depressedboi

[depressedboi]

The air is still at 4 am and I find it pleases me, in the minutes and moments before the world really wakes up. We’re the only disturbance at this hour, the groan of my chair, the gentle whooshing of distant cars, the few chirps of the rare early bird. I can almost convince myself that time moves slow, pouring like molasses from the jar, instead of sand rushing through an hourglass. The air has been cold these days, and it is a welcome reprieve. The crispness of it fills my chest, I dig out my sweater and put it to use, my skin shrinking from the chill for a change. It doesn’t suffocate, it doesn’t drown, in fact, it invigorates. After all these years, my blood refuses to succumb to the heat; the rebellion, the rejection of this place is physically rooted in me.

When I stay up all night, I feel like a kid. I can still remember my childhood bedroom, shared with my sister, and the sleepover with her neighborhood friend. We bought Monsters and sodas and candies from the Dollar General in walking distance. Staying up all night was an event, a celebration, an adventure. I can still see the soft pink light and gentle baby blue of the sunrise over the houses across the way, as I sit on the marble sill of our second story window. I think somewhere in my trunk of the past, I still have a picture of that sunrise.

Abby is dead now, all that’s left of her are the few random shots we took on an old camera together, some of them with the eyes cut out from when I used to collage. And that’s the crazy thing about time, life, existence. Nobody tells you about how sunrises change and so do the people you greet them with, and sometimes people and places and times are gone and there’s no getting them back, and how, somehow, that fact is both devastatingly painful and, simultaneously, a thankful rejoice.

~K.

[depressedboi]

Meeting The Man: James Baldwin in Paris

(via Mubi)

[depressedboi]

depression tips™

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

[depressedboi]

[depressedboi]

“Recently, a friend of mine told me that she felt guilty that she hadn’t accomplished more during the last year of the pandemic. Now, I’ve heard that a few times. And I have a feeling we’re gonna be hearing that more and more.”

The Amber Ruffin Show (May 21, 2021)

[depressedboi]

fck zodiac signs i wanna know - hardcover or paperback? top bunk or bottom? podcasts or audiobooks? morning or evening showers?

[depressedboi]

Which of these wholesome Memes are your Favourite? :) 

Follow @memeuplift for more wholesome memes

[depressedboi]

“You just have to survive today.”

— J.T. Barnett

[depressedboi]

Do yourself a favor: listen to that song until the memory loses its teeth, watch that movie that you've turned off after thirty seconds; watch it through your tears the first fifty times if you have to. Look at those pictures, cradle the memories in your bleeding palms; allow the pain to exist in a space you have made softer. Talk about your love with those left, focus on the now, the then, braid the two. Everything that you made happen, that happened to you, is your history. You deserve to read the chapters in which you are the hero and the villain and even the times you were an NPC in your own story. Your scars are shot through with light, my darling. You're shining now.

[depressedboi]

100 good questions to ask your friends at 4:02 am when you can’t sleep (can also function as an asks list)

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance?

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known?

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody?

Do you place any value in gender roles?

Do you have to be related to be family?

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones?

Are you in love? Do you want to be?

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation?

Would you be happy with a life without romance? 

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody?

Would you change your appearance if you could?

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.?

Do you believe in reincarnation?

Would you want to be reincarnated?

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both?

Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem?

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them?

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’?

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why?

Do you want a grand adventure?

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different?

How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better?

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both?

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality?

How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality?

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far?

Are you afraid of growing old?

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century?

Do you believe in some form of god/s?

Are your choices fated or of your own free will?

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die?

Do you believe in star signs?

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult?

Was your childhood happy?

What are you missing from your life?

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along?

Do opposites attract?

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago?

Do you know what you want out of life?

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’?

What fundamentally matters do you?

Is freewill an illusion?

Do you create art? How do you define art?

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful?

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for?

Is true world peace ever possible?

Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it?

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free?

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others?

What do you expect from a friend or partner?

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person?

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some?

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong?

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time?

Is a conscious what makes someone a person?

What do you think about artificial intelligence?

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing?

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity?

What do you think the next era of music will be like?

What do you think the next era of fashion will be like?

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them?

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them?

How confident are you, really?

How consistent is your perception of time?

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote?

How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’?

What’s the worse thing a person can be?

How do you feel about monogamy?

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else?

What’s the tragedy of your life?

Would your life make a good play?

Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time?

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation?

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect?

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent?

Do you crave approval and/or praise?

Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy?

Are you ever going to be satisfied?

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy?

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time?

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)?

Are you a deep person?

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it?

Are you who people think you are?

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion?

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it?

Do you anger easily?

Are you a jealous person?

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality?

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it?

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate?

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn?

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them?

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately?

Is unrequited love real love?

