definitlynotaplant

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans are Weird: Driving

Ok. So I’m not gonna bother with my usual spiel lol. Just know that I’m really inexperienced with writing this genera, suck at dialogue, and any criticism and/ or feedback would be GREATLY appreciated

     “Ok ok. So let me get this straight” interrupts Glaict for the third time while attempting to watch a movie with Human Jeremy. “So back on earth, humans used moving tin cans that could range in price from something relatively affordable, to the cost of most people’s homes?!?!” 

     “Yep. We’ve been through this before, big guy,” replies human Jeremy who is slightly annoyed, yet also entertained by the aliens' cluelessness and oblivion. 

     “Ok. I remember that Human Jeremy. But what concerns me more is humans “driving” these tin cans. They could allegedly reach up to speeds that physically pushed you against your seats from inertia. They could overheat and possibly even explode, you had only 3 ways of controlling its movement, AND they were some of the most common and necessary things in a lot of human’s lives?!?! You're telling me that you all just trusted each other enough to reach speeds upwards of 80 MPH with nothing but some paint to keep you safe?! And what the FUCK is the deal with roadsignes?! You're telling me that humans saw flimsy pieces of metal and just… read them, obey them, and understand them all while having to watch moving vehicles rushing around you, interpreting the lines on the road, reading your navigation tools, maintaining speed, and making sure you don’t die???!!!!!” 

     “Ok ok. Calm down dude” Human Jeremy half laughs and half sighs. “Yeah. That’s about right. But remember what that whole meeting last week was about? Humans can multitask. In fact, it’s better if we multitask because if we don’t , our brains wander and make us do stupid things.”

     “But… but you creatures start doing this as young as 15!!! No child should have to do something that stressful!” Exclaims the alien, clearly distressed now. 

     “Yeah. I guess it is pretty wild when you say it like that” says Human Jeremy “but don’t worry. Humans got in crashes all the time! They could be deadly, or just damage their car a little bit! Just because we could drive, doesn’t mean we could all do it well. But either way, people drove as fast as possible for fun too! They reached upwards of 190 mph and had fun! Sure, some of them would die… but you know. They loved it!”

     “Well… fuck,” Says the alien, now somehow even more green than it’s natural hue. “I’m just going to go finish cleaning up back here. You go ahead and finish the rest of the movie!” It shouts before backing up and running away. 

     “Huh” Muses Human Jeremy to himself. “Maybe I can make a car out of scrap metal! I saw some other videos of people doing it online. That’ll really scare the shit out of him! Good thing I didn’t tell him about bumper cars though.”

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans are Weird: Skydiving

Ok… I just want to preface this by saying that this is not my best work in the slightest. I was rushed and sleep deprived, so don’t blame me lol. As usual, any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

     “Human Tom,” the alien started, already fearing the answer to the question it was about to ask. “I’m watching the thing that you Humans call ‘television’ and one of the characters said that they went skydiving and watched one of their friends' parachutes fail, and the human went ‘splat’ What does that mean?!”

     Human Tom spit out the water he was drinking, covering his mouth to presumably muffle the bit of shocked laughter that was sure to emerge if he dared to lift his hand “Oh buddy,” Human Tom managed in a moment of pity and slight elation that he would be the one to explain it to such a innocent creature “Oh buddy.  Have you ever heard of something called adrenaline?”

     At that, the aliens' many eyes widened. “You mean… you mean the stuff of myths and horror stories that allows humans to do insane things? Like lifting whole engines or managing to fall 50 feet without a scratch?! The stuff that is produced in the human brain in moments of pure and utter horror and fear?! The brain's last chemical hope of survival?” 

    “Uh. Yeah. That. Well… listen to this”. After a painstaking conversation that ended with “…and sometimes, the parachute fails and humans hit the ground at 120 miles per hour… and they kinda go ‘splat’. But humans still loved it!! Sure there’s a slight risk of death… but eh! It got us out of the house!” The creature backed away from the human. No longer interested in human media. 

