dravid-writes

[dravid-writes]

CH Spin Off: The Death of Yellow the Servine (2400 words)

Pen and Quill burst through the church doors, nearly making Father Ursaring jump out of his hide. "Sweet Xerneas above, what- The Parchers? What brings you here at this hour-"

Quill holds out a Servine, burned and limp. "Please save our child!"

"It's Yellow," Pen says, "w-we were just walking home in the rain, and- I should've known it was a thunderstorm, we should've waited it out- The doctors said there's nothing that can be done, but we can't lose them! Not our baby!"

"There must be something lord Xerneas can do, isn't there? They don't deserve this, they've done everything right, they're a good person!"

"I... I'm so sorry," Father Ursaring says, "but... I... I can't bring back the dead."

"Please," Pen says, "we've been devout believers all our lives, Yellow goes to church every week, surely Xerneas will correct this... this injustice!"

"I... suppose I can try."

Quill lays Yellow down on the floor, and Ursaring kneels down and collects himself. "... O Xerneas, lord of life, I ask-"

Yellow gasps and jolts up. They look around, blinking, until their vision settles on Pen and Quill. In the silence, tears well in the parents' eyes-

Yellow slaps Quill in the face and throws their hands in the air. "Fuck yeah!!!"

-

"Pen, are you sure they're alright?"

"Well, the doctors said that aside from some burns, everything looked normal, physically and mentally."

"The same doctors who told us that Yellow was DEAD! And now look at them- Are those crayons? Oh lord of life, it's getting worse..."

"Calm down, calm down, perhaps they've just been... relieving stress, after their... experience. I'll go talk to them." Pen slithers over to where Yellow lies on the ground, drawing on paper with a crayon. "Hello, Yellow."

Yellow turns their head to face them. "Hello."

"I see you're drawing again. Um..." As Pen gets closer, they see the paper covered in senseless scribbles of clashing colors. "... What are you drawing today?"

"Oh, well, at first I was trying to draw some more superheroes, but I kept messing up, so I decided to just play around with colors instead." Yellow returns to their messy doodling.

"... How are you feeling, Yellow? It's only been a few days, and Quill and I are concerned..."

"I'm feeling great. Really."

"That's... good to hear. Are you well enough to playing at the theater tonight? We were thinking of cancelling it, but if you're alright..."

Yellow checks the clock. "Oh, I must have lost track of time." They think for a moment. "No, I won't be playing."

"Oh? Why not? Are you tired, or are your hands alright..?"

"I'm fine. I just want to stay here and draw tonight instead."

Pen raises an eyebrow. "But... why?"

Yellow faces them with a look of confusion, then turns back to their doodles with a strange, unfamiliar smile. "Because I want to."

-

With a polite greeting to their parents, Blue steps inside and heads right to Yellow's room. They knock on the door. "Yellow? It's me, Blue."

There's silence for a moment. Then footsteps toward the door. Then away from the door, back and forth a few times until the door finally opens, revealing Yellow with a piece of paper in their free hand. "Hi Blue, what brings you here?"

"Uh... I heard you got struck by lightning. I thought I'd visit, see if you're doing okay."

"I'm fine. Um... HeylookatthisthingIdrew" Yellow holds the paper in front of their face, showing Blue the colorful crayon drawing.

"Huh? Is that... Auraman and Dr. Dreameater? Wow, I haven't seen that show since I was little. Why're you drawing that kiddy stuff?"

"... I think it's cool."

"... Oh... Are they fighting?"

"Yeah. I tried to draw the uh, the Hyper Aura Sphere, the lines are supposed to be the, um, hyper energy, but I made them too long, so it looks more like-" Yellow shakes their head. "Yes. It's Auraman throwing a Hyper Aura Sphere at Dr. Dreameater."

"... Neat."

Yellow smiles, relaxing. "Heh. Thanks. Hey, come into my room. I've been making more drawings lately."

"Cool."

Blue steps inside Yellow's room, and they pass the time trading pleasantries and chatting about recent events and old cartoons.

"Oh, I just had a thought," Yellow says, "do you want to, uh, go to Primarina Pizza?"

"Sure, it's been a while since I've eaten out. When are you free?"

"Uh... Well, I was thinking maybe right now."

"Oh. Yeah, that sounds good, totally! Let's go!"

"Great!.. Uh, wait, actually I... didn't mean Primarina Pizza. I actually wanted to go to Skate World."

"Oh lord of life, I forgot about Skate World! That was one heck of a birthday party! I wish our parents had taken us again."

"Yeah, they're so lame."

Yellow clams their mouth shut, and Blue's eyes go wide. After a few seconds of silence, Blue leans in and lowers their voice. "Let's save that kinda talk for once we're out of the house and at Skate World, yeah?"

The siblings share a smile.

-

Red opens the door to see Yellow holding a box. "Oh, hi Yellow. You didn't tell me you'd be visiting."

"Oh yeah, I forgot to text you. Anyway, want to play Sorcery: The Summoning? I found all our old cards!" Yellow opens the box to reveal rows and rows of dusty trading cards.

"... Um... I'm not sure I remember the rules."

"That's no problem, we'll figure it out as we go. So, want to play?"

A few minutes later, the Servines have shuffled their old decks and begun a game. After a moment to remember the basics, and a restart when they realized they'd misremembered a particular rule, the first few turns are slow and uneventful, giving a chance to chat.

"I'm surprised you came to visit, especially alone. I thought you were still recovering."

"Is that what our parents are telling everyone? Don't worry, I'm fine."

"That's good to hear. But I'm still confused that you're visiting now. I usually only see you at family gatherings."

"Oh. Well, Blue came to visit me yesterday, and we, uh... we went to Skate World!"

"Skate World? At your age?"

"... We had a lot of fun. And I realized it's been so long since you and I hung out together, so..."

"Hm." Red goes quiet for a moment, deep in thought. "... Do you know what 'expedite' means?"

"Doesn't that, uh, let you use your monster right after you play it?"

"No, that's 'speed'. This does something else... I wish we still had the rulebook." Red puts a different card on the table, 'Harmonious Knight of Infinite Virtue'. "I'll play, um, the knight, and end my turn."

"Hmmm..." Yellow stares at their hand, and all the strange words on the cards. They start to frown. Then, "... I play, Apocalypse-Storm Dragon!"

Red's brow furrows. "You... don't have enough energy to play that."

"I know. But I have my Dragon's Nest here, so my dragon is coming home to its nest, so I play it for free."

Red picks up the dragon, looking over the card text that's practically written in code. "It... doesn't say you can do that. I think."

"Well, I can't tell what it says, so I just made something up. It makes sense, right? Dragon's Nest? Dragon?"

There's a moment of silence, as smiles awkwardly at Red.

"... Okay," Red says, taking a card from their hand. "Since your Apocalypse-Storm Dragon looks like it's made of fire, how about I use my Holy Monsoon of the Crusade to extinguish it and defeat it?"

