dizzy5

[dizzy5]

Shatter Me Universe

I wish Tahereh would write like a prequel to the Shatter Me series that’s all about how the Reestablishment came to power and the Supreme Commanders and their kids. Like not a dystopian romance but a dark, devastating dystopian about the past. The Supremes are so interesting to me like wdym yall make your kids mass murderers and put them in fish tanks 🤨

I know she’d make it so painful but it would in fact complete me

[dizzy5]

Kenzeera One Shots

Heyyyy

Here’s a one shot I wrote about Kenji and Nazeera and it’s part of a current one shot collection I’m writing of them aka my comfort couple (I’m literally dying here waiting for their book or even novella especially since Watch Me came out). Hope you like it <3

————

Nazeera

Kenji literally jumps in the air, waving his hand. Winston cheers him and Brendan as they terribly perform their own rendition of some song I’ve never heard of. I learnt it’s from a movie.

We’re in Ella’s backyard still. Much to Warner’s dismay, we stayed after their wedding ceremony. The moon is high and shining above us. An exhausted Ella is tucked into Warner's arms. He must hate us right now but he’s smiling. Smiling the widest a person can.

Adam hoots and grabs a bottle for a makeshift microphone to join them. I think most of us here are drunk, other than the bride and groom. 

And me - I don’t prefer to drink around people I don’t trust that much. There’s nothing deceitful about the Omega Point group, it’s only I wouldn’t put myself in a susceptible position around them yet.

Except maybe Kenji.

I tilt my head, tracking Kenji’s movements. He’s stumbling only slightly so he mustn’t be too inebriated. Thank God - I was not going to drag him all the way back to the Sanctuary. 

My boyfriend staggers my way and grins. He puts the fake microphone close to my mouth,

“Sing with me!”

I lower the thing and smile,

“I’m okay, thank you.”

“I think we’re all okay for one night,” Warner announces. We all stare at him but his gaze is on his newly wedded wife. I assume he said something because she blushes and stands up.

“Yeah it’s pretty late guys.”

“Wow, J,” Kenji murmurs. I toss the microphone and wrap my fingers around his wrist. 

Winston looks around and winces,

“Hey we’ll be back tomorrow morning to help clean the rest of this.”

It’s not that littered but our extended visit created more of a mess than intended. Warner waves a hand, dismissing us and leading him and Ella back into the house. 

Well.

The rest of us begin filing out of the backyard and walking down the broken streets. The Sanctuary isn’t much of a walk from here, fortunately - I’m wearing heels that might deconstruct the bones of my feet. 

Kenji sighs, not breaking my hold on him. He leans closer, 

“Did I tell you you’re so beautiful?”

“Yes, you did. About 10 times in the last hour.”

“You get more beautiful as the hour goes.”

A chuckle falls out of my mouth. I kiss his jaw and lean into him since he rediscovered how to walk properly. Stars light up our path. The others are way ahead of us. 

I’m too exhausted to utilize my flying abilities and alleviate myself from my pain so I have to shift my legs uncomfortably. Kenji notices. He stops us in our tracks.

“What’s up?” 

I shake my head, “nothing. It’s just that my feet hurt.”

Kenji blinks, comprehending my words. Slower than usual due to the ethanol in his system. Then he kneels, lifting me up with one arm and taking off my heels with the other hand.

Oh-

“I’m not walking barefoot, Kishimoto.” I tap his back. Kenji finally drops me and I sigh annoyed as the asphalt pricks at my skin. He’s beaming still and I wonder how much he actually drank.

Kenji collects my shoes in one hand and before I can protest, picks me up in his arms. He ignores my look of confusion and continues on walking.

“Put me down.”

“Umm, nah I don’t want to.”

What the-

“Kenji, you’re tipsy,” I huff.

“You’re going to hurt yourself and me.”

He shakes his head,

“I’d never hurt you.”

“That’s sweet but you’re still intoxicated.”

“Not that much,” He rolls his eyes, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

“Stop arguing and let me be gentlemanly.”

“We’re on a hill.” I protest.

“The two of us are going to go tumbling down.”

He snickers like it’s something funny. Which it sort of is but that’s not going to help. 

“You weigh like nothing. We won’t fall.”

