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[deralpi]

With the full knowledge that people could meme this, I, a full-grown man, will vent my unfiltered emotions in regards to a ship. While I don’t think that I have anything meaningful to add, I certainly feel the urge to put some of my frustration into words.

First off, I want to preface this that my intention is not to tarnish the elation other critters are feeling over the recent Beauregard-Playlist. Above my personal preferences stood always the happiness of the cast outside of the game and the happiness of the characters inside of the game. It ultimately brings me the most joy to see their game and how they want to play, even if it goes against my personal preferences at times. I want them to play their game, not tailor the story to my proclivities.

What I currently feel, however, is a bit of confusion and frustration.

To me, it feels as though Marisha took the three-month-hiatus to reevaluate Beau’s convoluted feelings and in that process achieved a higher understanding as to where Beau’s direction of affection is aimed at. The result is (current status, five episodes in) that the Cupid's arrow has her pointed at Yasha.

And it’s good on her that she has put some thought into this. And it is lovely that Beau allows herself to love (which she didn’t really in regards to Jester). What it leads to, however, is a shockingly abrupt transition from getting flustered near Jester in Episode 99 to the complete… absence, I guess, in the episodes afterward, because Beau has undergone a development off screen to which I was not privy to.

Of course, there were enough meaningful interactions between Beau and Yasha that this doesn’t come out of nowhere. If anything I was already anticipating it, preparing myself for Beaujester to not work out. The problem is that it felt SO sudden. Were those feelings towards Jester more shallow than I perceived them? Had it really just been a crush all along? Was I crazy to think there was more to it? Can you get over “incomparable” this quickly?

Perhaps you can. Perhaps I’m overexaggerating and jumping to conclusions too fast. Matters are undecided, but from my perspective the trajectory is set. All I can hope is that from here on out this particular story thread unfolds in a way I can join you guys in your elation.

To reemphasize: I’m happy if the players/characters are happy, and given a few days to calm down I will also be fine with this development. Of that I have no doubt. Right now, however, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

[deralpi]

*Melancholy Sigh* Goodbye Beaujester. It was good while it lasted. Was a good run. 

[deralpi]

I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a spell, and I’m going to do it in regards to the Beauyasha scene, because after reflection I have some concerns. This is a delicate topic and I try my best to tackle it, so keep that in mind as you read along. I make no secret of me being a fan of Beaujester, but I also always mentioned that I would be completely fine with Beau and Yasha ending up together. That is, under one condition: If Yasha doesn’t end up being the constellation price, because that is the last thing that girl deserves. In that scenario I would be far from fine with it. To understand my reasoning/perspective we have to unravel their relationship from the start. From my perspective, Beau has been flirting heavily with Yasha in the beginning because she essentially saw her as a price to be won; a woman to win over; a fling for one hot night… You get the gist. Beau was out for short-lived fun, not long-term attachments, let alone relationships; a behavioural pattern created by her complicated upbringing and the resulting separation from her parents, an existential fear of loving and being loved. Of course, we all know how the story unfolds from there. Beau matures and develops. She starts to care again. She starts to care for Yasha. Combined with the news of Yasha being a widow, she backpedals hard. She ceases her objectifying of Yasha and the flirting essentially grinds to a halt. When Yasha returned, a small rift had formed between them because she nearly brought about Beau’s demise. I doubt Beau held grudges, but it certainly didn’t facilitate reforging those previous connections. But still, they warm up to each other again. We see Yasha apologizing again and again, and Beau recognizes these efforts and we see her small gesture by small gesture rebuilding what they once had. And if that continued that way, I feel like I would’ve warmed up to Beauyasha over time. What bugs me, however, is that in Yasha’s absence Beau did fall for Jester (seemingly more than a crush judging from Talks). And discontouning a polyamorous relationship for the sake of the argument, for Beau to fall for Yasha she would have to move on from Jester first, and that takes time. Time that subjectively speaking hasn’t passed yet, evident by looking at the episodes before the break and seeing Beau still getting visibly flustered around Jester. And in that regard, I’m disappointed in Beau for flirting with Yasha so blatantly, knowing full well from the nightshift talk before the descent to the King’s Cage that Yasha feels some sort of attraction towards her (aka “I’ve seen you a lot”). If Beau is still in love with Jester, that is sending the completely wrong signal to someone who, judging by all the barely veiled hints, could be very much into her. It is cruel to lead someone on like that. But what if Beau didn’t mean it that way? What if it was in good fun? Then it wasn’t thought through. Asking to get carried is a clear throwback to their beginning days when their flirting was abundant and ever-present. In a way it could be interpreted as a promised return to that time. I’m not trying to say that it is a likely assessment, but it is most certainly a possible conclusion one could arrive at. Through this angle we end up again at “it’s cruel to lead her on” (under the assumption that Beau is still in love with Jester and is aware of Yasha feelings, which Beau should in the very least see as a possibility otherwise she is quite dense). In the end, I want to emphasize again that this is no bashing of Beau (she is my favourite) and no jealousy speaking through me (Beauyasha is cool), I just don’t want Yasha to be hurt. I love her character. After all that she went through she deserves only the best and I hope that Beau isn’t unintentionally cruel right now. The best outcomes are that either Beau is presently falling for Yasha or Yasha hasn’t arrived at the same conclusion I have and sees nothing more in Beau’s action than her being silly and friendly with her. For Yasha’s sake I really hope it is one of those latter possibilities.

