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[desired-reality-fame-england]

Drowning Deeper

This has been sitting in my drafts for over a year. It’s now been released into the wild. Enjoy.

When you were a kid you thought you could do anything and then you grew up and reality had hit you like a ton of bricks. When bad things happened to you you weren’t even surprised anymore and you learned to just accept the hell that became of your life. You were drowning in your own pit of despair but you found a way to numb the pain. You spent the majority of your mental energy imagining that you were somewhere else, in a world where everything was alien to what you currently called home. It was the opposite of your mundane and tragic life. In your imagination you imagined a life for yourself that was exciting and dangerous. You imagined a man that was supernaturally beautiful and romantic to a fault, yet he was psychotic and potentially dangerous. You couldn’t have romance in real life and so even in your daydreams you didn’t want a regular love. You could feel loved but didn’t have to feel guilty for dreaming of romance. This love was dark and sad but also forbidden and intense. You created a man that was deceptively handsome but somehow even more fucked up than you were. He was melancholic and self loathing. Yet he had hope to live a better life, a life with you. You never experience love In-Real-Life, the truth was that you were a total otaku-hikikomori who rarely even left their house. Love itself was a forbidden concept to you and that’s probably why it was so sweet to daydream about. The potential ideal love that felt like a warm blanket for you to safely crawl into after a lonely day. To you, Edward was as real as he was in your imagination.

Normal people get married and have kids. It was hard to even imagine yourself going on a date, if you even had the guts to show up. Were you actually supposed to smile and make conversation? Hold hands or even kiss? The thought instantly made you cringe. It pained you to even think about acting all cutesy or flirtatious. Edward would push you away if you tried any of that with him. The idea oddly made you feel better. It’s not that he doesn’t like you it’s just that he doesn’t want to kill you. You liked the idea of getting as close as you could to love without actually taking responsibility for and suffering from the consequences. So your daydreams continued like this as you harbored strange and perverse thoughts of the dynamics of a vampire and human relationship.

***

If you have any comments please do send them.

[desired-reality-fame-england]

[desired-reality-fame-england]

^^^^^^

Attn: people who need to mind their business and stop hating on people you don't know.

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i would be the best unreliable narrator i dont know shit that goes on around me

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My inspiration ladies and gentlemen

*** BITS AND ROBS *** Rob: "The most fun part of doing movies is that you can explore the more grotesque or naughty sides of your psyche in a somewhat safe environment. And it’s always more fun if you’re shocking the people in the room." New York Times 2019

(Source: robsfootsteps on Instagram)

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the almost contentious but intimate relationship between a woman and the book she’s been trying to read for a year

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Credit: @quotemadness

Love this. As someone who loves art but also struggle with imposter syndrome reading stuff like this inspires me to stop overthinking it and just go for it.

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my fav movie/book genre is 'where nothing happens and nobody learns anything but the vibes are immaculate'

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^my enabler convincing me my love for twilight is healthy

haha

'it's like a drug to me, my own personal brand of heroin'

id rather you have cringy but honest interests than try and act like everything youve ever loved was in an ironic way cause you think that love for simple or useless or silly things is beneath you . pathetic! embrace existence with both hands coward

[desired-reality-fame-england]

out of all of the beanies i had, i only lost the ones that i liked. The cappuccino brown, the standard black, and although the navy blue didn’t exactly match my skin tone, i would take it back. all i have now are beanies that are too big and the one with the hole that i pathetically sewn back together

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im back in my cackling tumblr era

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I could not be more bored of women characters who are dangerous in a competent, sexy, luminous makeup and blow-dried hairstyle kind of way. I am so tired of all these dry-clean-only girlbosses strutting their way into stories. “Oh she’s so beautiful AND so good at martial arts and so clever and seductive” No! Get that outta here!! Give me more women who are dangerous in a real grungy way, like rusted metal with a sharp edge. Girls who make you glad you’ve had your tetanus shot. Girls who cut their own hair and get bad tattoos. Girls who are as charming as a wet feral cat. Girls who might be clever enough to Play The Game but would rather flip over the chess board and punch you in the throat. I demand more horrible unpleasant women!! Thank you.

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🤌🤌

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September 16th the safest moment of my existence 🏡

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The things that people laugh at and mock are the same things that are keeping me sane and held together in a warm embrace

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September 15th....ring ring....

🏡🤌

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September 13th ✓ :'-)