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you?

Are you overly analytical?

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation?

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious?

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in?

[depressedboi]

Protecting your mental health is not selfish.

Protecting your energy is not selfish.

[depressedboi]

last two days of 2019 and I'm crying right now.

which totally sums up my whole year.

[depressedboi]

Do you ever just feel like you just want to "stop"

[depressedboi]

I thought I was having an off semester, turns out I'm having an off life.

[depressedboi]

It’s September 10th, it’s the World Suicide Prevention Day. As I am writing this I reminisce the ones I had the utmost privilege of sharing my life with. Sitting here, I cherish every bit of the life they lived and the life they are living beyond. Today, I want to address this to anyone who has suffered or is suffering from any type of mental illness. First of all, I want you to know that the yours feeling are valid, you do not have to reevaluate and poke yourself continually for being that way, it is totally alright. I want you to know that you are not alone. I will never ask you to “Get over it.” I will never tell you to just “Try harder” or that it’s “all in your mind and you can deal with it.” I know what it is like to be there. But I want you to know that in this journey as humans we have to face several obstacles and at times you might take a bit more time than others to overcome it, but that should never make you doubt your worth or your purpose in life. We all take our own to time to heal. I read few scattered words somewhere and they have stuck with me through years that, “Depression only takes root when the vision of past is more powerful than the vision of the future.” And as heavy these words are, if you are someone who is going through a difficult time and you feel like you are at your loneliest place right now, please COMMUNICATE. It is the best first thing you can do to help yourself. I know it’s easier said than done but trust me. People care, I care so much and I am here to listen. Furthermore, I would request everyone to just be vigilant enough to know the people surrounding you, please keep a check on mental well-being of your loved ones. Your mere “how are you?” can save a life. 💛 Again this year, I am listing few Suicide Prevention Lines that I checked are functioning: · Roshni : +914066202000 (11 am to 9 pm) · Cooj: +918322252525 ( 1 pm to 7 pm) · Sneha Foundation India : +914424640050 (24x7 available) · Vandrevala Foundation : 18602662345/18002333330 (24x7 available) · Samaritans (Mumbai) : +91 84229 84528 / +91 84229 84529 ( 3 pm to 11 pm) Please seek for help, please talk. A text, a DM, a call, but please communicate.🌻💛 -fighter https://www.instagram.com/p/B2PW5qllL3EGGxDnjbXjQtktN5nD8gYHdejAJo0/?igshid=19zqgv3n4dgkh

[depressedboi]

my heart. my heart.

An Open Letter to My Dog

My goodest girl Maple,

         I love you, more than words can say. Which is ok, because you’re a dog, so you don’t really understand words anyway (though I know you try so hard to!) But I still have to write this letter to you regardless.

See, you’re one of the most important people in the world to me, and the greatest thing I’ve ever done. You’re amazing. You’re joy incarnate. You’re so intense yet still so silly, without making it seem like a contradiction. With a wonderfully sensitive and sweet heart at the core of it all. And you’re so, so good. Earnest. Always trying your best. And the bond we’ve forged over the last seven and a half years, well… Let’s just say that I know you would do anything for me. For that I am both endlessly humbled and proud of you. Know that I too, would do anything for you, my good girl.

You’ve taught me so much. Not just about training and behavior. But you’ve taught me about trust and about fear, and you’ve taught me about love, and most of all you’ve taught me about myself. I must say the process wasn’t always graceful, in fact it rarely was. For that I am so, so very sorry. You did not deserve to be at the receiving end of my failures. But you did it anyways, always by my side; you’ve forgiven me and you’ve made me better. And I know I’m not done making mistakes. Truth be told, I don’t think I ever will be. But I promise you that I am always striving to be better, to do better, because that is what you deserve. And gosh, I look forward to continuing to learn together!

You’ve helped me, too. More than you’ll ever know. The number of times you’ve pulled me out of the darkness or kept me grounded is countless.

Quite simply, you’re perfect. There will never be another dog like you. I could’ve gone on forever like this, just you and me. But somewhere along the line, I realized something. When I would absentmindedly think about the future—25, 50 years from now—you were always there, in my vision. And one day I realized that…you won’t be there. That broke my heart. I don’t know what I’d ever do without you. But one day, hopefully far, far in the future, I will be.

And like I said, there will never be another like you; never a relationship with another dog the same as I have with you. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that if I got another dog, after you’re gone, I don’t know that it would feel right. To constantly compare, try as I would not to. To grow resentful of this new animal before me—for not being enough like you, or even for being too much like you. I would want to learn to love this new animal for who they are, I would want to give this animal my whole heart same as I’ve given you, and I don’t know if I could. But to be without a dog at all? This thought also breaks my heart.