Kenji frowns,

“Do you not trust me?”

I blow out a breath. For some reason, the idea of getting injured is not processing in his head. I twist my neck and spot the familiar lanterns of the Sanctuary not so far away. 

“Alright, fine.”

I resign, sinking into his chest. It’s quite nice actually, to be carried like this. Kenji hums in satisfaction.

I shut my eyes momentarily. Mull over my day. The wedding was lovely. Warner and Ella were beyond thrilled which is great. It was the biggest highlight out of a very busy month. That and something else.

I loop my arms around Kenji’s neck and nuzzle the skin of his throat. My heart hammers in response beneath my chest. The wedding was everyone’s main feature, except mine was Kenji. Especially earlier tonight, when he told me he loves me. 

And I replied with my own confession. It was the first time I’d properly said those words to someone myself. 

It wasn’t a shock really, he has confessed it accidentally like twice before. But it was nice. Euphoric. It cemented our relationship; the reasons my heart is his.

Though it’s so strange to hear those words. For someone to say they care for me. I haven’t been told anything remotely close for almost 19 years. Now I have. Now someone loves me.

Kenji doesn’t let go of me until we reach my door.  I briefly kiss his cheek and nudge his shoulders to the direction of the hallway.

“Go take a shower and sleep. Otherwise the hangover won’t lessen.”

He does not look like he is listening. A blank expression, gaze concentrating on my face. Kenji furrows his brows,

“Sorry, what?”

“Rest,” I manage to say in between my laugh. His lips curve up at my amusement. 

“Okay fine.” 

Kenji narrows his eyes at me for a second before stealing a messy kiss. I watch him from the hallway until he fully disappears from sight.

As I ready myself for bed, I happen to take particular note of my surroundings. Specifically the absolute silence. Stillness. Other than the cluster of words in my restless mind.

The empty room weighs more heavily without his presence. I generally enjoy my own time but currently Kenji lingers in every corner of my brain.

Why did I tell him to leave again? I could’ve just let him in my room. I’ve literally spent nearly all of my last two weeks with him, it’s not like he hasn’t before. Hell, half of his closet is in my room. 

I wonder if this is what it’s like to love someone. Wishing they were with you at every moment, regardless of how mundane the situation is.

Well with Kenji there isn’t a dull minute. 

Is that what love does then? Conditions your days to be fulfilled with the one you care for. Time and place have no effect when you and your beloved are together. 

I find myself smiling as I think of him. Oh I’m so enamoured. 

Perhaps I should go to him…

As I move to put my shoes back on, I hear a thud followed by a curse from behind my door. 

“Shit.”

Kenji. 

I hurry to open the door and feel a calmness enter my body when I see his grin. He looks no different than 20 minutes ago.

Kenji holds up a half full bottle,

“I’m back, gorgeous.”

I have to physically stop myself from smacking my forehead. 

“Why on Earth do you have another drink?”

“Because,” Kenji steps forward and slams his head against the doorframe.

“Fuck. Who put this here?”

Instinctively, I reach my hand up to his skull, ensuring he hasn’t bruised himself.  

“Did you drink more?”

He holds up his hands in surrender,

“Uh I didn’t mean to. I got this bottle for you. But I got thirsty on the way here.”

Of course he did. 

Snatching away the beverage, I pull him inside. Kenji plops onto the bed as I go to exchange the alcohol for a bottle of water on my dresser. 

“Have this.”

Kenji takes it and chugs the thing in one go. I ask if he’d like some more but he declines. He kicks off his shoes and lowers onto the mattress. Something in me screams with joy when he shows no signs of wanting to leave.

“So why’d you bring me a drink, Kishimoto?” I question, moving to lay beside him. 

Kenji shrugs, 

“To celebrate.”

“What are we celebrating?”

“Life. Us. I don’t know,” Kenji lifts his shoulders again. He twists his neck my way, the beaming smile he wears capable of ruination. 

I arch an eyebrow, urging him to continue.

“I thought we could just celebrate. Everything’s so good right now,” Kenji starts.

“I mean, I know the world’s still shit. We have a lot of work. But like…it’s nice. We’re all here. I have my friends, J, you. I’m happy.”