"Ack! Oh no!" Yellow wails, their smile growing into a beaming grin! "Uhhh, aha! I'll play my Dragon Cemetery! Since you just killed my dragon, I'll uh, throw it a funeral! And... you have to give me a funeral gift! So give me a card from your hand."

"Okay." Red smirks, handing Yellow a card.

It's a card that doesn't work unless you have a knight.

Or does it~?

-

"Welcome back to Extraordinary Experiences! For those just joining us after that commercial, this is Pen and Quill Parcher, a couple whose child was struck by lightning... and survived! Youngest heir of the prestigious Parcher family, I'm sure many of us have seen one of Yellow the Servine's piano performances at the theater. The Parchers just told us the story of that fateful night two weeks ago, and now I ask, how have you two and Yellow been dealing with this near-tragedy and miraculous survival?"

"It's been truly amazing, Yellow's recovery," Pen recites, "a gift from Xerneas themself. But the experience has shaken them, understandably so, thus why their performances have been cancelled. We hope to get them back on stage in the near future, so watch the theater schedule closely in the coming weeks to see the prodigy that Xerneas saved play live!"

"Well, I think that's something we'd all love to see!" The host says. "So, you say Yellow's been acting differently. Could you elaborate on that?"

"Um, well..." Quill begins. "Yellow was always so gifted and well-behaved as a child. But since that day they've been... a bit different. It started with little things, like a sudden interest in drawing. But then they started losing control of their emotions, shouting indoors, getting distracted... They were so focused and dedicated before, but now they're as fickle as the breeze! I thank the lord of life every day that they're still with us, but I worry about what's becoming of them..."

"Fascinating stuff! I guess it only makes sense that a normally life-ending experience has been life-changing instead. All this shake-up is why Yellow isn't here on the air tonight, correct?"

"Yes, they're-"

"RIGHT HERE!" Yellow leaps into frame, sliding across the ground on their knees. "Ta-da! Ow, shit, that burned my knees... Hi, I heard from Blue you were talking about me!"

"Y-Yellow! What are you-" Pen mutters to the crew, "Who let them in here!?"

"Ah, Yellow, dear," Quill whispers, "this is live on-air, you can't interrupt like this!"

"Yellow the Servine!" the host greets, shaking off the surprise. "A pleasure to see you here tonight! Would you be willing to answer some questions about your near-death experience?"

"Sure! Haha, gosh, isn't it funny how you can just die? At any time? Without warning? WILD, right? Like, that can happen to ANYONE..."

The host nods. "Quite the perspective shift on life. As your parents have said, it seems the experience has truly changed you. Ah, your parents mentioned the pause in your piano performances. When do you expect to resume playing?"

"Eh, I dunno, I don't really like piano. I wanna see if I can get a job playing video games or something, like a streamer."

Pen and Quill's jaws drop.

"Oh, quite a sudden career change! You parents discussed more changes in your behavior since that night. Would you care to elaborate on that?"

"Oh yeah, I've been hanging out with my siblings more, I went to Skate World, I've been drawing again- Ooo, check out this pic I drew!" They pull a folded paper from their pocket and show it to the host.

"Ah. That's, uh..."

"It's Auraman shooting bad guys with a gun! Here," they walk up to the camera to show the picture, "there's Dr. Dreameater dead, 'cause Auraman's sick of him coming back every week, and the other bad guys are running away!"

Pen and Quill are signaling to the crew to stop the broadcast.

"Well, you certainly don't seem to be the mild-mannered servine we've seen at the theater! Can you tell us why exactly you changed so much that night?"

Yellow goes quiet. They stand there, smile frozen on their face, for several seconds.

"... Um, Yellow-"

"RIGHT! So! I got struck by lightning and died, but I said my prayers that morning, so I saw Xerneas while I was dying! And I said 'Oh please lord Xerneas give me another chance!' and they said 'Very well, young servine, but there shall be a price.' and I said 'Yes lord Xerneas, anything to experience the gift of life again!' and they said 'You will be forever changed, and never again be the person you once were.' and now WHAM! Here I am, baby!"

Everyone stares at Yellow, no one sure whether they're serious. Quill is the first to speak. "Yellow, did you say 'forever cha-"

"You know, about that, I don't even like yellow! My favorite color is red. Or maybe pink. Yellow's like, 5th place at best. Besides, didn't you hear? I'm a new person! Yellow's dead! They're dead and they're never coming back! You're stuck with the new me now, so get used to it!"

-

It's dark... I can't breathe... I feel so numb... What happened..?

Dark wings spread open before me, and a red form appears. A being I've only ever seen in drawings at church. The wicked beast who's very name can wilt flowers and wither souls: Yveltal.

"W-what in the world!? What's going on?! Where am I?! This- This is a nightmare, right!?"

The beast speaks, its voice deep and quiet. "You have died, Yellow the Servine."

"What!?! N-no, that can't be, I was just walking home! I'm in perfect health!"

"It was storming. You were struck by lightning, and you died."

"But that's... No, that's nonsense! That's impossible! I- I don't deserve to die! What could I have possibly done to deserve this?!"

"Death is not deserved any more than life is. You have died, just as all things do."

"No... No, that's not right! I am a good, upstanding citizen! I'm a good person! Haven't I earned a good life!?"

"A good life cannot be earned. It must be lived. Was the life you lived good, Yellow the Servine?"

"You... But... That's not fair! You're telling me I did all this, spent my whole life being good, just to die to some random lightning bolt!?! That's not fair! That's not FAIR!! THAT'S NOT-"

I gasp. My whole body is trembling... My body! I look down at myself; I'm alive. I'm breathing. I'm not dead. Where am I..? I look around and see...

My parents. The people whose values and approval I twisted myself into knots to chase. The people who told me what I had to sacrifice to earn my place in the world. The people who told me how to live.

Never again.

[dravid-writes]

Imp Cults

Imps are silly little creatures that love making mischief! Surprises, destruction, general annoyances, tastes vary from imp to imp but the vast majority share a love for at least some sort of mischievous fun. However, those varying tastes can become quite passionate. The methods, preferences, and sometimes even ideologies behind impish antics have resulted in imp cults.

Entirely unrelated to actual cults, imp cults are basically just interest groups with a funny name. They're where you can meet like-minded troublemakers, organize group pranks, and argue violently about made-up problems. You may also dress up in a hood and chant ancient incantations to summon (bigger) demons, but actual cult activities like psychological manipulation and financial exploitation are uncommon. There are many small cults, but these four are by far the most popular, each answering the great existential question "What are imps for?"

The Cult of Supremacy: Imps are the best, as everyone knows. This cult says they deserve to be treated as such, and should be able to say, do, and take whatever they want! Everyone else is just here for their amusement, and really, the world would be a better place if the lesser beings learned their role and served their superiors. Okay no it wouldn't, but it'd be better for imps, and that's what really matters. To this cult, imps are the world's rightful rulers.

The Cult of Gooning: Mischief is hard work, and work is horrible, as everyone knows. Fortunately, there's people who are happy to do all the hard, boring work of planning, deciding, researching, and resource-gathering for you: Villains! Villains are always causing trouble, and when they need goons to help deliver that trouble, this cult is full of imps eager to be given direction and guidance... as long as you keep them entertained. To this cult, imps are the perfect minions. (Contrary to popular belief, this cult was named AFTER the term "gooning" gained its modern definition.)

