delusinaldreamer19

[delusinaldreamer19]

sometimes i think about the tension between the fact that the butler-master relationship does put sebastian in a pseudo-parental role for a very vulnerable, traumatised child and the fact that the contract is inherently predatory (and that is made worse by every aspect of its context)

this demon is the necessary toll his vengeance takes, but part of ciel probably has such a hard time not to associate a butler with safety, because it must have been how he was raised. his father's servants were trustworthy and ciel has always been safe at home - danger came from the outside. a master has to trust his servants, but sebastian is a beast that merely took the form of one.

after the unthinkable happened, and ciel came home, he learned to be the earl (and to be a person again), he healed just enough to function, and all of that was with sebastian by his side. sebastian cannot be dissociated from ciel's progress, just as he cannot be dissociated from his trauma.

it has to be hard to keep in mind that sebastian is dangerous (and is, actively, hurting him) when said demon is very much incapable of lying to him, betraying him, or letting any harm come his way. except he often makes it very clear he would do every single one of those if he could, and maybe he only doesn't do it because it's working in its favour for now, because he thinks it's worth it. and he stays true to that, except when he doesn't. except when he straight up tries to eat (betray, harm) his master.

but he obediently steps back into his role if he's satisfied so... not that bad, right? safe-ish? good enough for ciel to be clothed and fed and protected and lulled into a false sense of safety that is believable enough that he can fall asleep knowing someone is watching over him. he's being protected by the thing no one can protect him from. but that's fine.

[delusinaldreamer19]

This butler in the tropics🌴

[delusinaldreamer19]

If somebody drops fanart for Of All the Unexpected I’ll spend the next 48 hours straight working on the next chapter finishing it AND do a face reveal.

(A very subtle incentive)

[delusinaldreamer19]

Hey everyone! (My mental health is in shambles but I’ll try and start working on my fanfics again soon🫠)

[delusinaldreamer19]

HELL YEAH

(alois voice) claude, you look different today.

[delusinaldreamer19]

Hey, I just wanted to say that I miss reading your sebagni fics, especially of all the unexpected 😪 no one portrays the two of them as good as you do! but i hope you’re doing well <3

(Trying to pull myself up as I hang off a clif that drop off into a firey hellscape)

…just….give me…..urge……like two more weeks

Anyways that’s the metaphor for how I’m feeling at the moment. I’ve had quite a bit going on these past few months ranging from abdominal surgery to a breakup to a lot of old memories coming back to the surface and bring up the emotions with them.

Apologies for venting to a stranger on the internet! But then again that’s what I’ve always done lol. And yes, my fanfics will be completed in the future once I have the appropriate time and energy to work on them. Thank you for checking in!

[delusinaldreamer19]

Full Chapter 214 under the cut!

SPOILERS

I'm tearing the walls off the walls

[delusinaldreamer19]

just saw that the new chapter is gonna be 30 pages? black butler manga nation we are so back!

[delusinaldreamer19]

WHAT DID I SAY YALL I CALLED IT

Funny how the little snippet/trailer of the green witch arc that we got was better then the entirety of season 4.

[delusinaldreamer19]

“dadbastian isn't canon!! he just wants ciels soul!!”

yes but have you ever heard of fun and whimsy

[delusinaldreamer19]

Some Thoughts on the "I smell blood" Scene

Manga spoilers.

This is kind of a continuation of my post about Ciel simultaneously trusting and mistrusting Sebastian, but dealing with how Ciel seems to completely trust Sebstian not to (physically) hurt him.

Ciel learned within 24 hours of knowing Sebastian that the demon wasn't interested in his body, only his soul.

When he wakes from nightmares, he doesn't want Sebastian to touch him, but he trusts him not to touch him enough to fall asleep with him in the room.

While his guard is always up to parry any of Sebastian's teasing, he is completely physically at ease around him, even when naked or laying down.

Within days of being triggered into psychosomatic blindness by the demon, he's comfortable enough to be naked in a tub in front of him and let him wash his hair.

Within a fortnight he's laying facedown on a bed with no concern for the butler's presence.

It doesn't cross his mind that Sebastian might try to touch him inappropriately, because he's never shown any attraction toward his body and never taken advantage of the many opportunities in which Ciel has been vulnerable in front of him.

Despite the fanservicey framing of some scenes, the characters in it are not having any sexual or romantic thoughts or feelings. In the Weston library scene, Ciel is shocked and sweats because he doesnt know why Sebastian has grabbed him, not because he thinks he's about to be sexually assaulted.

Again in the "I smell blood" scene, despite it being framed like Sebastian is about to SA him, Ciel's alarm is because he doesn't know why Sebastian is acting like that. He's learned from experience that Sebastian only grabs him rudely when there's some danger that he doesn't have time to communicate. Ciel's fear is directed at that unknown danger, not Sebastian himself.

The translation "what's gotten into you" is misleading. Ciel knows what's gotten into him: fear for his safety; what he doesn't know is what threat Sebastian has detected.

When he saw Sebastian suddenly freeze, Ciel asked him what was wrong. When Sebastian starts ripping off his clothes instead of responding, Ciel says "Oy! What on earth is it!?"

Ciel implicitly trusts Sebastian with his body; that trust has been validated by the years they've spent together. It's his soul he doesn't trust him with.

[delusinaldreamer19]

Cognitive Mistrust vs Emotional Trust

Manga spoilers under the cut.

At the beginning of their contract, Ciel does not trust Sebastian in the slightest. He can only hope to limit the danger to himself using the terms of their contract.

Sebastian has vowed to protect him without betrayal, but how far does that extend? The cultists seemed confident that the demon they were trying to summon wanted a soul that had experienced corruption and degradation. Would Sebastian continue the abuse they'd started?

He quickly learns that Sebastian has no interest in his body outside of it being the fragile and often inconvenient vessel of his soul.

And while Sebastian does seem to enjoy Ciel's coldheartness toward their enemies...

... he also sometimes encourages him to be kinder toward their allies.

Whether or not Sebastian is interested in further corrupting his soul, he does expect to have it as his reward. And, as Ciel comes to find out, if he strays from the path of revenge for even a moment, Sebastian can interpret that as a breach of contract and snatch his soul early.

Ciel believes that Sebastian does not care about him beyond his use as a meal, and that, given the opportunity, he would cheat him out of his soul. Therefore, he knows he cannot trust him.

But does he have a choice?

Sebastian may sometimes allow or be unable to avoid him getting hurt, physically or mentally, but he always saves him in the end. And then, almost invariably, he holds him. Sometimes he just puts his arms around him, but usually he fully picks him up, even when he's fit to walk.

Ciel does not like this. He wants to be treated as an adult and hates to show vulnerability. Sometimes he even pushes Sebastian away.

But even if he rationally knows that Sebastian is ultimately a threat and doesn't care about him, his body doesn't. Sebastian is a demon, but his touch, warmth, and smell register as human.

His clothes and scent are linked with warmth and protection.

Ciel's lizard brain has made the connection between Sebastian's presence and security and comfort in spite of what he knows to be true.

Even half unconscious from exposure to poison gas, Ciel clings to Sebastian as an anchor.

At the end, when Sebastian leans in to end him, will his proximity soothe or frighten Ciel?

[delusinaldreamer19]

[delusinaldreamer19]

Wait babe don't kill yourself black butler is coming back next month

[delusinaldreamer19]

thinking about them again 🫠

[delusinaldreamer19]

Hey everyone idk if ppl even still follow this acc honestly

I would make some excuse for not posting or updating my fanfics but honestly the ao3 author curse has gotten me I think like life just be hitting me over the head man🫠

[delusinaldreamer19]