I’m not sure what the correct reply is. That’s wonderful. But the fact that he finds it rare that everyone he cares for is in a safe place just about breaks my heart. He wants to celebrate what should be a common emotion. He’s never been this content.

I really want to just wrap my arms around Kenji and refuse to let go.

I wordlessly place my palm on the side of his face, the desire to comfort him taking over. Kenji’s eyes soften by a degree. He watches me carefully, his joy gradually rising. 

“Plus you know, Juliette got married. Like properly. Which is awesome.” He blows out a breath,

“Though she’s barely 18. Which- whatever, you know, their choice and all. But I’m so damn happy for my best friend.”

I nod,

“She’s been through enough. Hopefully, there are no more maniacal governments in our futures.”

“Fingers crossed. I cannot go through another damn war. They’re terrible for my sleep schedule.”

My fingers comb through Kenji’s silky strands. He extends his arm and tugs me closer. His hand settles on my back, our noses a whisper away from touching. 

Comfort is found in his warm gaze. I like this - just being with him. I’m sure that I could be here and listen to his voice for hours.

“I'd like that too, you know,” Kenji says smoothly after a short pause. 

“That whole package. Marriage, a family. It’s the sort of future that’s actually possible now.”

Something indescribable crosses his face for a second as he looks at me. The severity of it makes that fluttery feeling in my ribcage heighten. 

I chew on my lip,

“I’m not sure what I’d like exactly. I just want…peace.”

He narrows his eyes like he's attempting to decipher something.

“Peace means different things for everyone.”

“True,” I shrug, tracing the line of his jaw with my finger. Kenji matches my stare and I deliberate on his statement. 

I don’t know what I’d want in my future. Well… I’m only certain that I want him. It sounds unnatural to live without Kenji now that I’ve irrevocably fallen for him. 

But even that seems impossible sometimes. Life changes and people change. There’s a whole realm of possibility when it comes to the future. Anything can happen. Kenji could get sick of me. We could disagree on a pivotal issue that’ll lead to his affections for me lessening. We’ve been dating for just shy of a month.

…Is it possible to fall out of love with someone?

My stomach churns and I feel ill with this insecure overthinking.

“I’m pleased with the way things are,” I eventually say, clearing my throat. 

“With the two of us like this.”

Kenji hums, placing a reassuring kiss on my temple. 

“Yeah, me too.”

                   ————————————

We knocked out not long after that conversation. Sunlight spilling onto my eyelids is what wakes me. 

I sit up slowly, registering that there’s an empty space beside me. There’s a noise coming from the bathroom. The shower is running. And apparently, hosting a concert. I can hear Kenji’s singing from out here so audibly that I laugh. He’s adorable. 

Straightening myself, I rub my eyes. Our conversation from last night creeps in the corners of my mind. Especially the bits I managed to worry myself about. 

It’s almost dreamlike to love someone. Our relationship is still arguably new yet I’m definite I want no one else in my life. My once frosty, guarded heart is freed and at the risk of being hurt. 

It’s not that I believe Kenji would hurt me, it’s the fact that he can. It's an unusual experience to give someone the important parts of me. He’s the first and only person I’ve felt so strongly for.

I've never been in love before him. So of course my ever so paranoid self would conjure up the ways in which it could all go wrong. 

I hold my face in my hands, contemplating if there’s some sort of device to permanently tune out my cruel thoughts. The bathroom door swings open.

Kenji’s grinning as he moves to my dresser. Dark wet strands cover his forehead and he studies the mirror in an effort to tidy them with a comb. He’s also providing a lovely view by being shirtless.

“Hey your conditioner smells so good,” Kenji spins to look at me.

“You might wanna stock up on it.”

“Did you use it or shove it up your nose?” I ask, steadying myself by planting my hands on the mattress. 

“That, you may never know.”

Kenji walks in my direction and leans to kiss me. It seems that once my skin comes in contact with his, the webs in my mind stop weaving me into an anxious state. 

He goes back to steal my moisturiser. Instead of getting up, I admire his physique. He's so gorgeous, it drives me insane.

“For someone who should be hungover, you’re quite upbeat.” I point out.

He lifts his shoulders,

“Dunno why. That water you gave me must’ve been some magical shit.”

