definitely-joseph-fink - Tumblr blog

[definitely-joseph-fink]

Meanwhile, at the Night Vale Waterfront. (ignore the "water", it is merely a representative of the Night Vale Tourism Board waving a flag)

[definitely-joseph-fink]

Don't tell Leann Hart, but it looks like the Night Vale Daily Journal may have some competition.

[definitely-joseph-fink]

Dr. Elder, There's a sharp pain in my shoulder whenever I do this. It's even worse when i do this. Please help. Sincerely, definitely-not-definitely-joseph-fink

Three “Our Father”s and seven “All Hail!”s

- Dr. Pliny T. Elder

[definitely-joseph-fink]

It exists!

www.tourniquet-restaurant.com

[definitely-joseph-fink]

The Doctor Is In

Dr. Pliny T. Elder is here to answer the questions you are too existentially terrified to ask your family physician. Just slip them in the box. Don't worry, nothing will grab your hand as you reach inside. Nothing tangible, at least.

[definitely-joseph-fink]

It’s time for “Medical Tidbits” with Dr. Pliny T. Elder

Sprained ankle? Remember: use the RICE method. Rest, Introspection, Coagulation, disEmbowelment

[definitely-joseph-fink]

I’ve been questioning my sanity a lot lately. Still no answers, but I know it took my keys.

[definitely-joseph-fink]

At long last, I have returned from the City Council's elective (emphasis yours) reeducation seminar. If any of you are or are not interested in unlearning more, then this course is right for you. A van will arrive to pick you up (emphasis its) shortly.

[definitely-joseph-fink]

Meatless Monday is 100% back to normal. Yep. No meat here. There is absolutely no need to form a denouncing circle.

[definitely-joseph-fink]

The other day I was singing "Pure Imagination" in the shower while my stalker provided harmony from the laundry basket. It was quite a performance. When I got out, however, my stalker was gone, leaving no trace. Except for the words written in the fog on the mirror, of course. They said: Sounds like you put a lot of time into this. Have you? I'm going to let the shoe drop. Yes and No. I write often just to pass the time. Mostly gaming stuff. I've written a few dozen books over the years for gaming, mostly D&D as of late. All of it anonymous and released for no other reason than a love of the game. Or I ghost write and sell the stuff. I also get ideas in my head and write it out, 15-20 pages at a time, usually. I write out plot lines for the Games I run. Then I write out a book, or at least a 25 page summary. it all goes in a big pile for use later when I need it. For example, I once got bored and searched the internet for ever version of the Necronomicon I could find then said to myself, "Hey! What would happen if I took all these different versions and took out the redundant parts and then did some research and had foot notes and stuck it all together?" What happens is Animals start winding up dead in your yard in surprising numbers. The third skunk to commit suicide actually convinced me to shelve the project. So, yeah. I got a Supercut of all the Necromonicons on a flash drive somewhere. My point is, I have files and files of strange stuff I've been writing over the years. So yes, I have but a great deal of thought into this project. However, I've also done about 85% of the work already in some form or another. I convert the old stuff to fit my current needs. For example, an upcoming intro will be a version of the song "In the jungle", except it's "In R'lyeh". I wrote that song decades ago. Stuck it away. Been waiting for the right time to use it. A good writer doesn't focus on the now. He focus on good ideas. He writes out the good idea, maybe only a seed. something to expand later, then stores it like a chipmunk hiding pizza crusts in your mailbox. Which totally happened. Local squirrels and chipmunks were storing moldy food in my mailbox the whole time I was working on the Supercut of the Necronomicon. They stopped when I stopped. So... that's a thing. So, in one aspect, It's not taking much work at all. I have three decades of material. I got stuff from when I was 9 as a stack of papers in an accordion folder labeled, "Beware of the leopard". Which is, of course, a Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy reference. I like referencing obscure stuff. I figure if I like Easter eggs, others will as well. Is that Necronomicon Story for real? What did you do with it? Yes. I hid it. Don't believe in magic, but I also don't believe I know everything so. Yeah... Any rate.

[definitely-joseph-fink]

Me: How old are you?

Him: 30

Me: How long have you been 30 for?

Me: I know who you are.

Him: Say it. Say it out loud.

Me: ...Lee Marvin

[definitely-joseph-fink]

Followers, on this Meatless Monday, something has gone horribly, terribly, fleshily wrong.

[definitely-joseph-fink]

So...I was getting groceries the other day. You know, the usual stuff. Iron filings, sheep souls, corn tortillas. Things like that. Anyway, as I was reaching for a carton of badger milk, a hand shot out from behind the shelves. As it turns out, it was my stalker, which is weird because I don't recall seeing him leave the trunk of my car. He handed me a printed document with the words "they must know" scrawled over it in oil pastel. I can only assume that means he wants it shared on Tumblr, so, yeah. Here it is: Why Good Morning Night Vale Tonight? I work nights where I have about 32 hours a week I spend alone in an apartment waiting for things to go wrong. Got to stay awake somehow. I picked the name because from listening to WTNV, Cecil clearly works the morning shift, but keeps working well into the night. As time is rather fluid in Night Vale, he could be working anytime, but that seems to be his normal scheduled hours, even if he spends several days on the radio in a stretch. I listened to every other fancast I could find and either it's an imitation of WTNV on another network (Welcome to Gravity Falls, Night Vale College Radio), or it's "Intern X steps in and fills in for Cecil". Honestly, I felt the fan casts lacked true imagination. In trying to be WTNV, they failed to see beneath the surface. They only saw the strange and the random. They failed to see the continuity of Night Vale. What do you mean by Continuity? Not to waste your day, but head over to TVtropes and look up night vale. WTNV is rather formulaic, but they also seek to have continuity. You never know when a brick joke is going to come back. A throw away like "The List" comes back almost two years later for an entire episode. That was Awesome. WTNV also has many veiled references. Double meanings. And I think I found more then one secret, encoded message. They don't mean anything, but the point of the show is to include Dark Thoughts, Humor, Political and Social Satire, and the occasional "Easter Egg". Like in the last episode, they made a series of baseball teams that basically were the houses of Hogwarts. The weird of WTNV is actually completely irrelevant, yet it seems to be what the imitations all focus on.

The back of the document said "more soon", whatever that means.

[definitely-joseph-fink]

I can’t believe I never thought of this before! The whispering forest is perfect for Meatless Monday! Oh, by the way, that ascot you’re wearing is just absolutely stunning.

[definitely-joseph-fink]

My stalker has a radio show, and it is absolutely amazing! Seriously, it fills a hole in my soul. You know the one. Oh come on, I know you know. Seriously? It's the one that opens up into the spider dimension. The one with all the centipedes. Jeez, a true friend would know all the holes of my soul by heart.

[definitely-joseph-fink]

ALL HAIL!

[definitely-joseph-fink]

Another successful Meatless Monday