[deralpi]

It seems as though we have to make our own content for a while. Here is my contribution to easing the pain of the hiatus: A Beaujester conversation, but the angst is turned up to eleven.

Hold me close, then let me go [1570 words]

The early dawn sun slanted through the single window. In its rays, dust particles floated in the air, puffed up by life slowly stirring awake. Because of the room’s angular layout, the light illuminated barely half of it; the other half depicted a still dark corner, in which stood an ordinary bed. And on its overused mattress, tucked under layers of blankets, lay one blue tiefling, still deep in slumber.

One would think that the wealth of the Might Nein would ensure them only upper-class lodging for the rest of their days, but once in awhile stakes were too high and discretion was judicious. 

And discretion you paid for with dignity, not coin. 

Three ramshackle rooms for two people each, while one had the pleasure of sleeping alone. In and of itself no unpleasant circumstances, if anything it prompted Beau to reminisce about their earlier beginnings. The debasing part was the creepy innkeeper, whose leer Beau would’ve already wiped off his face if they weren’t trying to stay low. She still almost did it just to quench her mounting agitation.

Beau would call herself a fundamentally angry person. With it came the responsibility to control herself, so innocent bystanders didn’t become first-hand witnesses to her wraith. Beau would wager — though she wasn’t too sure — that that anger had been her primal incentive which had pushed her into martial arts. The excruciating pain of a harsh work-out was an outlet, a way to inflict pain on herself so it wouldn’t be directed at others. Such daily exercises had proven sufficient in containing herself.

At least usually, that was.

For days now Beau has felt frustration churning inside her, putting her on edge. And with each consecutive dream filled with loss, she awoke angrier. 

With her legs folded under her, Beau desperately sought the comfort of deep meditation. All with no success. The harder she tried to calm herself the angrier she became. Suddenly, without her control — as she had feared — her fist crashed into the wall beside her, the wood crackling as it gave way. Beau held the pose, shock suddenly settling in. What is wrong with me? Her body began to shiver despite herself.

“Is everything alright?”

Beau didn’t look at her. Carefully, she withdrew her hand and let it drop into her lap; with the other she began to rub her eyes as if she had just woken up as well, cloaking her unshed tears. “Yes. Go back to sleep. It is still early.” Even to herself, her voice sounded mechanical.

A pregnant pause settled between them. Then, Beau heard the shuffling of the bedding and the tapping of soft footfalls until a pair of blue feet entered her peripheral. Beau didn’t have to see her to know that she was studying the impact beside her, a large dent of shattered wood and tiny splinters with red tips where they had bitten her skin. 

Jester plopped down on her knees in front of her, took Beau’s wounded hand in hers and uttered a few indistinct words. Soothing energy like a soft caress flowed through her skin and expunged her pain. 

Only then did Beau allow herself to look at her for the first time. Jester was a surprisingly restless sleeper, the result of which was a persistent mop of hair after waking that could only be tamed by a long bath. Beau had gone out of her way to poke fun at it, to fashion a plausible reason that would explain her uncontrollable, affectionate grin at the sight of it.

“What is going on, Beau?” Beau hated how much softness she put into her name.

“I don’t know. Nothing and everything, I guess.” It was the truth, though Jester would undoubtedly interpret it as another deflection.

Jester folded her legs, situating herself in front of Beau like a prettier mirror. Her eyes were devoid of any residual drowsiness. Intensity and focus shining within them. It meant that she wouldn’t let this one fly. Jester was naive in many regards, but she was also clever; frustratingly so. Though she had blatantly no clue as to why Beau behaved awkwardly around her, she noticed it and knew how to use it to her advantage. She knew that she only had to sit there and say nothing; the arising uneasiness would tickle a response out of Beau.

It worked like a charm.

“I can’t lose any of you.” Especially not you, Beau was about to add, but she couldn’t. Because it was neither true nor wrong. Every single one of them had accepted her and helped her become the woman she was today and she loved them dearly for it; but losing Jester would be the thing that would truly break her. “I simply can’t.”

“You won’t.”

“But that is a lie, isn’t it?” Beau zoned in on her. “Do you remember what you have said to me? On the boat? That I can become a pirate captain when this is all over?” She paused. “When. Not if.”

Jester’s face convulsed as if recognition had slapped her across the face.

“It’s fine. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m not dumb. I’m not deluding myself into believing that this-” Beau swung her arms wide, indicating the space around her “will last forever. One day we will scatter in all directions, visiting each other only occasionally. Time runs its course and that’s how it ought to be. I just—” Beau fell silent.

