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[dreamdepot]

Super Royal Assistant! - Ch 6: Doki Doki Panic

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Now in the clutches of the Smithy Gang, it's up to the heroes to rescue you!

AO3 Wattpad or below!

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The Axems carried you off their ship and through what remained of the castle. Still tightly bound and gagged, there wasn’t much you could do but bounce around as they jogged down the halls. You couldn’t even reach your hammer. “Hey, this way!” Black shouted.

“No, this way!” Green shouted.

“You idiots,” Red grumbled, nearly dropping you. “We’re supposed to go up that staircase!”

You sighed through the gag, taking a chance to get a first look at Bowser’s place, as ruined as it was. Everything was stark and utilitarian compared to Peach’s Castle, save the random shell and spike motifs. You were sure if it wasn’t for the lava pools beneath the castle, it’d be freezing inside. The only fabric seemed to be the red carpet runners and the drapes.

It’d be unfair to say the castle was completely lacking in decoration. Bowser seemed to have an affinity for ornate chandeliers that seemed more at home in opera houses. Brass light fixtures were polished to a gold-like shine. Then, there were the paintings. Several oil paintings were simply of the Koopa King himself, a few of the Koopalings, and one of a smaller Koopa who bore a striking resemblance to Bowser – likely Junior, you guessed. There was even a nice canvas of Kamek. But, as the Axems took you deeper down the halls, you passed who you assumed to be the past tyrant rulers of the Koopa Kingdom. One in particular, a monster that looked more beast than Koopa, was burned into your mind. He had mottled gray skin, covered in warts, and a more pronounced pale snout. His shell was a deep forest green, wrapping around to his belly. Something about him – maybe those piercing, bloody eyes? – haunted you. You could nearly feel those eyes burning into you. Whoever it was, you certainly hoped he wasn’t around any longer.

The bumbling Axems finally found the right staircase and brought you to the roof, and to the massive sword visible from anywhere in the kingdom.

“Exor!” Red called out. “We’re home!”

The menacing sword peered down at you. “This is the one?”

“Yup, now open up so we can show Smithy!”

“So be it.” Exor dropped his massive jaw, revealing a swirling darkness inside. The energy felt unnatural: simultaneously hot and cold, wet and dry but above all, dead. Everything inside you screamed to escape. You strained against your binds, but it was no use. Not only were the ropes too tight, but today had left you exhausted. Without the energy to fight back, you were sucked into the void. The portal crushed the air out of your lungs, and your vision swam. You fought for breath but instead were clawed into the embrace of unconsciousness.

==============================

You awoke to the sound of a blacksmith’s hammer. Each strike felt like it was jamming a spike into your pounding head, but thankfully you were unharmed. Unfortunately, you were still in the clutches of the Axems, and judging by the massive metal shape before you, soon to pass into Smithy’s hands.

“Smithy sir! We’ve captured the leader of the-”

“Silence!” Smithy barked, sending the Axems cowering – behind you. Smithy appraised his work before hammering again. At first, it was hard to tell what he was making, but with each strike the shape became clear. It was an eerie, lifeless copy of Claymorton. Smithy struck the copy once more, and it whirred to life, hopping wordlessly off the workbench.

Smith then turned to you, stroking his impressive beard. Your eyes were drawn to the Star Piece seemingly welded to his body. His chain arms clanked. “What is it?!” he barked. “I have an army to build and you’re wasting my time!”

“Sir! We’ve captured the leader of this kingdom and brought them here, just like you said!”

Smithy appraised you with his blood-red eyes. He tore off the gag, nearly wrenching your head off in the process. Suddenly, he snarled, “Idiots!” The Axems cowered as he whirled on them. “Imbeciles! I told you it’s a Princess! I want the Princess! Now go and get her NOW before I reforge you into bolts!”

The Axems scrambled out of Smithy’s workshop, leaving you alone with the massive machine. Smithy turned with earthquaking stomp. “You… I’ll think of some purpose for you. I wonder how easily flesh can be forged…”

You did your best not to panic as you squirmed against your ropes. Smithy straightened his mustache. “Fleshy beings, so much mess, so lacking in the beauty of metal and precision. If I didn’t need your Princess, then I would invade now and put you all out of your misery.”

“W-why do you need her,” you managed.

Smithy dropped his hammer with a clank, motioning to the Star Piece welded to his body. “Once every seven generations, there are seven children born. They are called Star Children, those blessed with immense power of the stars to bend reality when properly harnessed. I was led to believe both the owner the castle we landed in and the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom were Star Children. With their power, I could fully open the portal and truly consume this reality with the Machine Realm and spread my power across the universe!”

“Y-you can’t!” Your hand struggled to reach your own hammer.

“Don’t even try it. You’re weak and attempting to fight me is a fool’s errand.” Smithy brought his hammer down. You shut your eyes, bracing for the blow, but it never came. Instead, you found yourself surrounded by metal bars in something scarcely larger than a bird cage. The ropes melted off of you, also a false creation of metal, as they no longer served a purpose. “You’ll stay there until I can decide what to do with you.”

You wanted to scream, to cry for help, but to what end? You were in another dimension; no one would hear you. You groaned, gripping the bars and shaking, but knowing it would do no good. Defeated for now, you sat back, trying not to think about what Smithy might do to you.

==============================    

Compared to luxury treatment from Johnny, being trapped by Smithy was… boring. The terror wore off surprisingly quick. Now you were busy wishing you roll into a ball or blow up this stupid cage with a bomb. The constant banging and pounding didn’t help either, which is why the next sound was so wonderfully sweet to you.

“[Y/n], are you here?”

“Peach?” You snapped up. “Peach!”

The Princess led the way, followed closely by the rest of the band of heroes, except for Mario. “Oh dear, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but Smithy will be back any moment! You’ve got to get out of here!”

“We’re not going anywhere,” Mallow said. “Not until you’re free!”

“Stand back,” Geno ordered, his wrist cannon charging. You ducked, covering your eyes as he blasted the cage bars apart. You poked your head out realizing it was a lot farther of a drop than you expected.

“Sheesh,” Bowser grumbled. “First, they steal my castle, now they steal my cages. C’mon nerd, shake a leg.”

“It’s… uh…”

“Baby,” he scoffed. He held out his hands. “I’ll catch you.”

“Thanks, but… you’re wearing a bunch of spikes.”

“Do you want us to save you or not?!” Reluctantly, you leaped, landing with a thump… on Bowser’s head. “YEOWTCH! What’s the big idea?!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

Peach failed to hide her giggle. “Don’t worry, Bowser’s tough enough to handle that.”

“You see that, nerd?” Bowser preened. “Peach knows how tough I am.”

“Or that you have a thick head.” Before Bowser could snarl out an indignant response, you hurried to Peach’s side. “We need to get out of here. Where’s Mario?”

“Distracting Smithy.” It was then you all heard a series of loud clanks. “Or… maybe not.”

Mario, voice still gone, ran in with a nervous shrug. “GET BACK HERE!” Smithy roared from behind.

“We’ve got to escape!” You said.

“It’s a dead end,” Geno muttered, taking aim.

“But… hey!” You suddenly found yourself picked up by your shirt collar and tossed behind Bowser.

“Stay here and stay out of trouble. We’ll take care of him,” Bowser said, cracking his knuckles.

Smithy was steaming like a kettle. “You thought you could escape? No, you have been thorns in my side for far too long. I take care of you then mold this world to my design!” Smithy slammed his hammer down, shaking the ground.

“Smithy sir!” A Shymore bounced in. “You’ve got to stop, the platform is new, the foundation isn’t set! You’ll break it!”

“As if that’s enough to stop me! I won’t stop until those meddling…” He took a step forward, shaking the platform.

“…miscreant…”

The platform shook again, the chains suspending it beginning to crack. The Shymore tumbled into the void.

“…wastes of life are dead! I will be the new ruler of this world!”

CRAAAACK.

Suddenly the world was sideways as you tumbled into the abyss under the forge. You reached for Peach’s hand, but missed, tumbling past her and Mario and into Bowser. “Hang on,” he snorted, pulling you in tight again. He then slammed into the ground, shell first.

“Thanks,” you groaned, still feeling your bones rattled from the impact.

“No problem,” he grunted back. He struggled for a moment, before grumbling. “Help.” You gave him a hand up, freeing his spikes from the ground, just as Smithy smashed into the earth behind you. “You still not done?” Bowser snorted.

Steam hissed from every crack as Smithy turned red-hot. “RAAAAGH!” Smithy roared, grabbing his hammer and slamming it into his face.

“What the…” you muttered, but soon realized he was reforging his own head into a weapon, a massive tank cannon.

“Get back!” Bowser roared, grabbing you. Peach whipped out her parasol, creating a magic barrier just in time to protect everyone.

Mario patted your back and gave you a thumbs up. You flashed him one as well, as the five took their spots to continue the fight… leaving you on the sidelines. Alone. There had to be something you could do…

Sure, you couldn’t fight Smithy one on one. You did however have a hammer, and old tools were scattered everywhere. You couldn’t be in combat, but you could fight another way. You launched yourself at the scrap metal, scavenging what tools you could. As the battle raged behind you, you tossed old gears and rusted scraps aside, before finally finding what you really wanted: a pipe wrench.

You grabbed it, heaving it onto your shoulder and surveying the room. Pipes and valves snaked up all around you, most carrying steam, but one in particular caught your attention. This one had a valve and ran up the platform, back to the molten metal valve in the forge. “Perfect.”

You heaved back on the valve but it stuck. The valve, sentient as everything else in this dimension, glared back at you. “Oh yeah? Well guess what? Mario and Luigi have taught me a couple things about stubborn pipes.” The valve paled as you smacked the heavy wrench against it, grabbing the bolt and forcibly prying it open. “Let’s… a… go!” At first, dribbles of molten metal leaked, but soon, you snapped the valve wide open, sending out a flood out the mouth towards Smithy.

“Noooooo!!!” Smithy shrieked as he was engulfed. His body began to explode, but each piece sunk and melted away to nothing but lifeless slag – all but the Star Piece.

“Is… is that it?” You asked, leaning against the wrench. One my one the color seemed to fade from this world as any remaining creations fell lifeless. Everything fell perfectly still.

Suddenly you were swept up in a hug, Peach on one side, Mallow on the other. “[Y/n], you did it!”

“That was amazing!”

“All I did was turn a valve?” You muttered. Mario patted your back warmly.

Geno shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, you’re still the one who stopped Smithy. Perhaps you might not be able to fight, but you can certainly solve problems in other ways.”

“No kidding,” Bowser added with a guffaw. “Nice job, nerd.”

You slumped forward, caught in Bowser’s arms. “Mmm-sorry… think I overdid it…” you muttered. “Dr. Toadley’s gonna chew my ass out for doing too much again.”

“Think you did plenty, nerd,” Bowser said, picking you up. You were too tired to protest, and he was surprisingly comfortable. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here.” With that, your group headed home.

Though, among the lifeless steel in this now cold dimension, you couldn’t help feeling like you were being watched.

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It wasn’t long before Bowser had you propped up on a comfy couch in the entry hall of his castle. Well, it may be more appropriate to say that Kamek did, as Bowser originally elected to wrap you in a blanket and set you on the softest piece of broken masonry he could find. Kamek settled on the couch beside you as Bowser barked orders at his minions to start the cleanup. “Don’t worry,” Kamek said. “We’re pretty used to cleaning up ruined castles around here.”

“Mario?”

“Mario.”

You nodded, looking sideways towards Mario and Peach, giggling like children in the corner. Geno then joined you. “I’m afraid it’s time for me to head out.”

“Already? Seems like we just met.”

“The Star Spirits are awaiting my return. Besides, feeling a bit like a square peg in a round hole around here, if you know what I mean.” He paused, a little spark in his eyes. “I’m sure we’ll meet again soon. I’ll keep an eye out for any of your wishes.”

“Thanks, and don’t be a stranger. I’m sure Peach would agree that you’re a welcome guest anytime.” Geno gave you and Kamek a nod, before disappearing in a shower of sparks.

“Welp, that’s enough excitement for the next year,” Kamek muttered. “And now to catch up on the mountain of paperwork, not to mention rebuilding the castle.”

“Damn,” you groaned. “I didn’t even think about that. I’m buried with the daily stuff, not to mention I need to hurry up and get the preparations done for the Comet Festival!”

Kamek winced. “Isn’t that in a few months?”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Star boy gone?” Bowser asked, stomping over with a clipboard. He didn’t wait for an answer. “You all better get goin’ soon too. It’s going to get loud here.”

“I can just use my magic-” Kamek started, but was cut off by a snort.

“No, you need to rest too. You’ve been checking on the kids all day and flying all over the kingdom. The minions can take care of this.” He made a note on the clipboard. “Hey nerd, you think Pinkie is free for a contract?”

It took you a moment to realize he meant Toadette. “I think she’s gonna be busy with our castle for a while, not to mention I don’t know why she’d help you.”

“Her loss,” Bowser shrugged. He looked up and the remnants of Exor and the dead portal to the Machine Realm. “Y’know, having a big central tower with a face is pretty menacing… oy, nerd! You think a tower with my face would look scary?”

“It’d certainly send a message,” you laughed. “But isn’t that a bit much?”

“Pfft, you don’t get it. It’s all about presentation! Intimidation!” Bowser guffawed. “You got a lot to learn if you’re gonna be busy workin’ for Peaches.”

“Please don’t call her that,” you muttered, nausea rising.

Bowser crossed his arms, a sneer growing on his face. “You’re lucky you’re not feeling too hot right now, otherwise I’d sing you the song I wrote about her.”

“Oh, Stars above…” A impish look then spread across your face. You clasped your hands and bowed your head. “Hey Geno, it’s me. End my game, please?”

“Har. Har. Maybe I’ll just make a wish myself, now that the Star Road is back. A spring wedding, spare no expense!” Kamek smacked him with his wand. “Ow! Okay, maybe some budgeting.”

“You’re not blowing our GDP on a wedding,” Kamek grumbled.

“And what happened to ‘wishes are bullshit’?” You asked.

“Maybe I changed my mind after literally seeing a guy from the stars possess a doll?”

“Didn’t stop you from doubting when you literally met a Star Spirit.”

“So what? Those Star Spirits are useless without their precious Star Rod.”

“Settle down now,” Peach said, walking over with Mario and Mallow. “Thank you for your… hospitality, Bowser. I suppose we’ll take our leave.”

“I’ll call for the car,” you said, trying to get to your feet before Kamek pulled you back down to rest.

“No need!” Mallow said. “I already called!”

“You… did…?” A flying car made of clouds, driven by a Lakitu descended through the perpetual storms over Bowser’s Castle, smoothly coming to a stop just outside.

“Did we mention Mallow is the Prince of the Cloud Kingdom?” Peach asked with a giggle.

“What else did I miss being kidnapped?”

Peach giggled again. “Now you know how I feel when Mario tells me about his adventures!”

==============================    

It was a smooth and quick flight back to the castle, but it was already getting late. Toadsworth was the first to greet you all on returning. “I’m proud of you, my boy,” he said, gently patting your arm. “You deserve a long rest after today, but I hope you will indulge me in a cup of tea in the office.”

“I could go for tea,” you said, knowing that nothing you were about to discuss could be as bad as what you just went through today.

Toadsworth’s office was warm and inviting as always. You were surprised to see Peach had beat you there, being served a fresh cup of tea by Toadiko. You graciously accepted a teacup yourself and sat across from Peach. The flavor was sweet and spicy, the perfect way to wake you up and recharge your battery – if just a bit.

“Thank you Toadiko, that will be all.” You stopped mid-sip. Peach’s voice was flat.

“Of course,” Toadiko said with a bow. She gave a look to you before reluctantly leaving.

“Am I in trouble?”

“No, not at all. Quite the opposite in fact.” Toadsworth chortled. “The only one in trouble is the young lady here who thought it best to just wait in the open by herself!”

“Toadsworth, that’s quite enough,” Peach said. She then gave a small smile to you. “We actually want you here because of your performance today. You’ve shown that you can clearly be trusted, and… well…”

“I’m old,” Toadsworth said bluntly.

“No!” Both you and Peach shot back.

“Oh stop, aiming to be delicate about it doesn’t change the truth. I am old and not getting younger. My health hasn’t been the best and there will come a time when I will need to retire,” He produced a handkerchief and coughed into it. “That day may be sooner than I planned.” You and Peach gave Toadsworth a concerned look. “Now, now! Stiff upper lip both of you! I’m not about to keel over and wither right here!”

“We know, but…” Peach’s voice trailed off.

“Oh dear, I’ve gone and ruined the fun. This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Princess, would you like to tell him?”

“Tell me what?”

“There’s two things. First, the more exciting part. You are going to be trained to be Toadsworth’s successor. This will be a fast-track to promotion in a few months. You’ve really gone beyond our expectations.”

“Quite!” Toadsworth added. “It will be hard work, but I imagine it’ll be nothing to you, considering you handled this incident smoothly.”

Smoothly seemed more than a bit of a stretch, but you couldn’t say no to a promotion. “Uh, wow! Thank you!”

“The job will have perks, of course. We will be remodeling one of the rooms to serve as a new office for you, with a secret door leading into Peach’s room for private meetings or for emergencies.” Of course, you knew that meant Peach could sneak into your office too, but you figured she wasn’t the type to pry. And besides, you had gone through and seen some of her private-

No. No, you were suppressing that memory of the “???”.

“Additionally,” Toadsworth said, “we will be compensating you appropriately, with a plan to steadily increase your salary on performance. Upon promotion, your final salary will be… well.” He slid a folded piece of paper to you. Upon opening it, your eyes nearly bugged out seeing the six-figure number. “Is that agreeable?”

“Y-y-yes! Thank you!” You spluttered, already thinking about house shopping in the nicer areas of Toad Town.

“Jolly good!” Toadsworth said, but the smile was slowly fading from his face. “There’s… also the other thing. The Princess and I have discussed how we would like to accelerate your training, starting with some of the most important things. We decided… we don’t want there to be secrets between us.”

Your stomach twisted. “Secrets… like…?”

Peach wrung her hands. “Well… are you familiar with the diplomatic disaster last year with the Beanbean Kingdom?”

“Only in broad strokes,” you muttered. It was hard not to; Beanbean Castle Town had been leveled. You tried to hunt down the reason but almost all media outlets kept it quiet, full blackout and gag order.

“Last year, we received the ambassador from the Beanbean Kingdom. Unfortunately, it was a villain in disguise, the evil witch Cackletta. She cast a spell hoping to steal my voice to wake the mythical Beanstar, which can grant a single wish without the Star Spirits.” Cackletta… why did that name sound familiar to you? Oh well, couldn’t have been that important. Peach continued. “Lucky for us, though, she stole the voice of Birdo, who was standing in as my body double after we received warning from Queen Bean. In the end, Mario and Luigi were able to defeat Cackletta, but not before she had done some serious damage to the Beanbean Kingdom.”

“It’s difficult to exactly quantify the damage,” Toadsworth said, “but needless to say, Cackletta was a threat that needed to be contained. Had she gotten her hands on the Beanstar, who knows what could have happened.”

Peach folded her hands in her lap. “Between Cackletta and Smithy, I’m sure you understand now what I mean when I say there are bigger threats than Bowser out there.”

