eanotherdamnblog

[eanotherdamnblog]

Completely forgot about 911 for a while but now that I’ve watched it again and I’m seeing Buck and Tommy… I kind of don’t like Eddie and Buck anymore??? Like it feels like Tommy is so much more committed and honest and Eddie feels kind of toxic in how he doesn’t speak his mind and is super petty. I still like his character I just don’t think I want Buddie anymore.

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Bucks old friend has come into town to visit. She’s a firey woman with a quick mouth and loud laugh, quickly becoming friends with everyone.

At some point Hen and Karen mention going to a queer club night that had a drag Queen doing some comedy and Bucks friend perks up instantly, “OH! Do you guys wanna see when we turned Bucky-boo into a drag queen?” Instantly everyone is sitting up in their seats and nodding, all of them asking questions and teasing Buck as the man blushes bright red.

The woman hooks her phone up the the TV and shows a video of young Buck sitting in a chair as two of his friends, the person whose showing the video and a man with half a face of make up, put a base layer of make up on his face. They watch as the three joke around while applying dark blues and blacks into Bucks eyes, giving him purple lips and putting big dangly earrings in. They watch in amusement as Buck struggles to walk in heels and give him genuine compliments when they see him in a short black skirt that twirls when he gives a test spin. Hen makes a joke about his fake boobs being the same size as hers only for Chim to say they still are. The long blond wig is perfect for him, a few strands coming down to frame his face as they put in up in a high pony tail.

The night ends with the 118 calling Buck Miss Connie Fusa, all laughing as they go their separate ways.

Unsurprisingly is Karen and Bobby who see what Buck is either trying to hide or denying. They saw how shocked he was in the video to see himself and how his eyes shone with a light they rarely see. They go to Maddy and she explains that she tried to tell Buck he could keep dressing up and be a drag queen or even just a woman, but the blond refused, saying he wouldn’t fit.

Karen isn’t going to let another queen person down and Bobby isn’t going to let his son hide away from his true self.

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Oliver Stark’s Tattoo Guide Part 1

Here’s a quick guide to all the tattoos Oliver has. This is for anyone who wants to see what they are and the placements of all his tattoos as of recent 😏

Arms

A majority of Oliver’s tattoos are scattered around his arms. The only one we never get to visibly see is his wrist tattoo because he himself has mentioned how much he hates it. But starting from his right arm…

We have his wrist tattoo which can be a quote or some kind of symbol. Because he always gets it covered for the show and has mentioned he doesn’t like it, we don’t have any clear photos of what it is.

Then we have a cute doodle on the inside of his forearm. I have no clue as to what it actually is but it’s a fine line tattoo for sure.

The infamous two bands that circle his forearm. They don’t have any actual meaning. He just thought they’d be cool to have so he got two bands wrapped around his forearm.

Then he has a skull behind his right bicep that they cover for the show.

On his upper right shoulder, almost by his collarbone, he has the word Hordearii tattooed. He got that as his first tattoo dedicated to his veganism. He got that along with the four X’s we see on his ribs. Hordearii actually translates to “barely men” which was what Gladiator’s were referred to. Gladiators were known to have their own gladiator diet, which was mainly vegetarian, consisting of wheat, barely, and beans. It goes hand in hand with Oliver’s veganism. He got it along with the XXXX. The XXXX on his ribs, is to symbolize the 40,000 animals killed every second to put food on human's plates. These two tattoos are in honor of his veganism.

On his left arm, he has a couple more tattoos. On his shoulder he has a symbol that is the number 3 with a tiny x on top. I don’t know exactly what that’s supposed to represent honestly. He’s never really talked about it.

If you take a look at the previous two photos, you can see he has another small doodle on the inside of his left forearm. I personally think it looks like a hand holding a lasso/fishing net but I could be wrong. Open to interpretation lol.

On the inside of his left bicep, he has the null sign (∅).

Then he has the infamous Michaelangelo quote on his left forearm. The quote is “I saw the Angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.” He’s stated in an early interview how he dislikes that tattoo because he hates the font and thinks it’s too big. He got it when he was a bit younger.