“You what?” Jester asked, stretching to lay a hand on her knee. 

Beau lifted herself to her feet abruptly and began to pace the room, kicking up dust. She heard Jester harrumph behind her.

“Listen, Beau,” she said. “Eventually we are going to part ways, yes. I’m also not kidding myself. But neither you nor I know when this separation will knock on our door. For all we know we could be hitting the road together five years from now. Please, don’t allow your fear of the moment where we part to ruin the time we are still together.”

Beau stopped in her tracks. It was self-evident that Jester meant the entire group, but Beau suddenly realized what her issue was; at least part of it. Why does there have to be a timer on our relationship? Why do I have to end up alone, if all I want is to be by her side forever?

“A part of me can not let you go.” Beau looked over at Jester. The rising sun touched her frame. She looked lovely. “The other part thinks I have to.”

A brief quizzical look passed over Jester’s face before anger began to mold it. She jumped to her feet and stamped on the ground for emphasis. “Don’t you dare act dramatic right now. Not ever again. I will not have it!” Beau knew immediately what she was referring to. The Hag’s deal.

Somebody behind Beau knocked on their door. A second later, Fjord’s muffled voice filtered through the wood. “Everything alright?”

Beau flinched. She hated that question. “Everything’s fine. Order breakfast without us; we’re following suit once we’re ready. If I find no bacon on my plate I have to kick somebody’s face in.”

The sound of shuffling boots clanged down the corridor until there was complete silence. With her face half turned towards the door, Beau let her head drop. “We’ll talk later, okay?” She waited a moment for a response, but when no came, she loosened the door latch. 

“What is wrong, Bea—?” Jester cried, a sob choking her out before she could finish saying her name.

Beau was stopped in her tracks once more. Admit it and she will break your heart. Walk away and you will break hers. 

Suddenly, the choice became very easy.

Beau stayed faced towards the door, unable to look at her teary-eyed face while she said it. “I love you, Jester.”

“I love you, to—”

“No, Jester,” Beau interrupted, her heart hammering against her ribcage. “I love you.” 

 A gasp escaped Jester’s mouth. Then, the room went quiet. Beau stood still, wringing her hands nervously. I should’ve had something prepared. The accrued anger and frustration suddenly turned on her. The three most powerful words a person can utter, and out of my mouth, they sound pathetically weak. I should’ve confessed with a heartfelt speech after a grandiose dinner in our most stunning attire with a bouquet of disgustingly beautiful flowers in my hand under the golden sunlight at twilight. 

Not here. Not ever.

Beau glimpsed over her shoulder. Jester’s eyes were wide open, her mouth aghast, her posture stiff. An exemplary image of unbridled shock. Beau never would’ve thought that she would be the one who would manage to strike Jester speechless. In any other situation, she would’ve grinned. In this one, she opened the door. 

“I’m sorry,” she said on her way out.

Did Beau really want to hear what Jester would say? Wasn’t it better to keep up the illusion that nothing had happened, that she didn’t just ruin their friendship? Just a few more hours where her heart would stay intact; was that too much to ask for? 

Twice you have saved me from going down a dark path. What will happen now when such a situation occurs for the third time? Will you still be there to keep me in check?

Or has separation just knocked on our door?

[deralpi]

Most of the conversations after the most recent episode covered either the ingenuity of Jester’s masterful deceit or Beau’s decision to sacrifice her new-found happiness to lift the misery constraining their friend. Because Beau is my favorite character, I feel obligated to give my opinion on the latter in an unapologetically unstructured manner.

In my eyes, Beau is an uncompromisingly selfless character who denies it with every word she utters. In that aspect, I always draw internally the connection to Nynaeve, a character of the Wheel-of-Time book series, where one can observe a stark discrepancy between what she says and thinks in comparison to what actions she actually takes. 

Very early one, during the Lorenzo arc, she had already been ready to lay down her life to protect the Nein and this conviction hasn’t wavered since. When Fjord was surrounded and harassed by the Laughing Hand and Yasha, the odds were stacked high against his survival. If one worked out the percentages, the much safer option would’ve been to leave right then and there; it had been much more likely that their losses would’ve been added up to two, instead of reduced to zero if somebody went to aid. But who stormed in regardless? The self-proclaimed egoist.

But why do I unravel all this now? Because that moment had confirmed for me what I had observed before: Beau would do everything to save her friends.

So when Beau entered the hut the offer she presented was no surprise to me. If anything I had always expected her to go down like that; by doing something profoundly selfless. The manner in which it had nearly happened, however, I never could’ve imagined predicting. 

