devotiondevours

[devotiondevours]

And how wretched am I ?

That I had to beg to be forgiven for my sins.

How monsterous am I?

I fear I sympathize with Lucifer himself

For I have fallen from the kingdom of heaven that was your arms.

- Jesse Nyoor

[devotiondevours]

My God what a fool I had been. A fool who believed in utter devotion. A fool who trusted every word you uttered. A fool on her hands and knees picking up the pieces you left behind.

[devotiondevours]

I want to write about being blindly devoted to a concept others can't even begin to comprehend

[devotiondevours]

I remember telling myself, I'd never be someone's dirty little secret years ago. Yet here I am. Forcing myself to keep what we are a secret from your ex. Your ex. Your ex. I knew I should have ran off when I realized you were still friends with your ex.

[devotiondevours]

I am no longer shiny. I am no longer the fun new toy. I am simply me and that scares me.

[devotiondevours]

These butterflies in my stomach are driving me insane. Please someone make them stop.

[devotiondevours]

Please don't fall in love with me. Just don't. I'm not who you think I am. I'll never be who you think I am. In order to love me you need to be content with my chaos. You need to accept me as who I am. Do not ask me to change. I will change if I want to but you have no right to request I make changes to myself for you.

[devotiondevours]

And I'll watch. I'll watch from the sidelines of your life. I'll take note of every smile, of every laugh, of every moment you have without me, and I will always remember why I'm stuck on the sidelines.

[devotiondevours]

"I would give anything to see the world through your eyes, even if only for one day, even if only for a moment. I wonder what you see when you look at me? Do you see the same broken man I do when I look in the mirror?"

[devotiondevours]

Born to be devoted.

Born to be on my knees for my Goddess.

Born to be a knight.

Born to be a shield for my Goddess.

Born to die.

Born to be betrayed.

[devotiondevours]

I made a wish today at 11:11. I hope it comes true.

[devotiondevours]

Much like a crow collects trinkets I collect friends because they too are shiny.

[devotiondevours]

My heart screams out for you and I'm starting to think this isn't the best idea. What will I do if you tell me you that you don't actually like men?

[devotiondevours]

June 3rd came and went.

I didn't notice until 24 days later.

You're no longer haunting me.

And I don't know how to feel.

It's been 5 years.

7 since I met you.

5 since you shattered me.

Yet you're still the one I talk about when asked what I know about love.

Perhaps you never even loved me.

Perhaps you did.

Perhaps you fucked up how I will always view love.

Perhaps you've left scars on me that will never go away.

[devotiondevours]

And suddenly it's 5 a.m

And I stayed up all night talking to you again.

[devotiondevours]

Being the third person in a trio is exhausting. All I want to do is be their friend but there's a lingering feeling of being the odd one out.

[devotiondevours]

There's fear lingering in the way I speak. The way I exist. I wonder how long until you shut me out. How long until you dismiss me? How long until you don't see me as new and shiny?