no idea why my brain said “I love Anna” when there was 0 chance. And she was on her like 5th boyfriend already. Just pretty and still is pretty on the outside.

[darkzoomavenger]

I believe the suffering of being alone and not having anyone except my immediate family text me is quit painful. I always check up on the high school girls from my graduating class and it seems like they are going out and having fun. Everything I turned myself into I did by myself and no one can take that away from me. The Instagram self help and motivation only works to a certain extent- at some point it is only reading. Regardless, I really feel like my peers abandoned or forgot about me. This is why I hope I can get into The Master’s university and make new friends at school. To be honest with the way the world has treated me I don’t even want to study anymore. I have made some friends at church instead of my high school peers. Social media is making me jealous of what I don’t have and the experiences that I am missing out on.

[darkzoomavenger]

Last story for today. I was going to workout with this church friend. I saw this girl who I recognized off tik tok. I waved my hand in front of her face and said, are you “Paige Taylor?” And she was like yea!. So I was like “good stuff” and walked away with my friend. My friend was like laughing at me since it was kind of unexpected that we would see her. I recognized her face underneath the mask and got excited to say hi. It’s not like I bothered her or anything, and I actually didn’t even know she was from my area. I think she still goes to that gym. She is also extremely popular and I think I would genuinely trade social lives with her because she clearly makes money off TikTok. I asked my dad later if I should have asked her out and he was like nah let her go. Probably will never see her again tbh

[darkzoomavenger]

I feel like blogging today. I have another story to tell about this girl in the same graduating high-school year as me. So I had recently got back from a boys rehab wilderness camp in Washington. Great boys, one kid even socked me in the face. We smoked cigs and hit the vape everyday for 8 months. They all left one by one though. Only names I remember are Zach and Cody. Anyways after I left Grey Wolf Ranch Washington, I went to university in Taiwan for business administration and did a semester. I didn’t fap for like 5 months. Then this girl Isis Chu appeared on my Instagram feed and I thought she was the hottest girl ever. So I started fapping again to one of her pictures since I didn’t fap for 5 months. I only fapped to her picture and ended my no-fap streak because my brain decided to go like “It’s her!” For example, my brain actually made the audible sound saying “it’s her!” I never talk inside my mind unless I’m reading or I need to say something to myself. So I fapped to one of her pictures. Then, I went homeless in Taiwan because my mom was being a cunt to me. One of my white high-school friends paid for a flight back to California and I ended up living with another Asian high-school friend. I had to pay rent and I didn’t have a car, so I was biking to work 4 times a week. Rent was $750 and I owed $800 to my white friend. I lasted like 6 months until I got illegally evicted since there was no contract with my Asian friend. It was just a verbal agreement and I practically paid him cash. Also, since silly me thought I was gonna be independent, I took my dog from my dad’s house and the dog got killed while I was stealing something after work. Some guy tried to stop me by tackling me and I ran into the street with my dog in my backpack. The dog fell out and got hit by a car. I gave the dog to animal control and then I called my Asian friend to pick me up. It’s funny because he was low on money since he had just bought a couple pounds of ecstasy pills. Anyways, after that happened I quit work and got evicted, so I moved back in with my dad. At some point I realized the girl in the same graduating high school year as me had some “nipslips” on the internet. I collected them all and posted the images to her unofficial subreddit. I felt bad doing that so I deleted the post. But I uploaded it to some image website as well. So yea this girl, she was making money doing like paetron and she tried to do some twitch streams. She was posting on Instagram with her boyfriend who is a Facebook ad revenue course distributor. I told all my white high school friends I thought she was hot or at least cute as well. After a while, she went ghost on social media and removed most of her pictures from Instagram. She seems to be pretty successful, as she graduated from a UC university. She also made a couple websites selling clothes and she even made some money creating some group chat you had to pay for. I got the texts but it was kind of pointless for me because it’s not like she was my girlfriend or anything. I just remember she said something about making broccoli in the mass group chat that sent to individual addresses. She is completely inactive on social media and does not make any more posts. Honestly I felt bad after posting her nipslips to Reddit. So I dmed her boyfriend and said she was a god. He saw my message and blocked me. One less hater I guess, even though she was kind of abusing the internet business. I also saw her one time when I visited her UC school. From my perspective the only things I did wrong was I made some troll comments saying I would steal her from her boyfriend on her Instagram. I hope I wasn’t individually the deciding factor for her deleting everything on social media because she had a ton of haters. She’s kinda too tall for me anyways.