“Yeah, to say the least,” you muttered. “It’s a good thing we don’t have something like the Beanstar here then! That’d be like a magnet for people like that.” Peach looked pale. Toadsworth clenched his jaw. “Oh…”

“We don’t exactly have a Beanstar,” Toadworth muttered.

“Then… what do we have?” The silence was deafening.

“Imagine a scale,” Peach finally said, motioning to a portrait of Brighton and Twila. “You have to keep things balanced for it to work. Day and Night. Matter and Anti-Matter. For every wish granted and every star used, there’s a little negative energy created. Now… think of all of the Power Stars we keep in this castle.”

You felt your stomach drop. “Are you saying we have a Ztar here?”

Peach laughed hollowly. “No, a Ztar is easily contained. The Mushroom Kingdom holds its power because we have a long-standing alliance with the Stars to guard the counterbalance of their power, where all negative energy from wishes go.” She took your hands, a little too tightly. “Should it break free, unimaginable chaos would reign across the world.”

“Not once has the Mushroom Kingdom failed in its duty to keep it locked away,” Toadsworth said. “Many have tried to get it before, but they all failed. Even at one time the Koopa Kingdom attempted to steal it, under Bowser’s father, but we’re quite fortunate that attempt ended quickly.” He took a sip of tea. “All of that is to say: above all else, we must guard it.”

“Guard…what?”

“The Dark Star.”

You suddenly remembered her meeting with the mayor of Toad Town. “That’s… DS, isn’t it?”

Peach nodded. “Our codename. Lucky for us that game console came out to cover up the name. There are only four people in the entire kingdom that know of its existence: there’s me, Toadsworth, the Mayor of Toad Town, and now you. While I am the only one who can break the seal holding it, I am counting on you to help guard this secret and keep it locked away forever.”

No pressure. You did your best to keep your hands from shaking in Peach’s hold. “I… I understand. The last thing we need is someone like Smithy getting a hold of that.”

“I’m glad you understand, and I’m so glad I have someone I can trust with this.” Peach gave you a soft smile. “You’ve been doing a great job, [Y/n]. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“She wouldn’t make nearly as many meetings on time,” Toadsworth sniffed.

“Toadsworth!”

The two laughed, and you tried to laugh too, but knowledge of that evil now lurking somewhere in the Kingdom sent shivers down your spine.

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Once you were free, you headed back to your soon-to-be former office, a lot weighing on your mind. Thankfully, you’d left your desk mostly clean, and you were more than happy to leave what remained for Monday. Outside, you could see a parade starting in Toad Town. As beautiful and fun as that sounded, rest was the first thing on your mind.

“Mail call!”

Of course, your day couldn’t just end. Parakarry the mail carrier fluttered in. You forced a smile. “A bit late today, aren’t you? I was just about to lock up.”

“Sorry, you wouldn’t believe how long it took to get back from Shiver City; my wings are still thawing. Here, got a few for ya today. Do have a question though…”

“What’s that?”

“Know anyone by the name of Blue? Got a letter addressed here but no name. Thought I knew all the castle staff so…”

You took the letters. “No problem, I’ll make sure it gets to them, whoever they are.”

“Sounds good, with that, I’m calling it an night, you should too,” he yawned and floated out. “G’night!”

“Good night,” you said quietly, shutting the door behind him. Most of the letters could be left for later. You tossed them into the in-tray, save the last. You stared at the letter addressed simply to “Blue”. The postmark was from Isle Delfino. Your eyes narrowed as you read the address one final time, staring at the blocky hand-printed letters that were all business. Without a second thought, you slid the letter into the paper shredder.

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As you tried to go to sleep that night, you found yourself staring at the ceiling, the events of the day racing through your head. Machine monsters, kidnappings, getting hit on by a shark, and now the whole thing with the Dark Star? Worst than that, you couldn’t get Bowser’s face out of your mind. You groaned and rubbed your eyes, trying to bury your face in your pillows. Last time you had a guy stuck in your head, it led to a romantic (albeit underwhelming) relationship. But that was preposterous! Into Bowser? Absolutely not. The guy who had been making your work a living hell for the past few months? No way.

For the Stars’ sake, he was an evil king, a tyrant trying to take over your kingdom! So what if he has a secret soft side? So what if he’s a great dad who adopts kids who need a home? So what if he has a sense of humor? He’s still an evil king… who… takes really good care of his people… Well, obviously he wasn’t gonna be a total monster. After all, he respects his people, and despite kidnapping Peach, he does respect her as a proper ruler.

Okay, so maybe he’s checking a few boxes. But he’s still your enemy!

And what about today? So what if he was oddly supportive of your dream? So what if he happened to save your life, twice? He couldn’t just leave you to die. Those hooded eyes he gave you meant nothing. The way your heart raced when he shielded you with his huge body was definitely just adrenaline!

It had nothing to do with the way those massive arms wrapped around you.

Absolutely nothing to do with his pecs getting shoved in your face.

Or his deep voice asking if you were okay right in your ear.

Or how he held you tight even after.

Nope, none of that.

Not a thing.

…

“Fuck.”

[dreamdepot]

Super Royal Assistant! - Chapter 5: Wish Upon a Star Road

Previous < First > Next

Your impromptu adventure takes you through new lands as you get wrapped up in Smithy’s plot… as well as weddings, wishes, and pirates…

AO3 Wattpad or below!

When going on an adventure, you imagined something closer to the stories about the Mario Bros or those adventure novels Goombella hid under her bed – that is, something along the lines of rolling grassy hills and fodder enemies for grinding. Instead, you spent the last hour skirting the edge of Boo Woods. “Are you sure this is a shortcut?” You were more than thankful your new boots were comfortable for the longer-than-expected trek.

“More or less. Ideally, I’d just fly you there, but since we don’t know for sure, we should keep an eye out,” Kamek said, floating beside you on his broom. “Not to mention, this broom barely holds me up these days.”

The two of you emerged from the edge of the dark, twisted woods. A few flowers giggled as Kamek got smacked with a stray branch. You now stood in the rugged wastes leading into the rocky peaks near Marrymore. “No offense, but if I built a whole town for the wedding industry, I would’ve picked something a bit easier to get to,” you sighed as you began the climb.

“I’m sure they picked it as a way to demonstrate one’s love through sacrifice and hardship… or some crap like that,” Kamek replied. After a beat, he added, “Wasn’t expecting to be in Marrymore until next week.”

“Have a sweetheart?” You asked.

Kamek laughed, “Several, but never wanted to settle down. They called me a heartbreaker back in the day who sent the boys crying home. But not what I’m talking about; I do a drag show every now and then.”

“You do drag?”                          

“Nothing fancy like you see at the big shows in New Donk or Shroom City, of course. No, Kammy’s an old queen who’s there to help the young’uns these days. Still, come out on stage every now and then and take home a nice bundle. I do a mean lip sync to Chanterelle.”

“Next week huh? I’ll make the trip for that – though I’m taking a warp pipe or a bus next time.”

“Agreed,” Kamek muttered as the two of you passed the sign at the city’s edge.

The famed town of Marrymore sat atop the summit, with perfectly manicured gardens and spotless streets. Villas with sprawling lawns and wrought iron fences seemed to be everywhere. A massive resort sat just off the main street, lined with topiaries shaped like hearts. “Man, and I thought the castle was posh,” you muttered.

“Why do you think I do shows here? You get tipped in gold bars. Only place better is Poshley Heights,” Kamek said.

The crown jewel was the majestic chapel overlooking the entire town. The bells were already ringing out a jaunty tune, and flower petals drifted everywhere in the breeze. “Wow, someone must be throwing the wedding of the century,” you commented. “Think they hired the Broodals?”

“Please, they’re so exclusive, even Bowser would break the bank to hire them,” Kamek sighed. “Believe me, I’ve had to talk him down from that multiple times.”

“Excuse me,” came a voice with clacking footsteps. A stranger appeared from around the corner. He appeared to be a life-size wooden puppet wearing a blue cape and a blue hat. “Greetings, I am Geno. Are you friends of Mario and Mallow?”

“You could say that,” Kamek said, adjusting his glasses as he peered at your new companion.

“Ah I’m glad to have found you,” Geno continued, unbothered by Kamek’s gaze. He focused his attention on you. “Mallow said that I should keep a look out for the nice man in a pink vest.”

Kamek chuckled. “Not a whole lot of people with your fashion sense, [Y/n].”

“I didn’t exactly have much of a say in the uniform,” you replied. “Are Mario and Mallow here? Have they found the Princess or Bowser?”

“Yes. Both.” Geno nodded. “You’ve come at a fortuitous time, please follow me, quickly.” He led you down the stone path. “Tell me, you were the one who restored the first shard of the Star Road, correct?”

“When you put it like that, it sounds like a much bigger deal than just picking it up,” you replied. “But yes.”

Geno nodded. “Then I thank you from the core of my being. Restoring the Star Road is my purpose on this world.”

“Pardon me for saying so, but you’re quite extraordinary,” Kamek said, seeming to scan Geno with his wand. “I’ve never seen such well executed magic to animate a puppet so well…”

“Ah, possession magic tends to be stronger than animation magic.”

“Possession?! Are you a spirit?”

Geno seemed to smile, despite his fixed expression. “In a manner of speaking. I serve a higher authority.”

Geno led the two of you to the chapel, where a group of Snifters in gray gathered. “Um, excuse me?” You called, tentatively reaching for your new hammer.

Thankfully you didn’t need it, as they were not machines like the Shymores. “Sorry, we’re having a wedding, so we can’t play today,” one of the Snifters said.

“Who’s wedding?” You started to ask, just as a familiar scream pierced the air. “Peach!” You charged into the chapel, Kamek close behind. Peach lay in the aisle, but instead of Bowser or one of the mechanical monstrosities, a gremlin of a man stood nearby.

“Hey, it’s [Y/n]!” Mallow said as you ran in, standing next to Mario and… Bowser?

Well, there was no time to unpack that now. A brigade of Snifsters shoved you aside and carried Peach to the altar. “Booster sir, we’re ready for the wedding, we just need to light the candles!”

“Then let’s get this wedding started!” He shouted. He then turned to Peach. “What’s this? Water from your eyes… are you leaking, my dear?”

“My shoes, my ring, my brooch, and… my crown!” She sobbed. “They’re all missing!”

Assistant instincts kicked in before you even realized, as you quickly hopped over the pews, grabbing Peach’s missing accessories. With your new boots, you could nearly jump as high as Mario. With the last snagged, you hopped up to the altar, trying to catch your breath as you silently handed them over. “Oh, thank you [Y/n]! You’re my hero!” Peach leaned in to kiss you but stopped short. “Oh wait… I’m your employer. That, um…”

“No, yeah that might not look great,” you replied. “Hug?”

“Hug works!” Peach said, embracing you and enveloping you in her appropriately fruity perfume.

Bowser and Booster both growled under their breath, but you only could make out the Koopa King’s words. “Stupid, I should’ve gotten that kiss…” You did your best not to roll your eyes.

Just then, a cart burst into the chapel, holding a massive – but messy – three-tiered cake. “Ze wedding cake! Zhee is here!” A Koopa chef announced. He stopped short. “Vat? Vat is going on?”

His apprentice poked his head out behind the melting frosting. “Is the wedding cancelled?” Before anyone could explain, he groaned. “No, this can’t be! We worked all day on it!”

“Listen, maybe we can still have the cake, there’s no reason to get worked up,” you said. Your eyes crawled over the multicolored batter and misshapen decorations, especially the raspberries matched with wafer cookies and candy canes. For a second, you could have sworn the whole thing twitched. “Uh… so, what flavor of cake is it?”

“Every flavor!” The chef proudly replied.

“Oh dear…” You had heard of “mistakes” before from when you visited Tayce T in town, but this took the cake, literally.

“I see you and zee judging! You are idiot! You do not appreciate zee fine art of zee baking!” The chef snarled. “Ve vork hard and-”

“Uh, Chef Torte?” His apprentice whispered. “The cake is moving.”

“Moving? Vat? Idiot, it-” He was cut off by a roar that rattled the stained-glass windows. The cake trembled and shook, the five oversized birthday candles bursting into flame. “AIYEEE!”

“Look out!” Kamek shouted, casting a spell that created a shield around you, Peach, and Bowser. The others ducked behind a pew, narrowly avoiding the sandstorm that now raged in the chapel.

“What do we do against a cake?” Mallow shouted.

“It’s a cake!” Bowser shouted back. “We eat! It might not be one of Peach’s cakes, but I’ve got an iron stomach!”

“Is that what we’re calling it?” Kamek muttered. Before Bowser could protest, the cake roared again, but this time it sounded more fearful.

“I call dibs!” Booster said, scrambling over with his Snifsters. “Let’s dig in!” The monstrous cake didn’t stand a chance.

==============================    

With the cake gone and Booster in a food coma, the rest of you figured it best to take your leave. “Peach, I should really get you back home. Toadsworth is gonna have an aneurysm at this rate.”

“Please [Y/n]? A princess should really be out there helping her people, especially at times like this. I know Toadsworth worries, but this is the time for action.”

Your stomach twisted, you knew she was right after seeing what just Claymorton had done and the mass panic after the sword landed… but that also meant that you would have to deal with it. “What do I even tell him?”

“I don’t know, just call him up and say I’m taking a rest at one of the other castles.”

“He’ll never buy that.”

“He will, believe me, did it all the time when I was growing up.”

You rubbed your forehead, hoping you wouldn’t regret this. “I… I guess I can let you, but I’m coming with you!” You didn’t want to add that if you returned without Peach, you’d probably kiss your job goodbye.

Peach clapped her hands. “Wonderful!”

“Now that that’s settled, I suggest we make our way to Star Hill,” Geno said. “I can sense the next Star Piece there.”

“While you all go get that one, I better go check to make sure the kids are still doing alright. After that, I’ll scout ahead and see if I can find the next one,” Kamek said. “Try not to get into trouble!”

==============================

Star Hill stood before you, glittering in the perpetual night that hung over the region. The ground glowed with an unearthly soft blue light. Tiny stars rained down all around you, leaving small craters in the earth. Beyond, near the top of the hill, stood Shooting Star Summit and the entrance to the mythical Star Road – or at least it used to. “I don’t understand why taking out the Star Road was part of their plan,” you said. “Did they want to take everyone’s wishes?”

“No, not exactly,” Geno said. “The Star Road is the way that wishes reach Star Haven. There, the Star Spirits grant the wishes, and they return to earth as falling stars. But, since the Star Road is broken, ungranted wishes are stuck here too. The Star Spirits can’t hear your cries for help. I imagine Smithy wanted to invade unopposed and cut all of you off from any assistance.”

You scratched your head. “Okay… but why not go after the Star Spirits themselves? Wouldn’t it be better to have the power of wishes?”

Bowser snorted. “Not a bad plan, maybe you ought to be working for me.”

“Don’t even think about it,” Geno said, shooting a glare at Bowser. “I imagine Smithy is afraid of them. The Star Spirits are nigh omnipotent. The only way one would stand a chance against them is if one had the Star Rod.” Geno frowned – or at least as best a puppet could frown. “The last time a mortal wielded the powers of the stars without restraint… have you ever heard of Halcandra?”

“No?” You replied.

“There’s a good reason for that.” Geno’s eyes scanned the landscape for any sign of Smithy’s minions. “We’re wasting time. The Star Piece should be around here somewhere.”

“Finding a Star Piece here is gonna be impossible,” Bowser grumbled. You found yourself nodding along. Stars lay everywhere, glowing with all colors of the rainbow.

“Perhaps we should split up to cover more ground,” Geno suggested. “Mallow and I will take the north.”

“Mario and I can take the eastern part!” Peach quickly added.

“Looks like that leaves you and me, Bowser,” you jumped in, eager to keep Peach away from the lovestruck king. Bowser growled but didn’t put up much of a fight, merely turning and trudging westward.

For a while, the two of you hiked across the hill, the only sound being Bowser’s heavy stomps, leaving their own little craters. “So…” you started.

“Yeah?”

“I’m… sorry about your castle?”

“Nothing I can’t fix,” he grumbled.

You fell back into uneasy silence as you walked over these hills of hopes and dreams. Stars of all colors surrounded you, and as you passed, you could hear some of them whisper bits of their ungranted desires. One, however, seemed to call to you more than the others. Looking at the star, you could feel it pulse in time with your heartbeat. There was no doubt that star was one of your wishes. Unfortunately, Bowser must have come to the same conclusion as his claw reached towards it. “Don’t you dare! That’s private!”

“Like that’s ever stopped me!” He touched the glowing star, and your voice echoed around you.

I wish to walk among the stars…

“The hell is that supposed to mean? Aren’t we doing that now?”

“Does it matter?”

“I’m not budging until you tell me, so spill.”

You sucked on your teeth, trying to find the right words. “I… wanted to be an astronaut. Studied like hell, passed all the written tests, I should’ve been a shoo-in for REXA, but…” you turned away from him, looking up at the beautiful shooting stars above, “I couldn’t pass the physical. Astronauts have to meet strict guidelines for everything, especially the health ones.”

“And?”

“I couldn’t pass the medical requirements, turns out I have a disqualifying disability. Something just didn’t work for me. I couldn’t be an astronaut… so I switched my major in college. Went to a bit of a dark place for a while…” Your voice trailed off, really not wanting to get into that with him of all people.

Bowser was quiet for a moment. That alone was a bit surprising. You figured he’d laugh or something, but there was nothing. Finally, he said, “Life ain’t fair sometimes. Doesn’t mean you can’t go to the stars someday.”

“I know; it’s kinda why I decided to work for Peach. Figure maybe someday I could at least tag along on one of her racing trips up there to the Rainbow Belts.”

“Guess we better help these star people get the Star Road fixed then, huh.”

It wasn’t so much a question as a promise. You turned back to him. “Thanks.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t?”

“Don’t thank me. Wishes are bullshit. You’re a stubborn enough guy to get there on your own. Just figure Geno could at least give you a helping hand.”

“Heh, I guess he could. Still though.”

Bowser shrugged and led the way up Star Hill. “Maybe those Star Spirits actually do something for once…”

“They’ve helped me a lot before,” you said softly. Bowser seemed lost in thought for the briefest moment but continued trudging up the hill. He stopped for a moment beside a star that glowed red but left it behind. Part of you wanted to know, to get back at him for listening to your wish, but you held back. The way he looked at it almost seemed filled with disdain, or was it just painful longing? It was hard to tell with him. For now though, you resolved to leave it be.

“Over here!” You heard Peach call. Just over the next hill, you could see her and Mario next to the giant purple Star Piece.

“We’ll be right there!” You called back. “C’mon Bowser, sooner we get these Star Pieces back, the sooner we can get your castle back.”

“You wanna be rid of me that badly, huh?”

“What? No, I-”

“Just messin’ with ya, nerd. Loosen up.”

“…right.”

==============================

With the Star Piece secured, you soon found yourself on a much more pleasant coastal path. “Seaside Town… it’s so beautiful!” Peach exclaimed. “Just a quiet little fishing village up here on the coast. Father and I used to go here all the time for weekends away from the castle.”

“Must be nice,” Bowser said, “Doesn’t look like a lot of people get out here.”

“Yes, that’s what I liked about it, though,” Peach frowned as you approached the town. “This seems even quieter than usual.”

“Almost seems like a g-ghost town,” Mallow whimpered.

Geno flicked his wrist, swapping his hand for a shiny gun barrel. “Everyone, be on your guard.”

