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I decided to start on another writing project, see where it goes. So far I have 2 000 words of Neil getting off a bus. Wtf am I doing.

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Another thing about the twins that makes me obsessed, is that despite the strained relationship where each believe the other hates him, they still don't want to be apart.

Tilda robbed them of the experience to grow up together. They didn't even know the other existed. In their older years, they're able to choose to be together instead of separation, a direct overruling of Tilda's decision from over a decade ago.

Sure Tilda's death soured what could've been, and the diy bathroom rehab didn't help, but regardless Aaron and Andrew stuck beside each other cuz deep within they craved having a brother no matter what the cost. Andrew never physically hurts Aaron. Throughout the entire trilogy and sequel trilogy, we read Andrew putting hands on rival teams and basically every Fox, including Nicky/Neil/Kevin at one point. Aaron is the only exception. The only time Andrew could've been interpreted to hurt Aaron was when he tugged Aaron's hair, worriedly asking if Drake got to his twin cuz Aaron didn't verify "yes or no" as he was shocked from witnessing Andrew get abused and then killing Andrew's abuser and then having said abuser's blood on his clothes

Everyone accepts Andreil being glued at the hip confirming their bets, but Aaron is the only one that makes sure Neil isn't taking advantage of Andrew. Understandable because Aaron already knows that Neil is a manipulative half‐truther who did anything he could to stay with the Foxes and be in Andrew's inner circle. Aaron saw the lengths Neil is willing to go just to play exy/defy the mafia/yakuza and be near Andrew a little longer, it makes sense that he tests to see if it's genuine attraction/trust acted upon.

The most we ever got of Andrew and Aaron saying their real feelings toward each other was the tragic Thanksgiving at Uncle Luther's, their stilted conversation of making sure the other is okay. Like so much was said in so little. Where is Nicky and Kevin and Wymack and Bee's pov of the twins? Please I need it

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Fam (I say to people I've never interacted with), guess what, I wrote a thing!

I got stuck on the idea that after the Andreil reveal, all the foxes would box up Neil in the "gay" category. I’m fascinated by what the union of a demi and a gay man could mean for the couple of all times: andreil.

But I went soft on them. Might be slightly OC because I needed them to bother with it and to use actual words.

So enjoy! It's short (well it’s a one-shot, so kinda?) and funny and ends sweetly.

Fandom: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic Rating: Teens and up Warnings: Nope Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard Characters: Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard, Nicky Hemmick, Aaron Minyard, Kevin Day, Matt Boyd, Dan Wilds, Renee Walkers, Allison Reynolds Additional Tags: Demisexual Neil Josten, Gay Andrew Minyard, Sexual identity crisis, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Protective Andrew Minyard, if you squint, pest Nicky, Neil is unbothered, until he is, No beta we die like riko, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon

Summary

“All I’m saying is, with hair and eyes like yours ― don’t look at me like that, you know you’re a vision, cutie ― with eyes like yours you could really pull off some more vibrant colors. I’ve got half a mind to dress you as a rainbow to see what sticks, you know. Oh! Now that’s an idea: rainbows! Now that you’re gay and all, maybe you could ―” “I'm not gay.” A strange and uneasy silence falls heavy on those close by in a real-life record scratch moment. Foxes exchange furtive glances between each other, stopped in their tracks in whatever stretch they were in, which Neil can’t help but notice when the easy murmurs of conversations closest to him stop. Or: 4 times Nicky pesters Neil about his sexuality, and one time Neil opens up on the subject to Andrew. Kind of a 5+1 thing, but I got lazy so you get 4+1.

Bonus: my favorite sentence in the whole thing is a metaphor about buffalos. Come tell me if you liked it as well (buffalos: yea or nay?)

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pre-Andrew teenage Aaron Minyard. Getting the girls he dates off in the school bathrooms so he’s invited to bonfires and house parties and behind the bleachers where they’ll share drugs they nabbed with him. Competing with other boys seeing if they can do a line quick while the teacher’s out of the class. Only showering at school before/after Exy practise, sometimes sneaking in when it’s urgent because they’re low on money for the water bill. Being dumped by a girl and moving on instantaneously to whoever can provide drugs because it’s the only source of physical contact he has. Going to and from school every single day knowing that one day, his mother could overdose and die right there in the living room and he’d be none the wiser. Sneaking out of the window when his mother and a new dealer start having sex and wanting to stay and fight and defend her but things get scary fast and running away to a girl’s house is easier and having to use to escape the guilt and terror. Stumbling on the streets and needing to grip onto railings he’s so disorientated. Taping up his shoes with duct tape. Unnoticable limping because they’re too small and tight. Rashes all up and down his arms and back from the lack of vitamins and his scratching.