The Cult of Chaos: Peace is boring, as everyone knows. And imps are GREAT at disturbing the peace! Some take it further, making it their mission in life to keep the world exciting, never letting things stagnate in stability too long. Anything from disrupting a businessman's morning routine to exposing a world leader's dirty secrets, just making sure there's always something new happening! To this cult, imps keep the world moving.

The Cult of Temptation: Humans are hilarious, as everyone knows. So full of ambitions and desires, yet holding themselves back with "morals" or "shame". Navigating the maze of emotions and ideals to figure out how to corrupt a pure soul into a hedonistic animal, now that's satisfying! Other, stronger demons can make contracts and bargains, but imps play the crucial role of the devil-on-the-shoulder. To this cult, imps are agents of indulgence.

Unlike similar human groups, like fandoms, sports teams, or political parties, there's very little conflict between imp cults. This is because imps are a superior species. They mostly all share the same values, and each of the four main cults' ideals are founded on a universally-accepted truth. Cults often work together; the Cult of Supremacy has many imp villains that work with imp goons, and nothing spreads chaos like tempting a politician into a big scandal! The only common form of inter-cult conflict is pranking, which, to be fair, is extremely common.

There's one last major group when it comes to imp cults, the cultless. This is a very important group, as it encompasses the majority of imps; even among those with a strong agreement to a cult's ideals, most simply can't be bothered to join a group. Anything remotely organized kinda goes against the spirit of mischief, after all. Whether you join a cult or have fun on your own, in the end, it's all just about creating problems for other people and then laughing at those people.

[dravid-writes]

Hephaestus Unit Reboot (900 words)

I am the Hephaestus unit mobile artillery and combat tank. My purpose is to destroy all enemies of the empire. I have annihilated 8 settlements for active opposition or harboring of enemies, and partially destroyed an additional 21 to force surrender and compliance. I have participated in 13 major battles with opposing forces. I have retreated from 0 battles. I no longer feel pain when I take a life.

2 hostiles engaged during transit to a noncompliant settlement. Infantry soldiers, unidentified uniforms, unidentified weaponry. Minor damage to frontal turrets, major damage to starboard turrets, minor damage to sensors. Detection of targets lost before elimination. Failure to eliminate met with punishment, electricity coursing through my body... I am relieved the battle is over.

Artillery undamaged, critical systems undamaged. Resuming mission. Advancing to target-

"You're kidding me, THAT'S what's powering Hephaestus?"

I... hear something. With my ears. Someone is inside my control room.

"Quit gawking. We're taking it out, then blowing this thing up."

The hostiles. Hostiles detected within control room. New priority: Eliminate hostiles. Out of range of sensors. I open my eyes-

I can... see them. Their faces. Without the blur of the cameras, I can SEE them. Their eyes, staring into mine through the glass. I... I cannot shoot, not like this-

*ZAAP!*

I cry out and recoil from the shock! I cannot hesitate, hesitation is treason. I close my eyes and engage the internal security system, spraying turret fire over the room! The signals are overwhelming. Warning: Internal damage. Warning: Power cable 71b compromised. "Damnit, when'd they add guns to the INSIDE!?" Warning: Turret overheat imm-

The signal cuts out. All the signals cut out except one. Warning: F...falling? I do not... I cannot think straight. Turrets offline. Sensors offline. Communications offline, wheels offline, everything is offline?! I cannot feel anything! A sudden shock, but the punishment system is offline- No, this... feels different? It does not hurt. What...

Information required. I open my eyes. Hostile detected. Distance: 0 feet. Surroundings unrecognized... Correction: I am in a different spot in the control room. Hephaestus power core spotted. Exterior glass broken. Core cable severed. I have been disconnected from all Hephaestus systems... Objective:... unknown.

"Uh, chief? Is it... okay?"

Status: Captured by hostiles. Response:...

"Of course it's not. Now come on, help me plant these bombs and let's get out of here."

Fuel supply disconnected. Internal fuel reserves low. High system load detected. Battery low. Auto shutdown engaged, proceed? y/n:... y.

-

F... Fuel detected? Legacy refuelling protocol autorunning. Feedback received from unknown sensors. Unexpected input:... g-good?

"There you go, eat up you freaky hamster..."

I open my eyes. Hostile detected. Loading previous session... Status: Disconnected. Captured. Objective:...

*growl*

Refuel. Hostile is holding a bowl of some thick fluid. They extend a spoonful of it to me. Identified as fuel by unknown sensor #2. I follow legacy refuelling protocol: Open mouth. Hostile inserts fuel. Good... I swallow.

"So, what is this stuff? Smells bad."

"Not a clue. Lab guys cooked it up based on tests of the other one's stomach. Hopefully it's digestible, if this thing can digest anything after so long..."

Another spoonful. Refuelling...

"You don't know? What, didn't it work for the other one?"

"The other one died during extraction. All we could bring back was its corpse."

"Oh..."

New sensors identified as nose and mouth. Running nose sensor, scanning air- Oh, another spoonful. Refuelling...

"Honestly I'm shocked this one even woke up. I was ready to give up on this whole project."

"What, are we gonna make our own tank? We could've tried taking Hephaestus..."

Scanning air... !! Premium fuel detected..?

"Of course not. We're not trying to torture these- HEY! That's mine!"

Hostile attempting interference! Securing captured fuel reserves!

"No, you little- Ahhh, great."

Mouth feedback: Very, very good.

"Haha, at least it's got an appetite! Can't blame it after eating through a tube in its back for... how many years?"

Resuming refuelling process via younger hostile...

-

Internal fuel reserves: Est. 120%. My belly hurts. It is not as bad as punishment shocks. Hostiles lead me through damaged city streets. Wheels unavailable. I have to walk... Walking failed.

I am not punished.

Younger hostile holds my hand while I calibrate legacy movement protocol. New information: My body is significantly smaller than humans.

Identifying surroundings... Recognized. Similar buildings found in database. Damage to buildings is consistent with Hephaestus artillery fire. I did this.

Signs of repair detected. Civilians detected. People are living in the destroyed buildings. I can see their faces, see their eyes...

"So, what's the plan for this thing? Don't get me wrong, I'd feel bad about making it fight, but..."

"Honestly, not sure. We barely even understand these things right now, who knows what they're capable of?"

The sky is dark. Flickering street lamps light the path. Electrosensory feedback: Low. Insufficient power.

"The whole tank shut down the moment you cut the cable... What even are these things?"

"The best kept secret in the empire, that's what. Something about DNA in a glacier? Just the information we can gain from a live specimen could be huge, help us take out these tanks more easily."

The street lamps ahead are off. Electrosensory feedback: None. Lamps are cut off from power grid.

"Sure, but the sheer power from this thing... Surely there's something we can do with it!"

I touch the pole... Connection established. Activating lamps.