But it wasn’t just the desire to help Nott so she could live her life again; it was also about the inevitable end (hah) of the future of their little adventuring party. Their common list of objectives is slowly dwindling. For the first time — after being flung from the Empire to the coast to Xhorhas and then to the Empire again, diving into adventure after adventure — an end is in sight. Traveler Con seems to be their last destination on their agenda, but even if it isn’t, their days as an adventuring party are numbered, because this, regardless of how lovely their time together had been, wouldn’t hold up forever. People would want to settle down at some point, to tread diverging paths and build a life for themselves. They would still be friends, of course, but they wouldn’t be around each other every day of the year. And who would be the odd one out and end up alone again? In Beau’s head there is a clear answer to that.

There are inevitable outcomes attached to every concern she harbors, and she has been noticing them for a while now, but purposely ignored them. It is the reason why she has been so critical of destiny in the past; the inevitability in it frightens her, and only recently (episode 92) she came to terms with it. Cut to the present and all the stars seemed to have aligned — Molly’s lessons, her connection to Nott through the Hag, the fact that she had the least to lose and everybody else too much to live for. Somebody had to pay a price, and if that is the case it might as well be her, because the patterns she noticed all led up to it.

I brought up the inevitability factor because it is deeply intertwined, in making the decision, with one of Beau’s core philosophies: all but an obsession to meet every encounter on her terms. She saw herself as an asshole and everyone else would come to see it too, so why not utilize her innate ability to cause dislike and take control of the situation. If we apply this to the relevant scenario with the inevitable separation of the group on the horizon, why wouldn’t she leave on her terms and save a friend while doing so? Quit while you are ahead because it won’t get any better.

And the things she was ready to sacrifice… To know that the hag feeds on misery is one thing, it is another to offer everything about her existence but her life. One of these offerings would’ve already at the very least provoked interest, but to lay it all on the line… It’s like overpaying for something vitally important in addition to the insurance that it would be done right. An offer so lucrative even a hag (lawful or not) wouldn’t dream to attempt foul play.

These factors I listed I consider highly influential in her decision making (making up around 90% if I had to put a number on it), but there is another matter I wanted to bring up: Jester. 

I think Beau has fallen quite hard for her and it is evident in her behavior that she seems out of her depth on how to handle it. From observations alone — the pining after Fjord, the attraction towards the Traveler, the unending doodles of dicks — it isn’t all too likely on a surface level that Beau’s feelings would ever be reciprocated. There are possible scenarios that would turn things around, but I don’t know if Beau sees those as mere fantasies at this point. 

One might scoff at the possibility that such a trivial matter, not at all pertaining to the circumstance at hand, factored into Beau’s decision making, and I’m not claiming that it did, I just want to address the possible influence it could’ve had. As it stands Beau could (!) feel to be on the receiving end of unreciprocated love, and we only have to look at real-life to see how hurtful that can end up being. Many in her position have decided to distance themselves from the one they loved, for though it hurt them tremendously it was the only place from where they could move on.

Ever since Jester had become her roommate and accepted her the way she was, their room had become Beau’s safe space where she didn’t have to feel alone anymore, but the moment Beau was smitten with her their intimate togetherness was tainted by the underlying awkward friction. What was comfortable became entirely uncomfortable. Now she feels trapped in the false dichotomy where she has to choose between ending up alone or getting her heart broken.

This would never be the sole point on which she decides to leave the group, but I think it isn’t too far stretched that amongst all the things I have previously listed this notion could have posed as an incentive to clasp hands with a hag.

But where does she go from here, now that her plan has been completely overthrown?

With no immediate threat on the horizon (*fingers crossed*) this time frame lends the perfect opportunity to give in to some soul-searching. So that the inevitability of the eventual separation doesn’t frighten her anymore she needs a perspective and a goal. When we first met her all she wanted were physical fights and money to spend on overpriced booze. This would have proven sufficient under the nihilistic outlook she had adopted the moment her only aspiration was shattered into a million pieces when her father’s hand found her cheek, but now she lives in an environment where she gets encouraged to open up and spread her wings and nihilism is a thing of the past. It is on her to recapture the brief glimmer of bright-eyed excitement she showed when she spoke about her version of taking over her father’s business, to find something substantial and lasting to strive for. 

Just imagine what Beau and Caleb could achieve as an unprecedented friendship between Assembly and Soul if this is something she would set out to do. It needn’t be such a lofty goal to attain meaning in her life, but the possibilities are as endless as her capabilities.

Aim high and reach for the stars, young lion.

I don’t know if I added anything significant by posting this but I had to get it out of my system. Thanks to everyone who read my word vomit to the end!

[deralpi]

Ever since Jester nearly broke down after Caduceus enquired about her well-being I wondered what it would look like if Jester went to therapy, and I run with that idea. I cooked up this fic and seasoned it with some shipping near the end (I kept it vague so regardless to which tone your shipper-heart beats you can enjoy this).

Sadly, it ended up being more than the 2000-word-limit I had given myself for Tumblr, but I couldn’t bring myself to cut anything. I hope, you still give this a shot.

The perfect moment (or otherwise known as Jester’s therapy session) [3831 words] 

__________________________________________

“Do you mind if I sit?”