His newest tattoos are also on his left arm! He recently got two new tattoos while he was in London. One tattoo is of two beautiful flowers and the other is of a burnt candle. They are both flash tattoos and the flowers are from the artist’s Virgo collection and the burnt candle from her Sagittarius collection. They represent those Astrological Signs.

He also got a beautiful, delicate hummingbird on his left shoulder. You can see the bones of the hummingbird and I just find it really nice. It seems to be very on brand for the kind of tattoos he likes.

Then he got another flash tattoo on his left forearm from the artist’s Taurus collection which appears to be a woman with two horns and some flowers in the middle of the horns. This is essentially a bull, which is what the sign of Taurus represents.

As you can see, he got 2 more tattoos on his left forearm while he was in London. The outside of the forearm is the woman with horns. Meanwhile the inside of his forearm seems to be another piece that is similar to the burnt candle. It is in a triangle but we don’t have any picture of what is inside it or what Astrological Sign it represents.

Chest & Ribs

Oliver has a few on his chest/ribs. I’ve already mentioned the XXXX above.

On his right upper chest, he has this intricate geometric tattoo, which includes of a circle, triangle, and square intertwined together.

He also has the anatomical heart inside the head on his lower left rib. It’s honestly my personal favorite tattoo! I believe it means that he usually thinks with his heart instead of his brain. He’s talked about this in an early interview.

Legs

Finally, Oliver has two tattoos on his legs. The first one is on his left calf and it’s a quote that says, "But, my friend, you have not killed me just yet..." This one is very much a hidden gem because a lot of people don’t really know about it. The lettering is very small and he barely shows it off.

His newest tattoo is on his right upper thigh, which says AMOR FATI. That translates to “Love of fate” or “Love of one’s fate.”

I will say he got 5 tattoos while he was in London and we don’t have pictures of what the other 2 look like for sure. So unfortunately this isn’t complete because he does have plans to get some more in the very near future! I will update with part 2 when we get some better pictures of what they look like, along with any new ones he gets!! 💜

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Buck used to have long hair. It was bright blond like his mothers and trailed down to his lower back. It was his pride and joy, something that made him feel in control and rebellious. He only cut it by a inch every few years to keep it healthy and thick, so it would flow beautifully. His sister would braid it for him before school, sometimes weaving in little pieces of jewellery or charms. He got bullied for it, but he was already the troubled kid who got into fights to protect the little guy, being dress coded was nothing to him.

Eventually he was forced to cut it. He was sixteen when his dad told him he had to cut his hair, that it was too long and no one would hire him despite Buck already having a casual worker job. Unsurprisingly, his parents waiting until Maddy wasn’t home to do it, cutting it right there so he was forced to get it done professionally or be left with half minted hair. He sobbed into Maddy’s embrace that night, feeling like the last of his freedom was finally snatched from him. Maddy took him out at 1am that night to go swimming in the closed pool.

It’s when Maddy and Chim find an old photo album and see Bucks hairs former glory that Chim manages to convince his friend to grow it out again.

Bobby decided to show hi support of Buck gaining more physical confidence in expressing himself but mentioning small things like how Buck could grow a beard or how natural hair dye was allowed for firefighters.

Hen is the one who helps him dye his roots black, making a subtle faded look.

Athena is the one who brings out her old charms she wore, having braided them into a small part of her hair for a few months of her life before she got bored.

Eddie, who had been smiling so much lately and often had his fingers hurried in a growing mop of blond, helps Buck by learning hairstyles with Maddy’s help. He learns braids and twist, buns and bows. Part of him, a selfish and giddy part, is only doing it to feel that hair and make sure it never changes.

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CW: spanking and pain play

Eddie knows that Buck needs danger and thrill. The man can’t survive without his blood rushing and being able to welcome soreness and pain with open arms. But, now that the two are together, Eddie had an idea to satiate that part of his partner without him risking his life.

