eclipses-relationship-adventure - Tumblr blog

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

Here’s a more uplifting BPD culture.

BPD culture is having miserable, traumatic experiences with FPs and learning the signs of when an FP is forming and eventually learning how to quell it.

BPD culture is helping pass this knowledge onto others, not only others with BPD who are struggling with their own FPs, but also those who are the FP and want to help their loved one while keeping healthy boundaries.

BPD culture is coming to understand the ways you’ve hurt people, and growing and becoming a better person.

BPD culture is coming to accept that growing and becoming a better person is completely possible, even when a society of essentialism and our own black-and-white thinking tells us our mistakes define us forever.

BPD culture is coming to understand the ways people have hurt you, and growing to be able to self-advocate and choose friends that are good for you and don’t feed your self-destruction.

BPD culture is coming to be able—to be willing—to do what’s right for yourself, even when it feels like self-destruction is easier.

BPD culture is learning the hard way, but learning nonetheless.

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[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

Being obsessed with the idea of a perfect relationship is self-sabotage.

No relationship will ever be perfect. Being fixated on obtaining it only leads to destroying what you already have over and over.

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Proper boundaries

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

One of my loved ones has NPD. How do I love them correctly without sacrificing my own life? It's not like they can help it. Most people with NPD have experienced unimaginable abuse. They deserve my unconditional love, time, and effort.

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

Hello! I hope it's okay I ask here, what tend to be some needs for pwSzPD? I love someone who has it very dearly and I want to do my best to support them. I will take everything you say in mind and discuss it with him too, I want to do my best to understand not only him, but pwSzPD in general.

uh oh this has been sitting in my inbox for a bit

Here's what you can do:

Tell the truth as much as possible.

Don't overwhelm them with attention and love

Always take No as an answer

Don't force them to go places that require human interaction

Talk about what you want or need, and don't assume they know because its "obvious"

Be patient with them! Personally, I go through waves of isolation and interaction, and we sometimes just want to be left alone

Encourage them to say what they're really thinking, but don't force it out of them. The first point can encourage this naturally, honesty can save a lot of stress.

i think that's it? if any schizoids have any other recommendations feel free to add on! And yeah make sure to check with them, some of these may not apply.

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

my anhedonia is eating me alive so i’m making these mental illness memes to cope

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

** not everyone with NPD relates to "supply", important to note that! Also important to note that "supply" has been reclaimed, as it's often used against pwNPD.

Okay that's all I've got to say about that!

I really, really want to work on redefining NPD symptoms to describe how we experience them rather than how other people experience them! This is what I've got! If anyone else with NPD wants to add anything go ahead!

Oh and one more thing, no symptoms are inherently abusive. But, some people do still insist on using them as an excuse to hurt others. If you hurt someone using your symptoms then you must apologize, you mustn't use them as an excuse, and you must take responsibility.

Here's a link to the post with image descriptions.

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

I fucking hate when the internet waters down actual serious diagnoses to the point where everyone can somehow relate to it. I hate when the bad symptoms get glossed over for the sake of making cluster B individuals seem nicer and more relatable to the public, at the expense of painting an accurate picture of the disorder. I hate when the response to me talking about my bad symptoms is to deny that I have them and reassure me that I'm a sweet person who would never do that. That I just have the wrong perception of my own behavior. I hate when my friends say they have the same personality disorders as me because they related to some symptoms they saw on fucking tiktok. But then turn around and call me a horrible person for displaying any symptom that isn't self deprecating, quiet, cute, and deserving of sympathy. The whole fucking point of cluster B disorders are that they make life a living hell. It's not fair, it's not nice, it's not sweet, there's no justice to it. There's no "it's okay to have (insert disorder) and get mad at your loved ones as long as you don't act on it ^^" when acting on it is part of the fucking disorder. Can we stop acting like all symptoms can be suppressed, that having personality disorders and being cluster B is just a minor inconvenience and it's still easy to be a functioning nice person. And can we stop acting like being horrible to yourself makes a disorder "better" and more "noble" than being horrible to others. Thanks. (And no one put words in my mouth, I am not saying that it's okay to hurt others by acting on your symptoms, I'm just saying that it's a part of the disorder that needs to be recognized in order to be dealt with. Denying it's there is not doing anything. "I didn't choose to develop this disorder and I didn't choose to act this way" and "acting this way hurts the people I love and I need to be responsible and seek help" are two statements that can and should co-exist. There's nothing fair about being mentally ill.)

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

maybe the cure for depression is t4t sex

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

poor memory is a huge deal and i wish people wouldn't diminish it by saying "oh yeah i can't remember what i had for breakfast lol."

i can't remember the first 10 years of my life. i can't remember entire days, weeks, months at a time. i can't remember entire people, i can't remember names or faces. i can't remember when things are scheduled for, my calendar app on my phone is booked to the max with reminders and task checklists. i can't remember when i moved into what home when, i can't remember important milestone dates like when i got or lost certain jobs, or when i started a new hobby.

that's what i mean when i say i have poor memory. poor memory is so scary for the person who has it. it's not a quirky thing, everyone forgets small details. memory problems are scary because you can go through entire events or days with no memory, or plan for things in the future that you can't recall ever even looking into or scheduling. it's not a funny haha kind of thing, it's serious, and it affects a lot of people in very unavoidable ways.

not being able to plan for appointments or work schedules, not being able to remember people's names or faces, not being able to recall whether or not you were present for something or whether or not you met someone, not being able to keep track of what's happening on what dates and losing track of items because you can't remember where you put them are all very real problems, and anyone dealing with them deserves to be taken seriously, and not diminished when they choose to speak up about it.

