decaffeinatedbluebirds

[decaffeinatedbluebirds]

Pineapples: *go through several thousand years of evaluation, developing spikes, destructive acids and strong outer shells to prevent itself from being eaten*

Humans: If You Like Piña Coladas

[decaffeinatedbluebirds]

My friend was complaining about how cold it was at school and she said, "we're students not polar bears" and I said, "You're not a polar bear just polish" and let me tell you she did not think it was as funny as I did

[decaffeinatedbluebirds]

Its not considered a god complex if its justified

[decaffeinatedbluebirds]

I said the phrase "well fuck me in the ass and call me anal" and i have no idea where it came from and after an extensive search i have deduced that it is an original and your welcome.

[decaffeinatedbluebirds]

i need to stop watching tv shows with real life jobs because at the rate I'm going im going to to go to school for 8 more years go through some type of training only to join the FBI and realize that its a desk job, Mark Hamill is not a serial killer, and my therapist eats food. Someone stop me before I join a corrupt police force

[decaffeinatedbluebirds]

In case you're wondering don't join a cult, I haven't been in one but I take a Latin class and its more or less the same thing. Anyways its a waste of time and now I have a demon to take care of