      “Ok then Human Tom,” the creature mumbled. Backing away tentacle by tentacle until it was a good 10 feet away from the human before turning and fleeing, determined to find the commander to tell them about this freak of nature that called itself “The Human Species”.

[definitlynotaplant]

The Music Box

Ok... So I write a lot of horror and I think this might be the first true horror thing that I post. This is completely raw, unedited, and only written in 15 minutes. I just forced myself to get words on a page lol. I am absolutely begging for any criticism and feedback that you might have, or if you want a pt. 2.

I hear that music the moment the lid opens. The music. Her music. The music of pain and sorrow and agony that I inflicted upon her until blood splattered out of her and onto me. A fine coating of little droplets of something only a little thicker than water coats my cheeks, my eyelids, my forehead and collates at the bottom of my shoes as I stand up and walk away. Relishing the smell of copper on my skin and the sound of her screams on the wind. The music is still playing in the background. The lid is swung open and a little figurine of a dancer spins around and around and around. The music dies, and with it, the bloodlust. The excitement from the kill. The mix of adrenaline and pure pleasure coursing through my veins. They all screech to a halt. The horror of what I’ve done was washing against me like a tidal wave, pulling me under like a rip current. Stealing my breath. My soul. The very bones of my body. But that tinklining song was still in the underlying part of my brain. Singing that it would be alright. Singing that it would end as soon as I kill another. Singing that its dancer would dance once again to the tune, if only I prepared the body. If only I got another pair of eyes. A separate skull, another heart, and a fresh liver. I take the eyes. Her eyes. The eyes of a woman I once called mine. She is the music boxes now. 

I followed another one home. This one is another woman. Maybe 5’6 with straight brown hair cut into a bob. None of that will matter in a minute. I’m in her house now. She left her scarf on the hook, her boots at the door. Her kitchen knives on the table. As her scream resonates and turns into a burble, it mixes with the song of the music box. Peace. I’m at peace now. Her skull. It screams to me. Her skull is mine. And so it is. 

The next one I follow to a hotel room. He is just as dangerous as me with a gun in his back pocket and a leer on his face as he passes girls no older than 16 on the street. My conscience feels good about this one. I wait for him in his hotel room as he stops at the vending machine. He closes the door and he's dead. His neck cracking is the only sound I need to feel fulfilled, but the music box springs back to life. Twinkling a tune that begs for his heart. I don’t know why that’s the heart that it chooses, but it is. And it now belongs to the music box. 

And so I continue. The box rewards me with a surge of dopamine each time I claim another part for this divinity. I got every part. Each lung. Both legs. Every arm. 

“The moonlight” the box screams and sings to me. So divine and breathtaking I can’t possibly resist. Not that I could ever want to. A sigil. A song. A specific layout of each limb and organ in a masterpiece inside the forest clearing.

The music swells, so does my heart. Tears prick my eyes as a new melody joins the fray. A complexity mixing into the impossibility of such a divine and godlike sound. No. More than sound. More than divine. More than pure perfection liquified and drank by the god of the universe itself. 

It grows and grows as I scratch each sigil into each part until it is thundering in my ears. My eyes. My heart, my lungs. Thudding through the soil and roots.

Until it stops.

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans Are Weird: Insults

Hi! :) this was just a quick little 5 min writing stint that I did since I was bored and waiting for my class to start lol. As usual, any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

“Human Ella… What did you just say?” Asked the concerned alien known as Egorith after watching Human Ella and Human Kyle walk away from each other with disgust, (and in Ella's case, a little pride). 

“Well… I definitely didn’t tell him he has a voice that makes people want to gouge their eyes out with rusty spoons. And I MOST CERTAINLY didn’t tell him that one of his certain “appendages” is as small as a grain of sand. And there's no way in HELL that I told him that if it were between saving a feogjn (A horrendous, slimy, bloodthirsty monster from plant X385) and him, that everyone on the crew would unanimously choose the feogjn. 