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for all my jeandrew bestfriendism truthers out there...

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Can't let the original notes die. And let me add to it.

Picture this : Kevin doesn't think it's not normal. After all, Andrew is his partner, and in the nest, your partner was also privy to your private activities. Does he think it's weird to be called on specifically for this while Andrew has no qualm about letting Kevin out of his sight for other stuff? Yes. Sure. But also, like, it's not like his angry little bodyguard ever made sense to him.

He's hoping that by sitting quietly in his corner, he's going to score brownie points for good behavior and get Andrew to join them on the court during night practice. He spends his time daydreaming about exy with big smooch noises in the background - or more (he blocks it all, his exy passion is all consuming). To each their fantasies.

aftg but neil is genuinely wholeheartedly under the impression that andrew and kevin are boyfriends. which is basically just the first book and half of the second but i mean we let him keep that energy the whole way through. andrew says he'd blow him and neil is like ??? pretty sure kevin would take issue with that??? and andrew, thinking neil is referencing their deal, is like ??? kevin doesn't care what i do when im away from him??? and neil is like ??? but you're always with him when im around??? and andrew is like ??? i would tell him to go away??? and neil is like ??? i don't think you should do that??? and andrew is like ??? u mean u want him to watch??? and neil is like ??? i didn't agree to this but if i was going to then yes, im not going to make you send kevin away??? and anyway this is how both andrew and neil operate under the assumption that the other is angling to enter a throuple with one another and kevin day and kevin has no clue about any of this

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Firmly believe that once all the Neil and Andrew bets are closed out the upperclassmen start betting on kandreil. Who knows what they really get up to during "night practice".

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Jean who has been beaten, bled and carved for years, Jean who could not even get ibuprofen for his pain and was expected to play through pain, deep bruises like permanent tattoos and broken limbs. Jean who used to wish someone would just hold him through the pain, to not be left alone with it.

Slowly healing Jean who sees this little scrap of a dog, ugly to the bone, but under their care. He's so small, so pitiful. Under his fur, Jean knows his leg is smaller than two of his own fingers. He thinks of his own "brittle bones" affliction. And he can't. He just can't tolerate the sight of Jabber whimpering, wrestling with an apparatus that prevents him from soothing himself with his licks, the only way he knows how. He can't let Jabber feel like no one cares he's injured. So he keeps the little demon close and makes sure he's comfortable and distracted.

He won't pet him, though. He sees himself too much in the humid black eyes looking up at him, begging for love, and it stirs all sorts of complicated feelings he refuses to poke at or acknowledge. So he tells the beast to play with a stern voice instead, and throws the little shark toy (but not far, cause Jab can't run). He lets the other 3 fuss over him.

At night, when Jeremy is back with his blood family and the girls are in their room, at the hour when the darkness has a weight and a presence, little Jab comes sniffing for comfort. And even though Jean has been adamant that he wouldn't let him drag his animal filth on his bedding, in the anonymity and secret of the night, he lifts his annoying shadow with careful hands and secures him on his side, a calming hand hovering close in an offering he won't admit to himself. And when a wet little nose nuzzles against him and huffs in contentment, a warm breath is released by two pairs of lungs at the same time. This moment of stolen tenderness is as much for Jab as it is for Jean.

Jabberwocky gets injured (😨😨😨), it’s nothing serious, but now he has to wear this damn cone to prevent him from irritating the wound. No one really expected Jean to be the one who freaks out the most. “He is not comfortable, Jeremy, do we really need to put that thing on the beast?”, “He tried to take it off, he’s hurting himself, don’t you see?!”, “How is he going to sleep in that thing? No, I’m taking it off, I will keep an eye on him so he’s not licking the stitches”. But then also “….he looks ridiculous”, and Jean takes a photo of poor Jab looking like a sad cosmo dog. But he immediately goes back to fussing around Jabberwocky, and it takes all of Jeremy’s willpower to not say “you’re doing amazing, daddy”

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A lot of normal people view their identity through things like, events that shaped them as people, experiences and loved ones and traumas. Most of us, see it as a collection of things right? passions and hobbies and memories and thoughts and words said to us

and then there’s Andrew and Neil. their identity? weirdly enough, for a period of overlapping time, both of them could sum up their identity as simply “Kevin”

Kevin the man you are, and here’s why

Neil clung onto Kevin for years, because Kevin is the only trace left of Nathaniel. Kevin was the anchor of Neil’s identity, the real one that nobody knew anymore. He was what kept Neil in touch with reality and reminded him who he is and where he is and why.