The town was eerily quiet and the houses all seemingly empty. It wasn’t until Mario pushed open the door to the shop that you caught a glimpse of any life. “OH!” came a shriek.

Bowser shoved you out of the way to protect Peach as Geno rolled in, training his arm on the noise. “Toads,” Geno said simply. You bit your tongue and brushed yourself off, squeezing past Bowser with a scoff. Bowser snorted back at you.

“Oh, we’re sorry, we thought you were that monster!” The Toad shopkeeper replied in a raspier-than-usual voice.

“Monster?” You asked.

“Johnathan Jones!” A fellow Toad added. “An evil pirate! He stole that shiny star that fell from the sky!”

“Johnathan Jones…” you muttered but stopped. “Hey, are you both feeling okay?”

“N-never better!” One replied, but you still worried about their skin which was a shade of blue normally reserved for asphyxiation.

You decided to let it slide for now, but both you and Bowser planted yourselves between them and Peach. Mario picked up a few necessities in the shop before all of you made your way down towards the docks. “So, Bowser, you have a submarine, right?” You asked.

“Hey, that’s classified information! Besides, it’s on a top-secret mission to-”

“You left it in the Dire, Dire Docks painting world, didn’t you?”  Peach asked.

“…Maybe.”

“Okay, plan B,” you said, clapping your hands. “Got any spare frog-suits Mario!”

Mallow gasped. “Hey!”

“Right, right, sorry! Okay, plan C… any ideas Geno?”

He pointed towards the water, now bubbling furiously. “I think we wait for them.”

Suddenly, the water frothed white and monster shark privateers emerged from the waves. Their leader, unlike his compatriots, seemed to be a strange figure wearing a shark costume, but that didn’t detract from his sheer presence. He laughed as he emerged, brandishing his impressive trident. “Don’t let them get away, I won’t let any ruffians take my sea!”

“Wait, this might be a misunderstanding!” Peach said.

Bowser spoke with his fists, clobbering two of the pirates easily. “Buzz off! We don’t want your damn sea.”

You and Mallow ducked as Mario leaped past to stomp their heads. Mallow readied as spell as Geno fired his star beams. You grabbed your hammer and swung… and fell forward onto the dock. “Ouch.”

“Hmm, appears you need practice before you tangle with the likes of us.” You suddenly realized a fin was planted before you. You looked up at the glowing eyes of the pirate leader and gulped. “Well now, what do we have here…” He bent down, gently tipping your chin up with his hook hand. “Oh my, you aren’t some ruffian, you’re a precious treasure…”

“I… what?”

“You may call me Johnny,” he said, gently taking your hand and kissing the back.

“I don’t think we’re on the same page here. Maybe we should sit down and talk about this?”

“Ah, parley! You are craftier than you look.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

He called to his crew, “Gentlemen, we must save this beauty from those horrible monsters, bring him to the ship so he won’t be harmed!”

“Aye aye!”

Soon you found yourself hoisted into the air by several of his fishy friends. “So, this is what this feels like,” you muttered.

“[Y/n]!” Peach shouted, trying to reach for you.

“I’ll be okay!” You said back, knowing you were headed for the star. You braced yourself for the plunge as they charged towards the sea. “Okay boys, you wouldn’t happen to have a diving helmet or anything for me, would you?” They didn’t respond with anything beyond a hearty cheer. “Great, thanks.” You sucked in as much as air as you could moments before the salty sea swallowed you up.

==============================

Johnny’s sunken ship was a fair bit more regal than you anticipated – or at least his room was. Lucky for you, a spell had been cast over it to protect landlubbers from drowning inside. Breathing water felt a bit like being stuck in a warm shower or sauna and breathing in steam, but it wasn’t painful or terribly unpleasant. That said, being stuck on a velvet throne and offered rare and exotic foods from beyond the seas certainly didn’t hurt. The Star Piece was mounted just above your head, but you couldn’t grab it as Johnny remained by your side. “Pray tell me, sweet siren, what is your name?”

“[Y/n],” you said, wondering if this was common for kidnappings, because it really didn’t mesh with the stories on the news. Plus, you were pretty sure this was a step up from what Bowser did for Peach, but you didn’t have any firsthand experience to go off of there.

“What a charming name,” he said. “I wonder how it’d sound with my last name…”

You could practically hear Goombella screaming at you to stop this. “I think we’re moving a bit fast here. Besides, I thought a sailor’s true love was the sea?”

“Ah, the sea may be my mistress, but,” he turned to you with a wink, “every sailor deserves a good man by his side too, don’t you think?” His crew cheered at this, and the history of the word “matey” suddenly came to mind. “But… you are right, my dear [Y/n]. You are clearly a gentleman of distinction, and you deserve a proper courtship.”

You did your best to not choke with laughter, considering the times you and Goombella would have all-night game sessions. Gaming in only ratty t-shirts and underwear with trash talk so crass it could peel paint along with a 36 pack of Yoshi Cola and two extra-large pizzas did not exactly strike the tone of a “gentleman of distinction.” You composed yourself before responding. “What entails a proper courtship to you then, Captain?”

He clicked his hook against his trident. Seemingly out of nowhere, his crew laid out a dining table complete with white tablecloth, bouquet, and candelabra while another crew member tuned a violin. “And, my dear, you need not address me as Captain. You’re my guest.”

As you were about to sit in the chair Johnny pulled out for you, the door splintered and tore off its hinges. Bowser stormed in, the rest of the party in tow. “OI! WHAT THE HELL?!” You looked up sheepishly. Bowser rolled his eyes. “At least look grateful we showed up!”

“I am!”

“Listen fish-face, if anyone is kidnapping people around here, it’s ME, got it?! I don’t care if that means its Peach, Mario, and especially not the nerd here!”

“Gee, thanks,” you murmured.

“If you dare to challenge me for [Y/n], you are sorely mistaken,” Johnny said, wielding his trident. “[Y/n] is his own man, he can choose who he wishes to associate with, but if you choose to demean or belittle him, you will answer to my trident!”

Bowser growled, but his usual cinders only came out as bubbles underwater. That wouldn’t stop him though, considering his claws and shell were still just as deadly. “Wait!” you shouted. Both froze and looked at you. “Johnny, listen. We came to Seaside Town, because we need to collect the Star Pieces to fix the Star Road. We’re not here to take the sea or destroy the town, or anything like Smithy wants.”

Johnny’s eyes narrowed. “Then why did those Toads say that you were all with Smithy?”

Everyone fell quiet as everything fell into place. Peach was the first to put it to words. “Oh dammit.”

==============================

Back on the surface, the Toads were waiting as you all emerged from the sea. “Ah good, you have the Star Piece then?” One of them asked. “We’d be happy to take it for you.”

“And why would we give it to you exactly?” Geno asked, deadpan. “Considering you lied to us and to Johnny?”

“Uh…” The Toads murmured. “Oh, screw it, I’m not gonna get a promotion like this!” The Toads melted before you, reforming into a gangly machine that looked more like a stick figure in armor with a pointed head. “I, Speardovich, shall be your doom and finally Smithy will recognize my true talents! Finally, I’ll get that promotion! Now hand over that Star Piece!”

“Mood,” you muttered.

“What was that?” Peach asked.

“Nothing!”

Speardovich took a battle stance. “En garde!” Magic began to surround him as the ground began to shake and hiss. Steam spurted from the cracks below your feet.

“[Y/n]!” You fell to the ground, smothered by something big and warm. A concussive blast rocked you, but you remained unharmed. Instead, you realized your face was shoved into a large chest and pinned in by thick arms.

“…Bowser?”

“You okay?”

“…yeah. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“…do you think you can let me go?”

“Oh, crap, right.” Bowser pulled back, letting you free from the scaly prison. “I’ll just… uh… go…”

“Yeah,” you managed. “Uh, good luck.” You backed up with Peach to leave the fighting to the pros, but you wouldn’t be so lucky. Peach grabbed you and spun you around to see a team of multicolored Toad-sized machines.

“There they are!” The red one said, trying to pose but instead tripping over his own feet and falling. The other four groaned.

“Who are you?” Peach demanded.

“Who are we?” The red one sneered. “Team, sound off! Axem Red!”

“Axem Black!”

“Axem Green!”

“Axem Pink!”

“Axem Yellow!”

“GO GO AXEM RANGERS!”

“Hey Red,” Axem Yellow asked. “Who are we grabbing again?”

“Their leader you idiot! We gotta hold them hostage!”

Axem Pink giggled. “As if any leader here could be as adorable a princess as me!”

“As if,” Peach muttered.

“Ugh, like how dare you!” Pink hissed. “You pink wannabe!” Without warning, Pink flung her axe at Peach.

“Oof!” Peach smacked into you hip first, knocking the wind out of you both. Something even hit you in the head. “Are you okay?”

You sucked down air, now understanding why the Peach Bomber was her go-to attack move in those fighting tournaments. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Enough stalling, you clowns!” Axem Red pointed. “We’re here to take the ruler of this land hostage, and that means you!”

Both you and Peach sprang to your feet, and you stepped in front of her. “No way, you can’t take the- HEY!” Suddenly you found yourself bound in ropes and lifted in the air. Something slid off your head and clinked on the ground… Peach’s crown. “Wait! I’m not the ruler!”

“Quiet you!”

“Twice in a day!!” You roared as Axem Yellow tied a gag over your mouth.

Peach ran after you, but the Axems were too quick, carrying you to their ship and blasting off towards the massive sword in Bowser’s Keep.

==============================

A/n: Ironically, I started writing this chapter before the chronic illness stuff hit again, so the Star Hill section was a bit self-indulgent.

For those of you who missed my announcement, I will be shifting to a biweekly upload schedule (Still on Fridays) until I fully recover. Also hoping to change jobs soon so that should help.

Anyway, one more chapter left in this RPG saga as you’re stolen away by Smithy’s Gang. What awaits you at Bowser’s Keep? Only time will tell.

[dreamdepot]

Posting Schedule Update

Hi all! I wanted to give you all a little status update. While I'm doing better than I was last month, I've decided that for the time being I will be switching to updates every other week. This should give me time to recover and to make sure each chapter gets the polish it needs. Thank you again for continuing to read my work!

[dreamdepot]

bro thought he was safe from the headcanon beam WRONG

[dreamdepot]

Super Royal Assistant! - Chapter 4: Assistant and the Seven Stars

Previous < First > Next

A new form of evil has shown up on your doorstep, with both Princess Peach and Bowser seemingly missing.

AO3 Wattpad or below!

The engine purred as you guided the Royale down the dusty road of Mushroom Way. “We’re almost there, Peach,” you called back.

“Thank you,” she yawned, closing her book. The coffee you grabbed for her remained untouched. “I hope Mario doesn’t mind that I’m visiting unannounced.”

“I’m fairly sure you could visit him in the middle of the night, and he’d still be happy,” You replied with a knowing smile. “Oh, before I forget, I’ve scheduled your meeting with Professor Elvin Gadd. He’s requesting a research grant for a time machine. If it wasn’t for his track record, I would’ve tossed his request.”

“A time machine, really?” Peach asked. “Professor Gadd… he’s that inventor that makes the unusual contraptions, right?”

You laughed. “Yes, to say the least. He’s also a leader in the field of parapsychology, an eminent Thwomp biologist, and from what Toadbert told me, an art afficionado. I figured the tower gallery at the main castle would be an appropriate place for your meeting?”

“Definitely, good idea.” You made the final turn, rolling smoothly up beside Mario’s home. The plumber’s home was small and humble, however, Luigi had told you they were working on expanding it. Construction materials and extra pipes lay everywhere. You stepped out and opened up the back door for Peach.

“Mario!” She called out, but there was no answer. Peach knocked on the door, but again, nothing. “That’s strange, usually someone answers the door.”

“Luigi’s on his trip with Daisy to Diamond City, remember?”

“Ah right, I forgot,” Peach muttered. “Well, I’m sure Mario’s just running an errand. I’ll just wait here for him!”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” You asked. “Sitting out here alone is kinda tempting fate.”

“Don’t be such a worrywart, [Y/n], I’ll be fine. Besides, you have errands to run for Toadsworth. I promise I will stay here, perfectly safe and then I’ll call you to come pick me up later.”

You crossed your arms. “Peach… really?”

“I promise!”

“Fine,” you sighed. “I’ll leave you to your impromptu date…”

“It’s not a date!” She blurted out, voice almost turning into a squeak.

“Whatever you say,” you said with a grin. “But if you get kidnapped, I just want it on the record that I objected to this.”

“Duly noted, now shoo!”

You shook your head but returned to the Royale and slowly backed out of the driveway. You gave Peach one final wave as she shooed you on. As you shifted back into Drive, your phone rang. Despite the vintage car, thankfully some amenities were updated, including call integration. “Good afternoon, this is [Y/n].”

“Whyyyyyy,” sobbed Goombella. “I want to go on a cruise!”

“I told you I could’ve gotten you a ticket,” you snickered. With Peach no longer in the back seat, you let the engine roar, gunning it down Mushroom Way.

“Yeah, I know, but I’m stuck in Teehee Valley at a dig for a few more days. Of course, I finally get a chance to work at a premier archaeological dig site and have to give up my best chance at a free cruise.”

“There will be other times, I’m sure. Find anything fun out there?”

She groaned. “Not really. Most of the exciting stuff has already been discovered. I knew I should have gone to Rogueport with Professor Frankly instead.”

“Professor Frankly, there’s a name I haven’t heard in forever, but really? You? In Rogueport?”

“Oh, like I couldn’t handle myself.”

“Oh no, I was thinking more that they wouldn’t be able to handle you. The thugs out there don’t stand a chance.”

“You got it. So, what are you up to?”

“Promised to pick up some stuff for Toadsworth in Mushroom City, then back to the castle.”

“Still weird they’re letting you drive by yourself so soon.”

“Not complaining here,” you muttered, “it’s a Royale.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re suffering.”

“Totally, I-” Suddenly some movement crossed the corner of your eye. Without thinking, your hand flew to the gear shift, downshifting, then slid to the emergency brake. You drifted the Royale to the side, tires squealing, narrowly missing the body that fell out of the tree line. You carefully braked, the car gently rocking.

“What was that?”

“I’ll call you back. Later, Bella.” You hung up before she could respond as you slid out of the car. Thankfully, you missed the person. “Hey, are you okay?”

“I…” the voice groaned, but you could barely make out any words. The person was completely wrapped up in the dark stained coat, looking more like a walking bundle of laundry than anything.

You gently propped them up against the car. “Didn’t quite catch that, just take it easy.”

“I… exhaustion…” The bundle murmured. You at least could hear the voice a little more clearly, but still they mumbled.

“I have some coffee, hold still,” you reached in, grabbing Peach’s untouched Hoolumbian and gently pressed it into where you assumed their hands would be. Judging by the gentle tug, you guessed right.

They took a long slow sip. “I have… gratefulness.”

“It’s no trouble,” you said. “You look like you’ve been through the wringer.”

“I am like the sock in the washing that goes missing…” The bundle sighed. “But you have given me beans, and beans have happiness.”

It was clear the poor bundle must not be from around the Mushroom Kingdom by their accent. “Glad you can enjoy it, you gotta be careful. A second later and you would’ve been a pancake.”

“Ah,” the bundle murmured, seemingly taking notice of the car for the first time. “A pancake covered in a syrup of pain… yes…” He took another swig. “I have gratefulness. I say to you, thank you. And now for the leaving.”

“Leaving? You should see a doctor or something, you look ready to collapse.”

“What is the worth of me who is fury-less? A finkrat without even a Cackletta to follow.” 

You had no idea what a Cackletta was. “Maybe you just need to carve your own path? I don’t know, start a business?”

They seemed to perk up. “You say I shall have… commerce?”

“It’s only a rough idea,” you admitted.

“No, I shall have the commerce! Yes… I shall have the trading, and then I shall have…”  The bundle suddenly leaped up, giving you the briefest glimpse of a large blurry pair of spectacles. “I am counting chickens before they are even eggs, before the chickens are even chickens! I thank you again, strange mustache-less one! I shall have… FURY!” Before you could ask any other questions, the bundle darted away into the trees, cackling like a madman.

“That was… weird.”

==============================

The rest of the drive into Mushroom City was thankfully without distraction. You finished up your errands, which included a special package of herbal tea from a distant kingdom. Apparently, the princess there was a close personal friend of Peach’s, though you couldn’t quite recall what her name was. More importantly, you had to pick up a pack of specialty electric current adapters. The chandeliers in the castle had been converted to electricity, but the voltage was running too high, thus the need for the adapter – one for every chandelier in the castle.

As you were about to get back into the Royale, the sky grew dark. Screams started to rip through the air. “You’ve got to be kidding me, I can’t deal with him today,” you groaned. Yet, while you expected to see the clown car hovering above you, that was not the sight that greeted you.

Everyone stared as a towering sword plunged through the sky. With a terrifying screech and crunch, it seemed to cleave a hole in the sky itself, sending seven glowing shards plunging to earth. In its wake, the sky erupted in lightning and thunder. The sword didn’t stop. It crashed down, hilting itself in Bowser’s Keep, just on the horizon. An earthquake rippled across the kingdom, sending you and the crowd tumbling.

“What was that?”

“Someone call Mario!”

One of the Toads in the crowd grabbed your sleeve. “You, you work for the castle, yes? Is the Princess okay?”

“Yes!” Another said. “What do we do?”

“I…”

“You’ve got to help us!”

You swallowed hard. “Don’t worry, the castle will investigate immediately. In the meantime, please return to your homes.”

That seemed to placate the crowd for now, but your hand trembled as you tried to start the car again. The ominous sword seemed to stare at you across the horizon. Suddenly your phone rang. “[Y/n]? Thank goodness you’re alright!”

“Toadbert? What’s going on? A giant sw-”

“I know, get back to the castle as fast as you can! Something crashed into our castle too!”

==============================

You had barely parked the car when you were almost bowled over. A purple crocodile in a red top hat, clutching a suspicious sack, dashed past while a little fluffy fellow did his best to keep up. “Give it back!” The little guy shouted, tripping down the stone steps and landing flat on his face.

Other Toads joined the chase. “He stole my coins!” One shouted.

“My Mushrooms!” cried another. One by one they all tried to tackle him, but the thief was too quick, and their legs too stubby.

The fluffy fellow sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Grandpa’s coin… I’m a big boy, I can’t cry…But it’s just not fair! What am I gonna do!” He wailed. The sky grew dark, and thunder rumbled in the distance.

“I better be getting overtime today,” you grumbled, but you wasted no time. You ran after the crocodile and shoulder-checked him.

“Hey, what’s the big idea?”

“In the name of the Mushroom Kingdom,” you huffed, “I order you to return what you stole.”

“As if,” the thief snorted. “You can’t stop me, I, Croco, am the greatest thief to ever walk the face of the planet!”

“Really?” you asked. “You don’t look like Ms. Mowz.”

“TAKE THAT BACK!” He snarled, swinging his sack at you. You tripped at just the right moment, missing the sack. Just then, the townspeople rounded the corner. “Yipes!” Croco squeaked before making a hasty retreat down the next alleyway.

You brushed yourself off, noticing the little guy was now watching you with dry eyes. “Hey there, you okay?”

“I am now. I can’t believe you just… jumped in like that,” he replied.

“Been doing a lot of that lately,” you said more to yourself. “Where’s the castle guard? Aren’t they helping?”