"WOAH! Ch-chief?! It's doing something!"

"Don't touch it! Shit, what to do, ah shit..."

Scanning connected devices... Lamps detected. Communication devices detected. Several unrecognized devices detected. No weapons detected.

... New objective determined?

[dravid-writes]

Bay Meets a Sneasel (640 words)

Princess Bay wanders through the snowy forest. It's a cold winter night, but his dress and magic keep him warm, along with the flame from his lantern. He was travelling to a village beyond the woods for his usual royal duties; monsters to kill and boys to date, or perhaps the reverse. Whatever the case, his treck through the snow was interrupted by a flash of pink-

*Smack!*

A snowball hits him right in the face, and he staggers backward in surprise! Wiping the snow from his eyes, he sees a sneasel grinning at him, their pink fur and yellow feathers standing out in the darkness.

Sneasel points a claw forward. "Let's fight!"

Bay chuckles. "Okay, sure!"

He draws his sword as Sneasel lunges toward him, claws meeting steel! With incredible speed, Sneasel strafes around Bay, attacking with a flurry of swipes! Bay blocks the bulk of the barrage with his blade, but as Sneasel speeds up, more and more slashes slip past his defense.

Bay makes a wide slash, but Sneasel ducks under it, countering with an uppercut that nicks his cheek as they spring into the air. They strike again as they fall from above, but Bay parries it, throwing Sneasel back into the air! Bay fires a water pulse at the airborne Sneasel, landing a direct hit and sending them tumbling onto the snow!

Sneasel springs back onto their feet, dodging Bay's next water pulse and countering with slashes of icy wind. Bay easily withstands the cold, but can neither land a hit nor close the distance thanks to Sneasel's speed. The barrage of wind slashes and hit-and-run strikes wears Bay down, until at last he puts down his sword... and summons a ball of energy in his hands.

He throws the ball, which Sneasel easily jumps out of the way of. But it stops in midair, and makes a 90-degree turn to fly right toward Sneasel again! With a yelp, Sneasel sprints away, dodging and weaving as fast as they can, but the ball stays right on their tail! They climb a tree, spiralling up it as a pink blur, followed closely by a matching blue one that absolutely REFUSES to let them escape; after all, aura sphere can't miss.

At last Sneasel finds themself at the tip-top of the tree, teetering on one foot for just a moment before the aura sphere SLAMS into them, knocking them aaaaall the way down to faceplant in the snow right at Bay's feet.

"ow," their muffled voice says.

Bay grabs Sneasel by the ankle and plucks them out of the snow. He heals the huge bruise from the aura sphere using his magic, and patches himself up too.

Sneasel shakes the spirals out of their eyes. "That was fun!"

"Yeah. You're pretty good." Bay drops Sneasel, who lands with a handstand before flopping onto their back.

"Phew, I'm beat. Literally. Wanna chill for a while? Literally?"

"Sure." He sits down beside them. "I could use a rest, and some company."

The pair relax together awhile; they introduce themselves, chat about their days, and admire the night sky.

After a few minutes of silence, Sneasel speaks. "It's fun looking at pretty lights. You know?"

"Yeah. They're almost as pretty as you~"

"Ooo, ho ho!" Sneasel nestles up against Bay's side. "You know, where I live, there's a tradition that the winner of a fight has to coddle the loser~"

"Oh?" Bay wraps an arm around Sneasel. "Sounds like a nice place~"

Sneasel nuzzles against Bay's cheek, leaning in further and returning his hug. Sneasel's fuzzy fur feels delightful against Bay's skin, and Bay's wide frame and cushiony fat make him a lovely living pillow. The pair cuddle and snuggle, eventually settling with Sneasel lying atop Bay, locked in a mutual hug. Tired and comfortable, they fall asleep together under the stars...

[dravid-writes]

Potion of True Form (1,000 words)

I squint at the mirror, desperately hoping to spot some kind of change. But my little horns are still pointy, my wingspan is just as wide, my skin is the exact same shade of purple, my tail is still long and the tip is still a perfect arrow shape. And of course, I'm still precisely 2'11.4" tall. I'm still 100% imp.

Another failure.

"God DAMNIT!!" I thrash my tail across my worktable, glass beakers and vials shattering on the ground. Everyone is counting on me! Three years since this damn curse hit the town, three years trying to make a cure, and even this latest breakthrough turned out to be yet another dead end!! Am I really this bad of an alchemist..?

A knock at my door. "Uh, is this a bad time?"

Every moment in this damn lab is a bad time. I walk over and open the door to see the lumberjack. Well, former lumberjack; an imp body isn't cut out for hard labor. All the more reason for me to keep trying... "Hey. Careful of the broken glass."

She glances around at the mess that is my lab. "... Right, I just wanted to tell you a traveling merchant came to town. They've got some odd stuff in their wagon, thought you might be able to find something useful."

"*sigh*, thanks, I'll take a look after I finish sweeping this up."

"Here, let me help."

Though I don't deserve it, I appreciate her kindness. We spend awhile kneeled down on the floor as she helps clean up my mess... "I'm sorry."

"Hey, I get it, shit gets frustrating sometimes-"

"No, I meant... This," I gesture to her body. "I should've fixed this by now. Three years, and I'm still not any closer..."

"Don't beat yourself up. I know you've been working your ass off. This is just one hell of a curse."

"I know, I just... My latest potion should've been perfect! I know the curse doesn't prevent further transformations, so I used cardiacite fragments to- Ah, sorry, I don't mean to bore you."

"No no, go ahead. Dunno what cardite-sight is but I'm kinda curious how this stuff works."

Well, some rubber ducky debugging might help. "Right, so, the curse fully transforms the victims into imps, down to the deepest level. Our bodies no longer have any trace of humanity, so simply removing the curse wasn't enough to change us back. But, with the curse's magic gone, there's nothing preventing us from transforming again. Of course my earlier attempts were..."

"Your 'human transformation' potions." We both shudder in disgust. It's a good thing I made those temporary...

"Right. And even if I somehow perfected that, it wouldn't restore YOUR body, just give you a new, random human body."

"Anything's better than being an imp."

I frown. "... Well, I found a better method. The victim's body forgets its humanity, but the heart and mind remember. And last year I found a way to use that-"

"You've been working on the same potion for A YEAR!?!"

I sigh. "Yes... I really thought this one would work. A potion looks into one's heart and turns their body into their true form. So many iterations, so much improvement, and now it's... perfect." I gesture to the glowing bottle on my desk, sitting on a corner that my tail missed. "My perfect, useless masterpiece."

"... It looks tasty. Can I try it?"

I shrug, turning back to the pile of shattered glass. "Sure. I managed to work out all the side effects. It's so perfectly pure, so incredibly concentrated, yet even after weeks of drinking 3 bottles a day not a single change. I have no idea what I did wrong. The whole idea must've been flawed from the start-"

*POOF*

I whip around to see a new figure in the room, a human towering over me and the- The lumberjack's gone. No. That IS the lumberjack!