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

I love you people who show kindness because "it's what you're supposed to do". I love you people who show kindess because they like being thanked. I love you people who show kindness because it makes them feel good. I love you people who show kindness because they were shown kindness first. I love you people who show kindness for "selfish" reasons. I love you people who show kindness for the "wrong" reasons. I love you people who show kindness in a body that rejects the very notion. Your kindness is not any lesser because of its motivations. The good you added to the world is just as valuable as someone doing it for the "right" reasons. Your effort is seen. Your effort is valued.

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

Hi because I'm scared people will interpret my posts wrong you are still VERY much allowed to be angry at people who hurt you, you are still allowed to regain that power that was taken away from you, you are still allowed to show the negative feelings that others told you to hide.

Kindness is something you give because you want, and change is something you try because you want, these cannot be forced, and having different ideals from my own doesn't devalue your worth.

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

tbh it's good that I don't really delete old vents, I get to see sometimes I am too harsh on myself (for example, exaggerating I was a toxic person a month ago and completely ignoring my growth months prior) and learn to be kinder to myself instead, because even a month ago I was actively trying my best to be my very best and this time with proper guidance, I fucked up, yeah, but I was still willing to learn and this time I knew how to

I never believed in apologizing to be forgiven, I believed in apologizing to own up to your mistakes.

I never believed in changing to prove a point to someone, I believed in changing to be better.

I used to be super toxic, not like 3 years ago or some shit like that, I mean a month ago at least.

I am still learning, I've tried to kill myself, thinking I could never learn, but new relationships have helped me continue and be aware of my actions.

And, I don't only thank new relationships, but the old ones, the ones that stayed *and* the ones that drifted apart.

And special thanks to you, for following me. I'll do my best to post more and learn.

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

A lot of my relationships have failed and I kinda want to talk about it.

One of the things that made them, not ideal to say the least, is that I struggled to be self-aware, not because I didn't want to, but rather because I didn't understand the true meaning of it.

When it was brought up, I recognized my faults, and how I hurt people, but I recognized them as a one-time thing, and not as a genuine problem in how I processed my relationships.

I tried to address the symptoms but not the root of the problem, and later then came back to my harmful habits without noticing. Just being told it was wrong was not enough, I needed to teach myself the patterns of it and the intricate details of why I was acting that way.

I am now better at maintaining relationships, and I am not as toxic as I was around 8 months ago, but if there's one thing I learned: there's never such thing as "learning enough". I created better relationships because I learned that I don't know as enough about relationships as I thought, that there's still toxic behavior to unlearn, and ways to be thoughtful and kind to learn. I don't change for anyone else but myself, and that in itself is selfless, because that way I was able to make my actions reflect my intentions and make everybody around me happy. If I can't make a relationship work, it's okay to let go of it for everybody's health, I've hurt people but I can move past the cruelty I was taught.

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

Going no contact with someone who has been in your life for years is never easy. Whether that's a partner that's abused you or parents who left you feeling neglected and alone as a child, it is never as easy as people like to say it is.

And it's not that we want to be abused. It's not that we don't see that we're being abused. It's the fact that these are people we care about. They're people we're familiar with. They're the people who, at one point in time, made us feel the safest and gave the illusion that they cared about us in the same way that we did about them.

I wish I could say that it was easy for me to look my parents in the eye and tell them that it was over. It took me fucking years, even after I'd escaped and had begun to realise just how bad it was, to accept the fact that it was never going to get better and that I was better off without them.

And the sad thing is, some people never reach that point. I know people in their forties who are still struggling to this day to leave that toxic person(s) behind.

So if you're an outsider looking at someone you care about go through this process and you're getting frustrated with them for not just blocking these people and moving on, remember that most of us are so much angrier with ourselves for it than you could ever be.

[eclipses-relationship-adventure]

Really want to iterate and reiterate until it sticks that your problems with communication stem from your parents teaching you that showing emotions and being vulnerable will get you killed.

They told you to stop crying when you were hurt.

They told you to shut up when they hurt you.

They called you stupid when you asked for help.

They dismissed you. They threw you aside. Not just once. Over and over and over until you learned how to stay silent and give them what they wanted.

They put you in constant fight/flight/freeze/fawn because they could not provide you with a safe connection.

And now as an adult we are hard wired to not only expect that as the norm, but go out of our way to reaffirm this hurtful internalization that we are always the problem.

Whereas children with healthier parents take the time to comfort and validate their children's emotions and teach them how to express themselves in a way that makes them feel safe and trusted by the adults around them.

We did not get that.

So this is your PSA to be a little kinder to yourself because you are literally fighting against a world that wouldn't even understand half the shit you've had to go through just to stand where you are today.

This is your PSA to dig a little deeper and pull those hurtful roots of exactly how your parents hurt you as a kid, how they dismissed you, how they taught you how to treat yourself when you are hurt and in need of love and connection with those around you-- and take some of that guilt off your shoulders.

This is your PSA that healthier ways of communication absolutely do exist in this world and you are absolutely worthy and capable of learning how to address the harder topics in a way that makes you feel safe and trusted with not only others around you, but with yourself as well.

And this is your PSA that none of this bullshit is your fault and you can leave that burden behind any time you feel ready to do so.

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