edriswanttogetbackontrack - Tumblr blog

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

I fucking hate Christmas

But with this outfit and this body... ?

Nah!

Still suck! So depressing 😞

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

When I dream, I look like her

Frida Aasen’s body is just insane

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

Me, everyday, since month.

Every people noticing it: have you try [insert here a stupid useless suggestion you tried 568653689 times cause you don't learn from your mistakes]

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

do it for you

- do it for the feeling of cold air against bare skin

- do it for the soothing feeling of cold water on an empty stomach

- do it for the gasps and head turns you’ll receive from your peers as they wonder how you did it

- do it for the collarbone that will show under your loose shirt

- do it for the skinny wrists that will look beautiful decorated in simple bracelets

- do it for the feeling of joy you get when seeing the scale’s gone down another pound

- do it for the feeling of having to go to the shops to buy clothes because your current ones are too big

- do it for the feeling of accomplishment once you’ve gone against a craving

- do it for the self confidence you’ll feel once you’ve reached your ugw

- but, most importantly, do it for you

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

Ad the "you're sure you need to eat that" mindset -better if inherited from your mother- and boom! That's my childhood

Growing up poor and then developing an ed is a horrid combination cuz now I have the "never waste food" mindset combined with the "don't finish it all" mindset 🥲

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

ed-things nobody talks about

(some things I experienced when my ed was really bad when I was 16-17. It’s not all fun and it’s not like the cute thinspo-posts you see here everyday)

hiding food in your pockets, shoes, socks… while eating with others

forgetting that you were hiding the food in these places (oh the smell)

friends, family … finding the food you were hiding

trowing away the food someone you loved gave you

making people cry and constantly worry about you

being upset when people give you the bigger portion (do they think you eat that much????)

being upset when people give you the smaller portion (do they think you are fat and that you should eat less????)

drinking to much water before a doctors weight in so you feel like you are peeing your pants

the pain after the laxatives kick in

being afraid to put chapstick on (because you know, it’s made out of fat lol)

not going out with frieds, because there is food everywhere (you will regret it later, because everyone went clubbing and now that you are healthy they are not into that anymore, aka missing out your youth)

freezing when people around you wear a bikini

not being able to get pregnant, although you recovered

heartproblems, although recovered

struggling with hormone-production, although you recovered

having bad teeth, although you recovered

having problems with your bones, although you recovered

having problems with your nails and hair, although recovered

the need to take medication your whole life because of a few years of having an ed

loosing your sexdrive

being afraid to fall asleep and never wake up again

not being able to stop, even if you want to

Edit: If you reblog please don’t use tags like pro ana because this post is clearly not pro and I also don’t want to get deleted once again ♡

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

Back on track 2

🥀 pasta (110kcal)

🥀 Roasted chicken (130kcal)

🥀 a tomato (15 kcal)

🥀 rice pudding (160 kcal)

🥀🥀🥀 415 kcal 🥀🥀🥀

Please help me not eating that fucking much 😭

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

Back on track 1

Please, help keep it low!!!

🥀 2 little chocolate cake -> 128 kcal each = 246

🥀 1 home made ice caramel macchiato with vanilla almond milk -> 30kcal (caramel sirup) + 58 kcal (milk) =88 kcal

🥀🥀🥀 334kcal for lunch 🥀🥀🥀

She's so goal...

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

Did u ever wanted to get so sick you loose so much weight you're changed forever OR ARE YOU NORMAL?!

Not me.

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

I saw myself naked in a mirror today. I carry the weight of my ancestors and my family on my fat a$$, hips and hewwwge belly...

It's disgusting and disappointing.

I'm so sad people has to see me like this...

To everyone: I'm trying my best... 🥺

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

Add obesity and social pressure AND your body just refusing to loose any weight.

It's sitting there just being like "no". Wtf dude, just follow rules!!

You wanna know what happens when you're starving?

Your hair gets thin and limp. Noticeably. You don’t have enough nutrients to help it stay healthy.

You get so. Fucking. Cold. All the time. People don’t want to touch you, because you’re so cold. You’ll be shivering under a blanket, in a hot tub, by a fire, wherever you are.

You’ve heard that seeing food will be upsetting? You have no idea. Even if it’s nowhere near you, or on a screen, or in the hands of a stranger, you’ll resent it because you want it. Some nights you’ll start crying because you miss it so much.

Everything will become numbers. You aren’t just walking your dog anymore, you’re counting the minutes and calories you’re burning. You aren’t enjoying a warm day, you’re trying to figure out if the higher temperatures are making your heart rate go up so you burn faster.

Your social life will die. You’ll be skittish and avoid people when they have food in case they offer some. You’ll say no to parties and dates and meet-ups because you think there might be food. You’ll grow paranoid, terrified of people finding out. You’ll start to despise people who love you solely because they want to help.

You’ll hurt. That pang in your chest? It’s probably because you’re not eating. Your stomach? Say goodbye to its silence. Your butt? It’ll hurt whenever you sit down. You’ll get headaches, heart pains, even breathing will eventually become exhausting.

And eventually, you’ll die. Maybe you ate more than usual and couldn’t handle the thought of gaining, and exercised so much that your heart overexerted itself. Maybe you actually did gain, and that enough was enough to make you swallow a handful of pills. Maybe your blood pressure lowered to fatal levels, or maybe you passed out and hit your head on a table.