Kenji opens a drawer of the dresser,

“Hey do you have-“

He stops. Pulls out an object.

“Why do you have grenades in your dresser?”

“Oh. Haider gave me those before he left,” I get to my feet and cross the room.

“Um why?”

“Why not?”

Kenji gives me a quizzical look as he examines the weapons. I cross my arms. That would sound blasphemous to a sane person. Except my brother always gives me weaponry, for whatever reason.

Kenji puts them back, patting the closed drawer.

“That’s…nice. Very kind of him to give you explosives. Brotherly love is a wonderful thing.”

I snicker,

“Well it’s normal for us.”

It’s the sort of life I lived, the violence I was raised with. Kenji and I have led two very different lives; the only parallel between us being an excruciating ache. He leans his back on the dresser, assessing me blankly. 

Shivers run down my spine at the way he’s trying to decode me. Inky eyes dragging along my face like they can make my thoughts visible to them.  

“There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” I start, cautiously. Trying and failing to gain control of this conversation. Kenji continues to wear down my shields with his sincere expression. He looks like he’s truly interested in what lies within my mind. 

And what a daunting thing it is, allowing someone to actually understand you. The way you think and view the world. Eyes are not the only window to your soul, but also the mind. The powerful organ that’s capable of destruction; rooting you to reality. The intricacies of your brain reveal your humanity and all the personalities you possess. 

Such an intimate part of a person.

But that’s just in my opinion.

I go on,

“I’m referring to the gritty, brutal truths in particular.”

“I know,” Kenji tilts his head. He then pulls me close, settling his arms around my waist. I catch a whiff of his ambrosial cologne. It smells of jasmine. I think. Whatever it is, it’s now imbued in my brain. 

“You could tell me.”

I scoff, 

“I’d rather not give you nightmares. Or watch you run away when I finally have you.”

“Nah, you couldn’t chase me away if you tried,” he utters. Brushing his nose against mine. I’m stock still, feeling the nerves unraveling in my body. A serenity engulfs me entirely. It’s a marvel how he can make me feel so much so easily. 

I loop my hands around his neck,

“Well, I’m not sure if you heard of my terrible temper. Or my conniving attitude. They’re real crowd pleasers.”

“I’ve heard plenty about you, Miss Ibrahim,” Kenji replies, his voice dipped in honey. 

“And it only makes me want to know more.”

Left without a rebuttal, I inquire stupidly,

“Why?”

“Because I love you.” 

He utters the words simply. 

Like there’s no question about it.

Like it’s not capable of completely melting me.

Kenji lifts his finger to twirl it in my strands. 

“All I want is to learn your secrets. To be the one person who you won’t hide from.” His fingers move down, graze across my cheek. 

“I’d like to memorise the silkiness of your skin; love every perfect inch of you - mind and body.” Kenji hums, pulling apart my decorum. He’s speaking without hesitation, without a doubt. 

“Nazeera, I need you to be so deeply embedded into my soul that no force could ever pull you away from me.”

There have been a few times in my lifetime that I’ve been flustered. And unsurprisingly, they’ve all been because of Kenji. I swallow, feeling everything all at once. 

“Because you love me.” 

I state it rather than phrase it like a question. 

It’s peculiar to hear that. Unreal. And yet Kenji’s standing there and declaring it in so many different terms. 

Reassuring me because he understands. That I’m not used to intimacy and being open with anyone. A glowing bliss seeps through my veins. The sort of mirth that should be absurd. But it’s very much alive and blazing in my bones when I see him.

“Unconditionally,” Kenji kisses my forehead.

I hesitate, assessing his features. They're patient. Kind. He’s utterly flawless - sometimes I fear my lonely mind has made him up. Thankfully, it hasn’t. He’s real. And he loves me.

Something akin to bashfulness blossoms in me. A rosy hue spreads across my cheeks. I smile. 

“I love you too.” 

My voice is quieter than I wanted. 

Kenji doesn’t notice the volume. The words have an immediate, profound effect on him. He sighs like my declaration provided him the air to breathe. 

He kisses me on the lips this time. Desperately, eagerly. It incites in me a sense of consolation. Assurance about us, our future. 