Andrew had no purpose, not even Exy could count, that was just a means to an end. He protects Nicky and Aaron, but neither of them asked for it, Aaron doesn’t even want him to. But here comes Kevin, begging Andrew to keep him safe. And in exchange, he sees Andrew, sees him truly, even the parts of hope and innocence buried so deep evem Andrew doesn’t believe are there. Kevin gives Andrew a reason to stay in the present, but he also promises him a future.

and ironically enough, Kevin and his identity are a mess. This is a man, barely an adult really, that grew up in a cold cult and an even colder shadow. He doesn’t know who he is outside of Exy. But he’s the crutch of who Andrew and Neil are as people, and that’s gonna have to do for now.

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various trojans trying to add on the WAIT NO IM SO SORRY addendum when they try to make a joke about the french always surrendering and jean thinks it’s a dig at his personal history being perceived as cowardice and just looks sort of sad and they go NONONONOT YOU

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in evermore everyone and everything was so free of boundaries that sometimes, on the mundane stretches of days the ravens amassed into a one-thinking one-feeling machine with nothing to seperate or distinguish each other. a nameless being. kevin over periods of days would be unable to know which thoughts were his or riko’s. jean felt the injuries the other players took just as viciously as if they were his own. zane could feel eyes on him and they were grayson’s hungry stare as much as they were riko’s scorn, jean’s fear, colleen’s wariness. when riko slices up jean’s skin it’s every bit self-harm as it is torture but he needs it because he was the only one in there with knives. there were moments where grayson completely wholeheartedly forgot the name of his little brother outside the nest, forgot that he had one to begin with. same with cameron and cody. there were moments where jasmine forgot her own name, and confused it with her partner’s. whenever one raven’s name is called out in class the other ravens present react and turn their heads.

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I love how’s Aaron’s friend group family consists of: his cousin, his identical twin brother, his twin’s boyfriend, and their adopted third wheel… acclaimed Exy star Kevin Day. Like, imagine trying to explain to your girl and her friend group that you’re going to Columbia with your family & those 4 fuckers show up dressed ready to go to a gay club.

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The most wonderful thing about Andrew, I think, is how he never gives up on himself. He keeps getting up even when he sees nothing on the horizon yet, and makes a deal with a broken boy to find him something to live for. To build a future around. He bounds with Bee and commits to therapy.

He was kissing boys in juvie! He was not deterred by his less than enviable circumstances and still explored his sexuality, not letting what had been done to him close off that part of him, coming up with boundaries that make it possible. When he finds a boy he likes, even though he can't believe he's real, he still puts himself out there (in his brash way, but still) and reaches for what he wants. He is out there fighting his battles every day, and trudges along the jagged path of healing.

He is a force of nature and nothing can put him down. Not even himself, because he tries his very best for a real life, a better life.

the thing is that every time I think too much about andrew I want to curl up and cry.

precious andrew doe, lost in the system since his first breath. moving from house to house but never finding a home; learning how to be quiet, how to patch himself up, how to keep everything inside or else he wouldn’t get up anymore. saying please and being ignored.

and yet after everything he’s still just a little kid with hope and want in his heart; he wants cass to be his mom, he wants a family, he wants to be loved, he wants a home. he’s ready to sacrifice everything to get it, he’s ready to deal with drake and pain and blood if it means he’ll finally have something.

but not aaron. never aaron.

so he gives up on the only thing he wants to protect a brother he has never met. to keep him safe from his own nightmares.

andrew minyard who has dealt with monsters his whole life, with predators and abusers, just to be called a monster by his own team. called crazy and a sociopath and dangerous and violent by his own family, the same people he protects every day.

andrew minyard who has to make deals with people because he thinks no one will stick around if he has nothing to offer, who always keeps his word while no one does the same for him. andrew minyard who protects what little he has left of himself behind a wall of apathy and detachment.

and yet. and yet.

he still wants. he still hopes. he still loves. just in his own way.