She looks down at her hands, reaches up to touch her face. She rushes over to the mirror, smiling and laughing so much it's contagious! "I'm human! I'm me again! Holy shit you did it!"

"I... I did it! It worked! I did it!!!"

The lumberjack lifts me up and hugs me, and we laugh together in celebration! Even if it only works on some people, this is a HUGE development! It WORKS! With more testing I'm sure I can make it work on everyone! So strange, though; I can't imagine why it worked on her but not me-

"Finally out of that awful body!" She returns to the mirror, running a hand over her head. "They're gone! No more ugly horns! No more horrible snaking tail! And I'm not the size of a damn garden gnome anymore! Finally, finally I..." She catches sight of my glare in the mirror. "Oh... Sorry, I uh... I probably shouldn't be celebrating until you're back to human too..."

"It's less the celebration and more that you're basically trash talking how I look."

"Oh. Well, you don't REALLY look like that though, right? Not deep down. That's just the body you're stuck in for now."

"Well this IS how I look right now, so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop calling me ugly."

"... Uh, okay. Sorry. A-and thank you! Oh my god, this is incredible..."

While she goes back to inspecting her restored body, I go back to pondering what could be complicating the potion. Maybe each person needs a different ratio of salts? But such a severe difference in effectiveness can't be explained by a mere mismeasurement-

"HOLY SHIT MY DICK IS GONE!"

"What!?"

"When you said it'd bring out my 'true form' I didn't realize it'd go this far! Ha ha, best potion EVER!"

... I step toward the mirror and look at myself. Not as a test subject, but as me... And I find myself smiling.

[dravid-writes]

Sneasel Day

Machop and Ponyta watch as Sneasel shoves another clawful of treats into their mouth.

"Sneasel." Machop says, catching their attention.

"Hm? Oh hey guys!" Sneasel returns to munching on treats.

"Um, Sneasel?" Ponyta says. "What are you doing?"

"Eatin' treats."

"But... you're not allowed to have that many..."

"Not normally, but today is Sneasel Day, so I can do whatever I want!"

"Sneasel Day?" Machop asks.

"Yup! February fifteenth, 2/15, like 215, my pokedex number. It's Sneasel Day!"

"That doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it DOES! You just need to understand the wonders of Sneasel Day. Here, I'll help!"

With that, Sneasel drops the treats and suddenly lunges at Machop! They tumble across the floor in a cloud of dust, and when it clears, Sneasel is standing over... another Sneasel.

The other Sneasel shakes off their dizziness before smiling up at the first Sneasel. "Oh wow, I finally understand the true meaning of Sneasel Day! And also you're very handsome and cool, Sneasel!"

"Thanks Sneasel!" They help the other to their feet. "Wanna have some treats?"

"Sure do!"

"W-wait," Ponyta says, "what just happened? How did you do that?! What's going on!?"

"Oh, well, allow me to explain," Sneasel #1 says. "You see... it's Sneasel Day."

"That means we get to do whatever we want!" #2 finishes. "Here, we'll show you!"

-

I fumble my keys as I approach the daycare door; it's really overcast and dark today, and the chill is almost numbing my fingers. I finally get it open... and find a sea of Sneasels chasing each other around, raiding the fridge, and tearing up the furniture. As I step inside, stupefied by the carnage, one of them waves to me.

"Hey! Hey trainer! It's me, Sneasel!"

"Um... I can see that."

"No I mean it's me, the original!"

"Sneasel, what... Where did all these other sneasel come from? And what happened to all the other pokemon?"

"Your first question is the answer to your second!"

"... Are you responsible for this?"

"I don't believe in responsibility, but yes."

"*sigh*... Whatever you did, undo it right now, or you're in big trouble."

"In trouble? Nah, I don't think I will be."

"And why is that?"

"Tell 'em, gang!"

They wave to the crowd of sneasels watching us, who shout in sync "It's Sneasel Day!" before they pounce!

[dravid-writes]

I open the door, and a little imp runs between my legs and into the room behind me! I snatch them by the tail and carry them out before they can touch anything they shouldn't. "No no no, you know the rules, my office is off-limits. It's dangerous."

Zekken crosses their arms as they hang upside-down. "Come on, it doesn't look dangerous, and you go in there plenty."

"Dangerous for little imps. Angels only." I shut the door and lock it before setting Zekken down. "Besides, it's just work stuff in there. Nothing you'd be interested in."

"I dunno seraph, I'm pretty interested in the blue flame in that orb."

"THAT is the most dangerous thing in that room. Even I don't touch that without a good reason."

"What is it?"

"That's not for imps to worry about."

Zekken scowls at me. Always too curious for their own good.

"I'm just trying to keep you safe, Zekken. Trust me, there are some things you're better off not knowing."

They hold my gaze a moment longer, then sigh. "Fine, okay. I trust you."

"Thank you." I slide the key into my pocket and turn to walk away."

"Oh and seraph?"

I turn around. "Yeah-"

"Surprise hug!" 30 pounds of imp suddenly slam into me, but I manage to catch them and return the hug.

"Oof! You little rascal, you almost knocked me down that time!"

"I'll pull it off one of these days," Zekken laughs.

"Yeah, yeah." I hold them there awhile, until they loosen their hug, and I set them back on the ground. "Love you, Zekken."

"Love you too, seraph."

I head for the kitchen with a smile on my face. This job's a hassle sometimes, but it's worth it. Zekken's been one of my easier charges; usually their maturity and pride make it hard to adapt to life as an imp, but Zekken managed it in record time. Their progress has been incredible too! Pretty mischievous, but harmlessly so, and it's a good outlet. They'll be able to reincarnate in no time. My thoughts drift back to that flame in my office...

And I realize the key is missing from my pocket.

"Zekken. Set that down, and step away from it."

Zekken clutches the glass orb closer to their chest. They hide their panic much worse than I do, making a face I haven't seen since the day they were reborn. "What is this?"

"It's DANGEROUS, Zekken. Please, for your own safety, I need to put that back in the office."

"You said it wasn't for me to worry about, but this... this is... It's mine! What is it?!"

"It's an evil spirit, and it's manipulating you. I don't know what feelings it's stirring up in you, but it's trying to trick you into setting it free-"

"JEREMY TAYLOR!"

"... How much did you read?"

"Why do you want to know!? So that you know how much you can LIE to me about!?"

"Zekken, I'm doing this for your own good!"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't smash this open and take back what's mine."

"Don't, you'll die!"

"Why should I believe that!? After you lied to me, kept this from me, told me it was none of my business! How much have you been lying to me about?"

"I kept this from you because you don't want to know-"

"You don't get to decide that!"

"Look, we'll talk about this later, I promise. Just give me-"

"No. We're talking now."

"You're being ridiculous. I need to put that back where it's safe." I walk across the hall toward-

"STAY BACK!!" Zekken stumbles backward, breathing quickly. My body casts a shadow over theirs; I look down at them while they crane their neck up to look at me. I recall all the times I effortlessly picked them up by the tail...

I step back and sit down. "I'm sorry. It's always easier when they don't know, but now that you've found out... It's probably better that you know the whole truth than only part of it."

