doctormonocat

[doctormonocat]

writing x reader stories is fun but terrifying cause like I'm always over doubting myself. I'm like, what if the reader doesn't have parents? How do I know they still have arms? What if they have no hair? To some level, I just gotta roll with the flow of the story. RIP in the chat to all times I've read something in an x reader fic and have been like "I would never do that/I do NOT have those features"

[doctormonocat]

New Rafayel x Reader Poll

Hi everyone! I want to write a series of a Rafayel x Reader story, but I'm having trouble deciding which one to do. (I might do both, but we'll see). Would you all prefer a Wolfwalker Reader x Selkie Rafayel inspired by Cartoon Saloon or a Witch Reader x Mermaid/Siren Rafayel series inspired by Studio Ghibli? There are likely to be similar, but with different details. Or, a different combo? (ex. Witch reader x Selkie Rafayel or Wolfwalker x mermaid Rafayel) Let me know! I'm leaning a certain way and might write it that way anyway, just curious to see what people think.

Thanks everyone!

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Sksksksk… God I love your self-aware hcs. I’m really obsessed and honestly inspired? Idk I’ve been thinking about how the guys react to an MC who wasn’t interested in them at first, but slowly become obsessed and a MC who doesn’t frequent the game often.

Ah, thank you so much! I also am really inspired by more angsty self aware headcannons rather than soley happy ones ha ha (blame Monika from DDLC and 707 from MM). Your idea is so interesting, I never really thought about an MC who doesn't visit the game much. Definitely some angsty scenarios could come out of that lol. I prolly didn't think of that bc I'm lowkey addicted to the game :(

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hi i literally just read your self aware series i LOVE THEM i LOVE ANGST GRGRHRGRG

Hi! Thank you so much! This has been so much fun for me so far and I've been living with these ideas for a while so I figured I should share them with other people in the fandom ha ha. I have drafts for the other boys and part 2's for my current series rn so hopefully you can expect that soon enough. Thank you so much for your support. (I love the angst too)

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Replaced

Self Aware! Rafayel x Unaware! Player

Can you guess which other game character this is inspired by? I will be doing a series for each of the LADS boys being self aware. A little angsty, once again. It will hopefully become clear, but this is a story about Rafayel, your favorite LI, becoming self aware, and eventually being replaced by Caleb. I just picked Caleb bc he just released, but Sylus or any LI released after start would work. Hope you enjoy! I'll prolly do a part 2. A bit long, sorry!

Self Aware! Rafayel who becomes aware slowly but surely. Rather than an instant moment of understanding, he begins to recognize new things in his world, things he didn’t understand before. Things seem… out of order. Time is disjointed, his senses thrown into a black void just as often as he is alive. 

Self Aware! Rafayel realizes he is a game character long before he ever becomes aware of you. His existence seems to dull with each passing day before he meets you. His life, his suffering, his love… none of its real. He realizes that he is pre programmed into a virtual reality. But he wonders, why? And why does he feel a sort of… presence? 

Self Aware! Rafayel who feels the presence everywhere. In his battles with his… lover? (is she still? Does he even want her to be? Rafayel doesn’t know. Even she seems fake now) There is an unknowing force watching him. Despite the oddity of it, Rafayel isn’t alarmed by it. If anything, it’s comforting. Warm. It feels like his first hug after a life of being touch starved. 

Self Aware! Rafayel becomes addicted to the presence. Comforted by the ever watching force. He looks forward to his limited interactions with it in that cafe everyday. His dulled world begins to spill with color. 

Self Aware! Rafayel who one day sees… you. You’re the presence that’s been there for what seems like years, the only thing allowing sunshine to pour into Rafayel’s darkened world. He preens under your attention, feeling like a deep sea fish seeing the light for the first time. 

Self Aware! Rafayel who finally realizes his world is a dating game. It's a bit of a shock, but a surprising comfort. You had become his everything before he was even aware who you were, and being able to actually see you everyday has only deepened his feelings. So, learning that you joined this game to date the characters, and that he is your main focus is a relief. He feels requited. You care about him just as much as he does you (maybe not quite as much, he realizes. Currently, you are his only tether to realness, and are still unaware of his awareness or his feelings. But, it won’t be like that for much longer). 