“I don’t know, no one’s been in or out of the castle for hours.” To say that was concerning was to put it mildly. Just then, shouts filled the air again as Croco was coming back down the street, mob in tow. “Mallow by the way,” your new friend said.

“[Y/n]. Listen Mallow, I’m not exactly great at fighting and all…”

“Oh no worries, my grandpa taught me some stuff! Like this!” He raised his arms high and suddenly a bolt of lightning dropped from the heavens.

“YEOWTCH!” Croco screamed.

You blinked. “That… works… wish I had a grandpa who could teach me stuff like that.”

Mallow bounced on his feet. “I know right? He’s so cool, just wish he’d teach me to jump. I’m such a bad frog…”

“Frog…” You muttered, looking over his cute but fluffy cotton ball body. “Okay, we’ll unpack that later, right now, we’ve got a thief to catch.”

“Only thing you’re gonna catch are these hands!” Croco snarled, swinging a fist at Mallow. You shoved the kid out of the way, taking the punch to your shoulder. You then put your first few lessons at the dojo to use, kicking Croco square in the jaw. Mallow followed with a hammer fist. Then, a brown boot stomped on his top hat. “This is not my day!”

“Mario!” You shouted. “Boy am I happy to see you!” He gave you a big grin and thumbs up, before throwing fireballs at the mischievous thief.

“THAT’S IT! This isn’t fair!” Croco sobbed. “No loot is worth this, but you mark my words, this isn’t the last you’ve seen of the Dashing Thief Croco!”

“Stop trying to steal Ms Mowz’s bit,” you said.

“STOP IT!” He whined, dropping the loot and running off with a battered top hat.

As the mob descended on the loot bag to get back their missing belongings, you turned to Mario. “What happened to Peach? I thought she was with you.”

Mario waved, then pantomimed Peach being kidnapped by Bowser.

“Uh, you okay?”

He pointed to his throat and made an “X” with his hands. “Oh, lost your voice?” He nodded. “So, wait, Peach was kidnapped but then there was that giant sword thing. I assume you saved her, but where is she now? For that matter, where’s Bowser?” He shrugged. “Great…”

“Now what?” Mallow asked.

“I’ll go back to the castle, we’ll need to make sure that everyone’s safe with all this trouble around. What about you two? Mallow, you should…” You were about to say to go home somewhere safe, but considering he could summon lightning at will, he was probably better off for this than you were. “Uh, well… I’m sure your family’s worried about you.”

Mallow nodded, “I bet Grandpa will know what’s going on with all this.”

“Mario, what about you?” Mario patted Mallow on the back and gave you a firm nod. “Alright then, let me know if you find any sign of the Princess. I’ll try to catch up with you later.”

Mario flashed a thumbs up. “Okay!” Mallow replied cheerfully.

You made your way up the road to the castle, noticing it was oddly silent. The guards were missing from their posts, and the halls were missing the usual hustle-bustle of retainers. “Hello?” you called. Your voice and footsteps echoed as you made your way up to your office. The castle seemed oddly dark.

Your key clicked into the lock, and you walked into the office. You checked your desk for any notes, but again, nothing. “Okay, something crashes into the castle and everyone disappears? I don’t think Toadsworth mentioned a bunker or anything…”

Boing…

You looked at the door. “What the heck…?”

Boing… boing…

The noise was getting closer, whatever it was. You crept to the door.

Boing… boing… boing!

You were suddenly face to face with an adorable little guy in a red hood and mask on a pogo stick designed to look like a sword – or perhaps a dagger given his small size.

“A Shy Guy?” You muttered. “Hey, are you lost?” Suddenly, the pogoing monster’s eyes glowed red and it hissed steam, gears turning inside where its mouth should have been. “Not a Shy Guy, NOT A SHY GUY!”

You fled down the stairs with the monster hopping after you, trying to spear you on the tip of the pogo-sword.

“[Y/n], over here!” Toadbert yelled. You stumbled through the door and Toadbert yanked you to one side as the monster jumped through.

“HYAAAAH!” Toad screamed, slamming into the side of the monster with a shield. It fell over, just in time for Toadiko to smack it with a frying pan. As it twitched, Toad took the final blow with a spear. The not-Shy Guy suddenly melted into a silvery ooze before disappearing completely. Both Toad and Toadiko heaved a sigh.

“What the hell was that thing?”

“It’s called a Shymore,” Toad said. His hands still trembled, shaking the shield. “A-are you okay?”

“Yeah… just a little shaken up,” You rubbed your forehead. “One crazy day… thanks for saving me.”

“Just repaying the favor,” Toad said, trying to hide his blush behind his shield.

Toadette burst into the room with boards, hammers, and nails. “Okay, everyone grab a hammer and get to work! Oh good, you’re here too,” she said, shoving a hammer into your hands. It was made entirely of wood and clearly had seen better days but would still get the job done. You gave it a test swing. It felt oddly… right in your hands. “What are you waiting for!” Toadette shouted, shaking you from your thoughts. “Get to work! Board up that door!”

“R-right!” You said, grabbing a board and some nails. “Uh… anyone wanna catch me up on what’s going on? First a sword falls out of the sky and now monster… pogo sticks?”

Toadbert came up beside you to help hold the board. “Some kind of star fell into the castle and then these… things showed up!”

“We trapped them all in the castle, to keep them from destroying Toad Town,” Toadiko added. “Just wonder what happened to their…” Her voice trailed off as a deep thud echoed on the other side of the wall.

Your stomach dropped and a sudden realization left an icy claw around your chest. “Guys… where is Toadsworth?”

The silence was deafening. “The throne room,” Toadbert croaked.

You grabbed the board and started to pull it back from the wall. Toad and Toadette grabbed the other end and pulled as well. With a sickly crack, the board came free. You grabbed your hammer again with a shaky hand and pushed the door open with a creak. The thud was loud and of course, coming from the throne room. “My lucky day…”

You led the way into the throne room. Toadsworth was trapped in a corner, surrounded by Shymores, while an imp-like being on a larger sword pogo cackled. “Too easy! Soon the whole world will be the property of the Smithy Gang!” He then took notice of you. “More little bugs for me to squash! Tremble before me, Claymorton!”

Toad trembled beside you. “I-in the name of the Mushroom Kingdom, I must ask you to leave!”

“Not a chance, not when I have the star piece right here!” It was then you noticed the large glowing shard peeking out from behind the throne. “Smithy’s gonna be so happy when we have full control of the Star Road!”

“We just gotta stall until Mario gets here,” Toadette whispered.

“No,” you said. “He’s not coming, he’s on his way to Tadpole Pond by now.”

“What?!”

You found yourself almost missing the banter with Bowser. Almost. Instead, you gripped your hammer tighter, trying to think of a plan. You really wished you knew how to cast magic like Mallow, but perhaps there was another way. Your eyes shot over the throne room. Throne. Stone floors. Carpet. Fire alarm… that could be something, it was linked to an emergency sprinkler system. Rope, no wait, make that chandelier hanging rope… Time to make your own thunderbolt. “Any last words before you surrender to the mighty Smithy gang?” Claymorton sneered.

You heaved your hammer as hard as you could, sending it flying into the fire alarm. A piercing siren echoed in the throne room and the fire suppression sprinklers spluttered to life. “Toad, cut that rope!”

“Okay!” Toad sliced his spear against the rope. The chandelier lurched and dropped with a crash. The sparking electrical cables lit up the throne room – and Claymorton.  The cad squealed as he fell off his pogo stick and exploded into a shower of coins. The remaining Shymores melted away to nothing, leaving the castle free again.

Toadsworth hobbled to his feet, patting his chest. “Mercy! That was quite the fright. Good show all! Though I do fear we’ll have some cleanup to do…” He frowned looking at the chandelier; you could practically see the math he was running in his head on how much it’d cost to replace.

You instead turned your attention to the Star Piece. The gentle pulse of light almost seemed to call to you. You gently reached out, and it floated towards you. For a moment, the Star Piece glowed in your hands before shooting skyward, hopefully to the Star Spirits above.

“We can only hope that finding all of the pieces will restore the Star Road,” Toadsworth said.

“Why do they want the Star Road? Wouldn’t it make more sense to go after the Star Spirits?” You asked.

“I imagine they see it as a way to prevent any wishes from being granted in the meantime. Perhaps they did not do their research, and for that we should be grateful.” Toadsworth sighed. “I only worry about the Princess… Does anyone know where she is? It’s a right mess outside.”

“Still working on that,” you said. “Mario is out looking too. My question is, what the heck is a Smithy?”

“It can refer to either the workshop of a blacksmith, or sometimes a blacksmith itself!” Toadbert offered, before shrinking back as you stared at him. “But I suppose that’s not important right now.” 

You rubbed your forehead. You would’ve killed to join Luigi on his trip, instead you were here dealing with talking weapons. “Think we all need a vacation after this. How much is a trip to Bubblaine these days?”

“Too much on our salary,” Toadiko muttered. “Isle Delfino’s even more expensive.”

“Hey, I’ll settle on Plack Beach at this rate…”

Then you heard a shout down the hall. “Anyone here? [Y/n]?”

You cracked the throne room door open, glad to see the person on the other side. “Kamek!” You threw open the door and ran to the Magikoopa. “Are you okay? Are the kids okay?!”

“Everyone is fine, the kids are off at one of the fortresses, safe and sound.” Kamek then frowned. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen King Bowser?”

“No… you haven’t seen Princess Peach?”

“No,” Kamek muttered. “Quite the pickle. Ah well, I’ve dealt with weirder before!”

“Weirder than sentient weapons?”

Kamek gave you a knowing grin. “Oh, believe me, you’ll see someday. But by then you’ll be more than ready. Anywho! We need to hunt down our royals and then take back the castle. I’m not about to let any of these clockwork menaces take over the Koopa Kingdom and,” he leaned in towards you, “I don’t think you’re the type to stand around when there’s trouble.”

“I’m starting to think I’m an assistant who sticks his nose into too much.”

“It’s a good quality to have,” Kamek snickered. “Guys like us enjoy the excitement too much.” Your hand twitched, and you had to admit… there was something almost addicting about the excitement. “That said…” He gave you a once over. “you might need some more gear than just that. I’ve got my magic but unless you wanna beat up some of those tick-tock machinations with your day planner, you should grab some gear.”

He was right. Here you were in scuffed shoes and a silk vest – neither was going to do much in a fight and Smithy’s creations seemed to prefer letting their fists (or pogo sticks) do the talking. “Don’t suppose you could just… magic me up some gear?”

Kamek waggled his hand. “Doesn’t really work that way, and I really don’t have time to teach you spells.”

You sighed. “Okay, let me take a look. Any idea where they might be? Don’t want to end up in Shiver City without a parka.”

Kamek scratched his chin. “Only vaguely. The minions that weren’t captured by Smithy headed west towards Marrymore. Perhaps it would be best to start there.”

“Might have something for ya, as far as gear,” Toadette offered, somewhat withdrawn.

“Thanks, let me just grab something really quick. Meet you in your office.” You ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. You felt exhausted yet wired, ready for both a week of sleep and a marathon. “Man, I really should be getting that overtime.”

Your detour led you to Peach’s bedroom. In case of emergency, Peach asked you to retrieve a key and keep it with you no matter what. You’d only seen it once, but it was unforgettable: it was a simple bronze key with a star emblem at the end. The key was clearly old, it had quite a patina and a variety of scratches. Even the eyes had been scuffed so much they looked almost angry. You threw open the doors to Peach’s room, glad to find it empty.

You searched through the closet and drawers, but instead of a key, you found… something of Peach’s you figured was best you never acknowledged again. You absolutely did NOT need that mental picture of your employer. Toadiko walked in as you shoved it back and slammed the drawer.

“Do I…?”

“No.”

“We’ll never speak of this again?”

“Please.”

Toadiko nodded. “I’m glad those monsters left the room alone. Hate to have to clean this up on top of everything else.” She then took the framed portrait of Mario and removed a false back, producing the key. “For the future, we keep it there,” she said with a wink. “You make the fourth person to know where it’s hidden.”

“Thanks, but,” you said, accepting the key, “what’s so important about this key, anyway?”

“No idea. Only Peach and Toadsworth know for sure.” She smoothed the creases on her dress. “Go on now, Toadette is waiting.”

==============================

You found Toadette in her workshop in the castle basement. Crates were stacked everywhere with extra brick, mortar, hard hats, hammers, and other odds and ends needed to repair the castle on short notice. “I still think this is dangerous, but if you’re gonna go through with this…” Toadette pulled you over to a chest. She squinted at your feet. “Hmm, should have something in your size…” She dug through inside, pulling out a pair of blue boots. “I, uh, like collecting gear. This won’t make you a superstar, but should help a bit, along with that hammer.”

You took the boots, slipping them on. They fit a lot more comfortably than you expected, putting a little extra spring in your step. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. Keep the hammer I gave you too. Just wish I had something a bit better for you. If we make it out of this, promise I’ll order you the best gear I can get.”

“Deal.” You turned to leave, but felt Toadette snag your vest.

“Hey, be careful out there.” She hesitated. “I know Mario and Luigi do this all the time and they always come out alright in the end, but they’re like celebrities.”

“And I’m just me?”

“No! You’re my coworker and my friend!” Toadette huffed. “You gotta come back in one piece for all of us, okay?”

“…Promise.”

With that you headed back downstairs to the castle entrance. Kamek was waiting, already hovering on his broom. “Ready [Y/n]?”

“As I’ll ever be,” you said, tightening the laces on your new boots. “Let’s go find our bosses.”

==============================

A/N: My apologies for the late post, combination of work and health has not been the most conducive to writing, but I’m hoping to get back on track soon.

Assistant RPG sounded like the type of chapter where you’d receive a rocket launcher. Fun, but not exactly the vibe I was going for in this one. Anyways, next week we continue with Super Mario RPG as you and Kamek begin your search for your bosses.

Another random note, I read chapters back out loud when editing and now whenever it says “[Y/n]” I make the loudest Shy Guy “Hei-ho!” that I can.

[dreamdepot]

You! Fanfiction writer!

I hear you wanna remove a canon female love interest from a M/F ship for the purpose of your fanfiction, eh?

Well before you turn her into a raging bitch for absolutely no reason, WHY NOT:

“He just wasn’t into her like that but they’re still friends”

“They tried dating and decided it wasn’t what they wanted”

“She didn’t actually know him that well and after some time she realized she wasn’t actually that interested”

“He had a habit that was a total deal-breaker, no hard feelings though”

“One of them got a really good job offer somewhere else that they couldn’t turn down and have since moved on”

“Turns out she’s gay”

“Turns out HE’s gay”

“One of them wanted kids and one didn’t”

“They had different long-term goals”

“They tried dating and realized they saw each other more as family and it was super weird and uncomfortable, like kissing your sister”

“Neither one of them was in it for the long haul, it was more of a friends-with-benefits deal”

“Dating one another was what made them realize they’re BOTH gay”

“They weren’t compatible in bed”

“One of them was more career-driven than the other”

“By the time one of them confessed the other had already started a relationship with someone else and they’re doing really well”

“One of them has a beloved pet that the other is deathly allergic to so the distance kinda broke things down”

“They wound up working for the same company with a zero fraternization policy”

“One of them is the other’s boss so dating would be unethical”

“One of them is focusing on themselves right now”

“He’s actually kind of a loser”

“They couldn’t communicate their needs”

“He wasn’t actually all that attractive after all”

“You misunderstand, they are each other’s wingman”

”You misunderstand, they are each other’s beard”

“You misunderstand, they faked the relationship so they could marry for citizenship/tax purposes/political reasons”

”They ARE together but they’re both into the third party”

”They ARE together but they’re cool with each other seeing other people”

”They’ve been faking the relationship to evade an excess rental expense on their shared apartment”

”They’re not in a romantic/sexual relationship, they just got that queerplatonic swag”

“Their parents got married and the step-siblings thing gave them the ick”

“You thought they were flirting? Dude that was ironic. What, you don’t flirt with your friends?”

[dreamdepot]

Sorry all, still having some health issues this week. Plan to post as soon as I can.

[dreamdepot]

i love him so fucking much

[dreamdepot]

Super Royal Assistant! - Chapter 3: Assistant Party

Previous < First > Next

There’s nothing quite like putting together a last-minute party, especially when the guest list includes the guy who’s been making your work life hell.

A03 Wattpad or below!

With the exception of the two surprise visits from the Koopa Kingdom, your job was falling into a steady routine. Now that you were a month in, it was getting a bit easier. One of the oddly relaxing parts of your day was the morning report – Peach’s daily briefing of news and events. While for others it might be a formal event, for you, it was lowkey, in her room with tea and pastries.

You took another sip of your tea – today’s was a rose hip blend. “With the launch of REXA’s newest rocket, the construction of the Rainbow Eight space station is underway. We anticipate having the first module operational by the end of the month.”

“I see… and the media?”

“Public opinion is high, but we may need to manage concerns around cost. Kylie has written a very generous article for us in the Koopa Kronicle, but we’re monitoring other news outlets.”

“That’s good. The research benefits are astronomical… pun not intended,” Peach added with a giggle. She took a chocolate croissant from the serving tray. “I can’t imagine what it’d be like go to outer space like that. My cousin Daisy has – though to be fair, that wasn’t her choice…”

You nodded, moving on to the next item. “Toadsworth asked me to remind you that the Mayor of Toad Town is going to meet with you today. Afraid he didn’t tell me what about, just something to do with ‘DS’?”

Peach’s poise faltered for a moment, her teacup clattering on the saucer. “Oh, nothing to worry about. I’ll take that meeting alone, no need to join me.”

“…I see.” You took a quick note on your pad. What the mayor would want with a portable video game system was beyond you.

“And the party preparations?”

You stopped mid-scribble. “…party preparations?”

“Oh, Toadsworth didn’t tell you! I’m so excited!” Peach clapped her hands. “I’m going to be throwing a party! I thought after everything that’s been happening, we should take a moment to relax!”

You didn’t want to point out that typically holding a party meant more work, not less for castle staff – likely you most of all. “So… are you thinking a typical ball? Or maybe a themed dinner?”

Peach laughed. “Oh no, no, no. My parties are a bit different. I’m sure Toadsworth has already started on the preparations, but we’ll need to make sure the invites are sent out and that we have a host. Toadsworth hosted once before, so I’m sure he’ll be able to explain the details better than I can. Oh, I can’t wait!”

Meanwhile, all you could do was wonder what kind of party needed a special host?

==============================

“Ah yes,” you said, “I’m sorry to hear Prince Florian will be unable to attend, but perhaps at the next party? …Yes, thank you. …Yes, I will tell her, good bye.” You crossed off the Flower Prince from the invite list.

“How goes it?” Toadette asked, sneaking a cupcake off of Toadiko’s tray as she walked past with samples of the party favors for Peach. Your desk was covered in papers and sticky notes and checklists. She nudged a stack of papers back onto the desk as you groaned.

“Well, Prince Florian’s a no, and the Sprixie Princesses are busy. Mayor Pauline said she could come though!”

“And the host?”

“That’s the problem,” you groaned. “Everyone’s busy. Tumble’s on vacation. Brighton and Twila are apparently not on speaking terms again. MC Ballyhoo and Big Top have a gig running a game show.” You slumped over your desk when an idea hit. “Unless… you’re offering?”

