dates-tears-bandageaids

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

January 10. 2025

I am flawed

and you are flawed

and we are proud and defensive

and we learned to be soft, to be kind, for the other

I feel that we made a home out of us

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Dic 11. 2024

"Why is this relationship so difficult?"

I dont know

But i love it more than anything

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Nov 29. 2024

I decided to stop saying "i love you" first

I was tired of being the only one saying it 

Its been three days since you've told me you love me 

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Nov 22. 2024

How is this my fault?

How asking about how you feel and if you feel good here is my fault?

How can we be okay one second and suddenly not? About something you wont even tell me?

How do you get to get mad at me? When im the one you dont talk to

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU SO MUCH 

YOU ARE KILLING ME

YOU ARE

YOU ARE MAKING SOMETHING HORRIBLE OUT OF ME

I TRY SO HARD FOR US TO HAVE GOOD NIGHTS AND YOU RUIN IT 

YOU LEAVE ME CRYING

I WANT TO PULL MY TEETH OUT, RIP MY SKIN AND HAIR 

AND YOU WONT TALK TO ME ALL DAY

YOU WILL LEAVE ME WAITING

YOU RUIN ME

YOU KILLED ME

AND LET YOU COME BACK

YOU ONLY CAUSE ME PAIN

EVERYONE KNEW AND I DEFENDED YOU 

I DID SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS FOR YOU 

MY PAIN IS SO MUCH FOR MY BODY

YOU ARE DESTROYING ME

WHY DID I LET YOU DO THIS TO ME

WHY WHY WHY 

YOU ONLY THINK OF YOURSELF

ONCE AGAIN YOU ARE THE VICTIM

POOR FUCKING YOU THAT CAN'T ANSWER IF THEY WANT TO BE WITH ME

POOR FUCKING STUPID ME THAT STILL STAYS WITH YOU 

I AM SO STUPID

I AM AN IDIOT

I AM THE SCUM OF THE EARTH

I DESERVE EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENING TO ME

YOU'RE NOT GONNA TEXT ME

YOU WILL LEAVE ME

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Nov 21. 2024

Three days ago we talked about our anniversary

Today, its 1 am

You're killing me

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Nov 09. 2024

Tonight i sobbed uncontrollably while you snored at the other line of the call

Just like when we shared a bed, with your arms wrapped up around me while i try to not wake you up with my crying

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Nov 04. 2024

Why am i always the one on my knees beggin?

The one kneeled asking you to love me

To dont leave me

You've only felt this desperation when we are appart

I feel it only when im with you

I love you so much, even after all, i would tear open my body to give you a home

And you can only give me silence and doubt

How can you doubt us? When i would rip every bone in my body if you asked

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Nov 1. 2024

I hope you leave me

We've learned i cant never do it

You haven't talked to me all day

A day has never felt so slow

I want to tell you im gonna go now, that im going to a party, that i miss you

I wanted to show you my costume and tell you i wish you were gere with me

But you said you wanted to take the day

Please if you're gonna end me just do it already

I cant stand the waiting

Fuck you then

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Oct 31. 2024

We've been having discussions every day for almost two weeks now

Its starting to get tiresome 

And two days ago i saw someone said: "you shouldn't date people you dont want to be like. Think about being them, would you like to?"

I thought of you

And i immediately thought: no 

And today we had a huge fight 

I had never seen you like that, so angry and agressive and punishing

I dont even know how to talk to you after that 

This feels like a different kind of end 

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU 

I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE ME

I NEVER LEARN

I ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND YOU ALWAYS LEAVE ME 

ME VA A DEJAR

NUNCA APRENDO

NUNCA ENTIENDO 

I TOLD YOU IT WOULD KILL ME

PLEASE DON'T KILL ME

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Oct 27. 2024

"If you'd die, i would die of sadness, i could not stand it"

If you die I would kill myself 

"This conversation became intense"

It's not that I've decided it

I just feel I've lost you too many times already

One more time would kill me

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Oct 06, 2024

When it comes to you, I get disgusting.

I get this insane feeling of having you forever, I don't want to let you go, I want to hook my hands onto you, draw blood out of your skin, I want to bite so deep into your muscles and rip your flesh out.

A crave of ownership possesses me.

I love in an ugly way.

But only you

Who is the monster here?

You, who brings the worst of me? Or me, who brings the worst to you?

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Sept 30. 2024

Today i felt like i woke up

It happens to me sometimes

I feel like im floating and im so in love and i want to spent the rest of my life with you

And somedays i wake up, and i think: what the fuck am i doing?

Why?

You destroyed me. You disregarded me

No one has ever made me feel as horrible as you did.

Why am i here?

Why?

Because you've changed and i love you

Because i didnt changed and i still love you

Why?

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Sept 17. 2024

I have nothing bad to write

What a scary thing that is

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Sept 09. 2024

Time to throw my whole life away for the promise of you

I MISS YOU

MY HEART ACHES FOR YOU

I DONT WANT TO BE WITHOUT YOU

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

Sept 05. 2024

I've just spent the best 3 days ever

So full, so happy, so safe, so much

And i can't tell anyone 

After you go, my life will go on, and no one will know the way you touched me, and how we slept together, how you took me home and stretched me open. How you let me hold you and moan in my ear. 

Life will go on and i'll stay sore

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

August 31. 2024

On Monday you will arrive to my town, because you bought a ticket just to see me.

You decided to skip a week of classes and work, to come and see me.

You're coming to see me

Me.

The guy you chewed up and disregarded a million times, you bought a plane ticket to see me.

I do believe you changed

I wonder if the problem now is that I changed too

[dates-tears-bandageaids]

August 22. 2024

Today one year ago you broke up with me

And this year I am so happy

I know I'm not supposed to write about it, but I just wanted to say it, just once, to someone other than myself

You make me happy