“Well… I’m very glad that you didn’t say that” replied the alien, forgetting that humans have a thing called sarcasm. “But then… what did you say?” questioned the 5 eyed creature, staring up at the human with far too much innocence.

After a moment of surprised looks and a concerning amount of blinking (Luckily, none of which the alien noticed), Human Ella replied “Well, I simply told him to have a nice day”. 

“But then…” the alien pondered, giving human Ella time to roll her eyes, “Why did he look so mad?”

“I don't know Egorith. Maybe you should go ask him” Human Ella laughed before turning abruptly and walking away.

“Ok! I will!” shouted the tiny alien after the human. Vowing to himself that next time he saw Human Kyle, he would be sure to ask him about it.

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans Are Weird: Sweat

     “Human Steve…” the alien asked with caution “what… what the fuck is that?” 

     Human Steve looked around, visibly confused. The alien could tell this by the slight V that the human’s eyebrows formed and the slight part of its lips “what’s what?” The human said, clearly not understanding what scared the 6 eyed creature so much

     “You're bleeding! And it’s clear!” The alien screamed in a mix of fear and slight curiosity. ”Are you hurt? I don’t remember anything hurting you! Did you get in another fight with the glaums?! I thought you were told to stop?!”

      “Dude. Chill” sighed the human. Clearly exhausted from all the manual labor of re-assembling the engine after a night of drunk mistakes involving a wrench, a bottle of tequila, and a couple of overzealous first year engineers. “It’s a human thing called sweat. Humans excrete a clear liquid from their bodies when they get hot or over exerted. It’s a coping mechanism for their bodies to help cool them off. It’s mostly a mix of water and salt” 

     “O… oh” the alien stumbled over its words. It’s translator struggling to handle the influx of greatly concerning information funneling through its speakers. 

     “Ok” it mumbled weakly, backing away from the human cautiously “you’re dismissed for now. I’ll have the other engineers finish up. Just uh… just don’t do that again”. Backing up tentacle by tentacle until it was a good 20 feet away before turning and fleeing from the concerningly casual deathworlder who could crush anyone with its fingers. 

     “Huh” mumbled the deathworlder. Smiling and whistling to itself before skipping along, popping earbuds into its ears as it moved

     The rest of the aliens who were watching in fascination for any weakness to exploit from the seemingly naive humans ran away in fear. Whatever these creatures were, they were way to concerning to fuck with. 

[definitlynotaplant]

Your Eyes: A sonnet

So, this is the first time I’ve ever tried to write a sonnet but I honestly don’t completely hate how it turned out. Any feedback would be GREATLY appreciated.

Your eyes reflect the depths of the ocean

They dance in the light of the rising sun

They invoke a deep, primal emotion

They shine so bright and are second to none

They reflect your view of the universe

A raw, uncut wildness lies beneath 

The range of blues and greens is so diverse

They shine as bright as a dagger unsheathed 

Your eyes are as blue as eternal skies

The ocean itself thrums to your heartbeat

When I look at you, grief meets its demise

And the darkness ebbs away in defeat

Your eyes are those of the wind, sky, and sea

And I play that they could belong to me

[definitlynotaplant]

The World Won’t End in Fire

They said that the sky would fall in fire

That there would be screams

That we would see something

Feel something. 

They say that the world started with a spark, then a bang. I wish that it had ended that way too. I wish that I had gotten a way to say goodbye. To say I love you. To say all of the things that I needed to say. I would stretch that moment into a million heartbeats. A billion smiles. A trillion ticks of an eternal clock filled with your laughter and joy. But even one would have been enough. 

And yet, here I float. Feeling nothing but pain and agony as I stare into the nothingness that is space. Is this death? No heavenly choir, no angels floating overhead. No devils with pitchforks stabbing us. No sweltering heat to engulf us in flame. Just nothing. No hot and no cold. No evil and no good. No right and no wrong. Nothing. 