It’s only once a week, sometimes two, when the work week is about to begin and Buck needs to be given something to keep his mind in check. Sometimes Eddie has to start it, taking off his belt or sitting a paddle on the coffee table so Buck knows to prepare himself for a beating. Other times, Buck rush ahead and pick out a specific paddle, usually something more painful that Eddie would pick out, and present his bare ass to Eddie with either a gag or blindfold on.

When they go so far as to make Buck welt or even bleed they take the next day off so Eddie can live and worry over his lover.

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Thinking about Buck watching Fleabag and just sobbing and needing a day off work

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CW: nsfw, BDSM, pet play

While everyone knows Buck as a sex addict, not many people know exactly what Buck likes. He’s a big fan of a good old fuck without any bells and whistles, he really likes the bells and whistles. As most people he knew around the time, he started with the bondage and spa bling, but he quickly found his love in the dynamics. Buck adored being a hard hitting but sweet talking dominate just as much as he enjoyed being a bratty and begging submissive. He tried several things like wax play, orgasm control, a chastity cage… god he tried so many things it made him dizzy. He found his limits with the help of his friend and learnt the need for safe words the hard way, yet Buck only learnt his true favourite play when he met Eddie.

Buck was open with his kinks to Eddie as soon as their relationship started to get sexual. He expressed how much he likes spanking and gags, how he doesn’t need them but it makes sex feel so good for him he truely hoped Eddie would be okay with it. Eddie, being the supportive boyfriend he was, accepted such things and only asked Buck to tell him more of his experience with things like scenes and bdsm. Buck couldn’t help the glee that flooded his brain when he saw Eddie shifting in his seat after Buck mentioned how much he liked a possessive partner. It was after they both made a list of unchangeable ‘no’s that Eddie bought up the only kink of his own.

Buck had heard of Pet Play numerous times, yet he never really took note of it. Yet, as Eddie explained to him how much he adored being able to belittle yet praise his partner as they fall deep into the mindless headspace of a pet… Buck is desperate to try. Eddie insist he does his own research first, suggesting a few sights.

Buck doesn’t mind being called Kitten, but it doesn’t feel quiet right.

Buck likes being called Puppy, yet something still feels missing.

Buck loves, more than anything, being called Bunny.

Eddie realises it ties into other kinks of his, like being a rope bunny and his breeding kink. Bunny fits perfectly for the over energetic yet shy man, making him feel small and vulnerable just as much as he feels valued and pretty.

It helps both of them greatly. Being able to set a day aside every week or two just to give up control to the other and lock themselves away into a world of their own helps both of them get back to work and out of bed.

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CW: implied nsfw, toxic relationships

Buck and was so happy when Eddie kissed him. His whole world seemed to brighten right in front of him as Eddie cupped his face and pushed him down onto the couch. He felt so loved and wanted as his friend kissed over his body, a pleasure so deep thrumming through his veins as he talked Eddie through prepping and fucking him. It was perfect, like a dream coming true. Nothing could be better in Bucks life now that he had Eddie, now that he didn’t need to hide his affection and desire, he was free to be with the man he love-

“So… casual sex buddies?”

…

…..

………

Buck hadn’t cried, hadn’t shouted or said anything about the aching hurt that bleed into his mind and heart. He acted like he was who he used to be, just someone wanting the bliss of sex and heat around his cock or pressing into his ass. He acted happy and excited to have a fuck buddy, to be able to release stress with his best friend.

Not even Maddy knew how he went home that night and sobbed for hours. No one would ever be told how he whimpered in agony as his heart broke inside his chest, as he realised he was only ever going to be good for his body. He couldn’t help himself from smacking his fisted hands into his head, hoping to remove the memory of the man he lived casually saying he just wanted a sex partner while he looked for a partner to love. He said nothing, not a breath of a word. About the broken plates and glasses he had to clean up the next morning. Eddie was left under the assumption that Buck enjoyed the sex they had, that he was happy for them to just fuck and then head home or to work. Buck pretends that he ain’t only doing it to feel Eddie’s hands on his body, to taste his lips and hear the words of praise he utters in the throws of his pleasure. He pretends that he hasn’t had a single fuck with his friend without sobbing and vomiting as soon as he was alone. He pretends he’s happy for Eddie when he goes on a few dates, let’s Eddie bend him over his own kitchen island and fuck hum raw when that partner doesn’t work out and he wants to take his frustration out on someone.

