das4eva

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Game On Thrones

There are two sets of words that, with no hint of exaggeration, infuse in me an indescribable sense of dread, foreboding and make me mimic a deer in head lights – Nappy changing and toilet training. I cannot deny it any longer; little bums scare me because some facets of life are “icky.” And yes, “icky’ is a technical term and is the perfect use case for the above two phrases because these tasks…

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The Daily Duality

Another Hump Day equals another Blog. This time about the joy of living with a threenager and a teenager!!! #writing #blog #humour #family #parenthood #motherhood #fatherhood #kids

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'Tis The Reason

‘Tis The Reason

The angst of Yuletide festivities – an ironic use of the word if there ever was one – begins to percolate into our collective consciousness from late October onwards and discussions about Christmas day’s coordination, the location of lunches and dinners and the tête-à-tête of menu planning slowly increase in frequency. Advertisers and marketers are partly to blame for this early onslaught of…

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A Timely Battle

Let me start this blog off with a riddle: Never ahead, ever behind, yet flying swiftly past; for a child, I last forever; for an adult, I’m gone too fast. What am I? The problem with riddles, unless they are simple, is that you need time to solve them. However, in the modern world, where relentless scrolling is the norm and information bombards you from all directions, time is fleeting. As…

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The Morning Maelstrom

I never really gave the word “Storm” much thought. Or more accurately, I never considered that the letters that make up the word “Storm” is more than the sum of its parts. “Storm” is not just a word but an acrostic poem that underscores our daily routine:           Squalls that Threaten           Our           Relaxing           Mornings Let me elaborate on this (admittedly bad) acrostic…

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We Be Trippin'

We Be Trippin’

One of my favourite figures of speech in the English language is “Oxymoron.”

Joining two contradictory terms for effect intrigues me and since I became a father, I stumbled onto an oxymoronic phrase that has simultaneously brought a smile to my face and turned my stomach inside out with trepidation: Holidays with Kids.

Let me focus on the first term: Holidays.

The dictionary definition…

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Full Circle

We knew the instant we held Daniella in our arms that our prayers had been answered.

Not just any prayer either.

It was a sunny Sunday nearly 10 years ago; Mass at St. Dominic’s Church, Homebush had concluded and Marina and I were standing in front of a statue of the Holy Family of Nazareth. Heads bowed in mutual prayer, we made it our intention to dedicate our young family to Them…

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Great Expectations

The time is nigh.

Like the night before Christmas, our house is percolating with uncontainable excitement, but unlike the annual yuletide prelude, everyone is stirring, including our cat who is staring quizzically at Marina’s growing bump, wondering what is contained within.

Thankfully, the answer – boy or girl – will be revealed shortly, when our family will be graced by a new member.

T…

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God's Plan

God's Plan Realising that what we want is not what God want's, especially when it come to babies, life and death

God’s plan is not your plan.

From the human perspective, His ways can be considered either good if his plan matches yours or bad if it doesn’t. From a divine perspective, his plan is only one thing – Right.

Admittedly this can be hard to swallow if our human machinations do not match up with the Divine.

I say this because it was made very apparent that God’s tapestry for our family does not…

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Hold up!

Wait a minute!

Really?

Are you serious?

Are you crazy?

What the…

Above are some typical responses when people find out that Marina and I are having our fourth child. Don’t misunderstand me, after a double take at our news, everyone is immensely happy for us, even though, apart from the obligatory minivan, many could not fathom how our life will change with the introduction of a fourth child.

Admittedly, Marina and I too were surprised when the result of the pregnancy test came back positive, but not for the reason you think.  We had been discussing the idea of having a fourth child since the beginning of 2017 but after suffering two early miscarriages, we had accepted the fact that our family was done and it was time to move on.

In hindsight this decision filled me with mixed emotions, because even though I did not want to admit it back then, the emotional part of me was sad while the other, more practical aspect of me, was relieved.

During our many conversations on expanding our family my thoughts during this process was akin to the expressions at start of this blog, because in my mind, the prospect of having another kid filled me trepidation and the decision was fraught with caveats. Marina shared very few of my concerns though. In her mind, the idea of a fourth was a natural step for our family.

