#source: leverage

[teenwolfpackincorrectcaptions]

Stiles: Peter saved my life. Twice! Peter: Once. And a half. Scott: How do you half save someone's life? Peter: I was the one that was sent to kill him, so I figure that only counts as half, right? Scott: That actually makes sense.

[darkfaegaming]

Rhiannon: "Going to plan B?"

Violet: "Technically, that would be plan G."

Rhiannon: "How many plans do we have? Is there a plan M?"

Violet: "Yeah, Dain dies in Plan M."

Xaden: "I like plan M!"

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Harry: *on the phone with Marcone while holding a goon in place* Why are you sending your second rate goons to kill me?

Second Rate Goon: *offended face*

Harry: If I'm not honest, how can you improve?

[incorrectcreepypastafam]

Liu: did you just kill a guy with an appetizer

Jeff: I don’t know maybe

[emmikay]

Menelaus: So, what, that was plan Beta?

Odysseus: No, no, that's, ah, that's plan Mu.

Ajax the Greater: Don't I die in plan Mu?

Odysseus: Yeah, usually.

Ajax the Greater: What you mean, usually? How many plans do I die in?

Odysseus: Gamma, Zeta, aaaaaannnnnnd Mu through Pi.

Ajax the Greater: Gamma, that's a little close to home. You need to switch that up. How many plans does Nestor die in?

Odysseus: None. And Menelaus none. And Agamemnon… nnehh. So there is a plan where Diomedes comes out of it with a scar from the temple through the eye all the way down to his mouth-

Diomdes: Oh, that sounds really cool, actually.

Agamemnon: Wait, wait, wait, go back, hold on, let's-let's rewind--you skipped past me! You skipped past me.

Odysseus: Well, I have one, there is a plan, but it's evolving.

Agamemnon: Okay, that's creepy. Don't you think that's creepy? He’s planning my death.

[verycorrect-tbbquotes]

Nobody throws Crosshair off a roof. Except maybe me.

Wrecker

[incorrect-piltover-quotes]

Ezreal: Is it true that Jinx once spent three days in the trunk of a car waiting to scare you?

Caitlyn: No.

Jinx: It was five.

[ladymiraclewings]

Vassago: Give a mortal a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. But set a mortal on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. Stolas: …I don’t think that’s how it goes.

[the-black-bulls]

Magna: Give a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. But set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Finral: ...I don’t think that’s how it goes.

[autisticzenitsu]

Giyuu: What's that smell? Tengen: It's fresh air. Giyuu: I don't like it.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Rogue: So, what, the salt was plan B? Wizard: No, no, that's, ah, that's plan M. Sorcerer: Don't I die in plan M? Wizard: Yeah, usually. Sorcerer: What you mean, usually? How many plans do I die in? Wizard: C, F, and M through Q. Sorcerer: C, that's a little close to home. You need to switch that up. How many plans does Bard die in? Wizard: None. And Fighter none. And Rogue… nnehh. So there is a plan where Fighter comes out of it with a scar from the temple through the eye all the way down to their mouth- Fighter : Ooh! I'd look so cool with a scar! Rogue: Wait, wait, wait, go back, hold on, let's-let's rewind--you skipped past me! You skipped past me. Wizard: Well, I have one, there is a plan, but it's evolving. Rogue: Okay, that's creepy. Don't you think that's creepy? They're planning my death.

[teenwolfpackincorrectcaptions]

Derek: You do realize that stunt you pulled defines "out of control"? Stiles: I just wanted you to see that I would never put any of you at risk if I wasn't willing to take the same chances myself. Derek: I love how you think that's comforting.

[incorrect-tmnt2012-quotes]

Leo: Karai saved my life. Twice! Karai: Once. And a half. April: How do you half save someone's life? Karai: I was the one that was sent to kill him, so I figure that only counts as half, right? April: That actually makes sense.

[dresdenfilesincorrectquotes]

Harry: Doing magic without my staff or blasting rod is nearly impossible. It's like asking Michael to fight demons with a Nerf foam sword.

Michael: Damascus, 1996. It wasn't as difficult as you'd think.

[crybabycunt]

Kate: Did you hear about this? The Tracksuit Mafia are dropping people from 20 feet? It's unbelievable.

Yelena: I know, right? Twenty feet. Walk it off.

Kate: Yelena, you do know that normal people just don't "walk off" a 20 foot fall, right?

Yelena: So, all those times I pushed guys off a building, and they were all, 'AAAHHHH!,' they weren't just being funny?

Kate: No.

Yelena: Huh, I thought it was funny.

[silelda]

Price: Are you ready?

Soap: You realize what you're asking me to do is impossible?

Price: Here you go. *places orange soda on the table*

Soap: And my gummy frogs. I need my gummy frogs.