“Oh, hell no,” She said, between bites of strawberry cake. “If I do it, I’m not doing it alone! Maybe I’ll drag Toad into it with me or something. Besides, can’t Toadsworth do it again?”

“His doctor wants him resting more,” you said in a hushed voice. “I can’t ask him to do it… though he did reserve the MSS Sea Star for me, so we have a location set at least.” You sighed, looking back at your other list. “For now, I’m just working on the invites.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something – or someone.”

“Who knows, maybe the Mushroom Genie would be willing…” Your eyes scanned down the list, grinding to a halt at one name. “Oh, no. No, no, no.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Be right back!” You bolted through the door to Peach’s office, narrowly missing Toadiko.

As it slammed shut behind you, Toadette sighed. “Guessing he finally saw he’s invited.”

Toadiko shook her head. “I should’ve warned him… and stop stealing the cupcakes!”

==============================

“You are NOT inviting him!”

Peach quirked her eyebrow. “I beg your pardon?”

“Sorry, sorry,” you said, shaking your head. You slid into one of the high-backed velvet chairs across the desk from her. “But… really? He’s kidnapped you twice since you hired me! You’re practically asking him to kidnap you again!”

“Have you been talking to Toadsworth? I swear he says the exact same thing at every party.”

“E-every?! You’ve invited him before?”

Peach sighed, steepling her fingers. “Okay listen, all things considered, it’s diplomacy.”

“Diplomacy? With your biggest enemy?”

Peach shrugged. “Bowser is perhaps our closest enemy, but biggest? No. There are far greater evils out there. Someday I’ll have to tell you about them, but I don’t think we have time today.” She stood with a stern look. “We have to remind Bowser that we can be a valuable ally when those enemies attack, thus this party is an act of diplomacy. We’ve done plenty of these parties, and Bowser and I have an unwritten truce during these events. Not once has he broken his promise.”

You sighed. “I… still…”

“Trust me, [Y/n]. I know that you and Toadsworth worry about me, and I really appreciate that, but I promise that nothing bad will happen to me. Mario and Luigi will be here too, nothing to worry about!”

“Okay…” You said, feeling like the wind had been sucked out of your sails. “I’d better go back  and finish preparations.”

You turned to leave, when you heard Peach mutter, “Besides, this is my time to cut loose and beat him in every party game.”

You failed to hide your laugh. “So, it’s about setting the record straight?”

“That too,” she giggled. “After all of that with trying to steal the Power Stars, I think I deserve a little revenge.”

“Right… wait, that’s right!” You scrambled to the door. “I know who can host!”

==============================

The day of the party came far too quickly, but somehow you had everything set up. As expected, you were dressed to the nines, upgraded to a full tuxedo to welcome everyone aboard the MSS Sea Star. You crossed the gangway and into the main entrance hall. The sprawling atrium was the beating heart of the ship, built around a fountain and a dazzling chandelier. Bronze elevators ran up and down the various floors. The stone floors were designed to evoke the feeling of a classic cobblestone street, which when coupled with the decorative lamps and plants made the hall feel like a riviera village retreat. “Wow, this place is amazing!” Toad said, helping you carry the last bit of materials through the main hall. He handed you a leatherbound notebook filled with the final guest list. “You sure you don’t need any extra help?”

“Nah, I’ll be alright, just need to check everyone in and keep things together until the host arrives. Thanks for helping me.”

“Least I can do after the whole thing at the gallery…” He said with a nervous laugh as you set up behind the hotel desk, designed with a villa façade.

“Comrades in arms!” Toadsworth chortled as he saw the two of you. “I’m so glad to see our newest members of the castle family working so well together.”

“Toadsworth, you’re supposed to be off today resting.”

“I promise I’m quite alright,” he said. “Just a little fever and chills and there’s nowhere more relaxing than a luxury cruise ship.”

“I guess that’s true,” you murmured. “Just please don’t work and focus on recovering. I promise that I have everything under control.”

“I’m sure you do,” Toadsworth said, leaning a little heavier on his cane than usual. “But if you need anything at all…”

“I know.”

Just then, the Mario Bros arrived. “Mario, Luigi, welcome!” You greeted, flipping open your notebook and checking off their names. “I’m so glad you could come.”

“I’d never miss one of the Princess’ parties!” Mario said. He then saw Toadsworth and gave you a wink. “Toadsworth, I heard that Chef Kinopio has a new spaghetti at the buffet with extra spicy meatballs! Why don’t we go try it?”

“Capital idea, Master Mario! I can’t say no to a good buffet!”

As Mario handled the steward to a mandatory rest, Luigi handled the luggage cart, stacked with a pair of old red and green suitcases, and a couple garment bags. “So, are we the first ones?”

“You are, though I’m sure everyone else will be getting here soon. Princess Peach is really excited. I just hope everyone makes it before we cast off, it’d be really embarrassing to leave some-”

“OMG hiiiii!” Out of nowhere, you found yourself pulled out over the desk and into a chokehold of a hug. “Are you the new guy who’s keepin’ my cuz’ in line?” You broke free, gasping for air. You barely had a moment before your arm felt like it was about to pulled out of its socket by an overly eager handshake. On the other end was a brunette in a dress like a sunbeam, adorned with flowers. “Hi, I’m Daisy!”

“N-nice to meet you, Princess Daisy,” you managed, checking off her name.

Daisy looked around the main hall and shrugged. “Man, I keep telling Peachy to update the décor. She keeps saying it’s ‘classy’ but that doesn’t mean she can’t have fun! I put a whole aquarium in my new ship on the lower deck! She should try that out!”

“There is the indoor kart track on Deck 2,” you offered.

“Pfft, my whole ship is a kart track! International standards too!” Daisy set her hand on your shoulder, pulling you into a conspiratorial whisper. “Tell ya what, [Y/n], you’re clearly someone who knows what’s up. You need to get Peach to loosen up a bit.”

“I’ll… see what I can do?”

“Good, and if she doesn’t or she gets even more boring, you can just come work for me!” She cackled. “Okay, don’t work to hard and come party with me later, got it? I gotta – hold up! Hey Pauline! Girl, where did you get the mimosas?”

As the princess shot off like a rocket across the hall, Luigi leaned against your desk. “So, how’d you like Hurricane Daisy?”

“She’s… something,” you said with a grin.

“She’s a lot, but it’s hard not to smile around her,” Luigi said, thoughtfully smoothing out his moustache.

One by one the guests arrived. Pauline returned to fully check in (even taking a moment to give you an autograph!). Yoshi and Birdo were overjoyed when you presented them with a welcome fruit basket. Waluigi spent a good twenty minutes attempting to get you to join his tennis program where you – yes, you! – could also become a tennis pro in thirty days or your money back. You politely declined just in time for Wario to arrive and demand extra towels and free toiletries in his room. Soon, there was only the King himself left. Just as you were ready to cross his name off and direct the crew to raise the gangplank, a gaggle of Koopa kids ran by, nearly flattening poor Luigi. “Who?! What?!”

“Oh… he brought the kids,” Luigi muttered.

“Kids?! He has kids?!”

Luigi waggled his hand. “Adopted. It’s a long story, and he doesn’t like to talk about it. Says it might bring up bad memories for the kids.”

“Oh… yeah, that makes sense.” Part of you was surprised, but on the other hand, it would be dumb to think of Bowser as so cartoonishly evil he wouldn’t treat his own children well. In fact, now that you thought about it, he also treated his troops well.

“Koopalings, please behave yourself!” Kamek shouted. He groaned as he shuffled forward. He had ditched his usual robes for a gaudy mushroom-print shirt, sunglasses, and a smear of sunscreen over his snout. “Hi [Y/n], I apologize in advance for them.”

“No problem Kamek,” you said, sliding him his room card. “Would you like me to send some tea and refreshments up to your room?”

“That would be lovely,” he said with a weary smile. “Lemmy! No beach balls inside! …I could use a break.” You then realized he had a smaller Koopaling clutching his robe. Unlike Bowser, this one had a blue mohawk and looked up at you with wide eyes.

“Oh, who’s this?”

“Ah, this is Larry. Larry, say hello to [Y/n].”

The Koopaling waved, then buried his face into Kamek’s robe, muttering, “I should’ve stayed home with Junior and Uncle Boo…”

“Junior?”

“Their youngest brother,” Kamek explained. “Poor boy has a bad cold and is staying home. King Boo kindly offered to babysit.” He patted Larry on the shell. “Why don’t you go tell your siblings to come back here, okay?”

“Okay…”

As he left, Kamek pulled something from Larry’s hands: a wallet… your wallet. “How in the…?”

Kamek leaned in, “Don’t trust the cutesy act. Larry cheats at every game, just wants you to drop your guard.”

“Stars above…” you cursed, taking your wallet back.

“They’re all really good kids, I promise! Larry just wants attention, being one of the youngest. He hasn’t quite found that outlet yet.”

The room shook with the force of a new voice. “Koopalings!!” Suddenly, the seven children ran over, trying to look at least a little guilty as Bowser glowered. “Behave,” he growled, before turning to you. “I’ll pay for anything they break.” 

You looked over the kids, now perfectly in line. “I’m sure they won’t, and besides, I’m sure they’re just excited to be on the ship.” The seven seemed to brighten a little at that.

“They will be on their best behavior, right kids?” Bowser said, getting a chorus of agreement back. “Go with Grandpa Kamek and let Papa take care of checking us in, okay?”

“Okay!” And off they went towards the pool, a little more behaved, with a reluctant Kamek in tow. You scribbled a quick note to send maybe something a little stronger to his room with the tea.

“So, Peach has you running everything? Are you the only competent one or something?”

You paused in your duties to look up at Bowser. He seemed somewhat sincere. “I wouldn’t say that. My duty as her assistant covers many different needs.”

“Like showing me to my room.”

You started to nod. “Like showing you to… no.”

“Oh, but I think I want you to,” Bowser smirked, plucking his, notably gold, room key from your hand. “If you’re such a good assistant and all. I’m sure you want my support; Peach does trust my judgment in assistants. I even recommended she fire her last one because they were bad at customer service.”

Your jaw clenched and through gritted teeth, you managed, “Right this way… sir…”

“That’s more like it!” Bowser snickered, pushing the luggage cart with one hand and carrying another stack of suitcases on his shoulder with the other.

You led him to a special elevator, punching in the code for one of the penthouse suites. Once the doors were shut, you turned on him. “You better not be planning anything.”

He snorted. “I’m planning on a relaxing time. Eating way too much, swimming in the pool, maybe a massage – you know, normal cruise things.”

“You don’t fool me.”

“What? I’m not allowed to have a little fun?”

“You?!��� You hissed. “You’re literally an evil king. Isn’t kidnapping Peach your idea of fun?”

“Get over yourself. Kidnapping is my job and cementing the glory of the Koopa Kingdom is my lifelong passion, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a good party – and everyone knows that Peaches throws the best parties!”

You nearly felt your brain short-circuit. “Peaches?”

Bowser sighed – he sighed! “Isn’t she something? Beautiful, smart, talented…”

“I’m gonna hurl.”

“No need to be jealous.”

“Jealous?!” You cut yourself off as the doors opened to the penthouse. Once you were sure you were still alone with him, you spun back. “I am not jealous!”

“Too much Grade A Koopa Beef here for ya anyway,” Bowser snorted, throwing up a bicep flex for good measure. “Just don’t be surprised when one day Peaches falls for me and you end up having to plan our wedding. Better start kissing up to your new king now, eh?”

“Stars above, I hope you pay Kamek well for having to put up with you,” you groaned as Bowser dropped the luggage with a thud.

“I’m not hearing any kissing up,” Bowser sneered, reentering the elevator with you. “Junior Royal Assistant…”

You were about to bite back when you realized his voice trailed off awkwardly. “Wait, you still don’t know my name, do you?”

“It’s… uh… Koover?”

“Not even close.” An impish grin crawled across your face. “Oh dear, what would poor Peaches think knowing that her suitor doesn’t even know the name of her assistant, her trusted companion? How could anyone be so heartless and such a bad king? Why, if you didn’t know something as basic as that, you must really not have any interest in her at all.”

Smoke began to hiss between Bowser’s teeth. “Don’t you dare.”

The elevator dinged and the doors opened again back at the entrance hall, where a new visitor had arrived. “Try me,” you hissed at him. You then turned, putting on your most welcoming smile for the new guest – a being who looked remarkably like a Power Star with a mustache. “Hello there, you must be Master Eldstar, thank you for coming to host our party on such short notice.”

The elder Star Spirit chortled. “Oh, it is my pleasure. It’s been some time since I last hosted a party. Thank you for your invitation.”

“No trouble at all, in fact you’re doing us a big favor.”

“Then I am glad to be of service!” He then took notice of the hulking figure behind you. “Ah, Bowser, will be you stirring up trouble again?”

“Keep your ‘stache on, gramps, I’m actually here to party. Peach invited me.”

Eldstar looked between the two of you with a curious glance but simply nodded – or at least, bounced in a nodding way, given he was a star. “Well then, I best make my way up to the top deck for the festivities! I hope to see you both later.”

No sooner had Eldstar departed did another person take his place. Kamek huffed as he awkwardly jogged up. “Ah, just the man I was looking for!”

“What do you want, Kamek?” Bowser asked flatly.

“Not you, your nastiness. I was looking for [Y/n].”

“For him?!”

You were just as surprised. “I’m not sure what I could do, but I’d be happy to help.”

“I’m sure you’re perfect for it,” Kamek said with a toothy grin. “Come along.”

==============================

The indoor kart track was nothing terribly special – other than being on a ship of course – but it was enough to keep people entertained. Better yet, it was perfect for some of the party’s “minigames”. The pipe-frame karts were retired models from prior races with only 50cc engines. The track was also based on an old circuit course – “Mario Circuit 2” if your memory served. The problem Kamek alluded to was easily apparent from the smoking engine block of an overturned kart.

“Hey pops,” one of the Koopalings with a pink bow said. “You brought help?”

“That I did Wendy,” Kamek replied, motioning to you, but before he could say more, you were cut off by a loud argument.

“I told you not to ram me when we went over that jump!”

“LARRY CHEAT!”

“SHUT UP!” Wendy roared. She then turned to you. “I’m real sorry, Mister. Larry and Morton get too competitive when it comes to karts. I hope it didn’t get too smashed up.”

“Well, let’s just take a look first.” You led the way across the track to the kart as Kamek and Wendy pulled Larry and Morton apart to cool off. “Hmm, doesn’t look too bad. Shouldn’t take long to fix.” You looked around at the other Koopalings, pointing at one with wild blue hair. “What’s your name?”

“Ludwig, sir,” he said. “Do… do you think it’s broken?”

“Not for long, and no need to call me sir. Could you get the toolbox from the pitstop? I think I can handle the repairs.”

“Certainly!” As he dashed off, you looked at the kart, realizing you’d need to flip it over. However, before asking, the jockish one with pink sunglasses heaved it back onto its wheels.

“Wow thanks, uh…”

“Roy, dude,” he said. “Oh, and those two chuckleheads are Iggy and Lemmy.” The remaining Koopalings giggled but seemed to keep their distance from you. Of all the Koopalings, it was clear that they were brothers, perhaps fraternal twins. Ludwing returned with the toolbox, and you soon got to work.

“So, you, like, work for the Princess?” Roy asked.

“Yeah, still getting used to things,” You said.

He watched as you swapped out your ratchet. “For an office dude, you sure know your way around tools.”

A chill gripped your stomach. “Oh, it’s nothing really! Just pick up things here and there, y’know?”

“Mhmmm…” Roy hummed. It was hard to tell if it was in judgment or – given the distinct smell of a certain herb – something else.

Ludwig seemed like he wanted to ask more, but he stopped short, instead announcing, “Dad’s here!”

“Shit,” you hissed under your breath as white-hot pain seared across your palm. You jerked your hand back from the sizzling muffler. “Guess we need to let that cool a bit more…”

“Are you okay?” Wendy asked, taking your hand. Roy and Ludwig carefully rolled the kart out of the way. “Oh, that’s a nasty burn…”

“It’s alright, I’ll just grab the first aid kit and maybe a Tasty Tonic from the bar.”

“Hold on, we deal with burns a lot,” Wendy said. “Dad! We need your help!”

You winced, not exactly wanting to deal with him right now. Bowser took one look at your hand and, mercifully, held back his comments. “Wendy, round up your brothers and give us some space.” He gently opened your hand to get a better look. “Second-degree, as expected… doesn’t look too bad. Come on.” He stood up and stared at you. “Get up! You need that under some cold water, and I ain’t carrying you.”

“Oh! Right…” You followed him to the bathroom. The door slammed shut behind you, echoing in the empty bathroom, and you realized you were now alone with your kingdom’s biggest, or closest according to Peach, enemy. You turned the sink on full blast and dunked your hand under the water stream. “Of all the stupid ways to get a burn…”

“Figured you’d be smart enough not to touch a hot engine.” You bit back a remark as to why you had to touch that engine, but you didn’t want to drag his kids into whatever this was. Bowser, however, had no such qualms. “How much did they break?”

“Not much. It’s a pretty simple fix, but I’ll ask the mechanics to take another look before anyone else drives it.” You shut off the water and reached for a paper towel, but Bowser snatched your hand. “Do you mind?”

“Not done treating your burn.” He grabbed the first aid kit off the wall and gently dabbed your hand dry before starting to treat it.

“Thought you said it wasn’t too bad?”

“Eh, didn’t want the kids to worry. We deal with burns a lot, but they don’t realize Koopa skin is a lot tougher than your soft squishy stuff.”

You glared at him as he finished applying ointment and expertly began to wrap your hand. “You know a lot about burns.”

“I better. I did my dissertation on them.”

You gawked at him. “Your… dissertation?”

“Yeah, I have an MD. Had to get one after that virus outbreak back in 2019.” Bowser smirked. “What? You thought I was some kind of meathead?”

“I mean, you did believe me when I said you needed an appointment to kidnap Peach.”

“Hah!” Bowser snorted. “No one’s ever pulled that one on me before. I wasn’t kidding when I said you had a backbone… even if your big mouth likes to get you into trouble.”

“My big mouth? This coming from you?” You said, trying to be angry, but you couldn’t help but let a snicker slip. As he finished the last bit of the wrap, you quietly added, “[Y/n].”

“What?”

“[Y/n]. It’s my name.”

He paused, then nodded. “Got it.”

The silence hung in the air. “Hey… I know you have an agreement with Peach about things like this. Maybe… maybe we can call a truce during parties too.”

“I can get behind that,” he said, lumbering to his feet, “but only because you’re helping to run this thing. If you compete in the party next time, don’t think for a second, I’m going to hold back!”

“Bring it on, I’m a beast at Trace Race.” Bowser stared at you before spluttering and breaking out in a gut-busting laugh. “What? What’s so funny?”

“Of course, the pencil pusher would be good at Trace Race!!”

Truce aside, you were considering the merits of challenging Bowser to a good match of Slaparazzi or Squared Away with Mario and Luigi on your team.

==============================

The party was a success. The end of the cruise came so much faster than you expected. Everyone gathered on the top deck under a starry sky. The final contestants stood on stage with Eldstar and with you, as someone with hands had to present the trophy. “Well now that was quite the event, wasn’t it everyone?” A cheer greeted him – and a less enthusiastic cheer from the contestants who didn’t even place. Bowser grumbled from the corner, giving a grudging slow clap. “Now let’s get to what everyone’s here for! In fourth place, we have Wario!”