God, of course, knew what was in the depths of each of our hearts, and when Marina rushed out of the bathroom, test in hand, staring at the two blue lines, I was simultaneously gobsmacked and elated. I could not believe it and neither could Marina, whose face streamed with tears of joy.

In that moment of mutual congratulation I was filled with an undeniable sense of peace and fulfillment. I was also struck with an epiphany about my initial reservations about expanding our family, which as it turned out, was not underscored by practicality, but by fear. In being gifted a fourth child, I have accepted that my anxiety was fueled by the absence of faith – faith that everything will be all right.

What was I worried about anyway? Let’s have a look at what caused me to pause. Before I continue, I want to make it clear that depending on everyone’s situation these worries can we well founded, but in this instance, let’s look at my qualms through the lens of Marina’s and my situation.

The first reason was, admittedly stupid, and revolved on the prospect of never being able to sleep again. 

This line of thinking only shows how my already sleep deprived brain has m

ade me delusional. As every parent knows, being well rested are is a luxury they can only dream of (pun intended), because mum and dads everywhere are by definition advertisements for insomnia and live every day by salivating over mattress advertisements.

Realistically, I should not be the one complaining about lack of sleep, because the last time I checked, I was not tasked with getting up and feeding the baby. If anyone should be whinging about broken sleep its Marina, but she isn’t. Instead she looks at getting up in the middle of night to feed as extra time to spend with the baby

Herein lies the beauty of having a fourth child – we have done it before. I remember when Dominic was born, and to a lesser extent, Matthew and Marissa, we had did not have the foggiest at how to deal with colic and reflux, let alone try to figure it out with very little sleep.  Adding to the challenge, we had to look after the needs of a baby and at the same time take care of a toddler-slash-pre-schooler. At that stage of our life, all of our children were highly dependent and had various requirements that needed to be satisfied.

If you thinking this sounds intense, then you are not wrong and is the reason they call this part of parenthood the survival stage because during that period, as parents you live from day to day, and sometimes in the case of mums, hour to hour.

The end result is that Marina and I could not enjoy the baby phase as much as we would have liked, because we were learning what we had to do to prevent rogue poo explosion and little hands creating mischief with dire consequences, which in the case of Matthew involved eating a cockroach or choking on a stray bit of aluminium foil.

We hope this time will be different.

In theory, yes we have done it before and should know what we are doing. The reality however is quite often far removed from theory, and when the baby arrives and we realise that we still don’t know what we are doing, we can at least be confident in our inexperience, and not worry about it so much. So what if the nappy is on baby’s head, at least its ears are warm.

Dominic, Matthew and Marissa are also older, out of nappies, can feed themselves and much more independent. Of course they still need us, but are now of an age to understand that initially the baby’s needs will need to come first. If anything, it will teach them to have patience (…which is not a bad virtue to have.)

To think I was also stressing out about the age difference between our kids and baby. Looking at it now, as Marina often told me in those early chats about having another child, the age difference between our kids and the baby is what will make having a fourth child easier and the transition from three to four kids as seamless as possible.

Marina’s intuition was proved correct the instant Marina and I told Dominic, Matthew and Marissa they would be getting another brother or sister. The joy on their faces, as they yelped, screamed and bounded around our lounge room was a sight to behold, and kyboshed any worries I had about a lack of connection between our children and baby, because it was blatantly obvious as they kissed Marina’s stomach, how much they wanted to smother their new sibling with love and affection.

Marina too is another level of happiness. She is glowing so much that she is powering our neighbour’s solar panels, attracting moths and is now a test site for Ray Ban. Of course, as with the previous pregnancies, Marina has to deal with the not so pleasant aspects, such morning sickness, my apparent garlic odour and trying to fit through our doors.  She is not paying much heed to these discomforts, because she is aware in the grand scheme of things, all these foibles are transient and is small sacrifice to make to complete our family.

Admittedly there is one aspect of Marina’s pregnancy that I endeavour to satisfy – the cravings. Can you blame me, especially since they read like a bachelor’s dream dinner menu? Amongst the servings of two minute noodles, there is a constant penchant for  spring rolls, late night Big Mac runs, serves of fish and chips, endless hankerings for fried Chicken, copious scoops of Connoisseur Ice cream, and a plethora of bespoke sweet treats that give a new meaning to gastronomic fusion – Poppadums and ice cream anyone?