Buck pretends, most of all, to be happy.

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Buck can’t work again. The lightening strike caused his anxiety levels to raise dangerously high. He wants to work, he needs to, but sometimes he can’t physically move due to his own fear and worries and he’s still working through the stutter he now suffers with. He was instantly too scared to be alone and stayed with his sister for several weeks, gradually gaining the courage to be alone for a whole day. But it isn’t enough, he needs to be busy and going out isn’t exactly an option unless it’s clear skies and he’s got a full report of current weather.

It’s unsurprisingly Bobby’s idea for him to move in with Eddie. Being ‘forced’ to help Chris with basic things like school work or dinner is bound to help him, same with keeping the naturally messy house clean. Eddie is on board immediately and with one excited squeal from Chris, Buck is sold. They decided to find a new place both for more room and so Buck can keep his new service dog. The place is perfect and everyone instantly sees the difference in him as he goes about painting the walls, decorating and redecorating what he feels could be better. He starts projects like new shelves and a garden, buys ten new cook books in a single day and does every single dish in just a few months. He’s not as strong as he was before, still moving slowly and at times with delay if he’s exhausted, but he’s so much brighter than he’s ever been. Athena says he’s glowing and Maddy smiles, knowing deep down the reason her baby brother is doing so well is because of his new role. Some might say he’s become typical ‘house wife’ and Maddy would be inclined to agree. Even as him and Eddie slowly become more confident with each other and let themselves be loved and live in return, she can see how her brother thrives as a parent and partner.

Maddy sobs into her husbands arm the night when Buck tells her that him and Eddie are looking to adopt, so proud of who her brother has become despite how he was raised. Chimney just smiles, “of course he’s hood, you raised him.”

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CW: panic attack

Something, maybe a firework or loud crash, causes Eddie to have flashbacks to his time serving. It’s happened before, but this time he was at home and unguarded by a work mindset, so he knows before it even starts that he’s going to have a panic attack. He instantly wants to go check on his son but he can’t move, too busy crouching at the kitchen counter and trying to figure out if it’s him breathing so heavily or someone else. It sounds too far away to be him. He feels vomit building in his throat, the sour sting of bile doing nothing to ground him and only reminding him more of the crash that gave him that damn medal. Eddie genuinely tries to breath and ground himself, but nothing can get past the thoughts of panic and adrenaline shooting through his body.

Until he feels hands on his face. Eddie knows he’s looking up, can see a person in front of him but his mind can’t decide if it’s a friend or a fellow soldier. The face speaks in a voice so calm and solid it feels like some angelic being is speaking to him in the middle of his torment. The voice tells him to look around and name five things. Eddie is confused but does as he’s told, always a good soldier even through his own panic. He barely registers that the things he’s pointing out wouldn’t be in a helicopter until he gets to the fourth one.

Microwave

Fridge

Spatula

Oven

Toaster

The next request is five colours, then four shapes and finally he is asked to name three people. Chris comes first, then Pepa, then finally,

“Buck.”

He’s still breathing heavily, but he can see Buck as clear as day in front of him. He’s calm with a slight panic in his eyes, big hands cupping Eddie’s face and thumbs rubbing his cheeks gently. Buck smiles at him and nods, “I’m here, Ed’s. You did so well, I’m so proud of you. Can you stand up for me?”

Buck takes him to check on a sleeping Chris to make sure he’s still there and okay, then helps him shed his clothes and wash of the sweat in the shower. Buck doesn’t seem to mind that he’s naked and just asks if he can wash his hair which Eddie agrees to. Buck helps him get into some soft clothes, then lays him down in bed and kisses his forehead. Eddie can’t help the panic when he starts to leave and grabs his hand a little too hard, “Buck-! Evan, please don’t leave me.”

