dumbdecisions - Tumblr blog

[dumbdecisions]

lol ain’t no one reading the whole 3000 word essay i just posted lmao

[dumbdecisions]

Does anyone else touch their body a lot to feel how skinny they are or is that just me?

[dumbdecisions]

my bf woke up from a nap at 7:30pm and i was on my phone just chilling and he asked me like 3 or 4 times if i’m ok and i said i was (i was saying it because i was and not in any bad way or anything if that makes sense) and he got all quiet and then he started sighing like he was annoyed or something and then got up and started stomping around the house and slamming doors and i was like ?? ok and then his face changed when he came back in the room like he was kissed of and i literally didn’t know what was going on , and then he put on his headphone and asked him “what’s wrong?” and he ignored me and then i asked again and he said nothings wrong and then i said “this guy” and sighed and then he said “what i’m just listening to music” and i said “why are you acting like that and then he got pissed off and left the room and was stomping around again (he ignored me the first time on purpose when i asked what was wrong and then started cleaning up) and then i went down to go for a walk and then he was glaring at me and i wanted to talk it out and then he kept saying that i was making things up but i said that he was making issues out of nothing and creating problems for whatever reason and he said i was wrong and that i was making it up. mind you i’ve lived with this man for 3 almost 4 years and i know how he works and i know his pattern for when he’s pissed or mad idk and then he was like gaslighting me

so idk if i’m wrong or not but i could feel something building up

and i felt it last night bc he asked to lie in my bed w me last night (we sleep in separate beds atm bc we are renovating our house and don’t have a bed together yet) and then he made out like he wanted to cuddle and then he asked “can you give me a back rub” and i was really tired and also had back pain and said no bc i was tired and he sighed and ignored me last night bc i said that. like i know when something is wrong and idk if i’m just imagining it i know know one on here knows me personally but can someone tell me if i’m wrong or not bc i don’t even know at this point. like idk

we’re going abroad in less than two weeks to be w his family and i get money (benefit money for mental illness) and i have to cancel it all in order to go bc it’s illegal to go for longer than a month or two so i’ve had to cancel it all and he said his dad will pay me so i don’t “lose out on money” which is fine i’m grateful but i’m losing my only independence i have just to go with him abroad

idk i think i’m overreacting or if this is an actual issue

[dumbdecisions]

lol so i’ve lost 2kg in about 6 days so 14 more i think i can do it

[dumbdecisions]

almost 5pm and i’ve only had 2 matcha lattes no food i’m getting back on track

[dumbdecisions]

just ate a bowl of instant pho 245kcal

only thing i’ve eaten today worried my bf will make me eat dinner

[dumbdecisions]

so i’ve only been drinking 1 or 2 matcha lattes (low cal made myself) and only eating half of my normal portion of dinner, it’s been a few days so i’m seeing some difference in my body like my stomach is flatter but i need to lose weight fast bc im meeting my bf’s family soon and they are the type of ppl that associate being skinny w healthy so they’ll think i’m fat and then i’ll be so embarrassed and disgusted w myself so i need to lose as much as possible but it’s hard bc my bf always watches what i eat so i can’t let him figure out i’ve relapsed again otherwise he’ll freak out

[dumbdecisions]

is it possible to lose 16kg in 2 months ?

bc i gained weight but i’m not fat but i’m not skinny either so idk but i will try my best

[dumbdecisions]

i need motivation but my bf and i always eat together so i can’t restrict bc if i don’t eat he don’t don’t eat i’m like ok bro we’re not conjoined you can eat whenever you want to

[dumbdecisions]

lol i’m back

[dumbdecisions]

[dumbdecisions]

i think i’ve hit a plateau lol i’m not losing weight since my period ended .. tips on how to get out of a plateau ?

[dumbdecisions]

lol i have 2 and a half months to lose roughly 16kg fml

tips ? i have no trouble restricting its just hard being around ppl who want you to eat lol

[dumbdecisions]

[dumbdecisions]

[dumbdecisions]

stupid to think i could water fast on my period … like no i need to eat lol i failed miserably i ate and then i baked cookies (i didn’t eat them yet but i was bored and wanted to bake lol)

[dumbdecisions]

i did my best and that’s all that matters (i didn’t)