dontcryjoelethergo - Tumblr blog

[dontcryjoelethergo]

[dontcryjoelethergo]

Is It Really THAT Bad?

Move over MCU. Step aside, DCEU. Get the hell out of the way MonsterVerse. The big boys are in town now, as Sony Picture’s Universe of Marvel Characters (SPUMC for short) has dropped the finest piece of cinema mankind has ever seen: Morbius. Starring God’s gift to humanity Jared Leto as the titular Living Vampire, this movie is such a morbtastic experience that it’s no wonder it grossed a morbillion dollars at the box office, cured the impotence of everyone who went to see it, and has been nominated for every Oscar imaginable. Truly we live in a society—or, better yet, a morbciety.

…Ok, yeah, I’m not doing the whole review like that.

This movie’s reputation truly precedes it. It’s hard to say people were actually excited for this, but as soon as Morbius hit theaters it became the laughingstock of superhero cinema; it even released after numerous delays on April 1, perhaps the most apt date possible for a film such as this. Not only did this movie bomb, the Sony execs saw the memes and decided to put it back into theaters only for it to bomb again. That’s right, this movie bombed twice. It truly is the anti-Avatar, and is the perfect showcase for how utterly out of touch Sony is with what audiences actually want from their Spider-Man villain spin-off movies.

The movie does have a fandom… kind of. The main “fandom” is generally comprised of people who probably never watched the movie, a bunch of ironic memers who have transformed the film into something of a memetic badass, a film that can unite the world, end poverty, and even take your virginity. A big part of it is obviously the name of the character; Morbius is just a fun name to say. Another part is definitely that the title role is being played by reviled actor Jared Leto, a man only tolerated when he’s being brutally murdered by Christian Bale, beaten to a pulp by Edward Norton, or in a film that contains Ryan Gosling. The film was basically doomed to memedom from the start.

Now that things have cooled down a bit and the memers have moved on to The Rise of Gru, it’s time for me to ask: Is Morbius really that bad, or is there morb to it than meets the eye?

Keep reading

[dontcryjoelethergo]

Lilo & Stitch is a great example of a story that has no villains. It has antagonists, sure, but most of them are well-meaning. The worst person in the film is that little shit Myrtle, but she’s not in the film that much anyway.

[dontcryjoelethergo]

*grabs both your hands in gesture of sincerity*

Don't let this die. Taylor Swift is the Pollution Queen now. We need meme edits with her photoshopped onto backgrounds of wildfire-ravaged landscapes and oil refineries chugging out black smoke.

Photo of smudgy black eye shadow? That's THE Taylor Swift-inspired look now, it represents fossil fuels.

We need parodies of Taylor Swift songs about pollution and killing polar bears.

Give her representatives a full-time job for the rest of their lives defending her from the phrase "Pollution Queen." Make this meme a the figurehead of an entire fleet of other celebrity-terrorizing memes.

"But this doesn't dismantle the system that—" Shut. Don't care. Isn't it great that such a huge portion of environmental damage is being done by human individuals with egos, whose feelings can be hurt when people are mean?

Money can save you from physical harm, but can it save you from looking ridiculous?

[dontcryjoelethergo]

'i don't want to see a man wearing exposing clothing and striking a feminine pose' WELL I DO‼️‼️‼️

[dontcryjoelethergo]

Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

[dontcryjoelethergo]

The more I read, the more I acquire, the more certain I am that I know nothing.

-Voltaire

[dontcryjoelethergo]

The more i get to know people, the more i like dogs.

- Heinrich Heine

[dontcryjoelethergo]

You may always call me a dreamer. Oh, I must never part with my dream! Good for those who love their dreams for a long time! A dream still gives happiness when reality dissolves!

- Ferdinand Raimund

[dontcryjoelethergo]

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

- Dean Martin

[dontcryjoelethergo]

I write of love and death. What other subjects are there?

-Arthur Schnitzler