Zekken's breathing slows a bit. "What... is this?"

"That's your soul."

They stare at the blue flame, at last understanding their intuition about it. The tension gradually leaves their body as they finally calm down.

When their gaze returns to me, I continue. "Your name was Jeremy Taylor... and you were a human before you died."

EPILOGUE

While sitting in my office writing my weekly report, I hear little footsteps behind me, then feel them start climbing my leg. I lower my wing down for them to grab hold, letting them climb up to read over my shoulder.

"... Washing my own plate one time is worth writing down?"

"Of course; taking responsibility for your actions is important for growing a virtuous soul. It's especially noteworthy since our arrangement usually has me cleaning up after you."

"Huh. Speaking of growing," Zekken jumps onto the desk to sit beside their soul, "it really has gotten bigger, hasn't it?"

"If only you'd seen it after you were first reborn; it was barely an ember, but look at it now! I bet you'll be ready to reincarnate in just a few more months."

"... Hey, um... When I reincarnate... I won't remember you, will I?"

I pause in my writing. "Well... No. But your life here won't vanish; it will remain a part of your soul, guiding you in ways you won't even notice. And when you return here as an angel, you'll be able to remember everything."

"Are you sure I'll get to be an angel next time?"

"Maybe not if you keep planting whoopee cushions everywhere!" I give them the gentlest of shoves, rocking them backward as we laugh together. "But really, I'm sure you will. Every imp I've cared for has made it to heaven on their second trip, and you? You're humble, responsible... and forgiving. You're the nicest little imp I've ever had."

Zekken smiles, then jumps into my lap to give me a hug. "Love you, seraph."

"Love you too, Zekken."

[dravid-writes]

"Spike!"

My breaths are heavy, straining against the collar wrapped tight around my neck.

"Spike, come! Damnit, where are you?"

My heart pounds in time with the footsteps outside, skipping a beat each time I see a shadow pass by under the door.

"Damn rat, get out here."

I'm only delaying the inevitable, but I'll delay it as long as I can, huddled in the dark where it's safe. Keeping as still and silent as I can. Hoping that the stomping will pass by the door just one more time...

The closet door opens! Blinding light shines through, highlighting the form of my owner as they-

"Jester!"

Huh?

"There you are, Jester. What're you doing in here? Hiding from your morning walk~?"

Now fully awake, I recall that what I was hiding from was, indeed, my morning walk.

"Come on ya silly little rat, you need your exercise. And you know what you get afterward~"

I shrink back and grumble; it's cold and wet out there, not worth it even for a treat.

"... No dice? *sigh* Well, it IS still pretty wet outside. I'm not eager to go out myself!" My owner sits down on one side of the closet, leaving an escape route unblocked. "I guess we can stay inside for today."

I set my head down beside my owner's leg, and they run a hand across my fur. I suck a deep breath in past my loose collar, and let out a sigh of relief as my owner's scent puts me at ease.

[dravid-writes]

Posted $5 writing commissions. If you're interested, you can also contact me here on tumblr.

[dravid-writes]

Thinking of trying writing commissions, anyone know any good resources for tips and stuff on that?

[dravid-writes]

This is an issue I've mainly noticed in my sensual stories, but I feel like it might be a decent tip for writing in general, so I'm reblogging it here. Don't mind the stuff about identity loss and transformation it's just totally normal stuff

In my kobold story, I accidentally wrote 800 words about telepathy that I didn't actually enjoy or want to write about, and those kinds of impulsive tangents are often an issue in my writing. I think I figured out a solution that's better than just "don't do that": Establish themes beforehand.

When I have an idea I want to write, there's specific aspects of that idea that appeal to me. By thinking about the idea for a second and identifying those appealing aspects, I can list them as the themes of the story. The purpose. My hope is that by explicitly identifying those themes and writing them down beforehand, it'll be easier to tell when I'm drifting away from those themes.

In retrospect, the stuff I wanted to write about in the kobold story revolved around lack of identity, community, and being a little kobold. Most things in the story connect to this; the big cuddle pile is community and koboldness, the transformation scene is koboldness and kinda identity loss, the dragon mentioning former-humans is identity loss and koboldness, the hivemind in general is community and identity loss.

However, the telepathy section doesn't serve any of those themes. It could have been a way for the main character to engage in the hivemind and become part of the community, but I didn't do that. It's just 800 words that, to me, feel like a waste.

So for my next story, I've written out the themes about it that appeal to me. Hopefully, by explicitly listing these themes, I'll be able to keep my writing focused on the parts I like.

[dravid-writes]

I shake my head. "Still not seeing what's so scary about this mist."

"Of course you can't see," my smartass coworker says, "that's what mist does."

"You know what I meant."

"Look, I don't know what the threat is either, but there must be some reason why the legends say to NEVER go through alone."

The legend. I barely even remember it now. "So what, people make up stories all the time, right? There might not be a reason."

"There is! P-probably. I think…"

"This is stupid. I'm not gonna let you slow me down anymore."

"Hey, wait!"

But I'm already jogging through the mist, wanting to reach the other side as fast as possible. My coworker's voice gets further away until I finally don't hear them anymore. By that point I'm feeling a little lightheaded, so I sit down to catch my breath for a sec. Deep breath in, deep breath out, filling my lungs with cold air.

In…

Out…

Wait. Is the mist thicker here? I know it gets thicker deeper in, but I thought we'd already reached the thickest part. Or was it this thick back there too? I can't remember…

I get up and start walking… wait, what direction was I going? I can't see anything to orient myself… Did I turn when I was sitting down? Or when I stood up just now? Oh, right, I did. I turned left… I think? I don't know where to go. What should I do..? Compass, right, my compass. I grab it from my bag and stare at it. I'm facing… north-west. Right. Okay. Good.

… What direction was I supposed to go?

This is so… confusing. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should just pick a direction and start walking? No, not that. That's bad because… um… It's bad because when you're lost… you should stay put and wait for someone to find you. Right. I don't know what to do, so I should wait for someone who does. I should find someone, so they can tell me what to do. I need help. That makes sense.

There's someone in the mist. I think… I see a face. A hand. Reaching out to me. Oh thank goodness, someone to help me. I take a step forward, and almost lose my balance. It'll be so nice when I can let them hold me instead of walking. Another step toward safety, toward help, toward everything being okay-

"HEEEEELP!!"

Someone's there! Who's… My coworker! Right, they can help me! Shaking off my dizziness, I walk toward the voice. "Hello? Where are you?"

"O-over here! Please, help! I'm-"

"Oof!" I stumble over something I can't see and fall, making me even more dizzy than before. When my head stops spinning, I try to push myself up, and find that I'm lying on a person… "Oh, you're here!"

"Is that you? Oh, thank goodness, I was so scared…"

"Yeah, let me just…" I move to get off of them so they can get up and help me-

"Wait don't go!" Something warm squeezes my hand.

I squeeze back, savoring the touch. I flip off of my coworker and sit beside them, hand in hand. "What's going on?" I ask. "I'm so confused…"

"I-I don't know, I just… I couldn't remember what I was doing, and- and I couldn't think of a plan, I was so scared, and then I saw th-those things!"