Like a bubble that suddenly popped Jester was ripped out of her trance-like state. Her hand darted to her ax while her head jerked upward. The person that had spoken was only a few feet away, partially cast in shadow by the waning sunlight. Jester’s first instinct was to jump to her feet and run, casting her guardians into existence behind her, but she was stopped in her tracks when the voice spoke once more.

“No need to be frightened. Do you not remember me?

The familiarity in his voice… Jester exhaled loudly. “Oh, it’s you.”

As if he had planned it the Stranger stepped out of the penumbra of the giant cherry tree, revealing his gaunt face and wizened features. The mop of greyish-brown hair and bushy beard covering his head almost entirely lent him a wild look that stood in stark contrast to the fine clothing he was wearing. 

His blue eyes looked on in anticipation from behind the giant glasses placed on his meager nose. Jester was about to enquire about the reason for his staring when his question came back to her. “Yes, of course, you can sit if you wish.” She worked a smile into her face. “Who am I to forbid it?”

The Stranger didn’t budge. “It appears as though you scurried away in search of solitude. I would be remiss not to ask if my presence poses an intrusion to your personal space.”

“Na. Everybody is welcomed and nobody gets excluded. That is my life motto.” Jester leaned closer, lowering her voice. “I’m going to make an exception, however, if you don’t start talking normally.”

“Normally?”

“Yes. Like me.” Jester puffed herself up and beamed.

Without another word the stranger hunkered down, leaving a space between them which would comfortably fit another person. 

“I don’t bite, you know,” Jester said.

“We are acquainted with each other for only a few hours. I feel more comfortable acting accordingly.”

Jester raised an eyebrow. Precisely six hours had gone by since they, as a group, had stumbled upon this stranger and Jester was already certain that he posed the most bizarre character they had met in their time together. In its introduction he had provided no name; “of no relevance” he had said. Jester had tried to name him after funny-sounding zemnian names like “Helmut” or “Friedhelm”, but it had provoked no reaction in the Stranger besides a toneless “if you wish”. From there on out, Jester knew there was no fun to be had with this individual.

Now, she simply called him “the Stranger” in her head because it sounded both intriguing and mysterious. Both applied to him.

Jester perked her head up and broke the silence which had briefly fallen between them. “Why did you follow me when you knew I wanted to be alone?” A contradiction that had only just come to her.

“Why did you run away?” he asked instead of answering.

Jester pulled back, aghast. “I did not r—”

“Running, then drawing. With the former, you have distanced yourself physically, while the latter was meant to distant yourself mentally.” He gave a pointed look at her notebook filled with cartoonish doodles. “I could make an educated guess on the reason why, but I would prefer you to tell me what had prompted such behavior.”

Anger, boiling and churning under her skin like a torrent under the surface of a peaceful sea, slipped into her voice unnoticed. “I changed my mind. I would like to be alone now.”

“I’m afraid I can’t comply with your desires.” The impassive face of the Stranger, unfaced by the sudden tension, irritated her even more. “I don’t like prodding people over delicate problems but I consider it necessary to help you.” He adjusted his glasses. His eyes looked weary. “You may hate me for it; as I know I will.”

“I don’t need your help. I certainly didn’t ask for it.”

“Which appears to be the main issue. You never ask anyone for help; which is why you fled.” He sighed as if he already grew tired of the conversation he had begun. “You had a choice back there. Between disclosing and concealing. Unfortunately, you chose wrong.”

“Don’t presume to know me after just a few hours! I cle—”

“I know when a smile is meant to appease and when to deceive.”

Jester gasped audibly. “I’m fine,” she growled, on the verge of screaming. “I’m always fine!”

For a long time, nothing was being said. The soft breezes of the early spring were drowned out by the heavy breathing of Jester, who found herself being vexed with this man. It took a lot to get under her skin; it took even more to anger her. The Stranger managed to do both with but a few words. Jester wanted to run, escape to somewhere far away, but that would just prove his point. She had to stand her ground.

Finally, in the uncomfortable tension occupying the space between them, the Stranger stirred. Hope sparked in Jester’s heart as he propped himself up, but only briefly before she realized he wasn’t about to leave. All he had done was shift positions to face her directly. Jester was about to let another torrent of words loose when she noticed his expression: friendly, compassionate… and warm. Her head pulled back and at once, all her anger slipped off her.

“Nobody is fine all the time,” he said softly. “And you shouldn’t be either. Grant yourself some love by allowing yourself to be hurting.”

Like a warm knife through butter his words pierced all the walls she had put up and hit her right where she was most vulnerable. From one second to the next, hot tears were streaming down her face and she wept freely like she hadn’t wept in years. Jester buried her face in her hands in a fruitless attempt to hide her wretchedness, but the floodgates had been broken open and Jester feared the flow would not abate before her eyes were reddened and abused.