It’s Kenji. He loves me. That’s a fact I’d be foolish to doubt. 

Regardless of the freshness of this love, it’s a constant. I can feel it, grasp the essence of our relationship like it’s a tangible thread. Our connection is something unique. Intensive. Surpassing usual levels of devotion. 

It’s as if our hearts have already met. They intertwined effortlessly and are now unwilling to ever separate. 

Delight swims through my body. 

I’m not sure why I was ever worried. 

We’re two people that simply belong together. 

[dizzy5]

you and me both girly

Eeeee more people are talking abt Kenji and nazeeraaaa and I'm so happy.

Now I'm just waiting for the fanfiction to roll in.

👁️👄👁️

[dizzy5]

Kenji: Why aren’t you sleeping? 

Nazeera, glaring at him: I’m too busy plotting your murder to sleep, Kenji. 

Kenji: 

Nazeera: ...The nightmares. 

Kenji: *wrapping their arms around Nazeera* Awwww, sweetie-

[dizzy5]

Me searching for a new couple to write fanfic about (I always end up writing about Kenzeera): 👀 👀 👀

[dizzy5]

Castle in Shatter me

Idk if anyone’s said this before but my theory about Castle is that he definitely was friends with the Supreme Commanders. Like he knew almost everything about their plans, like with Emmaline and Ella and bro wanted to be besties with Anderson saying there was good in him or something (delusional bs). Yk how all Supremes were like friends? Yeah I think Castle was like a part of that friend group until he realised they’re all psychos who wanted to experiment on their kids and he ran away. Anyways that’s my theory on Castle. He was such a strange dude but I like him for saving Kenji 😌

[dizzy5]

Nazeera : I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone. Kenji : Mine just says "Kenji no." Nazeera : I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

[dizzy5]

Kenji and Nazeera are so Aladdin and Jasmine

[dizzy5]

Atp it’s js me and my coffee against the world

[dizzy5]

Nazeera: *Answers phone.* Hello? 

Kenji: It's Kenji. 

Nazeera: What did he do this time? 

Kenji: No, it's me, Nazeera. It's actually me. 

Nazeera: What did you do this time?

[dizzy5]

A random reminder that Nazeera heavily drugged Kenji to the point where he was hospitalised, then kicked him in the back and watched him sleep because she didn’t know how to tell him she liked him.

[dizzy5]

Kenji, putting their hands over Nazeera's eyes: Guess who! 

Nazeera: It's either Kenji or the cold, clammy hands of death. 

Kenji, putting their hands away: It's me! 

Nazeera: Dammit.

[dizzy5]

Restore Me - Kenji POV

So I was bored and this idea randomly popped up. Just the dinner scene where Kenji meets Nazeera but in his POV.

Kenji

We’re all sitting at the table, dinner is being served. Warner in the middle with J and me on either side of him. In front of Warner is the son of the Supreme Commander of Asia, Haider Ibrahim. Even though Warner says he’s harmless, I don’t trust the guy, or trust that he’s here for any good reason.

Apparently his sister is going to be a bigger problem. 

Juliette and I have no idea what to expect.

Haider seems pretty happy to be here, smiling and starting a conversation with Warner. 

Who, by the way, speaks 7 languages? 

I start my meal while listening to them talk, not really understanding the Arabic. The room is only filled with their quiet whispers.

For some reason Haider laughs out loud, and sips his water. Didn’t realize Warner was so funny. 

“There’s always time for dinner.” He says to Warner, who uncomfortably turns away.

“Where is your sister? Why didn’t you arrive together?”

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” An unfamiliar voice announces and everyone's eyes go to the door.

And the world stops spinning.

Air escapes my lungs.

Standing there at the door is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Utterly gorgeous. 

Her cold hard stare quietly assesses everyone in the room and I clench my jaw to stop it from falling.

For the split second that her gaze meets mine, my heart stops beating. 

She’s ethereal. I’m questioning whether this is a dream or not.

Did Haider like poison our food or something? 

Am I dying?

This must be real, I think, as she makes her way to the table. And she sits right. In. Front. Of. Me.

She’s so much more prettier than she was at a distance. 

Oh wait this must be-

“Everyone, this is Nazeera.” Haider jumps to his feet with a smile and wraps his arm around his sisters shoulders. Nazeera does not react.

