deltarose

[deltarose]

He doesn’t want to spend time together.

He doesn’t wanna give me kisses outside of the one when he leaves in the morning.

He doesn’t hug me

Doesn’t really say he loves me without being prompted.

He barely speaks to me.

He’s too tired to help determine dinner.

Too tired to watch a movie with me

Too tired to play a game with me

Too tired to love me.

But he wants more sex. So I should put in more effort to make that happen for him when he’s too tired to make me feel like more than a fuck maid.

What’s the point?

[deltarose]

“The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding.”

— Law of Attraction

[deltarose]

Trigger warning: divorce, cheating

My mom and I meet for lunch occasionally. Adulting is full of busy bee at work and home, I don’t have a ton of extra time. She had told me she had something to tell me and I spent a week stressing over it.

She started her spiel with “you know I’ve been unhappy for a while” and presented me with separating from my stepdad. In addition to that, she told me she was actively seeing a new man that she met through work. My mom and my stepdad have been married for probably 12-14 years. She told him two weeks ago she wanted to separate, she’s been talking to this new man since November. She seems happy which is….great??? But a lack of communication and a relationship full of passive aggressive assumptions caused her current one to fall apart. I don’t blame her for having mourned her relationship and being unwilling to reconcile, I also recognize I couldn’t convince her otherwise. I do think instead of jumping in to a new relationship, she probably should’ve pursued therapy.

But I still feel bad for my step dad. He just had rotator cuff surgery, his dad more or less disowned him over things his mother was telling him. For reference he is adopted and had taken his mom and dad’s family name. His mom told his dad that basically he (stepdad) hated him and went back to the name he had before being adopted. His dad believed her. We got to meet his parents once then never again. His mom is completely no contact. His dad has since passed away, his mom didn’t even tell him. It was his sister that told him that his dad had passed. He probably should’ve also pursued therapy.

She spent our whole lunch telling me about this new guy. And while I know their separation has nothing to do with me, I’m low key devastated this is how my mom went with this. I just can’t identify which part I’m most upset about. My stepdad didn’t deserve that. Maybe he wasn’t up to what my mom wanted anymore, but he deserved to know she was checked out of the relationship before she started seeing another guy. And yes, she has spent a weekend with this new guy already. I don’t know. I completely disagree with the way my mom did this, and realistically if my stepdad decides to make this a big deal when they go to divorce, we’re in a Bible Belt state, he could mop the floor with her if he has proof of her and this new dudes relationship.

My stepdad was worried I’d be mad at him for some reason. And wanted my mom to tell me that even though they’re separating, if I needed anything I could reach out and if shit ever hit the fan, I’d have a place to stay as he’s keeping the house that him and my mom bought together.

Life can be exhausting.

[deltarose]

A gentle reminder that even on the days everything feels dark and you feel empty, you carry value beyond comprehension.

It’s okay for it to be dark and empty for a little.

The light is coming, hang in there.

[deltarose]

“Your mind is programmable, if you’re not programming it, then someone else will program it for you.”

— Jeremy Hammond

[deltarose]

We don’t talk anymore.

But I still think of you when I see things you introduced me to.

We don’t talk anymore.

But I still hope your holidays are treating you well.

We don’t talk anymore.

But there’s not a day I don’t think of something we did or said.

We don’t talk anymore.

But I still think of the ways I could’ve been a better friend.

We don’t talk anymore.

But I hope your mom is doing okay and that she knows I still think of her.

We don’t talk anymore.

But I still hope for your success.

We don’t talk anymore….

But there’s days I still wish we did.

[deltarose]

I don’t crave the finer things in life,

I crave the things that make me happy and feel fulfilled.

I crave feeling successful meaning bills are paid without stress.

I crave just a little more than just survival

[deltarose]

[deltarose]

“I wanna live not just survive.”

— Unknown

[deltarose]

I hope that one day, the only thing that’s on your mind is peace.

I hope that your peace feels like warmth against your skin.

I hope that that warmth leads to rest.

I hope that one day the pain you endured, the tragedy falls away,

I hope that one day, you clasp your hands and hold your head up high knowing you healed.

On the days your healing doesn’t feel like enough or like it’s been worked through, I hope you can still reflect on how far you’ve come.

[deltarose]

Some days

You’re laughing with your best friend feeling on top of the world

Some days

You’re in a room full of people you know and care about with the world on top of you

There will be better days

There will be worse days

[deltarose]

Btw don't shut up you're not annoying

[deltarose]

One time I told my doctor that I felt I was experiencing depression.

He told me to go outside more.

The job I had following that was almost entirely outside.

Here I am. Still depressed.

Huh. Isn’t that funny.

[deltarose]

[deltarose]

No one will ever fully be able to understand the internal battles you had to endure just to heal, just to grow, just to make it here today. Be proud of the way you fought to save yourself. Be proud of the way you survived.

Bianca Sparacino

[deltarose]

Thanks, Anon!

-submit your poll!-

[deltarose]

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our life.”

— Akshay Dubey