[Continue on AO3]

[deralpi]

Laura said on Talks that Jester would leave the party for Traveler Con if she had to, and because I was today in one of those rare moods I decided to write a fic about it, or otherwise known as:

If Beau and Jester had to say goodbye (1171 words)

_________________________________________________________

“So this is where we part then, eh?”

The words hung in the air like a sizzling tension, one which was slowly dividing the Mighty Nein into two groups. No one would have thought it possible and though it likely would only be temporal farewells the notion offered no consolation. For the very first time since what felt like the beginning they wouldn’t be together; not just torn apart by Lorenzo but departing on their own volition. 

No family was without its conflict and the Mighty Nein had handled theirs as best they could. Both sides had their reasons for their direction and the other side was in full understanding of it, but couldn’t afford to push back their own obligations in favor of the other; not for a lack of love but for a lack of choice.

Ever since Oban had found its end under the Chantry of the Dawn, Caleb’s and thereby their existence had been tightly woven into the business of the Cerberus Assembly. In the effort of steering this war in a mutually benefiting direction, task after task had been piled high on the party’s non-existent desk. Before they knew it five weeks had gone by… and the time table for the Traveler’s gathering had to be met.

And suddenly there was a conflict of interest.

Jester had been waiting more than a year for this event, to finally meet the figure in person that had defined her entire life; Caleb, however, was at a point where he was in a position to change both his life and that of others for the better, a chance he was unable to pass on. Both had an opportunity within their reach which would quite possibly never come to be this way again.

The decision had been both the hardest and the easiest one to make; easiest because it was the only plausible one and hardest because they had to make it.

And so it happened that one morning they stood together at the teleportation circle of Yussa’s home in Nikodranas. From here on out one group would take the Balleater and set sail towards Rumblecusp, an island south of the Menagerie Coast, while the other would use the circle to teleport back to Rexxentrum. 

It was a heartfelt and tearful goodbye but in the end, they did part ways. Fjord, Caduceus, Yasha, and Jester were trudging towards the narrow door which only allowed one person at a time to exit the chamber. Caleb and Nott watched them go, soft tears glistening in their eyes.

And in between stood Beau.

Because the decision had been made so expediently and most thoughts had been occupied with the goodbyes, it had never been discussed who exactly went with whom. The separation had transpired almost naturally as if everyone knew their qualities and obligations and where it would find the most use. It wasn’t about loyalty as everyone was loyal to everyone; it was about logic and sense.

But Beau didn’t find her decision to be an easy one now that she stood there. Another muscle would go a long way towards keeping Jester and the others safe should things go awry during the gathering; her mind, and book-knowledge, however, could facilitate Caleb to come up with pivotal solutions. In both scenarios, she had something to offer, which didn’t make her decision easier. If only one argument could sway her one way or the other an—

“Beau!”

Beau snapped her head around to the exit.

“Are you coming, Beau?” The voice belonged to Jester who was the last out of the door and was waiting for Beau to join her.

Almost immediately Beau took a step towards Jester. Of course, I go with her. Wherever she goes I follow. How could I ha—

Her second step grounded to a halt midway. Beau looked over her shoulder at Caleb and Nott, both diverted by the activation of the teleportation circle. A secret shared between us three. And an unspoken promise. “I’m going with them,” she said to herself.

“WHAT? I can’t hear you!” Jester cried.

Beau turned towards her and mustered all the conviction she had. “I’m going with Caleb,” she said. This time louder.

Immediately, Jester’s face contorted and she bounded towards her, closing the distance between them. From up close, Beau recognized that her countenance expressed no judgment, only sorrow. “But why?”

Beau took a deep breath. “Let’s say I gave him a promise.”

Jester looked past her at Caleb, brows furrowed. “What promise is she talking about?”

“I- I don’t know,” he answered hesitantly.

“But if you don’t know who is sup—”

Beau grabbed Jester by her shoulder and caught her eyes. “It is something he and I share; something we haven’t talked about in a long time.”

Judged by Jester’s reaction and her change in expression, Beau was able to guess that it had dawned on Caleb what promise was talked about. And that his realization was portrayed by his expression and therefore picked up by Jester. Now she knew that this wasn’t a lie of theirs or a mere excuse, only the simple, simple truth. “Are you guys keeping something from me?”

“Nothing wild,” Beau lied. “Now is simply not the time to talk about it. Go on your adventure and come back safe. You can rely on the others to have your back.” Beau managed a smile. “Not that you will need it of course.”

“You haven’t answered my question, Beau.” Jester looked up. “Why?”

An image of a house in flames swept through her head, the cries of the anguished drowned out by the loud crackling of the fire. “If you were in my shoes you would do the same,” she simply said.

“B-But I-I wanted you to meet the Traveler. I’ve always felt bad excluding you from the conversations I had with him in our room, you know. Ever since that weirdo in Asarius I wante—”

The embrace seemed to have come as a shock, for it took a good while before Jester was hugging her back. “Send messages every time you can, okay?” Beau had to end this conversation; not just for Jester’s sake but also for her own. When she felt her friend nod against her, Beau drew a deep breath to say goodbye, but instead, different words left her mouth in a soft and fond whisper: “I love you.”