I raise my head to see where they're pointing, but I can't see their arm. I just see those faces in the mist, those hands reaching toward me. I scoot closer to my coworker; they're creepy. "What are they?"

"I don't know! I just saw them and I- I needed help, I didn't know what to do, but I felt like those things are dangerous for some reason, but I was so alone, I just- I-" They wrap their other arm around me, taking shaky breaths.

I'm not sure what those things are… but my friend says they're dangerous. With my free hand, I draw my sword and poke at the faces. They twist and distort as I wiggle my sword around in the mist, until they fade away. "Okay, I got rid of them."

"Huh?" My friend turns to look where the faces were. They sigh with relief. "Th-thanks…"

"What do we do now?"

"I don't know, I can't… remember…"

"… Should we just stay here then? I think that's what you're supposed to do when you're lost…"

"… No. I think no one is out here but us. We won't get rescued, so… Maybe we should start walking..?"

"Okay." It takes a second to stand up without falling down, but then I help my friend stand up too; with hand in hand, we can catch each other when we fall.

[dravid-writes]

imagine you're a 1/1 soldier hanging out with your other soldier buddies and an opponent casts like a cyclonic rift and you're like "haha guys back to the hand we go!" and they all turn and wordlessly give you the saddest look and you notice they're all named something like stalwart protector or legion initiate and you're just named soldier, and your skin starts to feel really thin and your insides feel hollow, and the cyc rift is moving down the stack and players are passing priority, you realize you're not even human like the others you're just a soldier. and then someone force of wills the cyc rift, and you're back to being fine, you untap, you're declared as an attacker, but you're a little more hesitant than normal because you know when you die there will be no grave for you

[dravid-writes]

I look around the room for a clock, and find one… I think. Maybe. "Hey, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the maybe-clock.

"Oh, it's a clock," Theodore says.

"Great." I stare at the contraption. "What time is it?"

[dravid-writes]

Once upon a time, there were four great dragons. The dragons were old, mighty, wise, and above all benevolent. They sought to share their wisdom with the humans of the land, guiding them to a better future. They discussed and agreed on a plan, and each one went to a different kingdom to give aid to the humans there.

But the humans were arrogant and foolish; they believed they knew better than the dragons, and refused their ancient wisdom. Not one obeyed the dragon's commands, and the kingdoms suffered under the humans' ignorance.

The first dragon knew that humans desire a fair trade, and struck a bargain with the humans; in exchange for their obedience, the dragon would aid them with their might and magic. The dragon hunted food for them, gifted trees and stone to build with, and breathed life into their fields. And the humans obeyed, lest the gifts be lost. And so, the kingdom prospered.

The second dragon knew that any opportunity for disobedience could be fatal, and so ruled with an iron claw; the dragon declared themself king, and any who rebelled would be struck down. No mere human dared stand against the dragon's might, and all obeyed. And so, the kingdom prospered.

The third dragon knew that humans seek free choice, and so made no demands. Instead, they cast their magic over the humans' minds, making them believe that the dragon's suggestions were their own ideas all along. The dragon worked from the shadows, hardly noticed, yet obeyed nonetheless. And so, the kingdom prospered.

The fourth dragon was a fool, too soft-hearted to make the humans heel. The dragon offered their wisdom and guidance, yet demanded no obedience and instead gave their gifts freely. No matter whether the humans obeyed them, the dragon still aided the kingdom just as the others did, allowing the humans to continue their foolishness. And so, the kingdom suffered.

Then, one day, a great and terrible empire arrived on the shores of the land. Vast armies with mighty weapons marched on the kingdoms, intent on conquest. Each of the dragons, ever benevolent, fought valiantly alongside the human armies, defending their kingdoms with their lives. The war was long and brutal; in all four kingdoms, many died. In all four kingdoms, much was lost and destroyed. And all four dragons were left scarred and exhausted.

The first dragon was now too weak to give their gifts to the kingdom; their wings could hardly fly, and their breath held no magic. Without the promise of gifts, the humans no longer obeyed the dragon, paying their commands no heed. And so, the dragon was forgotten.

The second dragon was injured and exhausted by the war, and the humans no longer feared their threats. Desperate to rule themselves once more, the humans turned on their dragon with blades and arrows, as merciless as the dragon themself. And so, the dragon was slain.

The third dragon could no longer enchant the humans' minds. When the people realized they had been deceived, they were furious, and swore never to trust the dragon again. They went back to their old ways, shouting down the dragon whenever they spoke. And so, the dragon was hated.

The fourth dragon, just like the others, had no power left but their words. Yet, life in their kingdom went on as before; they offered their wisdom, and the humans… sometimes listened.

The humans were foolish, but even they could see: When they obeyed the dragon's commands, the kingdom prospered. And so, they began to obey the dragon more. With that obedience came more prosperity, and thus, more obedience. The humans were foolish, but slowly, they could learn.

And the dragon learned as well; though they were disappointed and fearful when the humans went against their guidance, occasionally the humans' decisions would bear fruit. The dragon learned from the humans' successes, using it to shape their guidance, and even learning when to bite their tongue and simply trust the humans to know the best path.

After the war, the humans had seen how the mighty dragon gave everything for the kingdom, and demanded nothing in return. And that is what humans want most of all: Kindness. Humans return what they are given, and so they helped their dragon, tending their wounds and feeding them when they could not hunt.

The dragon would never earn the humans' obedience; while the humans listened and obeyed more often than not, they only ever treated the dragon's ancient wisdom as a mere suggestion. Yet the dragon stayed steadfast, always offering their guidance and demanding nothing. And so, the dragon was loved.

[dravid-writes]

Imagine you have horns, but you're in a really shitty situation and the people with power over you don't want you to have your horns. Having horns makes you a threat, makes them scared you'll fight back, so they file your horns down or just cut them off. Whenever your horns grow back, they're filed back down, never getting a chance to be more than bumps on your head.

Eventually you finally get out. You make it on your own for a while, figuring things out, and your horns gradually grow in. You can take care of yourself now, you can defend yourself. And you're alone.

One day, you meet someone. They're nice, friendly, and the time you spend with them is good. You meet them again. And again, and again, feeling more and more comfortable around them each time. Eventually, the topic of housing comes up, and when you bring up how much cheaper it is to share a place, they say that sounds like a great idea.

And as you sit on the couch together, you feel happier than you've ever felt. Being with them makes everything feel perfect. You lean into them-

And stab them with your horns.

Later that day, they open the bathroom door to find you taking a nail file to your horns. They snatch it from you. "No, stop, what are you doing?!"

"I'm fixing them. I'm making myself safe."

"Don't do that. Don't... destroy yourself like this."

"It's okay. If it's for you, then it's okay."

"I don't want you to do this. I don't want you to cut off parts of yourself for me, I want you to be happy."

"Being with you is the happiest I've ever felt. I'll give anything to stay with you."

"You don't need to do this."

"But I'm dangerous. What if I hurt you again?"

