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Hayley and the Larimar

Morgan and I went to an expo last weekend. The Web of Light Expo, in Nashua, NH, of all places. We found out about it after stopping into a store in downtown Nashua the weekend before, and had originally not been particularly drawn to it. But the weekend of it rolled around, and we decided to go.

The first thing we did was buy some stones. When we walked in, the first table on our right was full of them. We made our way down the display, looking at the large crystals and jewelry, until we ended up at the the table with many small bowls, probably two or three dozen. Each bowl held a small handful of one kind of stone and bore a card with a description.

I got some Apache Tear for healing, a ball of Selenite for awareness, and Ryolite Jasper for creative grounding. I had a fourth I had picked up called Larimar. The card said that it helps to dissolve self-imposed limitations. Feeling particularly in need of this, I wanted to buy it. I asked the woman behind the display how much it was, and she said $39. I was shocked, because the others were all $5 or under.

She told me it comes from the Dominican Republic, and only a certain amount can be taken from the island

So I went to put it back, unable to justify spending that kind of money on a stone, despite wanting it so badly. When I did, I noticed a very, very small chunk of it in the bottom of the bowl, probably about 1/8 or 1/10 the size of the one I had picked up before.

I asked her how much it was, and she said I could have it. I said I was perfectly willing to pay for it. But the lady told me that this little piece of Larimar had given itself to me, and that I was free to take it.

The nature of the encounter struck me, because asking about this tiny piece is not something I would typically have bothered doing because of my anxiety. So the entire situation was a dissolving of self-imposed limitations, and ultimately that is what brought this stone to me.

After paying, we walked down the row of tables in the exhibition center and came to a spiritual life coach who had a bowl of small papers with messages on them. It said to take one and scan your wrist band for a chance to win some giveaways she had. I pulled a piece of paper from the bowl and on it was typed, "What would you do if you KNEW you couldn't fail?"

It was a clear message that this whole day was supposed to teach me to push my own boundaries and take risks and trust that I will succeed.

I tucked the piece of paper into my stone pouch as we left the table.

Today, I have been having what I am calling a “crisis of purpose.” I was criticizing myself for my inability to commit to one “calling.” I was beating myself up for having too many interests and not enough patience to become a true expert on anything. It was overwhelming, frustrating, and, frankly, saddening.

But just now, I went to the phone room by the stairs to meditate for a moment and realign myself. I took out my pouch of stones, looking for the Larimar, my Lapis (inner peace and riddance of negativity, stimulation of the third eye), my Howlite (calming and awareness), and my Apache Tear (healing, cleansing), specifically, but not ignoring my Blue Onyx ("holding a piece of heaven" stone) and Kyanite blade ("clarity, speaking one's truth).

I set up the small table in the room under the window and sat down to take out my stones. As I dumped them on the table, the piece of paper fell out

It was the first time I had seen or held this piece of paper since the expo, and it could not have come at a better time.

Several minutes later, after some much needed reflection on these happenings and a minute or two of nearly crying at the meaningfulness I was perceiving, I returned to my desk. I told my coworker and friend, Christina, this entire story. I texted my partner, Morgan, to tell her as well.

In these moments, post-meditation, I had the idea for this blog.

It is here that I will be exploring things like this that happen to me daily. I will be taking a look at the things that I experience through a lens of self-awareness and awe. I’m excited for this journey, and I am excited that, if you’ve read this, you may be along for it with me. Because I’m not the only one this is happening to. So I’m going to stop pretending it is.