dino-rrecovery

[dino-rrecovery]

Day 8: 76 — Try a new food

I think I cheated on this one but I really didn't have much time today. It was a good day, though. I went with a friend to buy some things for my dad and then we went to eat and talk about our OC's and DC and music and they're awesome I love them.

ANYWAYS. I always said I hates onions on burgers. Or just raw onions. I just don't like the smell and the flavor. But, you know, burgers have other things too. And my burger had a lot of cheddar. So I tried onions on burger for the first time.

Rating: 7/10. Not so bad but I wouldn't repeat. Kind of good, though. I didn't dislike it at all. I still don't like the taste of raw onions but with other things I think they're cool.

[dino-rrecovery]

Day 7 (June 17): 27 — Paint

It was supposed to be a physical art thing but I was inspired to try digital art. So here's something unfinished but halfway there

[dino-rrecovery]

Day 6 (June 16): 22 — Play a word game

I was really overwhelmed that day so even if I tried I couldn't finish those games that came on the magazine that has those word games that I intended to do

BUT I DID FIND ONE A LITTLE EASIER AND I DID IT, HELL YEAH

The word is jurisprudencia (jurisprudence) and I did find it very fast. I'm proud of it.

[dino-rrecovery]

Day 5 (June 15): 47 — Create a Vision Board

I was told that I shouldn't let others see my vision board, so there's the proof that there's one but I'm not sharing the board

[dino-rrecovery]

Day 4: 45 — Take photos.

I WENT TO THE ASTRONOMICAL OBSERVATORY AGAIN.

SO HERE'S SOME PICTURES OF IT (again)

[dino-rrecovery]

Day 3 (June 13): 11 — Wear something I usually don't

Soooo... I forgot take pictures.

I uses a skirt. I usually don't wear them because I'm feeling too masculine and it triggers some disphorya. But yesterday I felt okay with that. I felt pretty. I used that skirt that I really like and I don't use that much as I should. It's brown with white flowers. Maybe other day I'll take a picture with an outfit with it.

Today (June 14) I used a skirt too, though. I felt that I needed a photo. But I couldn't find a mirror that shows the whole body so I didn't took a picture again.

I DID TOOK A PICTURE OF MY TIE. IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I DON'T WEAR A TIE. so I think it counts too. Today was the hell of a good outfit. I usually don't wear a high ponytail like today, so extra points.

[dino-rrecovery]

I guess I shouldn't be posting only the positive things. Just trying not to be so edgy.

Yesterday I didn't post because I didn't felt to well. I did the promt, though. Just I didn't wanted to do anything.

I had the last seminar class, probably the last subject I'm going to pass on my career this semester. I hope I pass other classes.

My friend had to see her midterm grade. She didn't wanted to go alone because she was so nervous that she didn't make it right. I went with her, encouraging her all the way. It felt nice. Before that we went kind of shopping, even when we didn't buy anything.

I thought I was fine. It was fine. I didn't stopped talking. I didn't stopped smiling. I was fine. Everything was fine. I was outside. It was fine.

Until it wasn't.

When we were at college I started spiraling. The career I'm going to do next year does not have that beautiful building as the astronomy one. Being in the building felt weird. I feel weird there.

And we went to see her grade. Gods. She was so nervous. I assure her that it's alright, even if she failed. But that she didn't have to think that she's going to fail. She did amazing. She did her best. I even did a small prayer for Athena because i wanted her to pass her midterm.

She passed her exam with two more points that she needed.

The world fade a little. I don't know why. Well I do know. But everything just felt. Numb. I felt numb. I smiled and I congratulated her. I'm happy for her. But there's this little voice in the back of my mind that tells me that I should be there too. I shouldn't have quit classes this semester. I should have tried harder. This voice is telling me that I should be more useful.

It's not the same voice who tells me that I don't want to do this. It's not the same that begs me to try and do other things. To not be stuck on maths forever just because I want my parents approval.

I feel numb. I don't know what I want.

I shouldn't be here in the first place.

Starting from the beginning? I was a freaking accident. Even if I was wanted in some way. I was an unexpected rainbow kid. I'm the replacement of a ghost that I can sear would be better than me. My brother would be a hundred times better than me at all this science stuff.

I shouldn't be here. I should have vanished last year. Maybe the year before that even. I'm a fucking ghost. I feel like that.

I can't live. I'm not good a this. I'm not good at trying and just do things without the need of being in this happiness and passion rampage. I need to do things fast. I have this dark hole that will never be full. I'm not good at this.

I really hope, with my whole soul, that this is not a relapse. I was doing better. I'm supposed to be better by the next semester. I have to pass at least one final. At least one subject. At least one. Not even a so awesome grade. Just pass.

I feel bad.

I want to be anywhere but here.

Today I woke up feeling this numbness. I feel like a ghost. Everything just feels unreal.

I shouldn't be here.

[dino-rrecovery]

Today was a calm day. I really didn't do anything. I cooked some meal that i wanted to for a few days but didn't have some things I needed. It didn't went well but it was nice in flavor. I'm just kind of disappointed of how it went.

