derryincorrectquotes - Tumblr blog

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Stanley: I love you, Bill.

Bill: I love... cake.

Bill: Stan, it's just that... if I say it, and then we break up, what would I tell myself?

Stanley: You could tell yourself you still have cake, we both know how much it means to you.

Bill: OK, I deserve that.

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Eddie: You know what your problem is? You're really cute, but nobody ever told you to shut your piehole.

Richie: You think I'm cute?

Eddie: SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE.

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Richie: I got a B.

Bill: You couldn't get an A?

Beverly: Aww honey, don't listen to him. You did super. And Eddie, you did super duper.

Richie: Why does he get a duper?

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Stan: Bill can't be smarter than me because I'm the man, and that's just the way it is.

Mrs. Uris: Well, I do better on tests than your father, but he's the one brave enough to kill spiders. And since we've been married how many tests have I taken? None. How many spiders have your father killed? Hundreds.

Stan: But, Mom... SPIDERS FREAK ME OUT.

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Bill: Guys, I was making out with Pam Macy in the orchestra pit. And... the worst thing that could happen to a guy happened.

Ben: Ohhhh. Mr. Cooper came in to wash the floors?

Bill: No.

Stan: Ben, I think what Bill meant to say was... the rabbit wouldn't come out of his hat.

Eddie: The weasel wouldn't pop out.

Bill: OK, ENOUGH.

Mike: Oh, wait. There's a lot of Amish people, but they never raised a barn.

Richie: That's a good one Mike.

Mike: I know, it just came to me.

Ben: Oh, I get it. The barn is Bill's pants.

Bill: This can't be happening to me.

Stan: Oh, don't worry Bill. I'm really sorry... SORRY YOU'RE NOT A MAN.

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Greta: You should watch your back.

Beverly: You should stop spending so much time on yours.

Richie: BURN!

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Bill: C'mon Stanley, we never ask you for anything.

Stan: You guys ask me for everything.

Richie: So, what's one more thing?

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Wow, my first X-rated movie. I don't know what's going on, but that is the luckiest pizza boy ever.

Bill

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[Eddie is beating up Pennywise]

Mike: Whatever happened to Zen?

Richie: Where Zen ends, ass-kicking begins.

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Stan: If you keep stuffing your face like this your gonna get...

Eddie: Don't you dare say it, you bitch!

Stan: Fat!

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Richie: [wearing Stan's pants] Well, the joke's on you, Stan. I'm wearing your pants, and I'm not wearing any underwear.

Stan: Richie, the last time I wore those pants, I wasn't wearing any underwear.

Richie: [pulling off pants] Well played.

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Ben: Well, I have a date too.

Mike: Who is he? What's his name?

Ben: His name is... not important. What's important is, he's better than you, in every single conceivable way.

Mike: DAMN, BEN. THAT COULD BE ANYBODY.

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[Bill and Bev are hiding under a bed]

Beverly: Is that your hand on my ass?

Bill: It was an accident.

Beverly: Bill, your hand's still on my ass.

Bill: IT'S STILL AN ACCIDENT.

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[after Eddie got his cast]

Richie: Hey, do you need any help?

Eddie: Why, does it look like I'm having trouble with my misshaped claw?

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I guess I should go to school, even though there's no porn there.

Richie

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Stanley: Oh! Bill! Look at you all dressed up!

Bill: Well, it's a special day!

Stanley: And you're a special guy.

Bill: And I'd kill anyone for you!

Stanley: Well, that's not necessary..

Bill: Oh, that's a relief, because I'd do it, but it would weigh on me.

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Beverly: Listen to me! You want to shoplift lipstick, you wanna listen to Lana Del Rey on repeat while you cut up all your t-shirts. You wanna scream at your mother and then laugh at her tears!

Eddie: But I don't wanna yell at my mom..

Beverly: She's not your mom anymore. From now on, you call her Sonia.