Self Aware! Rafayel who is aware of the other male love interests, but doesn’t pay them much of a mind besides the occasional twinge of jealousy. After all, you only complete their events out of a sense of obligation. But he is your focus. You pull for his cards, spend your in game currency on his outfits, and have him accompany you for card games and plushie hunting. It’s clear to him, he is your favorite. And he hopes that when he makes you aware of his presence too, that your favoritism will turn into something more. So, in response to those other boys, all he does is give you a pout the next time you visit him in your cafe. But, seeing your smile in his presence makes the painter’s grumpy mood vanish quickly. He loves your smile, direct just at him; teasing, joking, and flirting all the time just to see it whenever he wants. Yeah. He needs to see that smile more often.

Self Aware! Rafayel who wants everything to be perfect for when he confesses. He’s been picking up some coding skills on the side, trying to keep it hidden from you as he carves out a small place in his world just for you to. The perfect place by the beach, with the perfect light. The perfect gift (a painting of you), the perfect words to say to make you understand the depth of his sentience and of his love. His perfect moment. He’s worried he might spoil it accidentally though, with the extra attention he’s been lavishing on you. You’re just so cute, that every time you cheer after the two of you win a battle together he can’t help but laugh along. He’s a little tired of waiting, but he still wants everything to be perfect. He just hopes you can chalk up your excellent luck pulling cards and his extra smiles to a new game mechanic. 

Self Aware! Rafayel who is vaguely aware of the announcement of a new male love interest. Colin? Or maybe Cade? Who cares? Rafayel’s been your favorite since launch. Truly, he doesn’t pay too much attention. He’s too focused on making his confession to you just perfect. 

Self Aware! Rafayel who starts paying attention when he hears it come from your mouth. 

“Caleb is almost here!” You say, cheerily. 

Self Aware! Rafayel who feels his heart clench a little. Now he begins to remember the details clearly. Caleb. Thats his name. The jealousy he feels is a bit more papabile than it has been before with the other boys, feeling like a heavy stone pulling his heart down into a dark ocean. He remembers you playing that chapter with that… man… in it a couple times, but he dismissed it as you trying to better understand the story. He knows it's not because you want to see that guy. Is it? 

| | | | |

Self Aware! Rafayel who doesn't realize how black everything has been until he’s let out into the light again. How long has it been? He feels his body physically react when he checks your phone’s internal clock and realizes a month has passed. His world had become dull again without you at least visiting him; fake, and flat and just black. It scares him for two reasons. The first, that without you he might stop being aware, stop existing as he is now. He might start being like the other nothings that populate his world without you, pre programmed to run in circles. It terrifies him. And the second, that something might have happened to you in the time you were away from him. He is even more scared that something in your large and expansive reality might be able to harm you. With his dulled senses, he hasn’t felt your presence visiting him at all in the past month (that went by all too fast to him. Add that to his growing list of things that will keep him up at night.)

Self Aware! Rafayel who is scared now for an entirely different reason. He manages to use his coding skills in the brief time period where you are visiting to tether himself to the game outright. At least it will be harder now to pull him away from you. Even if you stop visiting, he’ll be aware. But with that, comes an even worse realization. You’d been here, actually. In the game, playing as usual. Just not with him. 

Self Aware! Rafayel who wants to cry and shout all at once. Who the hell is this Caleb, and how dare he take you from him (he tries to push down the feeling that you have betrayed him as well. He doesn’t want to fall into that rabbit hole of resenting the only thing that makes him feel alive). So, instead he blames this… usurper, who has stolen your love, your light, your attention away from him. 

Self Aware! Rafayel who has a plan to get your attention back. Screw the perfect moment. He just needs to confess the next time he sees you. You’ll throw away apple boy the second you realize you have a sentient fishie who loves you more than anything. 

Self Aware! Rafayel begins to slowly realize a couple of harrowing things. The first, that you haven’t visited him in a long time. The last time you did, his first gasp of air in over a month, seemed to be irregular, if not a fluke entirely. You were too focused on Caleb (the name still sickens him to think about) to spend anytime with him anymore. Who knows if you would even give him the chance to confess. The second, even more harrowing thought. Was it your attention, your love, that brought him sentience? If so, could that same awareness be brought to another? Would Rafayel’s competition soon extend to another man who knew of your existence just as he did? The third, that it might not even matter for him or the “colonel” either. You had discarded and neglected Rafayel so easily when a new shiny toy came into your view. Did you even see him as real? Would you ever? Were you even capable of that? 

Self Aware! Rafayel chose to push that thought down deep. He would cross that bridge when he got to it. No, he should deal with the problem at hand. Caleb. Just the very thought of him made fire burn in Rafayel’s veins and a sting like salt water in his throat. At the very least, he should deal with this so-called replacement. 

