drew-pls-blog - Tumblr blog

[drew-pls-blog]

where

I'm not saying this because its cringy.

But i don't have any one to reach out to.

I don't want to ruin people's positivity and days.

I can't handle this on my own.

But i want to be strong.

But i've been enduring this for ages.

.

[drew-pls-blog]

i don’t know?

Things have been out...

of control?

i don’t know.

Earlier today i went out with a friend. One of the toxic ones.

The things that i should be doing is not open up to anyone.

i shouldn’t trust anyone.

Because... we are in high school 

and no one in my high school is worth knowing my feelings and thoughts.

so starting from today.

I’m keeping it all to myself.

Like I’ve always been trying to.

i’ll still seek.

[drew-pls-blog]

mind

my mind is driving me crazy 

it keeps reminding me of how i’m not going to change into a better person. 

and how 

oh the new you wouldn’t do that.

it keeps trying to bring me down.

it keeps trying to make me forget what i was doing that made me happy

in this case was

to not care.

but my mind keeps reminding me how i AM caring.

i must help myself and defeat these horrible reminders.

i need 

to not fall for its tricks.

I got this :-)

[drew-pls-blog]

split

i can’t think about what i want.

because

i feel like every time i do think about it

it’ll never come true.

its like, if i was to think about how much fun it would be to finally be employed and get a job then it wont happen.

and sometimes its true, sometimes it doesn’t happen and i blame my brain for even thinking about it.

[drew-pls-blog]

Ugly temptation

I ruin myself even more by trying to find someone in a community of "don't cares" who forces me to follow their rules or else they leave.

I don't think it is even the person i imagine eachtime i enter a chat.

But any reply from anyone would do at this moment.

I guess ill endure this weird feeling i have for now and call it "pain" so its less scary for myself.

I'll accept it and wait because... the princess never goes looking for the prince.

But am i worthy of being a princess?

[drew-pls-blog]

wait it out

people keep telling that my time will come.

its been forever

i hope its coming really soon!

[drew-pls-blog]

Will

will i find someone along with happiness before my 

time

is over?

[drew-pls-blog]

stand

I tell myself that I only need myself,

But myself kept on going out of its way to get with someone else.

[drew-pls-blog]

Held Captive

I have too many thoughts to process. So I will try my best to jot down all of my thoughts here before they scatter away.

I don’t like my friends. The people that I spend 6 - 7 hours a day with, I dislike them. You’re probably saying “well... get over them and find new people,” It’s not that easy as it sounds. My friends are specialists when it comes to other people’s flaws. They point out everything that is bad about a certain human being and laugh about their weaknesses. I basically have horrible experience with having friends my whole life so maybe it has contributed to my trust issues. Maybe i’m just being butt-hurt, or maybe i’m the wiser one.

I remember one day i had a fallout with one of my friends, she wasn’t getting my point and focused on her’s. I was furious and needed to vent. Let all my steam out, I guess it wasn’t a good idea to rant to another of your toxic friends... but i was desperate. 

I told them all about what happened, and she said that maybe she wasn’t replying or focusing on my points because she’s being more mature.

I digress a lot. I have so many topics that i want to talk about and i feel like i am running out of time and if i don’t type fast enough, the really important thoughts in my head will deteriorate.  

People always told me that it is good to be ‘humble’.

My friends don’t appreciate it, they take advantage of my humbleness and lock me up. 

What if you just started to find yourself but someone suddenly takes your personality?

horrible.