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Kevin third wheeling so well everyone thinks they're driving a spyder bike, while Kevin believed himself cramped in the sidecar.

We need a fic of this. Does it exist? It's a need at this point, doctor, I might die without it.

obsessed with the idea of cody going to kevin and asking how on earth he managed to talk to andreil about it, trying to get advice for their own throuple troubles and kevin is just like 😐😑😐 "what" 😐😑😐 which leads to weeks of kevin overthinking every single interaction he has with andrew and neil

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The way Jeremy's family genuinely expect him to enter a lavender marriage for their reputation is honestly diabolical and we don't talk about it enough. Obviously they'd love it if he magically became straight but at this point I think that as long he pretended to be straight and lived a life of misery permanently hiding who he is, never finding love or having sex with someone he's attracted to ever again, that would be good enough for them, because at the end of the day all they care about is their image, they don't care if it makes him miserable. They'd prefer it if he suddenly realised he liked women because they wouldn't have to worry so much that he'd go back to being gay if he was able to genuinely love a woman like that and was happy, but ultimately they don't care if he's happy, only if he presents himself in a way they find acceptable

I also think a part of Mathilda actually thinks Jeremy is just choosing to be gay to be difficult. That he's deliberately doing it to piss her off and embarrass the family, that it's an act of petty rebellion. I think she sees a lot of what he does as an act of rebellion, which is supported by the fact he DID refuse to take the wilshire name. But literally everything: being gay, playing exy, not wanting to be a lawyer, dying his hair, doing drugs as a teenager etc etc when the reality is half of that is just who he is, the doing drugs and other reckless behaviours were just due to him really struggling mentally, and the silly little things like dying his hair are just him having fun! But she views literally every choice he makes that she doesn't explicitly approve of as him choosing to rebel, or trying to get a rise out of her. And she feels all of these things are things she can stamp out of him and "get him in line", which is why she is genuinely delusional enough to think she can get him to marry a woman, because she can't accept that being gay is just who he is, she thinks it's just another childish rebellious behaviour that she'll force him to "grow out of". And that's why it doesn't matter if he's happy, it just matters that he's in line, she can't see further than her own nose, everything is about her. Jeremy being gay (and loudly gay) is him trying to embarrass her, Jeremy marrying a woman is him being a dutiful son whether he's happy or not. In her eyes it's all about her, and not at all about him

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outsider perspective of neil josten will never not be the funniest thing in the world to me like wdym this no-name, no-reputation kid was picked up by the most infamous d1 team in the league and proceeds to 1. insult one of the most famous college players on live tv, 2. claim his notoriously bad team is going to beat a team who has never lost, 3. spends christmas break with that team and comes back with red hair, blue eyes, and a face tat that’s basically the equivalent of that same famous player’s seal of approval, 4. says that the face tat is meaningless and insults the team & player to reporters, 5. gets kidnapped during a riot after a game, 6. comes back with a ton of injuries that are clearly from torture (including a burn mark where the face tat was, 7. be revealed as the son of an infamous serial killer (who’s dead now, btw), 8. play in a totally different position than normal during finals and actually succeed in both playing that position and winning the game against the undefeated team, 9. almost get murdered by the famous player on live tv for having the audacity to win like ??? honestly idk if it’s funnier to imagine all of this from a PSU fan’s perspective or from a fan of like, some team in the west who’s just watching all of this from a distance like “hahaha what the fuck is happening over there??”

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It's the law of diminishing return. The closer to the top, the more effort you have to put to move the needle.

But also, let's not pretend that being sun deprived, sleep deprived, worked like a machine, told to push through injuries on the court instead of healing, and having no (healthy) support system is good for someone's performance. There's a reason they all crash a couple years into going pro.

Those books are insane y'all.

It’s so funny to me that the foxes and the Trojans can come so close to the ravens rank wise. You mean the ravens trained 16 hours a day, lived and breathed in pairs, beat tf outta each other, trained by the literal creator of the sport, and studied angles/ racket weight meanwhile the Trojans have hotpot and bubble tea outings after a lap in the pool?

Like they really did a LOT for not much difference huh