“It’s rigged, I tell you, rigged!”

“The only thing that was rigged was your trick dice,” Waluigi shouted from the crowd.

“Moving on,” Eldstar interrupted, “in third place is Peach!” There was a loud shout of applause from the crowd, mostly from Mario and Bowser. Your boss stood and gave a polite applause, but you could see her eye twitching. That was mainly due to…

“In second place, Daisy!”

“Haha! Oh yeah!” Daisy shouted.

Just barely loud enough for you to hear, Peach hissed, “Only because you kept stealing my stars.”

Daisy snickered. “I can’t help it that you didn’t pay off Boo.”

“And finally, our superstar! In first place, we have…” The lights dimmed. Suddenly a spotlight snapped on. “Luigi! Congratulations!”

Fireworks filled the night sky as you handed the gold trophy over to Luigi. “Aw shucks,” he said.

Everyone cheered as the winners stepped off the stage. You followed Luigi off as Peach and Eldstar made a few final comments and words of thanks to the group. “I still can’t believe you won by basically ‘turtling’ the entire game!”

“Every now and then I get lucky,” Luigi shrugged, but his cheeks were tinged red “Not like winning party games means a whole lot. It’s not like winning a contest to get a free mansion or something.”

“Well, when you do get rich and famous and get a mansion, please remember the little guys like me,” you laughed.

“Little guys like us stick together,” he said. “How about we celebrate with some ice cream? My treat.”

“Thanks, but I’m still on the clock. Also, you do win something.” You fished out a small voucher from your pocket. “Peach wanted to up the stakes a bit. You get a weeklong trip to Diamond City.”

“Wahoo!” Luigi graciously accepted the ticket. “I’m no good at gambling, but I hear the pizza’s out of this world!”

“You could also take someone with you,” you grinned, nodding towards a certain princess.

“Luigi!” Daisy shouted from the bar. “C’mon, we gotta celebrate!”

Luigi stared for a moment, before turning red and whispering, “Mamma mia…”

==============================

As the party died down, you snuck away to the stern. You undid your bowtie and leaned against the railing. The sea swirled below you as the ship steamed home.

“Ah, finally a chance to rest?” Eldstar floated down beside you.

“Feel like the past few days have been nonstop,” you said, rubbing your eyes. “Not to mention keeping the positive social mask up the whole time; a guy needs to recharge after a while.”

“I can certainly understand that,” Eldstar chortled. “We Star Spirits aren’t the most social bunch either. I hope you don’t mind the company?”

“Not at all,” you said.

“You seem to be adjusting well to being an assistant to Peach. Isn’t it funny how life takes us in strange directions?”

You laughed, trying to hide the exhaustion out of your voice. “It’s not where I expected my life going, even after all that work in college.”

“I wasn’t just referring to your work in college,” Eldstar said, a knowing glint in his eye. He must have caught your surprise, as he added, “The Star Spirits see all desires of the heart. No need to worry, we won’t be telling anyone before you’re ready.”

You took a shaky breath. “Yeah, I guess you had something to do with that wish when I applied.”

“Both of them actually: to get a job and to hide some details of your past,” Eldstar mused.

“Probably not the most exciting wishes you’ve ever gotten.”

“I recall some of your wishes over the years; one in particular comes to mind.”

You blushed. “Well, I’m not sure if that one can really be granted…”

Eldstar floated next to you on the balcony. “Don’t worry, my friend. If you make a wish to the stars with all your heart, we will hear it.” He began to float away towards Shooting Star Summit, but he stopped. “Someday, I hope you will come visit us. The Star Road is always open to you. I imagine you would find Star Haven quite enjoyable, or perhaps you might enjoy the Dream Depot more?”

“I’m sure I would,” you said. Star Haven was supposed to be absolutely magical; it was the place where the wishes of the world gathered, after all. The Dream Depot however sounded like it involved a lot of reading. “Someday, I hope I will.”

The Star Spirit nodded before shooting skyward. You watched the trail of sparkling energy disappear in the night sky, wondering what you would wish for now – aside from a soft, warm bed. You stood and stretched, hoping to get to your room for a power nap before the Sea Star docked. You turned back from the balcony and headed inside.

If you had stayed a moment longer, perhaps you wouldn’t have missed an ominous swordlike shape in the night sky.

==============================

A/N: Dr. Mario World was a weird game. The implications were just… wow. Not to mention that timing.

Just as a heads up, next week will not have an update, but we’ll be back to normal on the following week. I’m afraid I had a bit of a chronic illness flare up and need a little more time to rest than usual.

[dreamdepot]

when nobody else has ur headcanon abt The Character

[dreamdepot]

Super Royal Assistant! - Chapter 2: Super Assistant 64

Previous/First > Next

A simple job setting up for the reopening of the royal art gallery goes awry when you and your new coworkers get locked inside the castle.

AO3 Wattpad or below!

==============================

“You did WHAT?”

“I know, I know!” You said between bites of your breakfast, wiping your mouth so you didn’t look like a total mess to your friend over the video call. “It was stupid.”

“Stupidly badass! You jumped on his ship? That’s like MARIO levels of cool.”

“Goombella, you could be a little sympathetic! This was Bowser! I could have had my game ended!”

Your friend gave you a sly look. “But you didn’t. You ended up looking like a hero, and Princess Peach wants you to come to the unveiling of the Grand Gallery’s remodel. Do you know how many people have been fighting to get on the invite list for that? Like even Prince Peasley got waitlisted!”

“I would’ve had to go anyway, it’s my job.”

“Oh my god, just take the compliment! C’mon, you’re allowed to have good things happen to you!” Goombella sighed. “Listen, you’ve had a rough time after graduation-”

“Thanks for reminding me.”

“Shut up and let me finish. You clearly made a good first impression on Peach. You should be proud of that! You’re kicking ass!”

“Thanks ‘Bell.”

“Anyway, enough of that, otherwise you’ll get all depressed. Did you try the new Pyoro?”

“With what time exactly?”

“Might have the ROM if you want it…”

“Goombella, I am absolutely insulted. I work for government now, and I am an innocent law-abiding citizen.”

“God, I hope you’re better at lying than that around all those politicians.”

“Hah, right. Gimme.”

==============================

“Well done, now easy on the brakes,” Toadsworth said. You gently brought the vintage car down the private dirt road and to a smooth stop at the entrance to the Grand Gallery. “Well done again! How did it feel driving the royal car?”

“It handles like a dream, so smooth yet powerful. I’ve always wanted to try out a vintage Royale! You know, they say it was the finest car Mushroom Motors ever made before they regrouped into Mushroom Piston?” You stopped. “Oh sorry, cars are… sort of an interest of mine.”

Toadsworth simply chuckled. “You’re fine my boy, always good to have interests outside of work. And I think you may get to enjoy them at work too. I’m going to recommend you as a potential driver for the Princess.”

“Really? Thank you!”

He opened the door and hopped out. “Another day though; come, come, we have much to do!”

You followed Toadsworth across the moat bridge to the proper entrance. The Grand Gallery was virtually identical to Peach’s main residence at Toad Town; albeit a little blockier. It was built on the coast at the base of a waterfall, miles away from any major town. If you didn’t have a car, the only way to get there was through a warp pipe. Honestly, it was a bit surprising there wasn’t a better road, but if rumors were true, it was because a course for the upcoming 64 Retro Grand Prix was going to be built instead.

You walked into the mezzanine, also reminiscent of the main castle. This castle was a tad smaller and clearly older, but it still made your apartment feel like a shack. “Ah yes, right on time!” Toadsworth said, beckoning you over to a group with some other Toads. The two of you were actually a half-hour early, but that was on time in Toadsworth’s book. “Toadiko will be coming with the Princess a bit later, but in the meantime, I’d like to introduce you to two very important people.”

Before he could, you felt a hand grab yours, shaking it vigorously. A pink Toad with pigtails and a high-visibility orange vest beamed at you. “It’s so good to meet you! I’m Toadette, I tend to get hands on with any big projects the Princess needs. After all, someone’s got to fix the castle whenever Bowser visits!”

Toadsworth cleared his throat. “Toadette is the royal architect. She designed and oversaw the remodel of the gallery.”

“I’ll have to give you the grand tour!”

You then shook hands with a slightly more reserved Toad in periwinkle, wearing some thick glasses and a bright yellow tie. “I’m Toadbert, my good sir, Royal Scholar in service to Her Majesty. I think we will be getting along splendidly, by boogity!”

“A pleasure to meet you both,” you said.

“The three of you will be working together often, I imagine, so it’s good to have you all here,” Toadsworth said. “We have a very busy day ahead of us before the actual grand opening tomorrow. Today’s dress rehearsal must go smoothly.”

“And the Princess’ final inspection,” Toadbert added.

Toadette crossed her arms. “Are you saying there’s a problem with my work?”

“I, err, no, of course not! I just…”

Toadette barked a laugh. “I’m just messin’ with ya! But seriously, the Princess could scan this place from the tip of the tower down to the cornerstone; she wouldn’t find a single flaw. It’s up to the Toadette Standard!”

“Good to hear,” Toadsworth noted. “Now, once the Princess gets here, we will give her the full tour, but in the meantime, I think it’d be a capital idea to give our new friend a quick primer on the castle. A pre-pre-tour, you could say.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Toadbert said, clasping his hands. He turned to you, smoothly walking backwards as he led you towards one of the doors. “You’re in for a treat. As a Royal Scholar, I’m an expert in many parts of our kingdom’s history, including the Royal Collection. Did you know that we have the most extensive collection of artwork in the world? In fact, the Mushroom Kingdom holds the largest collection by number of works both foreign and domestic, but also the largest collection in terms of size.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Size? Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Not at all!” Toadbert said, opening the door. Calling it a room was an understatement, it was a hall, filled with paintings and artwork. However, dominating the far wall was a masterpiece of a painting that must have been at least twenty feet tall and twenty feet wide. The deep colors swirled in a masterful work of Bob-ombs on the march. “The Passion of Gunpowder,”Toadbert said. “One of the fine works we are proud to display here. Please don’t lean too closely now.”

“Oh right, sorry, I don’t want to ruin the oils.”

Toadbert laughed. “Oh no, these paintings are larger than life in more ways than one. The paint is magical. You could fall through into the world of that painting.”

“Magic paint… Definitely didn’t have anything like that back in New Donk.”  

“It’s truly a wonder of the world, a technique only used by the masters of the art here in Mushroom Kingdom,” Toadbert continued. “The renovation was done to house all the greatest examples of the artform… well, save one collection.” He sighed. “Ah, what I would do to get our hands on the Van Gore Collection. Now those are truly some works of art, but sadly they’re all in private ownership.”

“This is just one of the wings too,” Toadette chimed in. “Each are themed differently and carefully designed to highlight the strengths of each centerpiece – for example, accentuating the size of this painting here in the west wing. You can’t imagine how many times Toadbert and I had to go back and forth on the plans.”

“It is really impressive,” you added as you moved to the other exhibits in the hall, admiring the smaller paintings and a few artifact collections. You were examining an ancient clay doll, when you noticed Toadsworth snuck away from the two of you, pulling out an outdated cell phone from his vest pocket. “Hey, is something wrong?” you whispered to Toadette and Toadbert.

“…traded with a fellow who ran a museum coffee shop – oh, pardon?” Toadbert muttered. “Oh, Toadsworth steps away to take calls all the time.”

“Nothing to do but wait until he gets back until we know if the shroom’s hit the fan,” Toadette said with a shrug. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it over time. Speaking of… I heard you took on Bowser!”

You groaned. “Highly exaggerated. Mario and Luigi did all the hard work. I wish everyone stopped acting like I’m some big hero for jumping in unprepared.”

“More than I would’ve done,” Toadette scoffed. “Come on, not even the Princess’ guards are that brave.”

“Or stupid,” you added.

“Courage sometimes comes with a bit of stupidity,” Toadbert commented, cleaning his glasses. “You have to ignore that part of your brain that says you should logically avoid danger. It might seem counterintuitive, but it’s an admirable trait.”

“Not sure if I should say thank you…?”

Toadbert laughed. “If half the Toads in the castle were more like you, I daresay Bowser wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Toadsworth returned from his phone call with his mustache drooping. “Spot of bad luck, I’m afraid. Please excuse me, I will be back in a jiffy. It appears there is a slight problem with the Princess’ travel arrangements after the christening of Princess Daisy’s new ocean liner.”

A sinking feeling fell into the pit of your stomach. “Toadsworth, is everything okay?”

“Afraid I don’t have all the details, but I’m sure things will be fine. Why don’t you enjoy the rest of the tour in the meantime. You should take notes to brief the Princess after all!” With a smile and a firm pat on your arm, the steward made his way to the entrance. 

As he suggested, the tour continued. Toadbert brought you to a variety of other halls, including the stained glass tower and the aquarium. Despite the beauty of the gallery, you couldn’t help but worry. Something was wrong and it wasn’t just travel arrangements…

Toadette pulled you from your spiraling thoughts. “Wait until you see this next part, it’ll knock your socks off!” She opened a small door to a serene courtyard surrounding a star statue in a reflecting pool. It was almost completely silent, save the twittering of birds and lapping of water. You couldn’t even hear the roaring waterfall just on the other side of the castle walls. “You wouldn’t believe how long it took to get the acoustics right. The courtyard is designed to block out all sound from outside the castle, making it the perfect place to relax.”

“Perfect for a picnic!” Toadbert added. “Perhaps the Princess would like that?”

“I bet she would, knowing her, she’d probably bake a cake for it too,” you said, strolling past the flowerbeds, smelling the fresh air, seeing the crumpled bodies of your friends in the corner… Pause.

“Toadiko! Toad!” You ran over and helped the poor attendant and guard up. Toad was still knocked out cold, but Toadiko was awake. “What happened?”

Toadiko sighed. “It was awful, we were about to dock in the bay and then Bowser showed up in that ghastly clown car of his and kidnapped the Princess!”

To be honest, the clown car was actually a little cute and goofy, but then again, you weren’t the one on the receiving end of a kidnapping. “Where did he take her?”

“Here I assume. I was taken too, and he said I’d fit with his scheme. Where are we…” She looked around and grew more confused. “Are we at the Grand Gallery? Or did you save us?”

“No, we were just walking around and…” The thought clicked in your head a moment too late. “We need to get out!”

Suddenly, a ripple of energy passed over the walls of the castle, sparkling for just a moment. Then, came a terrible laugh.

Gwah ha ha! Attention all wimps and whelps, Princess Peach and this castle are now mine! You are all my prisoners!

“Wonderful…” You groaned. Toad finally started to stir. “Hey, take it easy now…”

Toadiko whispered in your ear. “Don’t be too hard on him.”

“What?” But she just gave you a nod and walked over to the others, ushering them to the side. Toad groaned. You propped him up a bit on your leg. “Slowly, don’t rush… come on, buddy.”

He blinked. At first, he seemed happy to see you, then his eyes darted away. “I couldn’t stop him…” Toad murmured.

You patted his back. “Hey, it’s okay, he’s scary.”

“But you ran up and chased after him without even hesitating!” You winced. Did the whole castle know?! …and judging by Toadiko’s not-so-innocent expression, you had a feeling how that happened. “You’re not even a guard, but you charged right in!”

“Maybe, and honestly, that probably wasn’t the best idea. I’m not a warrior. I don’t even have my basic certificate at the dojo yet.”

“Still… it’s better than what I did,” Toad frowned. “I want to be a big adventurer too! Like Mario and Luigi, or like the famous Toads Bucken Berry and Ala Gold! But here I am, just useless.”

“Hey, don’t talk like that! You still tried, that’s huge! I doubt half of the Princess’ guards can say they’ve gone up against Bowser himself. You’ve already got street cred there... I should know,” you added quietly.

He sniffled. “You think so?”

“I’m sure. And I bet if you keep on trying and maybe with a little luck from the stars, you’ll be a hero too.” You helped up to his feet. “C’mon, let’s catch up with the rest and find a way out.”

==============================

After patching your friends up, the rest of you reconvened in the mezzanine. “Princess kidnapped, Bowser somewhere in the castle… this is a mess, isn’t it?” Toadiko muttered.

“What do we do?” Toad mumbled.

You sighed. If you had known your first week would be like this, you would’ve tried to negotiate for more pay. “So, what do you do normally when this happ… why are you all looking at me?”

“Well, you’re the one who jumped on the airship,” Toadiko said. “If anyone would have an idea on how to fix things…”

“Um… well…” You wracked your brain. You knew they were counting on you. This wasn’t like the airship though, you didn’t even know where Bowser and his baddies were. Then, a spark of an idea started to form. “Toadette, how is the castle powered?”

“Power Stars, of course!” She then paled. “Oh.”

“Damn…” Back in New Donk City and in many other parts of the world, Power Moons were the most reliable form of energy. Here in the Mushroom Kingdom, however, the rarer Power Stars were used instead. Unlike the simple fuel cell Power Moons, they were more unstable and filled with magic power – power that in the wrong hands could rewrite reality. Definitely did not bode well if you were in a castle filled with them, and Bowser was here. “Hate to ask… but how many?”

“At least a hundred-twenty, maybe a hundred-fifty?”

You tried to hide your frown. That was not good at all… then, your eyes fell on the door. You grinned. “Frankly, I’ve had enough.”

“Wait, what are you doing?!”

“Calling Bowser’s bluff. Sometimes, the simplest solution is the answer. We won’t know until we try.” You led the group to the entrance and grabbed the doorknob. Suddenly a bolt of energy shot up your arm. “YEOWTCH!”

“Oh dear, are you okay?” Toadiko asked, running to your side.

“I’ll be okay. What was that?”

Gwah hah hah! The voice echoed through the halls. You didn’t think I’d let any of you leave now, did you? You’re all trapped within the castle walls too!

Unfortunately, your mouth started moving before your brain did. “Oh yeah? Then why are you hiding, huh? Scared of a few royal assistants?!”

You’re not worth my time, pipsqueak.

“P-pipsqueak?!” You shouted. “I’ll show you pipsqueak!” There was no response. “He hung up on me?!”

“Maybe don’t aggravate the evil king who has us as his prisoner, dear?” Toadiko suggested.

“Hmm, the Power Stars pack a wallop, don’t they?” Toadbert muttered, looking at the shimmering door from a good, safe distance. “Any ideas, anyone?”

Toad muttered, “At least we know the Princess is safe.”

“Safe? What do you mean safe?! Bowser has her!” Toadette blurted out.

“No, he’s right,” you added. “Bowser may be all about kidnapping her, but the last thing he’d want is for her to get hurt. Being with him is probably the safest place for her right now, and it gives us a chance to investigate and find a way to break this curse.”

“We need to get those Power Stars back, by boogity! The problem is how…” Toadbert mused. “We’re not exactly the most adventurous type.”

You snapped your fingers. “Okay, it’s like Toad said, if we know Peach is in the castle, then maybe we can find her. We haven’t seen any of Bowser’s minions around, so maybe they’re hiding in one of the worlds in the paintings – probably with those stars…” You started to pace. “Bowser likes theatrics, so he’s probably set himself up somewhere to look important.”

“Easy,” Toadette said. “Top of the tower in the Princess’s guest suite.”

“There’s a guest suite in the gallery? Wait, not important; how can we get up there?”

Toadette looked uncomfortable, but before she could respond, Toad spoke up. “We can’t go the normal way; all the doors are blocked.”