In a way, this is worse. Worse than bombs dropping or you stabbing me in the heart with a white hot knife. There is no distraction. Nothing to remember except your eyes. Your light. The million moments that we never got to have. I know you're dead too. I can feel it. Our links to each other- to humanity, have been severed. The kind that made you know that you were never truly alone. Except, now I am, and I fear that you are too. 

What are you thinking right now? Are you thinking about the 8 billion people dead? The flora and fauna that ceased to exist? Me? Are you even thinking right now? Or is your soul truly gone? Lost to the wind and the waves of fate. The tides of death. 

How long has it been without you? A year? Five? A trillion millenia compressed into a single, tortuous second?

I don't know. It doesn’t matter. It never mattered. Never will matter. Every second is painful. Every minute is agony. Not because of the physical pain of the gouges in my flesh or the radiation in my bones, but because of the pain of losing you. The pain of emptiness that I shouldn't feel but do. 

My world didn't end in fire. No, that would have been too merciful. It ended in silence. Cruel, cold, indefinite silence. 

[definitlynotaplant]

The Power of Nature

Cold, indefinite silence closes around your head

Bubbles rise around your encapsulated body

Thousands of pounds pressing on your lungs

Your heart

Waves threw you from the boat on which you felt so safe

The rainforest swallows you whole

Humidity chokes your lungs

Spiders climb along- under your flesh

A panther lurks terrifyingly near

Flood waters rise

A mix of salt and blood fills your mouth

The water burbles along, running through the cracks of your so- called shelter

It’s laughing at you. Even if you’re too far gone to hear it

Birds keep shattering their bones against the glass

Until it too shatters

Letting the feathered monsters into your 7th story apartment

They relish your screams as they tear out your flesh, your eyes

The shadows leer closer and closer

Raising their ugly heads as soon as you dare to blink

You’re not safe in your bed

Not safe from the shadow’s smile

You’re back in the ocean now

Except, not quite as deep down

Teeth rise from below you. Shining like lanterns in the darkness

You try to scream, but only bubbles escape your lips  

Something stares at you from the depths of the lake

It grabs onto the fishing pole that seemed to materialize in your hands

It’s too late to let go

You’re dragged beneath with the monster

Tornado sirens wail as you scramble for cover

Pummeled by hail and shrapnel

Whistling fills your ears

As the tree you were clinging to so desperately lets go

Drowning.

Hunted.

Begging for mercy at the feet of your killer

It makes you bow

This is the power of nature.

[definitlynotaplant]

Smile

I wrote this a little while ago and figured that I might as well post it. As an aspiring writer, any feedback would be incredibly appreciated.

Put on that fake smile

That painful grin

That disturbing leer

That glint of evil and flashing of teeth

Smile That’s what they tell us

Keep your head up

Keep your head up and everything will be ok

Society tells us to smile

Don’t let them see the cracks

The chinks in your armor

Don’t show your real self

Just give them something beautiful to look at

Nothing real

Nothing broken

Just give them something beautiful and perfect to look at

Don’t show the pain

The sadness

The agony

Only show them the perfection you have learned to perfectly conceal your truth

After all,

Who would want something ugly?

Who would want something broken?

Something real

Who would buy the crumpled box on the shelf?

No one

They belong in the back room

Where the rest of the wasted, damaged goods lie

So you keep grinning

Keep smiling

Keep your head up

Your eyes down

Don’t you dare to show your emotions

Because if you do

You’ll become another damaged good

Discarded onto the shelf with all the others.

