dunmer-does-a-crime

[dunmer-does-a-crime]

Prior to being in charge of all the guilds:

Vilkas: what did you do?

Dragonborn: okay, but promise you won’t get mad at me.

Vilkas: WHAT did you do.?

Dragonborn: okay, well I was minding my own business…

Vilkas: BULLSHIT!!

Dragonborn: but I waaaaaas!

[dunmer-does-a-crime]

Post-Heist Clarity (when things went terribly wrong)

Dragonborn: the real treasure was the memories we made along the way.

Mercer: I almost died!

Dragonborn: That was my fondest memory!

[dunmer-does-a-crime]

When your whole family gets killed because of a betrayal

Dragonborn: I’m playing a new drinking game. Every-time I’m depressed, I take a drink!

Nasir: That game exists, it’s called alcoholism.

[dunmer-does-a-crime]

An uneventful day at the Sanctuary

Dragonborn: Astrid, truth or dare?

Astrid: Dare.

Dragonborn: I dare you to kiss the prettiest guy in the Sanctuary! And notice I charitably said ‘guy’ and not person! Because let’s face it, I’d smoke all you bitches!

[dunmer-does-a-crime]

Jarl Balgruff: We need to discuss the letters that you’ve had the courier giving out.

Dragonborn: It’s an important update!

Jarl Balgruff: It just says that ‘you’re back on your bullshit.’

Dragonborn: The people need to know!

[dunmer-does-a-crime]

Brynjolf: I don’t think I can manipulate, mansplain, manwhore my way out of this!

My assassin Dragonborn: Manslaughter it is!