Just then the main doors opened. “Hello? Princess? I’m-a here for that cake!”

Oh shit, it’s Mario… uh… No one’s home! Now scram!

“I can literally see there are people here,” Mario muttered.

==============================

The five of you quickly got Mario up to speed. “I see… so the usual, except he decided to trap all of you and Peach here instead. Trapping her in her own castle… that’s a bit of a new one.”

“I guess even that meathead has to switch up the playbook now and then,” Toadette muttered.

“Toadette, isn’t there any way we can get up there? Maybe a space in the wall?

“Yeah, you were going to tell us before Mario got here,” you added.

Toadette’s face started to turn closer to the color of her cap. “Are you suggesting there’s a flaw in my construction?”

“No, of course not! But everyone knows the Princess likes to have emergency escape routes throughout the castles!” Mario paused. “Or I suppose it’s better to say that Toadsworth likes to have the escape routes…”

“C’mon Toadette,” you said. “There’s gotta be some kind of secret passage here, right?”

“Well…” She sighed, walking over to the base of the main staircase. With an almost inaudible click of a hidden switch, the side of the wall rumbled open, revealing a narrow passageway. “One of the work passages we used for running wires,” she explained. “It’s not really meant to be a passageway, but you might be able to squeeze through to the third floor.”

Mario squinted at the narrow space. “Mamma mia, that’s a tight fit. I really shouldn’t have had so much spaghetti with Luigi…”

“At least you’ll fit better than the rest of us,” Toadiko added. “With our mushroom caps, there’s no way we’d fit in there.” The other Toads nodded, with more than a hint of relief that they wouldn’t have to face Bowser.

“Well then, I guess it’s up to you and me, eh?” Mario said, clapping you heartily on the back.

“M-me?!”

“Of course! Luigi’s busy today helping a friend, so I need someone else to watch my back. Let’s-a go, [Y/n]!”

“Uh… okay?”

Mario laughed, “Close enough.” Mario led the way through the narrow passage. Stone dust and sawdust soon coated your uniform. The two of you came to a ladder, seeming to lead all the way up. You popped out in a small room at the top, near the entrance to a bedroom. A staircase seemed to lead infinitely down into darkness – you were lucky to have bypassed it. Then, there was a hole leading into a void. “That would be it.”

“Y-you’re sure?”

He patted your back. “Yup, deep breath and here we go!” He grabbed your hand and leaped into the void…

…only for you to find yourself on a platform surrounded by dark and stormy clouds. “W-we’re in the sky!”

“Ah yeah,” Mario said. “Best not to look down. Learned that the hard way the first time.”

“You really aren’t fazed by this at all.”

The plumber shrugged. “It gets better. Besides, needing to focus on your jumps makes it easier.”

“R-right,” you said, lining your self up and flinging your body over to the next floating block. “Okay, dojo and gym. Joining both.”

“So, about how far and high can you jump?”

“Uh… normal? I don’t know?!” You huffed and ran to keep up with him. “Mario, are you sure that I’m the best person for the job here? I’m not a fighter or a jumper or…”

Mario laughed. “Don’t worry about it. Do you really think I was all that good at it when I first started? The most important part is just getting started!”

“I mean, yeah but that works more for painting or trying cosplay, not saving the princess!” You then realized there was a large gap approaching. “Wait, wait, wait-”

“Don’t stop running! Time to learn to long jump! Just do what I do!” Mario slid into a crouch then flew across the gap in a graceful jump. “YAHOO!”

“AAAAAHHHH!” You screamed, tumbling and stumbling before flopping through the air and landing with a thud.

“Nice job! Next time, I’ll teach you how to do it backwards!”

“Backwards?!”

“Just kidding,” Mario laughed, helping you up. “Still not bad at all.”

“Thanks…” You murmured. “Seriously though, why did you want me along?”

“Hmm, partly to distract the overgrown turtle,” he said. “But more to teach you.”

“Teach me? Teach me what?”

“You’re not the type to stand still when there’s danger. You proved that last time, and you didn’t exactly hold back today. You’ve got something special in there,” he said, tapping your chest. “Someone’s gotta teach you the right stuff so you don’t hurt yourself.”

You had to think about that. “Thanks… I think.”

“Just don’t want you making the same mistakes I did before.” He led you to an ominous pipe at the end of the course. It was the same as any other green pipe throughout the kingdom, but this time, you knew what was at the other end. Mario gave you a firm nod. “Ready?”

You swallowed hard. “Let’s-a go.”

“Now you’re learning!”

The two of you slid down the narrow pipe, landing on an eerie platform made of obsidian. The hair on the back of your neck stood on end, feeling an old pulse of energy flow through the arena – likely the work of the Power Stars. You then felt the ground shake with a hefty stomp.

“Mario! You again! And…” The king’s gaze fell on you. His snarl broke into a guffaw. “You brought the office nerd with you? What’s wrong? Was it little green’s day off? Had to trade in for the chump charity knock-off?”

You felt your blood pressure spike. “Shut up already!”

“Oh? So that little stunt wasn’t a fluke, you actually do have a little spice.” Bowser snorted. “Listen pipsqueak! This is the big leagues; we don’t need a little pencil pusher around here.”

“Maybe,” you huffed, “if you stopped kidnapping my boss, I wouldn’t have to be here!”

“Maybe if she just hurried up and agreed to hand over her kingdom, I wouldn’t have to!” You scrambled out of the way of his flames. “Stay still already!”

“No thanks, prefer not being cooked well done!”

Bowser stomped along after you, each lumbering step sending out small shock waves that slowed your escape. “Just give up already. A wimp like you could never throw me out of here!”

“I don’t have to.”

Bowser’s eyes widened as he suddenly fell to the ground. “Stand back [Y/n]!” Mario yelled, as he began to swing the Koopa King around and around. “So long, King Bowser!” With that, Bowser sailed through the sky and into a floating bomb, knocked back by a nasty explosion.

Bowser groaned as he landed. “Ugh… fine. I’ll cut my losses. Today’s been a whole mess anyway. Even with all those Power Stars, you still beat me in minutes… how humiliating.” He grumbled. “Fine, I’m out. Take Peach.”

Still cursing under his breath, Bowser disappeared with a swirl of dark magic.

==============================

The tension in your chest didn’t release until you were all back outside. Toadbert was the first to strike up the cheer. “Freedom, by boogity! Freedom!”

“It wasn’t that long, you ham,” Toadiko chided.

Peach sighed with relief at being freed as well. “Thank you, Mario, record time too.”

“Not just me, [Y/n] too!”

Peach blinked in surprise. “Weren’t you scared?”

The first words that came to mind were “Fucking terrified,” but considering the Princess was your boss and you were clearly still on probation, you settled for “Very, but I’m just glad that you’re back safe.”

That seemed to be more than sufficient for her. “We’ll have to do something special for you both.”

Toadsworth walked up, eyes sparkling with pride. “Good show, good show!” He said before turning to the others, already back to business. “Toadette, status report of the castle? Will we still be on track?”

“It’ll take some time to double-check the castle, but everything should be okay for the grand opening tomorrow.”

“Good, good!”

“In that case, everyone, let’s bake a delicious cake… for our heroes!” Peach giggled as she took your hand. “I hope you like strawberry cream cakes!”

==============================

A/N: So long, gay Bowser. Also, I tried to fit in a line from if/when you 100% Mario 64 or 64 DS in which Bowser says, “Keep that control stick (or “Touch Screen” in DS) smokin’!” It’s like the most out of character line for him, and I love it. I couldn’t fit it in but that fits since you and Mario went the speedrun route.

Two encounters with Bowser and two kidnappings, you certainly are earning your paycheck. Perhaps next week it’s time to unwind with some fun… a party perhaps?

[dreamdepot]

WIP Wednesday – Super Royal Assistant Ch. 2

Happy Wednesday all! Thank you for the warm reception to Chapter 1. Today I’ve got a preview for Chapter 2 – Super Assistant 64.

===

“Good to hear,” Toadsworth noted. “Now, once the Princess gets here, we will give her the full tour, but in the meantime, I think it’d be a capital idea to give our new friend a quick primer on the castle. A pre-pre-tour, you could say.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Toadbert said, clasping his hands. He turned to you, smoothly walking backwards as he led you towards one of the doors. “You’re in for a treat. As Royal Scholar, I’m an expert in many parts of our kingdom’s history, including the Royal Collection. Did you know that we have the most extensive collection of artwork in the world? In fact, the Mushroom Kingdom holds the largest collection by number of works both foreign and domestic, but also the largest collection in terms of size.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Size? Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Not at all!” Toadbert said, opening the door. Calling it a room was an understatement, it was a hall, filled with paintings and artwork. However, dominating the far wall was a masterpiece of a painting that must have been at least twenty feet tall and twenty feet wide. The deep colors swirled in a masterful work of Bob-ombs on the march. “The Passion of Gunpowder,”Toadbert said. “One of the fine works we are proud to display here. Please don’t lean too closely now.”

“Oh right, sorry, I don’t want to ruin the oils.”

Toadbert laughed. “Oh no, these paintings are larger than life in more ways than one. The paint is magic. You could fall through into the world of that painting.”

“Magic paint… Definitely didn’t have anything like that back in New Donk.” 

“It’s truly a wonder of the world, a technique only used by the masters of the art here in Mushroom Kingdom,” Toadbert continued. “The renovation was done to house all the greatest examples of the artform… well, save one collection.” He sighed. “Ah, what I would do to get our hands on the Van Gore Collection. Now those are truly some works of art, but sadly they’re all in private ownership.”

“This is just one of the wings too,” Toadette chimed in. “Each are themed differently and carefully designed to highlight the strengths of each centerpiece – for example, accentuating the size of this painting here in the west wing. You can’t imagine how many times Toadbert and I had to go back and forth on the plans.”

“It is really impressive,” you added as you moved to the other exhibits in the hall, admiring the smaller paintings and a few artifact collections. You were examining an ancient clay doll, when you noticed Toadsworth snuck away from the two of you, pulling out an outdated cell phone from his vest pocket. “Hey, is something wrong?” you whispered to Toadette and Toadbert.

“…traded with a fellow who ran a museum coffee shop – oh, pardon?” Toadbert muttered. “Oh, Toadsworth steps away to take calls all the time.”

“Nothing to do but wait until he gets back until we know if the shroom’s hit the fan,” Toadette said with a shrug. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it over time. Speaking of… I heard you took on Bowser!”

You groaned. “Highly exaggerated. Mario and Luigi did all the hard work. I wish everyone stopped acting like I’m some big hero for jumping in unprepared.”

“More than I would’ve done,” Toadette scoffed. “Come on, not even the Princess’ guards are that brave.”

“Or stupid,” you added.

“Courage sometimes comes with a bit of stupidity,” Toadbert commented, cleaning his glasses. “You have to ignore that part of your brain that says you should logically avoid danger. It might seem counterintuitive, but it’s an admirable trait.”

“Not sure if I should say thank you…?”

Toadbert laughed. “If half the Toads in the castle were more like you, I daresay Bowser wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Toadsworth returned from his phone call with his mustache drooping. “Spot of bad luck, I’m afraid. Please excuse me, I will be back in a jiffy. It appears there is a slight problem with the Princess’ travel arrangements after the christening of Princess Daisy’s new ocean liner.”

A sinking feeling fell into the pit of your stomach. “Toadsworth, is everything okay?”

“Afraid I don’t have all the details, but I’m sure things will be fine. Why don’t you enjoy the rest of the tour in the meantime. You should take notes to brief the Princess after all!” With a smile and a firm pat on your arm, the steward made his way to the entrance. 

[dreamdepot]

question for the masses

feel free to justify your response in the comments. i want to write a resident evil 4 au for link and zelda and i've been torn for months over whether link would use a gun or whether he would be staunchly against it

[dreamdepot]

New Story: Super Royal Assistant!

(Bowser x Male Reader)

Working for Princess Peach as her official assistant seems like a dream job, until you realize how much you have to deal with a certain Koopa King. Why does he keep kidnapping you with your boss anyway?

> Next

Available as always at: AO3 Wattpad or below!

“Okay, breathe… breathe…” you reminded yourself as you walked down the lane. Lucky for you, the Toads in Toad Town seemed to understand you were under a lot of pressure today, parting for you and not only because you stood a good head and shoulders over them all.

The bustling capital of the Mushroom Kingdom seemed busier than ever, but it was really just a normal Monday for everyone but you. As of today, you were starting your new job. Not only that, but it was your first job out of college. Not only that, but your new job made you the personal assistant to the current monarch of the Mushroom Kingdom.

No pressure.                                            

You clutched your brand-new leather messenger bag tightly as you hustled north from the train station. How you wished today you could just have stopped for a snack with Tayce T! Maybe there was a badge in the shop that made you less nervous? Maybe Merlon had a charm or something that would keep you from losing your job? You looked at your watch again. There was hardly enough time for that (despite being more than a half-hour early). You had to show you were a model employee after all! Hands to shake, people to meet, first impressions to make! Instead, you turned on to Castle Lane and passed through the last of the gateways through the old walls.

There it stood, atop the next hill: Princess Toadstool’s Castle. The white brick and red-tiled roof were iconic the world over, and now you were about to work there. You followed the cobblestone road along the Castle Lake and down through what was Toad Town’s richest neighborhood, the Castle District. At last, you came to the final walls; the Toad Guards saluted you as you passed through the iron gates. It would have been nice to have a little more time to enjoy the serene castle grounds, but your heart was pounding so loudly in your ears, you couldn’t hear anything else. You crossed the white-stone bridge over the sparkling waters of the moat. The massive castle loomed over you. High above, the iconic stained-glass window greeted you. You took one last chance to make sure you looked presentable. Your red vest lined with gold made for quite the striking uniform. With shaky hands, you opened the doors to the castle’s grand entrance.

The doors shut with a heavy boom that echoed through the quiet mezzanine. The marble floors were so clean they were nearly mirrors, which made you all the more hesitant to even walk on them. The edges were covered in lush red carpeting. The walls were painted in a beautiful mural to represent the iconic towering hills of the Mushroom Kingdom. Sun streamed through the windows onto a rather conspicuous rug, but there was no time to inspect that right now.

“Okay…” you muttered, fumbling with your bag and pulling out the letter you received. “Come to the castle… meet with Toadsworth. No location given… but I can’t just wander around here…”

“Hi there!”

“Eep!” You nearly jumped out of your skin, spinning around to see a Toad in a mismatched red hat and blue vest.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya!”

“That’s okay,” you said, trying to slow your heart back down. “I’m [Y/n], I think I might be a bit lost. First day and trying to make a good impression.”

“Oh, you’re new? Me too, I just started here a little while ago. My name’s Toad!”

“Toad…?”

“Just Toad.”

“Oh, so like Just T.?”

“Nope, just Toad.”

“Just… Toad.” Unusual, but not the strangest name you’d heard before. “Okay, just Toad, you wouldn’t happen to know where to find the chief steward would you?”

He thought for a moment. “I’m joining the castle guard, not the estate staff… but I think he’s probably on the Second Floor. That’s usually where he hangs around since the Princess’ room is on that floor.”

“Oh, great, thanks!” You hurried towards the grand staircase but skidded to a stop to add a quick, “Good luck with your first day as a guard!”

==============================

The staircase led you up to another atrium, similarly decorated with walls now painted to look like the sky. Unlike the first floor, here the staircase to the third floor split and curved down the sides. A guard stood at the first room directly across from you. Judging by the decoration – and the armed presence – you had to guess that must be the royal bedroom. This floor seemed much busier than the previous, with several hallways and rooms branching off from here. It was hard to decide which to try first, but you thankfully didn’t need to resort to trial and error.

“Ah, would you happen to be Mr. [L/n]?” A distinguished Toad in a brown cap and purple vest, complete with bowtie, entered from what appeared to be a library. He stroked his impressive mustache.

“Yes sir,” You said, instantly in good-first-impression mode.

“Ah-ha! A pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, old bean!” The elderly retainer strode quite spryly to you, despite leaning on his cane. “I am Toadsworth, chief steward to her majesty.”

“[Y/n],” you said, shaking his hand. “I’m looking forward to working with you.”

“Likewise. I apologize for the invitation, I realized I forgot to include our meeting place, but here you are, right on time! Living up to your reputation already. Well, enough chat here in the open, shall we get started?” You scarcely nodded before he was leading you down the impressive hallway. Light streamed into the hall, making the marble floor sparkle. Everything was polished to a perfect shine. As you followed Toadsworth, he led you past a variety of stunningly lifelike paintings of various places from Chucklehuck Woods to Tostarena. “If you think those are impressive, I’m sure you’ll love the Grand Gallery! The reopening is next week, some of the greatest paintings I’ve ever seen. Ah, but we mustn’t dawdle, too many things to do. This is a big day for you after all.”

“Yes sir.” You tried to remain calm, but you clutched your messenger bag with a death grip.

Toadsworth chortled. “Now now, loosen up a bit there. Won’t do for you to have a coronary before meeting the princess! I promise your work here won’t be nearly as intimidating as it seems, and I guarantee you are the right one for the job! Besides, I asked you to come a bit earlier so that you and I can have our first proper meeting.”

He led you into a small but cozy office. Much like the rest of the castle, it was well-lit, but the décor was much more old-fashioned with dark-oak furniture and velvet cushions. Despite the sunny day, a fire crackled in the fireplace that somehow made the room just warm enough. Toadsworth beckoned you to a cozy armchair opposite his own. He poured you a steaming cup of tea. “I figured a classic blend today, Koopa Tea. Partial to a Petalburg blend myself with a hint of Fire Flower – just the punch I need to get my old bones moving.”

“Thank you,” you said. “But I thought you said we had too much to do?”

“Lesson number one, there is always time for tea! I have passed this lesson on to the princess and now I will pass it on to you. It is crucial to stop and take stock when you have a busy day, especially when things seem to be going wrong. No problem is too great for a spot of tea.”

“I see…” You took a sip of yours, a rich and soothing taste with a slightly spicy finish that warmed and soothed you.

“Now, please refresh my memory, you’re originally from New Donk City, isn’t that right?”

“Yes sir, born and raised.”

“Good, the princess always seems to get along best with fellows from New Donk City,” he said with a conspiratorial wink. “But not only are you from New Donk, you have quite the impressive resumé! Pardon me a moment…” he fiddled with his glasses as he fished a folded page from his vest. “Graduate of Crown City University, summa cum laude, International Relations and Political Affairs. Postgraduate work at the University of Goom, with honors. Study abroad in Port Prisma and the Beanbean Kingdom, performed with Toadofsky and the Tute family, Picross afficionado… very impressive! I wonder how you had any time to sleep!”

Your new employer didn’t need to know about how your senior year and post-grad was almost solely fueled by Shroom Shakes, DK Burnin’ Energy Drinks, and Triple-Shot Chuckoccinos... or the extracurriculars you didn’t list on your resumé for blowing off steam. “I hope that it will be enough to keep up with the Princess,” you said meekly.

“Oh, dear boy, I think you’ll have no trouble at all.” Toadsworth chortled. “In fact, I think you’ll fit right in, no question about it.” He took a sip of his tea. “Look at me, talking on and on like a old man. I forget what it was like to be new. You must have questions for me?”

“There’s a million in my head right now,” you admitted. “Though, I suppose if I had to ask one, what would be the best advice you could give me on how to start?”