Forgotten

Ignored

Disgraced

[definitlynotaplant]

Humans are weird: Multi-tasking

Ok... So I already posted this on the Humans Are Space Orcs page, but for some reason, it doesn't show up under my profile when I post it to there, so I guess imma post it again here? I'm completely new to Tumblr, so IDK how any of this works. (PLEASE tell me if I'm doing this wrong/ if this is stupid lol) Also, and feedback on this story would be great since this is my first funny humans are space orcs thing I've written, so anything helps lol. Anyways... without further adu... here's this thing

Wh… why Xeno 224 mumbled to itself, watching in fascination as the human named Kyle sat on its desk (No, not in its specifically designed for its back desk chair. Just… just its actual writing platform) while it sat with its legs crossed in what humans called “Criss- cross- applesauce” (Though this name completely baffled and slightly terrified 224). It had white, irregular shaped objects called earbuds sticking out of its ears. it stared down at a sheet of empty paper while a television show was playing in the background. (First mate Amy introduced them all to television, and it makes a lot more sense to see humans sitting in front of small, animated screens watching other humans exist). All of a sudden, the human started making strange, rhythmic vocal noises without opening its mouth called humming. It then grabbed a pen and started thwack- thwack- thwacking it down on the desk not hard, but just enough to make a sound that resonated through the once silent sleeping cubicle. Just as suddenly, it stopped the thwacking and instead clicked the pen to life and started sketching something that the humans have called a “Tree”. 

224 decided to take a risk and ask the human what it was doing. “Human Kyle. Why is you that doing?” questioned the alien in broken english. 

Human Kyle jumped, obviously not having noticed 225 standing there. After regaining its composure, Human Kyle asked, “Doing what?” still with those earbuds in its ears

“Th… that” stuttered the alien. Flailing its tentacles around wildly, trying to convey the mix of a seemingly incomprehensible amount of activities that the human somehow managed to do with ease.

“I need a little more clarification buddy” The human said with a bubble in its voice that 224 identified as “Laughter”

“Nevermind” sighed 224 as it turned around in resignation. Drawing the conclusion that humans must be lightyears smarter than anyone gives them credit for. Just as he was rushing out the door to report that humans have a wild, untold amount of brain precision power that no one had picked up on, it saw Human Amy lightly jogging towards him. Just then, she smacked into the sliding glass door, stumbled back, waved her hand in front of the scanner and confidently walked forwards and… smacked back into the door yet again. 

“Scratch that” 224 thought to itself before doing a thing called an “eye roll” and walking in the opposite direction as Human Amy. No longer feeling the need to report the so-called “untold, wild brain power” that it had hypothesized about.

[definitlynotaplant]

Level Black Threat

Ok, So I posted this to "Humans are space orcs" a few mins ago and saw that it doesn't show up on my account if you click it. (I am ridiculously new to tumblr, so PLEASE correct me if this is wrong or smthn) but I figured I should post everything a second time just on my account? Again, I REALLY don't know if this is how it's supposed to work or what but anyways... heres my first ever attempt at writing a horror version of Humans are Death Worlders

I knew that the container in the middle of the room must have been opened from the outside. It had to have been. How else would that thing have escaped? How else could it have massacred everyone in the research station, and then escaped into the vast wasteland that is the surrounding terrain? How else was the cage that once was thought to be an infallible defense against whatever this creature was- torn to shreds like it was made of mere cotton? Blood stains soaked into the floor, not even dry yet. Only frozen. The original cleanup crew didn’t even last an hour in here until blanching at the gore, begging and pleading for me to be called in. Of course, we hadn't seen footprints leading away from the research bunker, so we knew that the snow must’ve covered it up. However, strangely enough, there hadn't been any reported snowstorms in the area since at least a week before this thing went on its killing spree. As I was deep in thought, contemplating the blood, the recorded screams, the pain that must have been felt by my comrades, I heard a cough from behind me and whirled around, breath catching in my lungs. Glinting eyes stared back at me and a gaunt face leered through the darkness, broken only by orange flickering light as it held a torch in its claws like it was its only lifeline to sanity. I racked my mind, trying to remember the name that the government had given it on the packaging label that it had come in, and in the several warning memos that had been frantically sent from the so-called government labeled LEVEL BLACK THREAT. Telling about a manic freak of nature, quick to anger, ingenious in its escapes. Merciless towards their kind and others. Ah yes. I remember it now. Human.