The only solution I could think of to this conundrum was to bring home another dog while you are still here. So that I can learn to love her as an individual, without resentment or heartbreak. To build a bond with her as unique as the one you and I have. And I wanted to do this while you are still young—I hope that the two of you will be great buddies, and I want you to be able to be young together, for a time. And then one day—far, far away I hope—when you inevitably break my heart like never before, she will be here to help heal it just as you have done for me so many times.

So, I came to the conclusion that now was the time. I must say it was not without much agonizing and consideration and doubt. What if this causes things to change between us? I don’t want that, not ever. And I certainly don’t want you to ever feel any less loved or like you have any less of my heart than you’ve always had. But I will always love you, more and more every day. And I think we can do this—together. I think we have to. And I want to. It’s just a hard decision all around.

I also want to apologize in advance for any annoying puppy antics you will no doubt encounter. But I know you will take them all good-naturedly, and you will help me in raising her just like you help me in every other aspect of my life. Because that’s just who you are. My goodest girl.

So Maple, I hope you’re ready to take this journey with me. I can never take back the mistakes I made in raising you. What I can do, is promise to do right by this puppy, as much as I can. I hope that in some small way, this makes up for my failures. Atonement, maybe. I will do this for you as much as I do it for her. To honor you.

With my whole heart, - Riley

[depressedboi]

A to Z  SELF-HELP  MASTERPOST

10 more ways to cope with bipolar

25 ways to avoid self injury

A:

A little bit of everything

Acoustic

Alternatives for anger and restlessness

Anti stress breathing tips

Are you feeling okay?

B:

Big master post of masterposts

Bipolar coping skills

Bipolar self help

Breathe

Bulimia recovery

C:

Calm down

Calm down during a anxiety attack

Calm sounds

Calming manatee

Calming paintbrush

Cheer up!

Choose happy

Click here to smile

Coffee shop

Coffee shop acoustics

Coffee shop tunes

Comfort box

Conquer school

Cool game called ‘the end’ to distract you

Cope with ocd

Cope with panic attacks

Coping with autism spectrum disorder

Coping with bipolar

Coping with borderline personality disorder

Coping with depression

Coping with eating disorders

Coping with exercise addictions

Coping with PTSD

Coping with schizophrenia

Coping with social anxiety

Coping with social anxiety disorder

Coping with weight gain

D:

Daily puppy

Deal with anxiety

Dealing with bipolar without medication

Depression resources masterpost

Disorders/mental illness

Distractions and alternatives for self harm

Do nothing for two minutes

Do yoga to cheer  yourself up

Draw a stickman

E:

Eating disorder support groups

Emergency compliment

Feeling stressed?

Good feelings

Good morning

F:

Finding the right antidepressant

H:

Happy thing masterpost

Helping someone who is suicidal

Hotlines

How to break out of a zip tie

How to care for self harm cuts

How to cope with depression

How to fade and cover scars

I:

Isnt the rain beautiful

J:

Just relapsed?

L:

Learn how to mediate

List of hotlines for everyone

Living with bipolar

Living with someone who has OCD

Look at the stars!

Low on cash but wanting help?

M:

Match the colours

Maybe you want to comfort someone else

Mental health hotlines

More about ocd

More hotlines (UK)

Most relaxing tune according to scientists

Mynoise

N:

Natural depression treatments

Nature not your thing? coffee shop noise

Need a hug??

Never say these things to someone having a panic attack

Note to self

O:

Overcome your eating disorder

Overcoming loneliness

P:

Panic and anxiety

R:

Rad covers

Rainy mood

Rape escape

Really good game to get feelings out

Reasons to live

Resisting the urges

S:

Sand patterns

Self defence tips

Self injury recovery masterpost

Sleepy tunes

Soothing techniques

Sounds to fall asleep to

Soundrown

Speak to people

Spring fling

Stop biting your nails

Stop skipping breakfast

Study playlist

Stupid games to cheer you up (pointless games)

Suicide prevention

Supporting someone with PTSD tips

T:

The butterfly project

The dawn room

The quiet place

The thoughts room

Tips and tricks for dealing with anxiety

Tips to help stop cutting

U:

Understand types of anxiety

Understanding and coping with panic attacks

Understanding and managing anxiety

W:

Wanting to self harm or worse?

Ways to deal with depression/stress

Weave silk to calm down

What are eating disorders?

What cutting does to you

What is autism spectrum disorder?

What is bipolar?

What is borderline personality disorder?

What is depression?

What is generalized anxiety disorder?

What is ocd?

What is panic disorder?

What is PTSD?

What is schizophrenia?

What is social anxiety/social phobia

What to do when someone notices your cuts/scars?

Wheels on the road

When you’re sad?

Work through feelings of social isolation

Wow beautiful nature sounds!

source: Multiple internet sites