darthvaderade42

[darthvaderade42]

I got a little silly

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Alien that just crash landed on Earth: Georp Glorp Dink Boing Dink Rododo

Me: Ok so does that have anything to do with The Simpsons or are we just talking about your stuff now.

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Microwave conversation but Ted Mosby is there:

Microwave: Mmmmmmmmmm

Ted Mosby: I'm the worst fucking person in the world.

Microwave: I hate you Ted Mosby.

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Hey doc do you know what’s wrong with my head? And don’t say it’s the evergrowing purple ooze infested cyst on the side of my neck again because the ancient tablet, of which I was the first to read aloud in a thousand years, said that I’d be fine.

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Top Expert: climate change is real, we’re killing our planet like we have a second one. The ramifications of our actions are irreparable.

Bottom Expert: I like to take it in the ass

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Tried to Shazam the sound of my heart healing itself slowly over the years, unfortunately there’s nothing like the sound of my own growth because it is mine and mine alone.

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They REALLY don’t like it when you weigh yourself down in the public pool with iron weights and scream for help at the bottom.

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Mac and Cheese is such a top tier food, what is in that stuff that makes it so good?

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Did you see what they ate during the war? I can forgive that poor British boy for selling out his family for a Turkish Delight, whatever the fuck that is.

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The 5 things you gotta know before you let that cop into your house

THIS STUFF IS SOOO IMPORTANT TO KNOW.  Seriously.  It’s saved my ass before.

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The lion is slowly starting to remember things his inner child wanted to forget

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Heavy is the uterus that wears the diva cup

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I think the new Pope getting chosen is closest I got to those freaks who keep up with the royal family

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Kicked me out of the rage room for not breaking anything after holding the bat up, shedding a tear on each cheek, and letting it drop through my loosening hands

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Just caught five middle aged men in this Home Depot bucket here by whispering about grilling and walking around town

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legitimately my first feminist awakening as a ten year old child was realizing that girls were expected to respect “boy stuff” but boys were never expected to respect “girl stuff”

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One must imagine Meg happy