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Final Thoughts (Pt. 4):

What's stopping you from doing that thing you've been wanting to do but just couldn't because you were too scared to? What's stopping you from asking out that girl you find so pretty? And what's stopping you from doing what you want? Well, the answer is You. Don't get me wrong, fear is a good thing, it stops us from doing potentially harmful things to ourselves and others, but fear can also be a negative thing (obviously). You ever just sit down in church and just wonder to yourself "why am I doing this and why am I listening to this guy talk? I could be doing something else so why don't I?" well if you have then you're not alone. We don't live that long, the average lifespan for a human is 76-80 years, it makes sense that you'd want to get as much done as possible before you finally stop existing forever. Forever is a long time for a person to just not exist. Do something, do anything, just do something. That girl you like isn't going to sit around and wait for you to ask her out, and even if she does reject you there's 7 billion people on the planet, you'll live and learn. I often feel like I'm stuck- like I'm hungry for more than just this small plate of food. I ask myself if there's anything more filling in the pantry but all I get is small bits of bread, and if that's all I get out of the pantry then it's better than having nothing on your plate. Get it while the bread crumbs are still fresh, time will make the crumbs rot. Depression, and Anxiety will rot everything if you let it.

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Some Vanilla Chai to help me say goodbye.

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Thinking (pt. 3):

What even matters? Think about it, a person can live their whole lives not watching the news, never seeing political ideological debates...and the only thing that would matter to them is what to eat next or where they're next destination is. As a kid we're told that Santa Clause is real and that the Tooth Fairy leaves us money so that we can buy candy and what not. We just worried about watching Santa come down the chimney. We get older and then we start worrying about school and girls and boys and body weight. Then comes adulthood, where we worry about finding ways to avoid body-decay and trying not to have heart attacks. Of course some people grow up to worry about other things, like being a cop, or a governor or even a mayor. You finally hit old age where you reflect on your past and give a good story to your grandchildren about how Pepe The Frog started internet crisis'. You then die, that's it, no more stories, no more anything. You didn't get to go sky diving, you didn't get to ever travel to that country you loved talking about. Why? You ran out of time. I mean, what is a full life? Is a full life just filled with hard work? Or is it the enjoyment of life and doing everything you can think of before your time runs out. You live a full life then you die, you won't remember what you did because you've stopped existing, so...what mattered is that you showed everyone you had a seemingly good life. Was it to encourage others to live a "full life"? It's subconscious, because you're only focusing on what's next, what matters right now is what you're going to do within the next couple seconds. That's what your focused on. The future doesn't even matter, neither does the past. The past isn't even happening, neither is the future because it's a concept. We're just here. Alright bye!

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Thinking (pt.2):

I used to call myself an atheist but I'm not too sure anymore. I mean it's logical that there'd be nothing after death but I'll never realize when I'm dead because my consciousness wont be around to detect my surroundings. In other words, I'm just a rotting sack of flesh. If I had cancer and the doctor told me I have two days left on earth, I'd know when I'm gonna die but at the same time I'll never have known when I passed away. What's interesting is that there's so much evidence on both nonreligious and religious sides. I like to think that there's infinite universes, so in theory maybe I do live forever. Maybe there's a universe where I'm president, or a universe where we've achieved teleportation. Maybe I'm just making excuses for my unpreventable future death, it's so weird to think that we have an expiration date. We think as kids that we're gonna live forever but then we're told that eventually we just die, we actually just die. Think about that for a second, you're gonna die, but it's okay because in the meantime we've made distractions to turn us from what's coming. You look at a photo of your grandma or grandpa of when they were in their youth and then you look at them and now they're hooked up to a oxygen tank and can't process more than 10 words at a time. All that time finding love, friends, just for you to fall back down the ladder in age and have someone wipe the excreted waste from your butt. I still feel very weird knowing that my parents are going to get old, I'm just a product of recycling aren't I, just another factor of the circle of life. We're literally just large chemical reactions, when I feel the touch of a person I like, there's always a chemical reaction which signals the hormones in my body to make me feel good.

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Trash is a beautiful thing.

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Thinking:

It's fascinating how we love someone so much that seeing their face for the rest of your life still makes you feel like you did when you first met them. How do you love someone that much? So much you're willing to take a bullet for them. I guess I'm just amazed how millions and millions of years of evolution gave us such a complex consciousness, it's a beautiful thing to be able to rationalize and feel someone elses touch in your heart. You transfer emotions when you hug someone, you can feel something that no other animal feels. Emotions like that also hurt, I often think about how I'm listening to my favorite music and 20 years from now I'll be telling my kids (if I have any) how much I enjoyed this music and I'll be saying things like "this is before your time, music was so different back then". It's so incredible that I will eventually die, and then so will my children, and then their children will die. What am I supposed to feel when I've out lived one of my friends? Is it just a completely new emotion knowing you're at that age- maybe I'm just thinking too much.

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Beautifully dead.

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out and about

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uh yeah

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And now, some thoughts from yours truly:

I feel so weird knowing that our main purpose in life is to distract ourselves from the real world. We live to find the next big distraction that will keep our eyes closed, I mean is that what happiness really is? Is it all just about who can keep their eyes closed the longest? I look at the news and I see terrorist attacks, the death of innocent babies and people just suffering in general. What was their purpose in life- just to die? There's no lesson to be taught there. People die every second and you could be the next second, all that yelling that you've endured from your parents, all the grades in school- all for nothing in the end. What was your purpose exactly? 76 year life span, and all of it was an attempt to distract yourself from sadness.

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Everyone loves to feel offended. It gives them something to say because they feel like their voice is small so they make something that is small very incredibly big to them and personal. Things that don't matter become social groups and meaningless protests. Everyone wants to stand out from the crowd but then create their own crowd and following, then you're not so different and apart from "normal". You just become apart of annoying group wearing paper crowns.

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Rained today.

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Rest in peace, chipmunk.

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you smell like super mossy lake water

Yeah cologne doesn't work at all

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I don't know where I am but I like it.

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I walk when I can.