Funnily enough, the chaos brought on by Marina’s ever changing taste buds, was the least of my worries. Instead I was focused on the how topsy-turvy life would become if we had a fourth.

This excuse is moot and if I was to be completely honest, a cop out.

I can understand this apprehension if we only had one child and we were suddenly gifted with triplets. In this scenario, the step change would be more than enough to drive anyone bonkers, but as the case actually is, we already have three kids, who are as nutty as a slab of peanut brittle covered in almonds and decorated in pistachios; so truth be told, chaos is already a part of our life.

The way I see it, having another kid will not make our life any more crazy than it already is, but instead pave the way for interesting conversations, a family Nerf showdown (since the sides are even now), an extra tub of ice cream in freezer, more slabs of chocolate in the pantry, an excuse to get another X-Box controller, a reason to buy matching his and hers noise cancelling headphones and provide me with the perfect pretext to buy a real coffee machine for that extra shot of energy to keep up with our four rug rats.

Given this outlook, were fear is replaced by faith and all of our anxieties are quelled by a deep serenity our days are now punctuated with happy expectation (pun intended), squeals of “I want to meet baby” from our children and a sense of gratitude for the blessings that has been bestowed on us from on High.

Of course I understand that four children is going to be crazy, nutty, loud, tiring, chaotic and some days we will feel that we are pulled from pillar to post relentlessly, but I also foresee that amongst it all there will be love, laughter, an endless supply of fun, and like Marina and the children, I cannot wait for the next chapter of our life to begin.

  W.T.F (What The Fourth?) Yep, Another Assey is on the way, which means more chaos, extra coffee, a whole lot of joy and a news stage of life. Like Marina and the kids, I cannot wait for the next stage of our life to begin. Hold up! Wait a minute! Really? Are you serious? Are you crazy? What the… Above are some typical responses when people find out that Marina and I are having our fourth child.

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Behind Every Man

How do I write about my muse, when my muse is what makes my writing what it is?

This was my dilemma when I began composing this blog in January, with the aim to publish it in February, but for whatever reason, the words and sentences felt disjointed; no matter what combination I tried, nothing seemed to work.

Then, my muse suggested to scrap it all and start again. Lo and behold, the words, the…

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Irrational Rationale: Trials of a Threenager

Irrational Rationale: Trials of a Threenager

There are two sides to every three year old – a cute, sweet, ‘aren’t they adorable’ Jekyll side and the ‘Oh My God,’, ‘Duck for cover’ Hyde side.

A threenager in your life guarantees that every day is like visiting Oz – your day may start with a song, a dance and a skip in your step, but without warning it can spiral into an adventure punctuated with little people, flying monkeys, witches and an…

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Evolution

There was no turning back.

The moment I walked down the aisle, hand in hand with Marina, my emotions redlined as my heart burst with elation, contentment and joy. Nevertheless, I was completely aware, that once I reached the end of the aisle, a new beginning beckoned, and I knew that my life would never be the same again.

Talk about an understatement, because for all the courting, wooing and…

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Mayhem's Mistress

Mayhem’s Mistress

Marina and I thought we knew what chaos was.

After all, Dominic and Matthew are well versed in the art of anarchy. Every day with them brims with mayhem, leaving us without any doubt in our mind what it feels like to live in a tornado’s path.

When Marissa was born, I was under the misconception that she would be the antithesis to Dominic and Matthew’s energy.  Prior to her birth, our friends told…

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All I Want for Christmas

All I Want for Christmas

Dear Santa,

I hope this letter finds you well? How is Mrs. Claus and the elves? Is Rudolph’s nose ready to light the way? I trust everything is going according to plan for your worldwide jaunt on December 25th?

The reason for this letter, and I know it has been some time my last correspondence to you, is that this year I have something to ask of you.

Unlike my letters of yore, where my requests…

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He Said, She Said...

The latest Blog on fatherhood and chatty kids to your tounges wagging

People never hesitate to inform me that I talk too much.

Relative to an empty vessel, there may be a modicum of truth to their opinion, but when compared to Marina, who freely admits that she talks so much and easily engage in a conversation with herself (which for her sake is a blessing, because she is the only one who gets her jokes) I am the epitome of silence.

Our gabbiness however pales…

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The main Man

http://comicbooks123.tumblr.com Clark