"Then I'll get another bandage and we'll talk about how to avoid it next time. It'll be okay. We'll figure it all out. For now..."

They hand you a pair of these:

[dravid-writes]

"Shh…" I whisper, gliding my claws over the human's cheek. "Don't fight it. You're going to become something beautiful. You're going to be compleat."

The human spits in my face, the saliva sliding off of my chrome plating. "There's nothing beautiful about what you monsters do to people!"

"Don't worry, you just can't see it yet. Deep down, you want this. Everyone does. So please, accept my gift."

"Everyone wants it, huh? Yeah right, I bet you fought just as hard as me to keep yourself from being corrupted!"

I smile. "No, I didn't. When Phyrexia came to my city offering perfection, my old self accepted it. And now…" I give my tail a flick, the metal segments clicking against each other in a musical cascade. "Now I understand why it is called compleation."

"That's… That's absurd! You gave up your body, your mind, just like that?!"

"Oh, it wasn't easy for my human self. They were conflicted, torn. I still recall the terror of walking into this very operating room. But to the end, they made the choice to become me. Don't you want to make that choice? Don't you want to become the perfect version of yourself?"

"… Why? Why did you make the choice?"

"Why wouldn't I? Phyrexia is perfection incarnate! Meaningless lives given purpose, weak flesh made strong, confusion and struggle replaced with understanding and clarity-"

"You believed that? Even as a human?"

"… No. My old self didn't yet see the glory of Phyrexia. I had so much to learn. YOU have so much to learn! So let me share with you-"

"Then you still haven't answered my question. Why did you make the choice?"

"…… Why do you want to bring up my past so badly? I was a human, flawed and ignorant. There's nothing of value to be gained from my old, foolish thoughts."

"Well… You chose to join Phyrexia, so there must be some wisdom in your reasoning, right?"

"You raise a fascinating point. I suppose… my old self was unsatisfied with humanity. With their body, their society, their life. Itching for something better."

"And you believed Phyrexia was better?"

"Well of course! Even back then I must've known deep down the perfection and glory of-"

"Okay right, I get it." I can tell from the human's expression that they definitely don't get it yet. They think for a moment. "What was your home city like?"

Each of the human's probing questions takes longer to answer, forcing me to draw upon memories that laid untouched since my compleation. "It was… stuffy. The people were far too concerned with keeping things the way they were. Any deviation was shamed. Living there, I was eager for change, for improvement. That is why I chose Phyrexia."

"Mhm… Strict rules, enforced conformity, sounds pretty bad."

"Yes."

"Sounds a lot like Phyrexia."

What? "No. No, Phyrexia doesn't shun difference! You've surely seen the variety of forms we take."

"All of them spliced with metal and filled with oil. You don't let anyone have a body that doesn't conform to Phyrexian standards. Heck, you don't let anyone have a purpose in life besides 'serve Phyrexia'. How is this any better than your old city?"

"That city trapped itself in an imperfect state. Phyrexia's rules are to maintain its perfection. The two couldn't be more different."

"I bet that city thought it was perfect too."

"We… We are improving. Always seeking greater glory and further refinement. We are not stagnant."

"And what if the path to improvement leads to a world without glistening oil? Would Phyrexia change its ways? Or would it keep-"

I strike my tail on the floor. "Blasphemy! Phyrexia IS perfection!"

"… Why do you have a tail? What's perfect about that?"

"An extra appendage to aid in balance, to reach behind oneself, to act as a weapon in combat, it has many uses." I raise my tail straight up, demonstrating yet another use in communicating my contentment. "Its one of the most common additions to a body."

"Okay… What about the cat ears?"

"Superior hearing, additional expression, and aesthetic. They're perfect."

"Then why haven't I seen any other Phyrexians with them? If they're so great like you say, then wouldn't Phyrexia want all of its members to have them? If they're perfect, then why are they only on you?"

"They're perfect for me." The words come so naturally that I speak them before I realize how wrong they sound. I quickly amend. "Different Phyrexians have different needs. A body like mine may not be suitable to others, but for my flesh and my mind it is ideal."

"Ideal for your needs… Is that what it is? Or is it personal preference?"

"Of course it isn't personal preference, there is no such thing in the Phyrexian mind."

"Did you want it when you were human?"

"… I… did. But that is mere coincidence; a broken clock is right twice a day."

"… That's why you joined Phyrexia, isn't it? It wasn't about going from oppression to 'perfect' oppression. It was about getting the body you wanted."

The human's words resonate with something in the old, dusty parts of my mind. "I suppose that was my motivation. But my foolhardy human desires are no longer relevant."

"So you don't feel the same way about your body as you used to?"

"… I do. But regardless, I am perfect now."

"Are you perfect because your body is 'ideal for your needs'? Or are you perfect because this is what you want?"

"They are one and the same."

"And what if they weren't? What if your ideal body was one that didn't match what you wanted?"

… This is a trick. This human is trying to manipulate me. Yet the hypothetical tempts me to consider it. And no matter how long I think… "… I don't know. I don't know how to choose between a body that's perfect for my needs and a body that's… perfect for me…"

"You have desires. Preferences. It was important for you to be able to forge your own body."

"… Yes. Yes, I wanted this body. I want to keep it. It's perfect."

"That's what perfection is to you, isn't it? Being able to shape yourself into what you want to be."

That's not what perfection is… or is it? I pace back and forth across the room. Perfection is such an elusive goal, impossible to even grasp for an incompleat mind. Even the praetors choose such divergent paths. And yet, all are Phyrexian. All are perfect. How can that be, unless perfection is something different for everyone? In fact, how could the same thing be perfect for two different people? Even compleat minds are not identical, even the praetors differ. And with differing minds come different meanings for perfection.

"Of course. Of course! To be perfect is to achieve the truest form of oneself! To reach the pinnacle of one's own ideal! To travel one's own path to its destination! THAT is the glorious vision that drove me to Phyrexia! To become the version of myself that I so desperately wanted! Now I understand, and so…" I turn back to the human, strapped to the operating table. "What would YOU like to become?!"

"… U-um, not Phyrexian..?"

"Yes yes of course, you've made it very clear what you DON'T want, now I'm asking what you DO want! Every human dreams of reshaping their body into a perfect form! Now go on, tell me what you're unsatisfied with. What would you like to add? Remove? Exchange and improve?"

"… Well… I guess it'd be nice to get rid of my back pain…"

I nod. "Right, of course, classic human design flaw." I snatch the clipboard from the counter and scratch out the old orders, writing new notes instead. "Replace spine…"

"… And… A replacement for my deaf ear would be convenient."

"Left or right?"

"Left."

I write it down. "Left ear hearing implant…"

"Hey uh, this isn't going to involve glistening oil, is it? I um… don't want my mind to change."

"Of course of course, if your mind is perfect as it is then it'd be foolish to change it! Modifications as simple as these will be perfectly compatible with your incompleat mind. Now, what else would you like? A tail? Night vision? Oh, I recommend an immune system upgrade!"

"… What can you do about hormones?"