Eddie wakes up the next morning to Bucks arms around his waist and warm breath on his neck.

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Strongly believe that Buck so the type of person who will jump off a four story building on a dare but won’t do hard drugs

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If Eddie was just gay I feel like him and Michael would become really good friends, both loving their past wives but not to the extent either of them deserved and hiding such an important part of who they are.

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Bucks hair is naturally curly. It’s just ringlet after ringlet of soft blond hair that he straightens out with product. He used to hate it because it reminded him of his mothers natural hair, but eventually he just couldn’t recognise who he was when he let it go naturally. That is until he starts living with Eddie. Eddie who sees his curly hair when he gets out of the shower and gets caught in a trance, never realising he’s staring until Buck snaps him out of it. They watch movies together and Buck accidentally falls asleep nearly every time, something he blames his sister for, always waking up to Eddie running his fingers through his hair and messaging his scalp subconsciously. When they officially starts dating, Eddie never lets a night go by where he doesn’t get to feel Bucks hair, even in work shifts. The team takes note that Buck is letting his hair go more natural but don’t tease after the first time and he looks genuinely upset, even if he denied it. They cuddle on the couch either at home or work and no one says anything so they don’t get in trouble for work place romance. Athena is the only one other than Eddie who is allowed to touch Bucks hair as she cups his face and gives him a forehead kiss and tells her she’s proud of him for so many different reasons she looses count. Buck never does, not when Eddie seems keen on reminding him.

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Buck has a mean little voice in his head that tells him everything he doesn’t want to hear.

“Your bothering them all.”

“Maddie is going to leave again.”

“You can’t save anybody.”

“You’re a failure.”

“No one could ever really love you.”

It sounds both like his own voice and the thousands of voices of people he’s never met. They sound so close to him, yet far away, like a recording coming from an old speaker and a high tech recorder. It surrounds him like the tsunami and the sensation of fire heat. He knows that other people have the same thing, it’s anxiety and part of being raised with so much neglect. But sometimes he doesn’t understand how people move on so quickly, how they work through every situation while those voices nag and tease like a bullying mother. He deals with it, even if it feels impossible and he has a powerful urge to stab into his ears and hope the sound of voices leaves his memory forever. Buck wants to learn how to give the voices less power so he works up the courage to talk to Hen. When he gets to her house she ain’t home, but Karen is and she gives him the warmest smile and says he can wait for her to get home with her. She gives him some wine and they talk about work and the various children in their lives before she asks him what he needed to talk to Hen about. He explains wanting to beat the little voice in his head but tells him he isn’t worthy and scares him. She asks him how often he has those thoughts and what he tries to do to move on from them, perhaps thinking about something else. Buck says he tries to think about something else but the voices don’t stop and they just laugh and taunt him. Karen locks up and goes tense, before exhaling softly and taking hold of his hand gently. “Buck… Evan. Can you tell me if… if you hear these voices like it’s you talking in your mind or if it’s…?” She trails off but Buck already knows his answer, “well, no it’s like someone talking to me. Outside. That’s how it works, isn’t it? You hear someone talking to you about the things you don’t wanna hear! Anxiety, right? Feel like it would be a lot easier if it didn’t argue back…” Karen looks so sad and upset at some kind of realisation that it makes Buck nervous. Hen gets home at that moment and Karen ask her to hold onto Buck while she explains. By the time she gets out that she thinks Buck might be hallucinating on a daily basis, Buck is clinging to Hen like a life line. She holds him tight as he eventually starts to sob, realising he isn’t like other people and something is different about him like he always imagined. He thinks about how this apparent disorder or what ever it could be could cause him to loose his job.

He gravely underestimates how much his family loves him and how strong they can show their support.