I did sang a lot today. I had my throat sore so I thought I wouldn't sing, but after drinking a tea at afternoon I felt much better and sang a few songs from Dear Evan Hansen. My roomie told me that I was singing pretty good and at one moment he just sat while I was doing my dinner to 'listening to me' lol. Then I had a chat with my other rommies.

I HAVE A FAVORITE EPISODE OF 911 NOW. Episode 9, season 4. I really liked that one and the plot twist. Pretty awesome. I really like this show man.

Uhm. I don't have a lot more to say. I played piano. A lot. I recorded a draft from a Epic the Musical instrument mix that it's been a while that I tried to put together. Now I have a whole draft but it's like 20 minutes. But finally I have one complete draft.

[dino-rrecovery]

Day 2: 24 — Buy another plant.

So there's my new baby:

I'm really happy with her. She's so bright and the only one of my 7 plants that has flowers with bright colores. I hope her flowers stay alive and don't wither because my conejito enano and aliso doesn't have flowers anymore since they one they had died (the plant it's okay, just flower-less).

[dino-rrecovery]

Today was a good day. I didn't eat lunch, though. But I did a lot of things. I bought the cheese grater that I wanted to and other few things. I FOUND AN AMAZING GLASS THAT'S SO COOL BECAUSE IT HAS DIFFERENT COLORS DEPENDING HOW THE LIGHT HIT IT.

I feel good today. It's fine. Even when I woke up on panick and I was feeling really overwhelmed. I'm anxious now, kind of a lot. Like there's static on my body. And I'm sore and tired for the long walk. But I'm okay. It's fine. I'm good. And I had a good dinner so I'm all set to call it a day.

[dino-rrecovery]

Day One: 42— Eat vegetables

Soooo I made a mashed potatoes and onions and mixed it with some corn soup I made yesterday. I ALSO EAT A WHOLE TOMATO BUT FORGOT TO TAKE PHOTOS BECAUSE I WAS TOO EXCITED (it's been a while since I eat tomatoes and I fuckin love them)

The no-so-pretty prove (I promise it was amazing, even if it looks like vomit):

[dino-rrecovery]

Day Prompts:

20 minutes outside (walking).

Coloring a book.

Grateful letter.

Drink just water for the day.

Dance.

Daycare.

Workout.

Go to bed early.

Go for a walk alone.

Go somewhere I've never been.

Wear something I usually don't wear.

Friends day.

Go to a Cafe.

Eat outside.

Talk to a stranger.

Go to the hospital (or mark an appointment).

Do manicure.

Wrap up in a blanket and spend a nice moment.

Read a whole book.

Blow bubbles (outside).

Braid my hair.

Play a word game.

Visit the library.

Buy another plant.

Cook a nice meal.

Wash clothes.

Paint.

Outfits check (and session of photos).

Do a deep breath exercises.

Ask for help.

Study for 25 minutes.

Study for 1 hour.

Study for 1 ½ hour.

Study for 2 hours.

Study for 3 hours.

Study for 4 hours.

See a movie (and write a review).

Phone-free day.

Keep meals phone-free.

Compliment people on the street.

Do the things u have to present for work interviews.

Eat vegetables.

Watch the news.

Make a meal plan for a week.

Go to take photos.

Play the violin.

Create a vision board.

Listen to a podcast.

Read for 25 minutes.

Read for an hour.

Write a one shot (fanfic chap).

Research for one of your books.

Watch a documentary.

Go to a museum.

Watch a Disney movie.

Read before bed.

Do 6 bracelets.

Do 6 necklaces.

Play piano.

Read something informative.

Play a virtual (and social) game.

Call strangers (something like Omegle).

Work out (+20 min).

Write for 2 hours.

Go to a random class of college.

Interview people.

Letter to future me.

Current situation review.

Record a cover.

Record a Epic the Musical cover.

Record a Hadestown cover.

Study group session.

Go to the church.

Put curtains.

Finish some project.

Try new food.

Go to a new museum.

Do 4 bracelets.

Do 3 bracelets.

Do 12 bracelets.

[dino-rrecovery]

Well hi everyone. Here's Ryuu or Allam. Whatever you want to call it(me). I'm doing this alt blog just for a challenge to try and being a little more productive every day and beat depression and anxiety.

The idea is do something every day. Anything. There's things that I enjoy and things that I have to force myself to do them. And things that I never do because I feel too down to get up from bed.

Keep doing things. That's it.

Here's the deal and rules:

Every day I roll a random number between 1 to 76 (it may be more later).

There's that number of things to do. So the one in the number is the one I'm doing.

I have three strikes, in case that I don't want to or I can't do the things that came out. I have to do one of the three.

Every thing has 5 times to dismiss it. Then I'll have to do it anyways.

If I'm not available to do the thing, then it dismiss won't count on the 5. Example: it involves to go outside and it's raining cats and dogs.

If I skip one day, then the next day I have to do two instead of one.

If there's a thing that I can't do that day (or that I have to schedule) I'll pass it to that day and I roll the dice again for today.

And that's all, I think.

Anyways I'm kind of trying to post this here so I have a 'sense of responsibility'. So you're free to ignore this. It's just a crazy me trying to cope with being really overwhelmed.

Oh, I also will post some mood review at the end of the day. Or at least that's the idea.