It all ends the same.

Don’t let the “pro ana’s” fool you, this isn’t a glamorous lifestyle. This is a deadly and painful illness.

I feel like a lot of people need to remember that before they skip their meals.

Don’t do this to yourselves, you gorgeous humans. You deserve to live. You deserve friends. You deserve love.

You deserve to eat.

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

Hi everyone!

I haven't post a lot here lately 😆 and that's because a lot has been going on for me and here are the news .

🌺- my internship ended in December so I looked for a job ever since, and it was depressing. Due to the pAnoRAmIc happening, I felt like everything I've been told about working after college was a lie. I felt down and stupid so I just get depressed very badly 😞 I had very dark thoughts but I'm better now. And I found a job soooo 🥰cheer to myself for once!🥰

🌺 - I'm getting married 💒 with my highschool love 🥰, it's amazing🥰 but it's soooo stressful. First, we're getting married officially and then, we're having an actual bal later -in a castle, yeah I know😏- when it will possible here in France. Actually can't wait but it's also fucking triggering: I have to buy a dress for the official wedding and it's so soon I have to deal with my body has it is. And even if I felt better lately about my apparence, having to wear white is a lot. Besides that, I still a plus size girl, so I have less option than I thought 🙃 let's just say, I don't appreciate that and I feel guilty cause that's my fucking wedding. No one will dare tell me shit this day and I'm supposed to appreciate the whole thing, but my stupid ana brain is ruining everything! 🤬

🌺- I've got my driver license back, cause when I'm mad, I used to do stupid things with my future husband car cause it's a powerful one, and I got caught. I couldn't drive since 4 months and even if I think it's as much bad luck as it's fair, it's a long ass time. Now I'm unsure of every moves I make driving and triggered by doing it alone. In addition, my future husband is nervous when I drive because I lost so much skills and confidence it could be a bad thing fir me to use it and for now on, he don't want me to drive it anymore. At least until I'm comfortable again.But I thought it was okay: I've my parents old car, it's functioning, easy to use and less dangerous so it's cool.

No it's not 🙄: it's old and ugly as fuck and huge and too confortable and soft and stable and regular and weird -like an old man car or like an old sofa that use to be amazing and is now fine but broken as fuck. Moreover, it reminds me of the way we get this car, the fact that we were so poor it was given from my dead grand-oncle, and how it symbolise my parents situation at the time. 😔 we spend so much money and time making it okay again its concerning... As it's an old loud car, unlike my future husband car who as a shinny luxurious BMW, I feel like I'm going backwards when I'm using it.

So yesterday, out of emotional stress and a bit of shame, I've got a bulimia crisis in it. I felt so poor and unable to move forward -do u get me?- that I felt the panic attack coming. And I started thinking about donuts so damn hard I had to bought some. I did found 4 giant apple sauce stuffed one and I swallowed it -not ate it, swallowed- in the car in half a minute. Just to be full of something that is not shame and sadness.

And I felt so disgusting I fought myself not to vomit everything on the road or at home.

I still do feel like a failure because of that, I don't know who I can vent to, as I don't want to worry my man, so here I am.

I'm back here for the worst.

This is not me, just how I would like to look... but I apparently can't.

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

When I was 17, I went shopping with my BF current fiancé and his mother. And we walked a lit so I get hungry. She didn't and my BF was just thirsty. I didn't want to ask her to stop buy a restaurant to eat or anything but he ask for us. Do we did. He order a giant coke and French fries to share together.

We sat down side to side, his mother in front of us. Not eating. Staring at me.

I ate ONE french fries. And I lied saying I wasn't hungry because it was horrifying and fucking awkward.

I passed out because of hypoglycaemia half an hour after that. 🤡

What's the weirdest thing you've done as a result of social anxiety?

follow us on Instagram <=

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

🍓🍓🍓

My reason to lose weight 

🍓🍓🍓

-they are mine and only mine, no one need this, no one has to agree with it, stay safe and fabulous🌺.

There is no order.

• Buying clothes in every shop

• No makeup but attractive anyway

• Baggy tee-shirt looking cute

• Fat rolls gone

• Medium size boobs

• No more weird conversations about weight, health, waste of beauty,laziness and sport

• Riding horses again

• Big shoes looking big and cute

• Riding my man

• Sitting on my man

• Cute during sex

• Cute lingerie looking bomb

• Really cute wedding dress and pictures

• Crossing legs when sitting

• Riding every rollercoasters

• Cute baby bump, maybe

• Being quirky not being a way to stand out but a funny moment

• Talking about someone who crushed on me not looking like a lie 😒

It might go on.

🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓

My goals, all credit to the author.

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

Me: ... Well,I'm alone again.

Me: oh it's already 1pm what can I eat for lunch? ☺

Ana:

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

Diner? Anyone? 😋

[edriswanttogetbackontrack]

It's lockdown again in France and due to his job, my life partner is send away for God knows how long.

That's one of the shittiest year of my life. I'm stressed out AF all day long and you know what?!

This body has the audacity to choose to not eat AND STILL GAIN WTFHNKJFRXJON

Not me, obviousfuckingkly...