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CW: bdsm, bad bdsm etiquette, sub drop

Buck cancels a planned brunch and Hen and Chim don’t mind. Buck takes a few hours to answer text and refuses calls and Hen and Chim get concerned. Buck calls in sick after having two days off and Hen and Chim show up at his door. He doesn’t answer, so they go in regardless and find the house cold. Buck never had the house cold because it makes his leg hurt, which is just another alarm sounding in their minds. When they get to his room he’s hidden under several blankets in grey sweats and a baggy t-shirt that has several holes, his face red and damp and nails chewed to bleeding. They immediately go to wake up him, but as they remove the blanket they see several red dots on his pants where his ass should be. They wake him and he looks like a ghost, barely talking and clearly a little out of it. They ask him what happened but he just shakes his head and whimpers a sound so small and weak it makes Chim start to tear up. They ask him to let them treat whatever wound he has and he just lies there, not responding but rolling onto his stomach, a sign they take as a yes. It’s obvious to them what has happened when they see the lines across his ass cheeks, a dozen welts and little tears in the skin that show the beating was not gentle in the slightest. The worst part is that they seem to be a few days old. They clean him up, treat his wounds, force him to drink, and upon seeing how sad he gets when they stop touching him, they cuddle up on the couch with him for several hours. They’re watching a movie when he speaks up. In a voice they’ve never heard him use he explains he went to a new bdsm club that wasn’t his usual, something they didn’t even know he did, and went with a new dom. The dominate ignored his safe words and didn’t stop even when he begged them not to, because he doesn’t like pain. They had been in a private room and he had been gaged at some point, so no one saw or heard. The guy gave him no aftercare and told him to get himself home. Hen and Chim, knowing very little about the bdsm scene, call for help. Buck didn’t know what he expected but Bobby and Athena coming into his house and pampering him through his tears and pathetic whining was not it. He didn’t know that he could be loved so carefully outside of sex or dating, that even platonically he could be acted for. It’s weird knowing the two people he’s started to see as his parents both know he goes to bdsm clubs and are actively helping him through the worst sub drop he’s ever experienced.

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Buck wears thongs. He once wore one when he was panicked and trying to sneak out of a girls dorm and couldn’t find his own and she shoved them in his hands. He gave back her pair but then found himself missing how good it felt and how much more comfortable he had found it. He bought more and eventually starting wearing them when he was alone around his apartment. When he stopped sleeping around so much he felt safer to wear them more, including on the job. He manages almost two whole years without anyone noticing until he’s getting changed out of a shirt and Eddie stops mid sentence. He looked up to see Eddie reaching down to his side and snapping the blue thong strap against his skin. Eddie winked at him, voice practically a purr, “looking good, Buck.” Buck blushed hard enough that he couldn’t hide it even an hour later.

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Buck accidentally lets it slip that he slept with a guy once to Hen, who doesn’t say anything, though is surprised when he asks if she could come to his for a bit. She agrees and sits on the couch with him and a cup of tea. She asks the question that’s plaguing her most, “Buck… was it-… consensual?” He doesn’t answer straight away, pausing for a bit as if not sure what his answer is, “it was? At the start. I used to go to these clubs, these… BDSM clubs.” Hen fails to hide her shock but lets him continue, “I started off Domming but then I tried out being a sub and I loved it. It was just with woman at first but then there was this guy who seemed so smart and I figured, why not give it a shot?” Hen nods along, taking a sip as she processes his words. But then his look goes sour and she holds a hand out for him to take if he wants, which he does. “It was good, we discussed dos and donts before, which is always a good sign. But then the pain stuff got a bit too much, so I said my safe word and he… he ignored it.” Hen audibly gasps, not ever wanting to hear such a thing, let alone from her sweetheart of a friend. She never got into that kind of play but she learnt about it through the job and used safe words with her wife just as precaution. Buck starts to tear up, sniffling softly before continuing, “we continued, I was restrained so I couldn’t-yeah. I don’t remember much of it, I know I hated the spanking and tried to ignore it afterwards but the things he was saying… I never liked degrading, he did. After that I couldn’t be with men even if I wanted to, it just felt so wrong. Unsafe.” He collapses, falling into Hen’s arms who holds him tight and tells him he’s safe now. She holds him for a whole hour as he cries and if she has thoughts about finding that man and making him pay for hurting her baby boy, that’s only for her to know.