“One step at a time,” Toadsworth said without hesitation. He chuckled, then explained, “Sometimes we have a daunting task and the road to surmounting it treacherous to say the least. There’s other things you have to learn first, and those things lead down a warp pipe of a million other things. After a while, the task seems impossible. That’s the trap, my boy. Starting a massive task, whether it’s climbing a mountain, writing a book, or working as a royal assistant – it’s an brand new adventure, and it starts with one step at a time. Break the massive task into pieces. Even Mario himself has to break his adventures down into bite-size chunks to save the princess. I can’t imagine how daunting it might seem to go through it all at once, even for him. So why make it harder on yourself?”

“Huh,” you said. “Thanks… that helps a lot.”

“My boy, I trust you will do excellently. It has been many years since I last wore the red vest…” He looked fondly at your uniform for a moment. “I have no doubt in my mind though that you will soon be wearing purple.”

“Purple?”

“Ah, top level staff,” he said, tugging at his own vest. “Royal purple, King Marzipan was quite fond of the color, and the Princess kept the tradition. I imagine you’ll be promoted to wear it as well in no time. Mind you, my intuition is never wrong!”

“I don’t doubt that sir,” you said, indulging in a little laugh. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all I can ask for, my boy! Now, I won’t throw you to the Chomps right away, you’ll start out slowly and take on more duties as you get accustomed to them. Let’s start with a little overview…”

==============================

The next hour was a crash course lesson on the kingdom, the Princess, and keeping the royal household moving. Surprisingly, it wasn’t nearly as boring as you’d have imagined, and the hour passed in the blink of an eye. As Toadsworth led the way down the hall, he gave you a final review quiz, with some helpful tangents here and there.

“The princess does have several castles, I’m sure you’ll see them in time. Most of your work will be here at the main castle in Toad Town. Now, if one of the ministers arrives looking for her majesty when she’s not in residence, the correct response is?”

“I’m terribly sorry, but our Princess is in another castle,” you recited. “I would be happy to take a message for her.”

“Precisely! Though, as her newest attaché and assistant, I doubt you’ll spend much time away from her. Look sharp now,” he said, tapping you with his cane, “We’ve arrived at the Princess’ room.”

You scrambled to make sure your shirt was properly tucked and your vest straightened. The guard stepped aside, saluting both of you. With a deep breath, you nodded to Toadsworth, and the doors swung open.

A floral aroma greeted you as the doors opened to a beautiful, but surprisingly less opulent room than you expected. Much like Toadsworth’s room, there was a fire in the fireplace and the room was so clean there was not a speck of dust to be found. The far side was dominated by a large pink bed. There was a walk-in closet and a nice vanity, but overall, her room was tidy and clutter free. Decorations were limited to a few pictures and bouquets of flowers. Last but not least, her bedroom opened out onto a balcony, overlooking Toad Town.

The Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom rose from her bedside. “Ah hello, you must be [Y/n].” From the tip of her crown to the hem of her pink dress, she was the picture of poise and elegance.

“Yes, your majesty,” you said with a bow. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

The Princess giggled and shook your hand. “I’m sure we’ll get on splendidly. Toadsworth is taking good care of you, I hope?”

You flustered a bit, but Toadsworth stepped in. “Only the best for our newest member of staff. I’ve given him a brief overview, but I figured it would be best for him to get accustomed to meeting you. I daresay you may have left him a little starstruck.”

“Oh, don’t pick on him Toadsworth. Now, I believe you have the daily briefing for me?”

“Ah yes, something our new friend will be taking over in no time. Let’s get to brass tacks, shall we? Your cousin has requested your presence at the christening of her new ship. Festivities are to be held at Toad Harbor. I’ve scheduled that for just before your tour of the remodeled Grand Gallery…”

You did your best to listen and take notes, but you realized there was a quiet fourth person in the room with you. Another attendant served tea and small refreshments – and gave you a welcoming smile as well. She wore magenta and had blonde hair in two tight buns. As the Princess and Toadsworth talked, she quietly leaned over to you. “First days are so exciting, aren’t they?”

“Yes, just a lot to take in.”

“Oh certainly, but don’t worry, we all look out for each other. By the way, my name is Toadiko, the Princess’ maid. If you need information, I’m your gal. Nothing goes on in this castle without me hearing about it.” You could imagine how such a claim was a point of distinction… or a threat. That said, she seemed very kind and genuine. The more friendly faces, the better, as you settled in.

You wanted to ask her more, but Toadsworth was already wrapping up his briefing. “Now, time waits for no one, shall we get to it?” Before you could ask what “it” was, the Princess led the way out of her room and down the hall.

==============================

“And here, is where your office will be,” Toadsworth said, leading you into a small antechamber before the Princess’s main office. “At least until I convince the Princess to remodel…”

Princess Toadstool laughed. “Toadsworth, I like the balcony in this office. Who wants to work in a stuffy room all day when I can enjoy a nice spring breeze?”

Toadsworth shook his head. “Princess, I couldn’t agree more, but please consider your safety. It is a security risk if he decides to come by as he usually does…”

Ah. Yes. Him.

To be honest, the thought of him hadn’t crossed your mind until right now. The panic of a post-college job search tends to do that. It was soon dawning on you that you were now in the line of fire for a head of state who happened to be kidnapped.

A lot.

You thought you masked your rising panic well but apparently not well enough for the Princess. “Toadsworth,” she chastised, “we’ll talk about this later. May I have a moment alone with my new attaché?”

“Ah yes, of course, excuse me,” Toadsworth said, clearing his throat. He gave you a firm nod of support that practically screamed Stiff upper lip, old boy! and then he quickly made his exit.

The Princess gently patted your shoulder. “Please don’t pay attention to him. Bowser may like to kidnap me, but things always end up fine in the end. He may be an evil king, but he knows to be fairly gentle on the castle staff… err, mostly.”

“M-Mostly?”

The Princess waved her hand, hastily adding, “The worst that could happen is he tosses you in a cage for a few hours. And besides we have plenty of talented doctors and healers should anything worse happen.” She took your hands in hers with a warm smile. “Don’t worry, everything is going to go smoothly. Let’s just focus on getting your feet wet with the normal day-to-day work before we talk about anything like that.”

Your mind raced, but the Princess was right. One step at a time. “Right, let’s do this,” you said. “So first, let me provide you your schedule update…” You pulled out a small planner pocketbook, bright pink to match the Princess. “Oh, I’m sorry, you’re due for a meeting. It looks like a phone call with the CEO of Toad Toy Store. According to my notes, they are asking to use your likeness on a new Princess Castle playset. Would you like me to take notes for you?”

The Princess laughed. “I can see Toadsworth wasn’t kidding. You really are on top of things. No need to worry, I’ll handle this one today, but I’ll probably ask for your help in the future. In the meantime, why don’t you get settled in your new desk and get comfortable with everything?”

“Um, okay,” You said with a weak nod. As the door shut, you slumped into the surprisingly comfortable office chair. “Didn’t expect a first day to be so stressful…”

Your new office was thankfully cozy. Similar to Toadsworth’s office, you had a classy dark oak desk angled towards the door and partially blocking the way to the Princess’s office. The main difference lay in the adorable mushroom shaped lamp and the sleek desktop computer with dual monitors. As the room was more of a roomette, there was just enough room for your desk and a few soft chairs for those awaiting the Princess. As the final touch, a bowl of gourmet candy made by Tayce T sat on the edge of your desk. You decided to sneak one of your favorites and booted up your new computer.

You barely had time to finish your candy before you heard the office door open. You stood and put on your best customer service smile. “Good morning, how may I help you?”

“One Princess to go,” came the response in a deep voice that shook you to your core.

Your eyes went up and up and up to the terrifying sight of the massive King of the Koopas. Your heart raced as you realized he could end your game at the snap of a finger. You wanted to be brave like the Mario Bros. and tell him to go away, yet your brain short-circuited and all that came out was: “Do you have an appointment?”

Bowser stopped and stared at you. “An… appointment?”

Roll with it. You thought. “Yes, an appointment. I’m afraid the princess is booked solid today.” You flipped through the pages of your organizer. “Hmm, yeah, I’m not seeing many openings, but I think I can squeeze you in next Thursday. How long do you think this kidnapping will be?”

Bowser blinked and looked down at the Magikoopa at his side. “Uh, the kidnapping itself or how long we plan to hold her?”

“Do you have remote meeting options at your castle?”

The Magikoopa tapped the tip of his staff. “We do, but the castle internet is undergoing a bit of maintenance, upgrading to fiber. Perhaps we could do the old teleconference line…”

“If you need time, I can email you a poll link so we can compare availability-”

“ENOUGH!” Bowser roared. “This is ridiculous, I am the King of the Koopas, Master of Mean, Emperor of Evil! B-O-W-S-E-R! I don’t listen to annoying assistants, and I don’t wait for appointments! I am taking the Princess!” With one swoop of his arm, he knocked your desk – and you – aside and stomped through to the Princess’s office. Stars spun before your eyes as you struggled back to your feet. A scream spurred you into action.

“Bowser! Let me go!” You shoved the door open. The Princess looked up, red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry! I wanted today to be an easy day for you.”

“Princess!” You stumbled forward, but suddenly the castle shook. An anchor slammed into the balcony, tearing it and half of the castle wall away. Bowser easily leaped out the hole, grabbing the anchor with one arm and hauling himself and the Princess up, while the Magikoopa summoned a broomstick and flew away.

“I am not losing this job on my first day!” You shouted, leaping out the hole and grabbing onto the anchor chain. As the airship started to pull away, you began to scramble up, link by link.

“Uh, King Bowser sir?” A Goomba muttered peeking over the edge at you. “Do… do I stop him?”

“I thought he was an assistant?” A Paratroopa muttered.

A Shy Guy nodded sagely. “I’ve done crazier things for health insurance benefits…”

“We give you all good benefits!” The Magikoopa shouted.

“Which is why I work for you instead of that stupid fast-food place!” The Shy Guy shouted back.

Meanwhile, you heaved yourself over the ship’s railing, doing your best not to hurl. By the time you caught your breath, you noticed a massive shadow looming over you. You looked up into the glare of King Bowser. Smoke rose from his nostrils, and cinders flew from his mouth as he looked down upon you. “Huh, tough guy alert! Looks like the Princess hired someone with some backbone for once.”

“Give… her… back…” you panted, rising unsteadily to your feet. You put up your fists.

Bowser laughed in your face. You realized one of his hands dwarfed both of your fists together. The tip of his claw alone probably would knock more than your teeth out. “Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do if I don’t, pipsqueak?”

An excellent question. You weren’t exactly an athlete and a few awkward striker games in college didn’t translate to combat – nor did that one awkward date with a boxer at his gym. Lucky for you, the answer came in a different form as you heard two new voices. “Luigi! Let’s-a go!”

“Okie dokie!”

“Wahoo!” The two superstar brothers landed on the deck, easily knocking the Koopa forces out before turning towards Bowser himself.

You could nearly see the vein throb on Bowser’s forehead. Flames danced between his fangs. “Mario! Green bean!”

“It’s, uh… Luigi…” The younger brother quietly added, despite no one seeming to hear him. Mario meanwhile wasted on time, leaping forward towards Bowser.

“Showtime!” The Koopa King growled, swiping at Mario. The rest of his forces charged forward, mostly towards Luigi.

“I swear I am signing up for the dojo first thing after I get off work.” You narrowly slipped away from a careening Koopa shell, only to trip on a Bob-omb. The sensitive guy lit his fuse. “Oh no!” You swooped him up and chucked him across the ship just in time, sending a few Goombas tumbling overboard. “Apply for a quiet office job, you’ll like it! Low stress! ARGH!”

You then felt a tap on your shoulder. It was the Magikoopa. “So, first day? Sorry about that. I swear guys like us always get stuck with the hard work, and I’m getting too old for all this. Gotta pay the bills somehow, am I right?”

“No kidding.” You looked him up and down. “Uh… you’re not gonna attack me?”

“Oh no, not today. Sooner this gets over with, sooner I get back home to watch the livestream of Madame Flurrie’s Farewell Tour.” He cleaned his glasses. “Oh, Kamek by the way.”

“[Y/n].”

You hoped to ask a few more questions, but a loud “Curse you Mario!” ripped through the battle as the main propeller of the ship began to give out.

“Yup, that’s about right on cue, “ Kamek sighed, pulling out his broomstick. “See you next time, [Y/n]. We’ll have to talk one of these days.” He started to float off, but stopped. “I suggest abandoning ship soon.”

“R-right!” You bolted for the side of the ship, taking one last look around. The Princess and the Mario Bros were nowhere to be seen, so you took a deep breath and leaped…

And soon found yourself upside down in a topiary on the castle grounds. Your head was still spinning, even after slipping through the branches to solid ground. “Hey, you okay?” You looked up to see a gloved hand offer you some help up. Luigi smiled awkwardly.

“Yeah, thanks.” You took his hand and got up. You quickly brushed yourself off and straightened your vest. “Thanks so much for coming to save us. Wish I got to meet you under better circumstances, but it’s very nice to make your acquaintance, Luigi!”

Luigi’s eyes brightened. “It’s good to meet you too, Mr… uh…?”

“Sorry, [Y/n], I’m Princess Toadstool’s new assistant. I sure picked a hell of a first day, huh?”

Luigi laughed with you. “Mamma mia, no kidding! I hope we didn’t make that bad of an impression. I promise Bowser doesn’t come by every day!” He paused, then stroked his moustache. “Well… usually at least.”

“Oh no, you were awesome! I just hope I didn’t make a fool of myself in front of the Princess…”

“I don’t think you’ll need to worry about that.” He nodded towards Mario and the Princess, who were now walking over.

“[Y/n], you aren’t hurt are you?” The Princess quickly gave you a once over, gently checking you for any wounds.

“N-no your majesty, I’m fine. I’m sorry-”

“What for? You were amazing! I was so worried you might have gotten hurt, but I never would’ve expected you’d jump in to save me!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say save… I think Mario did that.”

The plumber clapped you on the back with a hearty laugh. “Doesn’t matter, you still came up here! That takes some guts!”

“I just hope you aren’t scared off after all that,” the Princess said.

If today was any indication of what the rest of your time at the castle would be like, you certainly had a ride ahead of you. Yet… the more you thought about it, the chaos did make it fun. How many people could say they faced down King Bowser alone? The thrill… the adrenaline… you’d never felt anything like it before. “No,” you finally said. “Not planning on going anywhere.”

“Come on [Y/n], we have a lot to talk about while I bake this cake for Mario and Luigi.”

“Of course, coming, your majesty!”

“Please, just call me Peach!”

==============================

A/n: And here we are on a brand new adventure! Thank you for your patience. This story will be a little more light-hearted than Dreams of the Kingdom to match the Mario world. I hope you enjoy it as you become embroiled in the life of the Princess and the Koopa King. Next time, it’s off to the Grand Gallery, the royal repository for the Mushroom Kingdom’s art collection. Stay tuned for what awaits you inside the castle walls…

[dreamdepot]

WIP Wednesday - Super Royal Assistant

Hi all! Work has been keeping me a lot busier than I planned, and less of the story is in draft form than I’d like. That said, I still want to start posting soon, and I figure something that might help with getting the gears turning would be doing something different – a little work in progress preview. I tried doing this in the last story and fell off but I want to try and keep it up this time. So, here is a short WIP Wednesday preview of Chapter 1 from Super Royal Assistant!

===

“Ah, would you happen to be Mr. [L/n]?” A distinguished Toad in a brown cap and purple vest, complete with bowtie, entered from what appeared to be a library. He stroked his impressive mustache.

“Yes sir,” You said, instantly in good-first-impression mode.

“Ah-ha! A pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, old bean!” The elderly retainer strode quite spryly to you, despite leaning on his cane. “I am Toadsworth, chief steward to her majesty.”

“[Y/n],” you said, shaking his hand. “I’m looking forward to working with you.”

“Likewise. I apologize for the invitation, I realized I forgot to include our meeting place, but here you are, right on time! Living up to your reputation already. Well, enough chat here in the open, shall we get started?” You scarcely nodded before he was leading you down the impressive hallway. Light streamed into the hall, making the marble floor sparkle. Everything was polished to a perfect shine. As you followed Toadsworth, he led you past a variety of stunningly lifelike paintings of various places from Chucklehuck Woods to Tostarena. “If you think those are impressive, I’m sure you’ll love the Grand Gallery! The reopening is next week, some of the greatest paintings I’ve ever seen. Ah, but we mustn’t dawdle, too many things to do. This is a big day for you after all.”

“Yes sir.” You tried to remain calm, but you clutched your messenger bag with a death grip.

Toadsworth chortled. “Now now, loosen up a bit there. Won’t do for you to have a coronary before meeting the princess! I promise your work here won’t be nearly as intimidating as it seems, and I guarantee you are the right one for the job! Besides, I asked you to come a bit earlier so that you and I can have our first proper meeting.”

He led you into a small but cozy office. Much like the rest of the castle, it was well-lit, but the décor was much more old-fashioned with dark-oak furniture and velvet cushions. Despite the sunny day, a fire crackled in the fireplace that somehow made the room just warm enough. Toadsworth beckoned you to a cozy armchair opposite his own. He poured you a steaming cup of tea. “I figured a classic blend today, Koopa Tea. Partial to a Petalburg blend myself with a hint of Fire Flower – just the punch I need to get my old bones moving.”

“Thank you,” you said. “But I thought you said we had too much to do?”

“Lesson number one, there is always time for tea! I have passed this lesson on to the princess and now I will pass it on to you. It is crucial to stop and take stock when you have a busy day, especially when things seem to be going wrong. No problem is too great for a spot of tea.”

“I see…” You took a sip of yours, a rich and soothing taste with a slightly spicy finish that warmed and soothed you.

“Now, please refresh my memory, you’re originally from New Donk City, isn’t that right?”

“Yes sir, born and raised.”

“Good, the princess always seems to get along best with fellows from New Donk City,” he said with a conspiratorial wink. “But not only are you from New Donk, you have quite the impressive resumé! Pardon me a moment…” he fiddled with his glasses as he fished a folded page from his vest. “Graduate of Crown City University, summa cum laude, International Relations and Political Affairs. Postgraduate work at the University of Goom, with honors. Study abroad in Port Prisma and the Beanbean Kingdom, performed with Toadofsky and the Tute family, Picross afficionado… very impressive! I wonder how you had any time to sleep!”

Your new employer didn’t need to know about how your senior year and post-grad was almost solely fueled by Shroom Shakes, DK Burnin’ Energy Drinks, and Triple-Shot Chuckoccinos... or the extracurriculars you didn’t list on your resumé for blowing off steam. “I hope that it will be enough to keep up with the Princess,” you said meekly.

“Oh, dear boy, I think you’ll have no trouble at all.” Toadsworth chortled. “In fact, I think you’ll fit right in, no question about it.” He took a sip of his tea. “Look at me, talking on and on like a old man. I forget what it was like to be new…”

[dreamdepot]

Me: It sure is great that the BotW Trilogy came to a conclusion and I don’t have to worry about new canon stuff. Now I can completely focus on other WIPs and new stu-

Nintendo: Ding dong, you are wrong

[dreamdepot]

That moment when you’ve completed the outline, you’ve drafted a good portion of the story, and then you realize you completely left out a huge moment in a character arc… leading to significant rewriting…