deaddoves-tellnotales

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

you want them to text back but that's anxious attachment isn't it. it's just that you can feel on the wind when you're not wanted anymore. when they've fallen out of love in any small part of their marrow. you have a hawk's eye for disharmony. you can tell when she has begun packing her things.

don't be annoying. you want to write: i have never experienced unconditional love as an explanation but isn't that pathetic. in adulthood all love is conditional and it should be. you've been to too much therapy. touch grass. how sappy can you be.

but they don't reach for your hand while they're driving. they forget to ask you how you're doing. the call times no longer read 12:34:19. they're 30 minutes and perfunctory before she says baby please, i'm tired. i need to go to sleep. where in her life do you fit. why is it that you never fit into anyone's life very long. oblong creature with so many needs, spilling up and out and over everything. it's a fucking shame the first time she said she loved you it was for your independence. and now look at you.

hollow pit in your stomach, body shaking. fuck, not again. you're not going to ruin another relationship like this, codependent and toxic, spiraling. and in the other half of your brain: if that's your wife, wouldn't she want to hear it? wouldn't it be fine? wouldn't she just comfort you and you can both move on and nobody dies?

but you're crowding her! read another instagram Positive Vibes Only type of post that talks about calming your heart and your brain and your body. try to sit in silence. the thing is that you do have a life outside of her, remember? go back to it.

great news, your parents fucked you up and now you have no idea how to deal with love. you just keep wanting to be chosen. to be real to someone, all the way through. real and kept. held closely. seen as precious to somebody. why even is that? didn't you always swear that people can and should complete themselves? why are you so constantly driven to beg for love, doglike and barking?

it's just the tiny things. it's just that you have to weigh every silence and sentence like bricks on an exposed belly. you have no idea how to shut it off. every alarm bell in your body saying: this isn't safe. start scrambling. she's already going.

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

it smells of rot and syrup. and nothing is real and the crickets from my grandmas country house cities away chirp outside the windows of this second-gloor apartment. and my mom is snoring in the other room even further away and my dad is typing and i am bleeding on the sheets. what was the point of this post im so fucjing nonexistent

im sosexy when im dead on the side of the street (im. a d eer )

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

im sexy like jennifers body megan fox when im covered in my blood snd someone else's and craelfing through the dirt and my tteeth are fslling out and im smiling but only from the hnnatural tighten and flex of my muscles postmortem.

im sosexy when im dead on the side of the street (im. a d eer )

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

im sosexy when im dead on the side of the street (im. a d eer )

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

one full week of getting so drunk i csnt feel my face <3

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

making myself gag and fingering ymself so hard it leaves bruising and small cuts while im already too high to think and too drunk to feel pain so i sleep as well as i did the night i was drugged and raped when i was already crossfaded (ive never slept better)

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

i loevvvve drinkifn vodka and i lovvvee xonsuming weed and theyre the only thing that come close to replacing what i Actually Want so as long as i have them i can live foreve

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

my scars are so sexy i need to make mroe. deeper bigger brighter prettier more visible.p

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

unfortunstely i am only Happy and therefore Likeable when im drunk. naywaus i love Ten Shots of Cherry Limeade Vodka on a Tuesday Night <3

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

everything, everything, everything, youre everything, youre all i care about, youre everything!!!!!!

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

more than anything in the world i want to be known. i want to be known and loved and seen and adored and forgiven and forgiven and forgiven and forgiven

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

and my thumbs too i fucking guess. christ.

one of these nights im gonna get too high and/or too drunk and im gonna cut off my fucking tongue i swear to god

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

one of these nights im gonna get too high and/or too drunk and im gonna cut off my fucking tongue i swear to god

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

i dont hear voices i just think some thoughts so hard it hurts my head

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

proving that i'm mentally ill

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

Sumtimes rlly bad stuff happens to u nd u never get better👍 hope this helps

[deaddoves-tellnotales]

hairpulling kink but im autistic so it just prevents a total meltdown panic attack (and also i cum)