Then Beau turned around and walked away, tears which she would never show to her running down her face. 

When she reached Caleb she nodded, acknowledging that she was ready to leave. One last line completed the circle and the portal was conjured into existence in front of their eyes. Nott waved over her shoulder as she stepped through, but Beau stood stubbornly face ahead before following. At the last instance, before she would step onto the capital ground again, she heard a reverberating shout of words behind her: “I love you too.”

And with these words, both heart-warming and heart-wrenching, the teleport was completed.

[deralpi]

No matter how hard I try, my mind finds a way to continuously revisit the alternative universe in which Beau would’ve died in the cathedral. Of course, I wouldn’t want that to happen - Beau is my favorite after all - yet I can’t help connecting her “stillness of mind”-vision with Vax’s near-death-vision from the first campaign.

“As the blade tore through her, her feet buckled before her vision blackened. Her head hit the stone-cold floor and white light flashed through the darkness. 

Suddenly, Beau found herself sitting cross-legged on the beach in Nicodranas once more, gazing into the bright midday sun. She looked around as her vision adjusted itself, and saw Nott hunkered down, crossbow in hand, lying in wait for her next meal; observed as the green shape of Fjord crept up on Caleb, who was floating on the open sea in peace, oblivious of the scare coming his way; glanced at the ridiculous image Caduceus sprawled on the ground formed; and lastly, spotted Jester skipping over the sand, laughing.

Beau laughed too.

Then she breathed in, and her vision faded once more.

Then she breathed out, and she died.”

The notion of losing her I don’t really want to contemplate, but the thought of this vision and the moment it would’ve created I can’t seem to shake.

[deralpi]

I don’t know if fanfic about the previous campaign is still relevant here but here is my very own take on Perc’ahlia.

Warning: I’m not a native speaker so read at your own risk ;) 

[deralpi]

Can we all forget the shipping war for just one secound and appreciate how Grog, after getting asked for something of power, pulled out Percy’s glasses?

[deralpi]

So, I just watched the new episode and Matt seemed to imply that Sarenrae and Kord had a somehow special relationship. Maybe Sarenrae has some sort of crush on the good old Kord.

And on the other hand there is Pike (worshipper of Sarenrae) and Grog (somewhat close to Kord) who are best buddy since the very beginning. Coincidence? I don’t think so!

Also I’m not really into the theory about Grog being Pike’s past love, but if this is Matt dropping hints about the truth, I swear I would love this man even more. How can you not for this subtle storytelling.

[deralpi]

There will be so much to talk about in the next episode. Everyone trying to have a conversation with as many gods as possible and the following planning with the given informations. And after all of this, People are still not done talking/thinking about Vax, especially Vex and Keyleth have probably some things to say after reflecting for a bit. But on the other hand a possible Vax/Percy conversation would be so great.

I can see them having time alone with everyone sleeping and Vax will approach Percy (not the other way around of course, because we are still talking about Percy here), say some cheerful words before bringing up the inevitable topic. A lot of things will be said, maybe some advice but in the end Vax just asks “You will take care of my sister, right?”, fully aware that his sister is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. He just wants to know that someone is there for her when he can’t be there anymore and if Percy is the one to do it right until the end.

And Percy will pause and in the end not answer, but instead say “I always thought you would outlive me.” Percy was always the one that didn’t care where he would end up, perfectly content with a nameless grave in a forgotten forest, but he lives for and because of other people. It doesn’t make him any less happy, but he’s fully aware that he would not get old if he would wander alone through the world. In the recent past Percy accepted to live for others till he’s old with the comfort that his love would have her other half when he would be gone. But now Vax will be gone and he will be the one to live further and Vex will on top of that still outlive him. He will wonder to himself what someone can say to one that has to go on without him, because “Vax will be there for you” isn’t an option anymore. Finally Percy understands what Vax originally had to go through with the knowledge that Keyleth would outlive him.

In the end Percy ignores the question, because he’s not someone to give an obvious answer. He instead brings up a concern without actually speaking it out loud, knowing that Vax would get the hint without a further question. The conversation would end right there and the rest of the watch would go on completely silent, both reflecting on each others words and with both of them understanding each other, because this is what they do. The conversations would have a bitter aftertaste, but they aren’t there to say nice words the other wants to hear to comfort each other, they are there to solve a problem and this will not be gone if they start to talk nicely around it: They will both die before Vex.

[deralpi]

The moment with Scanlan and Percy in the beginning with their funny conversation about the eye (“A borrowing eye ball? Are you sure?”) obviously made everyone crack up, but what stood out to me more is how much Laura laughed at that. She literally had a hard time getting back into character because she couldn’t hide her smile and this is now my headcanon for this scene.

