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[eatshitfea]

I was in therapy when I was 14, and my therapist told me how children who grow up in a family with an alcoholic/addict often take on “roles”, one being the person who always took care of everyone else and made sure their family was okay, often forgetting about themselves. She told me that as she learned more about me, she believed that was me.

As I’ve grown into a mother and a wife, I find that now more than ever I am constantly putting everyone else’s needs before my own, truly neglecting myself, to the point where I feel intense shame when I do anything for myself, even if it’s just enjoying some alone time.

Not only is it unhealthy, but it’s toxic. And I’ve only just really realized that as the years have gone by and my own family got larger, I slowly stopped taking the time to enjoy hobbies or alone time like I used to.

As a child of an alcoholic that also became an alcoholic myself, it’s interesting to see that being many years sober now, I still take that addictive personality of mine and channel it into other areas of my life. Be that for better or worse.

Reading this several times over really causes me to reflect on my own situation.

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Same pose, same place, different day 😂

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Burning bridges with the swiftest of ease

Until nostalgia brings me to my knees

I longed to be free from the memories

But it stung like a knife twisting in my gut

I was shit out of luck

I tried to rationalize those ties

Between you and I

But I couldn’t

Or wouldn’t, I should say

I still remember that rainy day

In December, when I pushed you away

Because self-preservation is preferable to decay…

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5th and final baby 🩷

One month postpartum

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https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1Fa1IIVtEpGUcU?si=SjH5vXNGRU6pqzTveJcVnQ

Pretty epic 🙌🏼🩷

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It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

(Now I really feel old 😂)

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My cravings are killing me right now!! 😫🥵😍

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5 months pregnant with baby #5 👼🏻

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One of my favorites 💯

“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.”

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

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Its been a looooong time 🩷

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expression

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😍

From The Story of a Tattooed Girl by Cindy Ray, 1966

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🍑🔥🍯👹

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How fucking relatable is this? 🤦🏻‍♀️😂💯

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Salvador Dali

Gala Born From An Egg