dresdenfilesincorrectquotes

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

The Monks: I'm sorry, Mouse, but we just have to let you go. Mouse: Aww, this some bullshit! What'd I do?! The Monks: You ate a guy! Mouse: Cassius? The Monks: Yeah! Mouse: Fuck Cassius! I'mma Foo Dog! What I'm gon' do--work at Applebees?! Later that day... Mouse, as a waiter at Applebees: Hello, welcome to Applebees. Customer: Aren't you Mouse? Mouse: Yeah. Customer: What are you doing here? Mouse: They fired me 'cause I ate a guy. Customer: Who? Mouse: Cassius. Customer: Fuck Cassius! Mouse: That's what I said!

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Susan: Look, it's a snake charmer! Harry: Ay, yo, snake? Snake Man: *looks up* Harry: *flirty smile* You cute as hell. Snake Man: *blushes, flattered* SSSSSSSTOP.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

*the gang standing over defeated demons*

Harry: What should we do with these guys? Burn them?

Molly: I brought marshmallows!

Rest of the gang: ......

Molly: Occasionally, I am callous and strange.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

*Harry and Thomas getting pulled over*

Harry: Let me handle this I have a way with cops

Harry: *rolling down his window* Hey officer jerkface.

Harry: Was the line too long at the donut shop so you had to take it out on us?

Harry: Couldn't catch any criminals today so you and to harass an innocent civilians?

Cop: .....

Harry: What a waste of my tax dollars.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Harry: *on the phone with Marcone while holding a goon in place* Why are you sending your second rate goons to kill me?

Second Rate Goon: *offended face*

Harry: If I'm not honest, how can you improve?

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

The Death of Carlos Ramirez

Surgeon #1: The patient didn't make it. It says he's an organ donor, right? Surgeon #2, holding the clipboard with the paperwork: Yes. Apparently, the patient said, "Just don't give my heart to no chick, heh heh!" Surgeon #1: He wrote the laugh??? Surgeon #2: He wrote the laugh.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Butters: Harry, you've lost a lot of blood.

Harry: Lost? But I know exactly where it is.

*he points to a large pool of blood*

Harry: There.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Murphy: Oh sweet the bartender knows how to make my favorite drink.

*pulls out handle of liquor"

Murphy: A bottle of whiskey

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Harry: Bob, you're a genius.

Bob: I'd take credit but the truth is life just isn't that hard.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Thomas: That's a rookie move, say all your insults to their face. No paper trail.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Harry: Doing magic without my staff or blasting rod is nearly impossible. It's like asking Michael to fight demons with a Nerf foam sword.

Michael: Damascus, 1996. It wasn't as difficult as you'd think.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Harry: *beats the shit out of Cassius* Michael: Come on, Harry, you're gonna kill him! Harry: *still beating the shit out of Cassius* Shut yo bitch ass up, Michael! Cassius: *getting the shit beaten out of him* Yeah, shut yo bitch ass up, Michael!

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Butters: You'd be shocked how much doctor work is stabbing people in the head.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Rudolph: Eat shit and die, Dresden.

Harry: Eat shit and live, Rudolph.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

*Murphy and Thomas are helping Harry with a case, so they're interrogating a drug dealer*

Thomas: Just tell us who you sold weed to in the last 24 hours.

Drug dealer: *points at Thomas*

Murphy: *glares*

Thomas: *visibly upset, strained tone* BESIDES ME, DICKHEAD.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Murphy: I will go find us a ride if you two can manage not to kill each other while I'm gone.

Goodman Grey: Oh, please. We're not children.

Murphy: *skeptical look, but walks away*

Harry: Eat shit and die.

Goodman Grey: Yes, fuck you.

*they both start giggling hysterically*

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Molly: Pick up all this trash on the floor! Ramirez: Babe, you know you're too heavy to pick up. Molly: *jaw drops* Ramirez: *snickering* Molly: ...I mean, you right, but SHIT--