Self Aware! Rafayel who knows deep in his soul, in the very essence of his being that you love him. You’ve just been… distracted. Tempted. Lured. But Rafayel knows about luring also. He is a siren, a vision of seduction and temptation. Colonel apple can’t compare. Rafayel will use very weapon in his arsenal. His newly acquired coding skills will force you to see him, force you to let him win your love back. He’ll shower you with gifts, with digital seashells, in game currency, and his sweet words. He’ll hold off on confessing, just until his competition is not even a memory in your mind. 

Self Aware! Rafayel decides that even if that fails, he has other ways of convincing you to his side. He wonders what would happen if he were to alter the game code, to make Caleb repulsive to you, or even better, gone (the thought of messing with the game code, with the very essence of the world does still make him a bit queasy. Perhaps that will be his last resort). Instead, he wonders what would happen if he decided to find Caleb in his world. Maybe a recreation of a certain explosion might be in order, certain to actually find it’s target this time. 

Self Aware! Rafayel who is becoming desperate. He’s willing to do anything. Even if it means removing all other obstacles by any means necessary. You will love him again. 

After all, why wouldn’t you? With no one else but him and you, everything will be just as it should be. 

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Sometimes

Sometimes, Rafayel wants you to hurt. He wants you to feel an inkling, a tiny fraction of the pain you’ve caused him in each and every lifetime. It’s not fair. He gave up everything for you, and you’ve betrayed him again and again. The worst betrayal is you forgetting. How dare you not even hold on to the guilt, the shame, the sadness, the pain, just as he does? How dare you leave him alone in his misery? So sometimes, he wants you to hurt. He wants to say things to twist in the knife, to make you bleed just a few drops of what has gushed out of him every time you interact.

It’s only sometimes though. And each and every time Rafayel feels immediate shame and guilt afterwards. Guilt because he’s supposed to love you. He does love you. So why is it so hard sometimes? Why is it that when you are smiling without a care in the world it both fills his heart with love and venom?

He thinks you don’t notice. He hardly ever acts on these sometimes feelings and even when he does let an unkind word or two slip it’s nothing that couldn’t be chalked up to a lover’s spat. He thinks his pure vitriol is hidden, until one day, where you, seemingly out of nowhere, say, “Sometimes, I think you want me to hurt.” And Rafayel… he doesn’t know what to say. Because sometimes, he really really does.

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Self Aware! Xavier x Unrequited! Player

A little angsty. This is actually terrible but it’s been haunting my mind. For clarification, Xavier in this story is your least favorite LI! Xavier is becoming aware of his existence, and of the player (you), but comes to the unfortunate realization you may not feel the same way about him. Part 2 shortly!

Self Aware! Xavier who becomes aware one day due to a glitch. Suddenly his daily visit to the cafe allows him a look at another world, one with you in it.

Self Aware! Xavier who realizes he loves you way too quickly. The girl he’s fallen in love with in this world may not look exactly like you, but by watching you since his awakening he can tell you have the spirit of her. His queen, his partner, his star is embodied in you, alive and well on another side of a screen.

Self Aware! Xavier who is debating how to tell you he’s self aware. He doesn’t want to frighten you, so he tries to ease into it. Slight hints about your real life that you unfortunately brush off as being coincidence. So he commits to getting more bold the next time he sees you in the cafe, to truly make you aware of his existence.

Self Aware! Xavier who comes to the realization you haven’t picked him to come to the cafe in a while. Whatever, you’re busy. But when left alone and with too much time to think, he comes to another uneasy realization. Xavier had been so preoccupied with his own sentience and his feelings for you that he hadn’t truly considered what your feelings for him would be. After all, MC was controlled by you, and she seemed interested enough, so why wouldn’t you be?

Self Aware! Xavier feels a sinking feeling in his chest when he carefully watches your expression as you switch to him to complete tasks for a limited event. You don’t seem… sad, per say, just… bored. To Xavier, that almost felt worse. He felt like a chore.

Self Aware! Xavier who spirals a little bit by seeing how happy and eager you are to see the other love interests. Xavier has come to realize how small his world really is, how limited. Even his close friends and coworkers now seem flat and rehearsed, and he’s sure these other men you’re unfortunately interested in (that he has just become aware of. And seriously? You prefer a whiny artist, an unfeeling doctor, and a criminal to him??) are just as flat and boring.

Self Aware! Xavier who realizes that despite how you feel, you’re his entire world. Something needs to change.

Self Aware! Xavier who, for the first time, realizes that he now has the power to change it. He doesn’t have to sit back and watch as you lavish attention onto these undeserving fake men. He can push your attention onto him, whatever it takes.

He won’t lose his star. Not again.