 While Vex was going through a rough time, handling her grief the best she could after finding out about her brothers disintegration and feeling the overwhelming fear that she might never get him back, she somehow catched onto the conversation of Scanlan and Percy in the back. She heard Percy’s dry sarcasm and everyone laughing at that and she can’t help but crack a smile. She managed to forget the current situation and let a little bit of sunshine into her heart even if it was just for the tiniest moment. That grin in one of her darkest moments is only their for one reason and this reason is family. In this small moment Vex realised that for this reason she somehow could be okay without Vax. It would be rough, it would be hard, it would probably the toughest phase she would ever go through, but it would be manageable. She can see a light at the end of tunnel, where before Vex could’ve never lived without him and I think this is very important for her, knowing that when her brother’s time will be up she could promise him on the way out that she will be fine.

[deralpi]

Time for Predictions! Just because I like predict stuff, no matter how unlikely it is to occur

Vex will be more angry than sad after finding out about Vax’s disintegration. I don’t know why, but she was angry when Vax died the first time and totally sad the times Percy died. It doesn’t mean one death saddened her more than the other, she just showed her grief through different emotions, whether it accounted to different time, different circumstance oder different person I can’t tell, I just have this distinct feeling that she will react the same way as before.

Keyleth will try everything to make True Resurrection work. Like Marisha told us on Talks, Keyleth stayed in the moment and tried to do everything in her power to get the rest out of the danger. Despite her love turning to dust in front of her she stayed calm and collected, which I really liked because it showed how much her characters has grown over the course of this adventure. And I think she will stay quiet and push her own feelings aside. Vex will be the focus in the beginning and Keyleth will try everything she can to get Vax back as fast as possible for her own sake but even more to make Vex less angry/sad. Later, Keyleth will mourn over Vax (with a glass of wine).

Artagon will make an appearance again. It’s probably super unlikely to happen, but his motivations were so unclear that you can’t really ever count him out. He always will enter the scene out of nowhere and such a moment could be right. And I also really like him and I would be delighted to have him back, even if it’s just for one hour.

The Feywild time warp will make days into hours. It’s simple dice roll, so there’s not much to elaborate on my prediction. If it would make days into years however… Let’s just say I would be excited to see what Matt would make out of this circumstance.

No one will use the Eye of Vecna. I just don’t think it’s an option right now, even if they have no clue what it is. No one will just grab that thing, pull it into his eye-socket und be like “Hey, I’m totally gonna get Vecnas ass now.” I don’t see it happening.

Grog will not use the deck of many things in this episode. I’m aware that the last time the world seemed to end Grog immediately tried to solve the problem with the next seemingly powerful item, aka the skull. He has grown, however, and he promised Pike that he would come to her if he felt the need to pull a card and I don’t think Grog will break her trust. Things will move forward and with every step it’s probably more likely for Grog to draw a card, but not now. Too much is happening and too much has to be taken care of right now before it would come into fruition.

Already so excited for this episode. I can’t wait!

[deralpi]

So, but the real question is: Will Vex be angry or sad in the beginning? Both real possibilitys

[deralpi]

A lot of things were said relating to the end of last episode with Matt saying “We’ll have some discussions” and while I don’t want to bring it up again because it got so thoroughly discussed, I also read often that that sentence was implying that Vax isn’t willing to come back and I don’t understand the reason behind this observation.

 Vax is one of the, if not the most selfless person in the group, always throwing his body at every danger when his friends are behind him just save them. It even went so far on occasion that the community thought at different times that he might has some sort of suicide wish going. When his sister died he offered his life, but instead got his world turned upside down by striking a different bargain than intended. However, regardless whether he liked the new circumstance or not he was ready to dedicate his whole life after it, willing to fulfill it no matter what.

 He was always ready to die for his friends, but he was never willing to let them alone. Vax knows how much he means to his sister and Keyleth. He was planning for his future and his life, despite his acceptance of a possible death around the next corner. And after all this, he already died and came back because of his soul which is willing to live for the reasons mentioned above.

 In the end I’m not sure what will happen in the next episode. Is there something extra about True Resurrection? Is there something shady happening because of Vecna? Do his nightmares over the break or his “boon” of the Ravenqueen play a different role that we all anticipated? There are so many unknown factors to take into account to predict things for certain, but if Vax is given the chance to come back he will in my opinion to 100% join his friends again, because he could never leave them alone.

[deralpi]

I have this distinct fear creeping up on me that we again won’t find out about Pike’s secret love (regardless whether if it’s already faded or still noticeable), because Ashley only has like 3 episodes left before she has to leave again for New York and at the moment there are more important things to handle in the game. There’s no real situation for it to come up unless something unexpected happens.

 Man, all this patience over the last year or so and in the end we probably have to wait again. :(

 Of course I would wait even longer if I know it would come up sooner or later, but with Vox Machina’s story coming to a close (TPK or Epilog) it would a bummer to not hear it in the game and instead hear it out of character in Talks. It would just not be the same.