Haider says something else but I’m too distracted.

Too focused on the girl before me.

Nazeera has warm brown skin, honey dipped eyes with dark lashes. Her lips are full, and a small diamond piercing sits right underneath her bottom lip. I can’t see her hair though, it’s hidden underneath a silk shawl. Which is weird because it’s illegal?

She’s looking at her plate, I can’t see her face and I so badly want to. 

“You cover your hair now?” Warner asks and finally she does lift her head. Sips her tea and studies Warner.

I don’t know why emotion just hit me hard and fast, but I find myself annoyed that she’s looking at him. 

I want her to look at me, to hear her voice again.

Nazeera does not answer Warner at all, so I take the opportunity to say something,

“So you don’t think anyone will notice? That you cover your hair?”

I chew my food as she silently forks some lettuce. 

Still not looking at me. I try again,

“I mean you have to know, that what you’re wearing is an offense punishable by imprisonment.”

This time her eyes meet mine and I feel all weird. 

My head feels light, dizzy and I swallow a lump. 

Why am I so nervous? 

“I’m sorry,” she says softly, putting down her fork.

“But who are you exactly?”

I like the sound of her voice. It’s calm, steady. 

And she’s speaking to me. A lick of warmth rushes all over my body. 

“Nazeera.” Haider says, “please remember that we are guests-“

“I didn’t realise there was a dress code here.” Nazeera interrupts him, continues her conversation with me. I can’t believe this-

“Oh - well,” I take another bite, “I guess we don’t have a dress code here. But that’s only because we have a new Supreme Commander who’s not a psychopath. But it’s illegal to dress like that,”

I gesture to her pretty face with my spoon,

“Like literally anywhere else. Right?” 

I search the table for confirmation from anyone, but everyone’s staring at me weirdly. Huh.

“Isn’t it?” I ask Warner, silently begging that he doesn’t embarrass me in front of this gorgeous woman.

He nods and I turn back to Nazeera, who sips her tea. Leans back carefully in her chair and glares at both of us. I can’t explain why the way she is glancing at me makes my heart burst.

“What makes you think I care?”

Huh.

I frown, sort of confused now. “I mean, don’t you have to care? Your dad is a Supreme Commander. Doesn’t he know that you wear that thing in public? Won't he be pissed?”

Nazeera sets down her fork again and sighs, staring only at me. 

“This thing?” 

“Sorry,” I apologize,

“I don’t know what it’s called.”

Nazeera smiles at me. It’s not a happy smile but wow. 

I can’t breathe.

Her smile is so beautiful, so scary too.

“Men,” she says, “Are always so baffled by women’s clothing. So many opinions about a body that does not belong to them. Cover up, don’t cover up -“ she waves a hand, -“no one can seem to decide.”

Oh wait what. I think I made her mad. Great job me.

“But - that’s not what I-“ I start to explain myself but she cuts me off.

“You know what I think,” she says, still smiling at me,

“about someone telling me what’s legal and illegal about the way I dress?”

She holds up two middle fingers.

I choke on my food. Oh my-

“Go ahead,” she says, her eyes cold and angry.

“Tell my dad. Alert the armies. I don’t give a shit.”

“Nazeera-“

“Shut up Haider.”

This has taken a wrong turn.

“Woah - hey I’m sorry,” 

How the hell did I manage to piss her off when she doesn’t even know my name yet?

“I didn’t mean-“

“Whatever.” Nazeera rolls her eyes, “I’m not hungry.”

She stands up gracefully. Stalks out the room without another word. Awkward silence floods the room but I’m still frozen. 

In awe of her. 

[dizzy5]

Random Kenzeera headcanon:

They buy a house in Japan, and go there every year so Kenji can learn more about his home country.

[dizzy5]

Nazeera: My hands are cold. 

Kenji: Here, let me hold them. 

Nazeera: My lips are cold too. 

Kenji: *covers Nazeera's mouth with his hand*

[dizzy5]

Nazeera: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. 

Kenji: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely* 

Nazeera: That one. I want that one.

[dizzy5]

Kenji: Okay, two person huddle. 

Nazeera, being squeezed to death: You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug.