edgarallenpoe-try - Tumblr blog

[edgarallenpoe-try]

How can I be fine at all?

Those residual mistakes I made

Creep into my mind like

A child's hand in a cookie jar.

Please,

Teach me the ways of forget-fullness.

I strive to wipe away those words I said

But they are indelible.

Now I'm caught with permanent ink

Leached into me.

Please,

I wait till the night when the world

Seeks refuge in their sweet dreams

As I manifest the past into

Consumptive nightmares.

Please,

But I'm foolish and stubborn

Running through roses barefoot

Then being mad at the world for the

Serrated thorns in my skin.

Please,

I will never stop

Sabotaging my own happiness.

I will never stop wishing for it.

[edgarallenpoe-try]

I bet you learned the hard way that

Most friendships don't end

In an explosive fight,

But they fizzle out

Under the weight of time.

Your worst fears that

Kept you from sleep

Now manifest when you're awake

But they crept in so quietly

That you didn't notice

'Til you look back to the time you were 15

And realize you lost it all along the way.

Reminisce in those memories,

Bask in the nostalgia.

Acknowledge it'll never be the same.

[edgarallenpoe-try]

Life: The Shape-Shifter

The most beautiful sun can bob along the horizon,

Taking the remnants of a summer day with it.

The car ride may have seemed long back then,

The problems may have seemed immeasurable.

My hands covered in paper cuts now,

As I try to hold on to those fleeting ribbons.

Well I have been trying to keep my distance

But a simple exchange of words with you drags me back in.

I have no family left except you,

But I know that dread that kept me up back then

Has finally come to fruition.

You've got a real life of your own now.

And you fall but you've got people to pick you back up.

Trouble is,

I always thought I'd be one of them.

You're bringing a new soul into the world,

And I know they'll have the childhood

That you and I had,

The one that makes the rain pause before it falls.

The one that makes the sky a little more unclouded.

I hope you tell 'em about the fun we had.

I'm trying to come back into your life.

But I've changed in the worst ways.

I'm terrified of not what is familiar

But the things that may not be.

Cause the grief I had was never buried.

It just got planted deep inside me.

It's a tall tree now, sturdy and matured.

There's no cutting it down.

The branches are made of barbed wire,

And it's dead from the inside out.

She's not going to read this. I can vent here. If she does read this, I'm so sorry. I'm trying to come back but it hurts so deeply. You don't deserve that. You're wonderful. You were (are?) my best friend.

[edgarallenpoe-try]

Twenty- one,

nearly drunk,

Eyes forced shut by familiar tears.

Broken glass,

Happened fast,

The stain that lasts for years.

Missed calls,

Barren walls,

Finally, the past disappears.

[edgarallenpoe-try]

i've got to go.

I jumped from one red flag to another

Now I think I'm turning into my mother-

Suicide threats and I drowned in regrets

Cause when the storm came I didn't take cover.

But could you really be my lover?

Or are you a life lesson undercover?

Honey, you know I never learned from those,

So this misery is one I chose.

[edgarallenpoe-try]

it's perfectly fine

Yeah, forget what I said

I forgot holding a lit match made

Everyone uncomfortable

When my mind is so volatile.

My apologies, sure,

I can be perfectly fine.

I can trade the unstable grief

For the happy girl that's so

Much more convenient.

No, don't look away--

Look right into my eyes

But when you do

Please tell me what you find.

[edgarallenpoe-try]

not much longer.

Searching for years with calloused hands

Just trying to find something to live for

Grasping the dirt and clawing at mud

While pity tears rain down on me

I try and I try to find a glimmer of hope

Within the tangles of darkness

But when I look down at my hands

They always come up empty

So am I optimistic or foolish?

Am I suicidal or realistic?

[edgarallenpoe-try]

ready to aim.

Oh, did you happen to forget?

Must be nice to not be soaked in regret.

Are you an insomniac by your own free will?

Or like me- a sinner with time to kill?

The light out my window is starting to dwindle

I feel heart start to sink in my chest

So should I let myself be pricked by the spindle

And finally get some fucking rest?

Don't cry for me, babe,

Cause this bottle of wine is my sleep aid.

No, I never learned from my mistakes

So tonight I've got an arrow pointed at my fate.

And I'm ready to aim.

Yeah, I'm ready to aim.

[edgarallenpoe-try]

Nobody warns you when their hands fade away

When the face you memorized for years is now hazy

When the voices don't belong to them anymore.

Nobody warns you when they can all move on

When your feet stay stuck in the past

When it's not stubbornness but captivity.

No, nobody warns you.

But everyone will be so quick to scold you.

When you stumble blindly through life

When the nightmares transcend into consciousness

Everyone is so uncomfortable with this,

This giant misshapen monster of grief

So they's rather just change the subject.

They'd rather avert their eyes and

Hope you just shut off those walls again.

And I do. I always do.

Shrinking, barren walls topped with barbed wire.

I stay put.

Even though the waters rise within me,

I stay put.

[edgarallenpoe-try]

The Lack of Certainty

When the snow is thick and stubborn,

When the ice hides underneath,

And when the wind is wicked

And snatches the breath from your lungs,

Will you question it?

Will you waver, wait, whisper goodbye?

When I'm a dozen steps ahead,

Will you seek the kind of comfort

Only solidarity can bring?

If I turn back to see the only warmth I know,

will it be gone?

Will there be no more boot prints

Pressed into the snow behind mine?

[edgarallenpoe-try]

Bit my lip and tasted metal

Reminds me of a cold touch

I ripped off all the flower petals

Do you think it was too much?

Love poems I wrote when I was young

How could I have known

The pretty words I had sung

Would get caught up in my throat?

I gave you the benefit of the doubt

You gave me a reason to get out

[edgarallenpoe-try]

I hate the way you apologize.

When it's accompanied by a scoff

and a shake of the head,

Cause for you to be genuine is like

Trying to pull out teeth.

I think you do it to piss me off.

Do you see it?

Not like I'd expect you to

If your eyes are so deadened by ignorance.

Save your energy if it's disingenuous.

Do us both a favor.

[edgarallenpoe-try]

I loved the fun we created

every summer season.

When I'd climb out of my dad's truck

With a change of clothes stuffed in a plastic bag

And we would promise to pull an all-nighter.

It's gone, isn't it?

I smile when I look back.

Those school bus rides with

A couple wrinkled dollars in my pocket.

Raving about the newest music videos.

The changes seemed so subtle

When I took it a moment at a time.

But it does change.

Days build up into weeks

Then months then years

And it's gone, isn't it?

[edgarallenpoe-try]

Walk down the stairs like any other Saturday,

I hear the alarm clock ringing so damn loud.

Oh, it's fine, I think

And swallow the fear.

Then a scream to pierce through

Hot, stale air.

Saw the arm from the hallway,

Maybe even saw the glimmer from a scythe

As death lingered in the room.

Well screw it,

That should have been my cue to join.

[edgarallenpoe-try]

Honey, sweetheart.

You ruined my Friday night.

What a pretty axe you wielded

That evening,

Shattering any boundary I'd set.

Did you like the power?

In the heat of the moment

did you feel me burning up?

When you split me down the center

you saw the heart split in twain.

But if I hate the feeling of you

Forcing me down

Then why'd I stay?

[edgarallenpoe-try]

Yeah, I heard the shit you did.

But I forgave you cause I know I deserve it.

You're right-

I'm not worth the effort of catching your breath.

I chased you away with no shoes on,

completely clueless and stupid.

Take it all from me.

Take it all except the dust

that'll wrap around my frame.

[edgarallenpoe-try]

What it's like to be in a place this dark?

To hide the truth beneath the floorboards

Until it finally withers.

To throw a match in the void and watch it

Snuff out instantaneously.

To look at everyone at the party

And to lie with a smile stretched

So, so thin

It cracks around the edges.

To wish and pray but

When I pull my hands apart

There is nothing there.